


Closing the Space (Between Us)

by Senket



Series: Closing Space [1]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergent, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death, Eventual Romance, HISOLLU AND LEOPIKA ARE BG ONLY, Hisoka and Illumi are villains, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Post-Canon, Reunions, Slow Burn, Traveling Together, ignoring that the Dark Continent arc exists cause it aint done what do you want from me, sketchy Zoldyck Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2020-04-06 06:37:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 49
Words: 144,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19057219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Senket/pseuds/Senket
Summary: It's been years, so many years since they separated ways at the World Tree. And no, Killua never stopped missing Gon, but that doesn't mean he ever got over the- the other things. The things that happened before he left. He can't make them unhappen. And neither can Gon. But maybe they can work through them. Eventually. Maybe they can build something better than before.(Maybe Alluka and nanika can help)Prologue: ch 1Desert Arc: ch 2-9Forest Arc: ch 10-21Island Arc: ch 22-30City Arc: ch 31-48Epilogue: ch 49





	1. Prologue

“Hey, brother?”

Killua leaned into the doorframe, illuminated from behind by the bathroom light as he brushed his teeth. “Wha izi?”

Alluka’s arms were crossed on the windowsill, and she leaned her cheek against them as she turned her head to look at him. It scrunched her face up, but he still noticed that her eyes were puffy. “What does love feel like?”

Killua’s face scrunched up as he reeled backwards to spit into the sink. He tried to think of an answer, but the question had frazzled him so thoroughly he didn’t get much of anywhere past ‘not looking someone up.’

“Um.” He came to sit next to her on the bed, scratching the back of his head awkwardly. She swung her gangly legs around so they faced the same way, pressing their arms together. Whereas Killua seemed to take more after their grandfather, Alluka started growing taller on her fourteenth birthday and hadn’t stopped. Carrying her from danger was fast becoming impossible, no matter how strong he was. Except here was a danger he couldn’t carry anybody from. Killua leaned back on one hand, stroking her hair with the other. “Did something happen?”

She shrugged dramatically, her shoulders heaving higher as she sniffed, then suddenly collapsed sideways into his lap. Bemused, he continued stroking her long hair. When could she have possibly met someone? They’d been in the village three days and she’d been out of his sight for scant minutes. But then again, she did have her own phone now. He frowned down at her, thinking hard about who they might have met to prompt such a question. 

He supposed he should count himself lucky. Alluka was 15 now, tall and beautiful with big blue eyes and a smile made out of light. Love was always going to seek her out. At some point he was a laughably incapable obstacle.

“Can you tell me...” she twisted around in his lap, looking up at him imploringly, “what it was like with Gon?”

The world tilted. “U-m” Killua stammered, heat flaring across his cheek. He swallowed down the flurry of denials that automatically rose to the fore- he didn’t lie to Alluka. Or nanika. That was a rule, too. Not a rule for using powers, but just as important.

They’d spent two years of their life together. Gon was the reason this life with Alluka had been made possible. Gon had- changed everything. But. It was so long ago, and life had a way of continuing on. Alluka had totally changed his priorities, and missing Gon had become background radiation. An indistinguishable part of him, like the weight of his arms or the prickle of his nen.

 

Alluka’s expectant stare made him look away, awkwardly turning away to hide his blush. “Like laughing was easier. Like, um-” he thought these things but he never said them out loud. He’d let them sit and blister until they burned their letters into his flesh, “like he lit up everything around him, and I was just- just lucky to be standing in it.”

Killua inhaled shakily, surprised at how raw it felt again now that he was talking about it. It bubbled up into his throat and he took another shuddering breath to press it down. He squeezed his eyes shut. “Even when he turned his back on me it hurt because I couldn’t help him. I- I just. Um.-” Wanted to lay the world at his feet as long as he could join him on the adventure.

Wanted Gon to want that, too.

Killua swallowed the ball in his throat.

“Killua... Why sad.”

He jumped a little, furiously scrubbing at his face before dropping his arm. “Nanika?” He asked, embarrassed. The smiling girl crawled up to wrap her arms around his shoulders in a hug. She rubbed her cheek against his shoulder. “Don’t be sad Killua.”

“I’ll try,” he reassured her, rubbing her back before detangling himself. He got up and nudged her towards the pillows, helping tuck her into bed. Alluka hadn’t done that in years, but nanika still liked it. “It’s time for sleep now.”

“’Ai~”

He kissed her forehead and she went straight to sleep. 

Killua grimaced to himself, inhaling deeply. His nose felt wet, and the wad of feeling stuck in his throat wasn’t lessening. His eyes moved to the bedside table, where a beetle-shaped phone sat, taunting him. He swallowed again, ineffectually.

Killua stepped out of the motel room, shutting the door with a soft click behind him. He jammed the keycard into his back pocket, leaving his hand there as he dialed a familiar number, tilting his head up to the stars as it rang.

“Killua?!”

His breath puffed out white, swirling up with the wing that cut through his short-sleeved top. “Hey. It’s been a while, just-” he shrugged awkwardly, glad Gon couldn’t see him. His cheeks were already heating up. “Wondering what you’ve been up to, I guess.”

“I’ve been training!”

Killua’s eyebrows arched. He tucked his arms against his side to push off the cold- since when was he worried about that stuff?- and turned to look at the light through the curtains of his door. Should he go back inside and risk waking his sister? “Really?”

“Yeah! I’m a Hunter so I decided I didn’t want to go back to school so I started training again! I tried training on my own but somehow Biski found out and she showed up to ‘teach me properly!’ It suuuuuuuucks.”

Killua laughed despite itself, only mildly alarmed by the way it rattled in his chest. Gon’s voice had a way of softening everything. “So how strong are you now?”

“I’m stronger than I was before, Killua! I’m almost strong enough to come find you!”

Killua choked. “Wh-at?” The cold was nothing, suddenly.

“I don’t just want to not slow you down, Killua. I have to be really strong so I can protect both of you!”

Killua pressed a fist into his cheek. “Idiot,” he bumbled, “I don’t need protecting.”

There was a weighted pause. Killua tucked his free hand under his arm, pacing up and down the motel’s raised walkway. “Hey, Killua...” Gon’s voice was soft now, serious. “Bisqui taught me how to turn your nen into electricity. I-” Killua inhaled silently, his eyes a little wild as he stepped back, biting his lip. “I’m amazed, Killua is really amazing, but... I’m also sad, you know? And kind of. Mad.”

Killua believed in people changing, but as far as he knew Gon, Gon didn’t do ‘kind of mad’. “Gon, it’s- it’s in the past, it’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing.” And he recognized that hard edge. Something cramped in his chest, but Gon passed through it before he could formulate an answer. “Anyway, just wait a little longer, I’m working on a new technique and then I’ll come find you! I’m really close.” Gon finished on a self-satisfied note, laughing.

Killua blinked at his phone, breath caught. His heart was a drumbeat. The moon seemed to ripple as he stared at it.

Gon was serious again, quiet and weighty. “Do you think that would be okay with you, Killua?”

He exhaled noisily. His hands shook as they touched his wet cheeks, surprised by what they met there. “Ye-yeah. That’d be okay with me.”

“Good. That’s what I want.” Killua scrubbed at his cheek ineffectually, dazed. “It’s going to be so awesome!! I can’t wait to show you!” Gon shouted enthusiastically.

Killua tore the phone off his ear, holding it at arm’s length. “What the hell’s wrong with you, you idiot, do you want me to go deaf?” he yelled at the phone.

He could hear Gon laughing. A curtain moved across the way, and a light flicked on two doors down. Killua jumped and spun around, disappearing into his and Alluka’s room before anyone could catch him. He thunked his forehead against the closed door, overwhelmed by the sudden heat of the room. At least that would explain why he seemed to be blushing from head to foot.

“Maybe another year, but no more than that, ok! I’ll see you soon!”

“Uh. Yeah. Ok.”

“I gotta go!”

“Ok.”

Gon hung up, and Killua rubbed his cheeks hard. Oh boy.

He turned and startled- not that he’d admit it- when he saw nanika staring back at him, smiling. He huffed at her, eyes narrowing, pushing his phone deep into his pocket. “Was this your plan?”

Her big black eyes widened, her mouth falling into a frown. She shook her head from side to side slowly.

“Uh-hu.” He pouted, and despite having just brushed his teeth, stomped over to the minifridge and drained a bottle of chocolate milk. “...I’m not mad, you know,” he muttered, scratching his cheek.

Nanika pulled the covers up over her face, giggling. Killua snorted, dropping down on the other bed. “Who taught you these things? I definitely didn’t.”

“You’re the brawn and I’m the brains, brother!” Alluka beamed at him, throwing the covers away from her so that she could reach her arms towards the ceiling.

“If I’m the brawn then what’s Gon?”

“He’s the guard dog, silly!”

“Oh. Of course. My mistake.” He flicked off the light and went to sleep smiling, his cheeks hot where they hid under his comforter.


	2. Reunions x And x Regrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killua had never handled what had happened, not really. He had forced himself to repress his fear and hurt from the beginning, unable to come to terms with Gon’s compact while he carried the boy’s spent body out of the woods with every bit of energy he had left. His anger had kept his feelings at bay as he formulated a plan to save Gon, and he had been so occupied escaping his family’s meddling that by the time he had a moment to himself.... Gon was back to normal, and it was easier to leave the unspoken things undisturbed. He banned their friends from telling Gon any details, let his story be that he had merely fetched Alluka so that she could save Gon, and shut the door on that memory. Alluka and nanika filled the silence with their laughter, and he left the beast behind to gather dust.

The day began as uneventfully as most: Killua and Alluka rode a stranger’s cart along a winding river until it reached a medium-sized city. The gentleman in question gifted them a bag of red apples and a soft wave goodbye, complimenting Killua on taking such good care of his sweet sister. Alluka cradled the fruit to her chest, giggling as she thanked him. They walked deeper into the city, searching for a motel. Even at fifteen, Alluka still liked to hold his hand as they walked, swinging their fists back and forth. They spotted a cozy-looking place on the edge of the factory district. Killua set up accomodations quickly, using cash rather than his Hunter’s card. He kept them in the green with Hunter jobs, but he never took anything more than a C-ranked mission. Anything more difficult would keep him in one place too long. And Illumi-

Killua doubted that 4 years was enough for Illumi to forget about Nanika’s power.

“Onii-chan,” Alluka called behind him, her voice higher-pitched and more babyish than usual.

“Hm?” He turned to look at her as he dropped their bags between the motel beds. Her mouth twisted into a frown as she peered up at him through her hair seated on the edge of the bed closest to the window.

“I don’t feel good,” she whined, scrubbing her eyes with the back of her hand. Frowning, he knelt before her, gently checking her throat and her forehead. She didn’t feel feverish, and she had been energetic not ten minutes ago. She wouldn’t lie, though. Killua glanced at the bag of apples sitting beside her. Hm.

Pouting, Alluka plucked at the comforter. “I’m gonna take a nap. Can you get me some medicine, onii-chan?”

“Sure.” He closed the curtains as she slipped under the covers, pressing her cheek into the pillows. “I’ll be back soon, ok?” He leaned over to kiss her forehead, sweeping her hair back out of her face. She beamed up at him, folding her fingers briefly around his own before pulling the covers up to her chin. He double-checked the lock before leaving. He should’ve asked her to lock the deadbolt first. 

Sighing, Killua went to the front desk and asked about the nearest pharmacy. It was a short walk, thankfully. Killua avoided using Godspeed in public as much as possible. He didn’t exactly need to throw a beacon up for his family to find every time he wanted to get somewhere quickly.

And it was there, apropos of nothing, that Gon found him, strolling down the street.

Without forewarning, Killua didn’t expect it, and so… wasn’t prepared for it. 

“Killua!”

His head snapped up. In front of him, Gon cocked his head curiously from the other side of the street, beginning threads of worry shaping in his eyes. In Killua’s mind the boy’s golden eyes were blank, streaming tears, a fleck of milky carcass and globs of oily blue blood spurted across one cheek. Hair streamed into the sky, a beacon of darkness. Hulking muscles bulged with enough force to tunnel through a mountain. Blue and red blood intermixed on Gon’s knuckles, dripping purple onto the forest floor.

Instinct kicked in. Killua ran, a streak of lightning marking his path. He hardly noticed a thing as he whipped past buildings and people, running until there was nowhere left to run- just a wide courtyard overlooking the river, the view framed by benches with a waist-high barrier to stop anyone falling into the water. He crashed into it, grabbing the railing and dry-heaving over the side. He wiped his mouth with shaking hands, sinking to his knees as he sucked in big breaths.

Killua had never handled what had happened, not really. He had forced himself to repress his fear and hurt from the beginning, unable to come to terms with Gon’s compact while he carried the boy’s spent body out of the woods with every bit of energy he had left. His anger had kept his feelings at bay as he formulated a plan to save Gon, and he had been so occupied escaping his family’s meddling that by the time he had a moment to himself.... Gon was back to normal, and it was easier to leave the unspoken things undisturbed. He banned their friends from telling Gon any details, let his story be that he had merely fetched Alluka so that she could save Gon, and shut the door on that memory. Alluka and nanika filled the silence with their laughter, and he left the beast behind to gather dust.

Beasts only grow in darkness.

Struggling to breathe against the pressure in his chest, Killua pushed to his feet and wobbled to the nearest bench. His head hung between his knees, trembling fingers threading through his dowdy hair. Fuck. This was so-

“Killua?” 

He flinched a little, shame burning his cheeks. He didn’t look at Gon- couldn’t, not with this wound ripped open, not just yet- but he raised a hand in greeting anyway, gesturing towards the empty half of the bench. His face hid against the curve of his shoulder as Gon approached. The young man’s footsteps were heavy and slow as he came closer, a kindness.

“Is everything ok?” Gon’s voice was soft, much lower than Killua recalled from their short and often cryptic phone calls.. Careful. The enhancer was probably always careful now, Killua remarked to himself dispassionately, too strong not to break things if he wasn’t paying attention. Killua almost choked on the sharp laugh the thought ripped out of him, wet with tears.

“It’s fine.” Because it was. It was... fine. It was Gon. Gon, his best friend, Gon who had asked if it was okay to join them whenever he was strong enough. Gon, to whom he had said yes, to whom he always said yes, even if that wasn’t the words he used, even if he pretended otherwise. Just Gon. Everything was fine. It was just Gon, just Gon whose mother must have been a giant because he was so tall, Gon whose shoulders were comically broad above his too-compact waist, Gon with legs that looked like they could leap a house and Gon with a long, thin face, Gon with empty eyes and his hair streaming high into the sky, Gon with his brilliant aura swallowed by a shining darkness, Gon-

Killua ran back to the railing. He hadn’t eaten anything but apples today, so what came out was mostly water and sticky saliva, but it burned in his nose all the same.

Gon was standing when Killua looked over his shoulder, facing him, frowning, but maintaining his distance. He swayed forward when their eyes met, ready to say something- Killua shut his quickly, wrenching his head around again. He stubbornly kept his lips clamped shut, glaring at the river.

“Can I help?”

He shook his head wildly, folding his arms over the railing and pressing his hot forehead into them. “It’s nothing, it’s nothing. A bad memory.” His mouth tasted acidic; he gathered more saliva and spat it into the river.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Gon’s tanned hand appear on the railing. The other man was in zetsu, and for that he was thankful. Killua sucked in a breath, tilting his head back to the wind. Maybe he should just keep his eyes shut. “You still don’t remember much about the fight with Pitou, huh?” He tried his best for casual, but what came out was still tight and strained. Annoying.

Metal whined. Gon jumped back, out of his sight. A handprint warped the railing now. He stared at it, touching the edge of it with his pinky. 

“No. Sorry.” Steeling himself, Killua turned. He leaned back against the railing in a faux cool pose, staring at Gon’s boots a little too long before dragging his gaze upwards. He didn’t quite look straight at the other young man- looking over his shoulder or vague to the left of him.Gon really did look sorry, his eyebrows knitted together, mouth and eyes soft with worry or regret or- He wasn’t so great at reading Gon anymore, so he wasn’t quite sure what he was seeing.

Killua shrugged, willing this all to go away, back to the past where he thought he had buried it. He turned back to the river, fixing his eyes on a fish vainly fighting the current. “I guess I’m jealous,” he jibed, too sharply, forgetting that it only sounded like a joke if he smiled at the end.

“I’m sorry,” Gon repeated. It rankled in his chest, erupting his defenses. An old and ugly anger rose in his throat, dashing his cheeks pink. Gon ignored the way his hands curled into fists. “Tell me what it was like?”

He shrugged again, shaking his head, hunkering down to hide. Running again would be pointless, he couldn’t escape Gon’s nose and why should he? He’d always wanted it to come back to- to them. Together, close, traveling. But he hadn’t- expected to be assaulted with- he ground his teeth. “It’s in the past.”

But Gon was, had always been, would always be, stubborn. The dark-haired man took another step forward, and though his hand curved around the shape of Killua’s elbow it thankfully, so kindly, never quite touched him. Killua’s muscles shivering under his skin, his legs readying to run. “Tell me.” Gon’s softness felt uncharacteristic, even if his bluntness didn’t.

“You don’t want to know,” he bit cruelly, his lips drawn back from his teeth, but Gon didn’t move, didn’t hesitate.

“Killua.” His name didn’t sound familiar in that voice. “Tell me, please.”

Killua shook his head again hard. He breathed deeply, trying to hold back the snipping ire behind his teeth, but it didn’t sate the burn in his lungs. Gon’s warm fingers touched his elbow- something ugly and black triggered at the contact. Killua leapt backwards; electricity flashed across the metal railing where his fingers gripped it, sweeping an arc of light along the river. “You left me behind!” It ripped out of him whole.

Killua drew back, his pupils shrinking, shocked at his own words. A rush of apologies and excuses jumbled one into the other, none of them escaping his mouth. The silence felt like a physical pressure. He whirled around, not sure what to do with his limbs suddenly, nor where to look.

Gon… Gon seemed as lost as Killua, his wide hands heavy at his sides, fingers flicking at each other. “What do you mean?” He sounded like a kid, confused, bereft. Still a kid. Doing things without thinking.

Killua’s self-control had never been particularly strong around Gon.

His fists clenched at his sides. He ground his teeth. There was so little understanding in Gon’s eyes he wanted to scream. He wanted to rip himself open and show all of his wounds, he wanted to make Gon smell the sour bile trapped inside him, he wanted-

Gon stood before him. His body was in a neutral position, but tense, waiting for something to happen. He hunched, his eyes hollow with confusion, and Killua wanted to tear the memory out of his head. “You decided it was fine if you died.” The anger in his voice was venomous, but Killua was the one poisoned. “And I was there.” Watching. Trying to reach him. Silenced. “I was there the whole time.”

Killua laughed quietly, cruelly, to himself, hair obscuring his eyes. His fists opened and closed, his chest sinking. How could he explain? How could he make Gon understand? How hard he had cried in front of Palm, so desperate to find anyone who could reach Gon, how useless he’d felt, how he’d used every ounce of his energy to reach Gon in time only to feel the all-encompassing anger in the boy’s nen. How he’d carried him back through the woods, alone and afraid, on shaking legs, Gon a dead weight against his back. How the frail, dry husk of Gon’s mummified arm sticking out of plastic, black coils of sickly nen streaming upwards from the gnarled skin, had colored his nightmares for years.

“And it didn’t matter.” He gasped out, feebly wiping at his hot cheeks. “I didn’t- matter.”

Gon took a step forward, and he stepped back on instinct, protecting the distance between them. Gon looked upset, his hands curving towards Killua, his shoulders hunched, the corners of his mouth drooping. He didn’t know what to say either, probably. Gon took another few lumbering steps forward, seeking, but Killua moves back in tandem. Gon’s mouth hung open, rounding through different beginnings, but all he settled on was: “I’m sorry.”

Killua restrained his movement, but his nen spiked lightning into the heavens in answer; the sky broke in twain, a torrent of cold rain crashing down on them suddenly. Gon jerked up, hands curving into fists, his feet planted, his face coloring with anger. “I’m sorry!” He yelled over the rumble of thunder. “I was stupid and angry and grieving and I didn’t know how to handle it!” He wiped rain and dark hair out of his face, his golden eyes glimmering. “I was fourteen!”

“I was fourteen too!” Killua screamed back. He bursts forward, his fist planting into Gon’s cheek. The young man’s head twisted to the side, absorbing the blow, and up close Killua could see it wasn’t the rain after all- Gon was crying too. Killua jerked away, shame killing his anger. He took two faltering steps back before sinking to the ground. It was the first time he had touched Gon in four years. 

Killua flopped back on the wet concrete, limbs splayed. He covered his eyes with both hands, screaming up at the sky. It was… There was more. More than carrying Gon’s dead weight, knowing that if he ran too slowly, Gon would never wake up. It was more than being driven away with cold words, Gon’s back turned to him. It was more than knowing the wrong move would have left Gon for dead, Alluka and Killua once again puppets. It was more- so much more.

For twelve years he had been a prisoner, a toy, a tool for his family- and Gon had given him freedom and choice and light and hope and for two years his life was whatever Gon wanted, whatever he needed, and, and- it wasn’t even Gon at all, it was his family, it was Alluka, trapped in her room, it was Illumi, making him dance, possessing him, it was his father, saying one thing and doing another, it was his mother, feeding him poison with every meal, even before he could hold a spoon, it was Milluki, beating his jealousy into a little boy’s skin, it was everything, and he was fourteen, fourteen, when Gon decided he’d rather die than stay in Killua’s world even though he was the only thing keeping Killua from going back to heir Zoldyck, and he was fourteen when he had to take his sister on the run to save her from her own family, the family that had beaten and burned and poisoned and electrified and starved and tortured and tortured and tortured him, who made him kill before he understood what death was and he was fourteen when his best friend decided that, regardless of what he meant to Killua, he would be willing to die.

\--

The sounds Killua made as he cried tore into Gon’s heart. He waited as the white-haired man quieted slowly, tears dissolving into hiccups until the tension seeped out of him suddenly. Rain washed over him, slicking his hair back away from trembling lashes. Gon curled up next to him on the curb, pointed chin resting on his folded arms. He ached in answer to Killua’s pain, knowing he could do nothing but accept it.

It was a struggle.

Gon didn’t remember what had happened with Pitou in the woods. He had repeatedly meditated on the incident, but none of it had come to light, and he doubted it ever would. Chances were that the memories had been erased from his mind as readily as the damage to his body and aura. But Gon did remember most of the night: everything up until the point that he had called Pitou a liar. So he remembered Killua trying to help him. He remembered Killua trying to get him to calm down. He remembered telling Killua that it must be easy for him not to care. He remembered feeling Killua’s nen skitter away a heartbeat after the words had left his mouth, leaving nothing behind but the smell of ozone.

He didn’t remember caring that the other boy had gone.

Gon dropped his forehead on his knees, hiding his face as he tightened into a ball. “I’m sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time on HxH: Killua and Gon, wet from the sudden storm, reunite with Alluka Zoldyck.
> 
> please leave me reviews they feed my soul :P I have lots of plans for future scenes but no specific direction so let me know of there's anything (or anyone!) specific you're interested in seeing!


	3. Fears x and x Photos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sunlight filtered weakly through the splintering clouds, turning the wet ground into a bright mirror. Leaves emptied themselves before springing back up, stretching towards the light. Gon and Killua sat side by side on the curb, Killua leaning back on his elbows and staring at his feet, Gon’s chin resting on his arms as he watched the other Hunter. “Sorry,” Killua mumbled unhappily, scratching his cheek. “That was embarrassing.”
> 
> They were both soaked through, Killua’s long sleeves clinging to skin. He sneezed, frowning as he wiped his nose. His skin looked clammy and pale, though Gon wasn’t really sure if that meant anything. Killua had always been moonstruck.
> 
> (The word didn’t mean what Gon thought it means, but he was right nevertheless.)

Sunlight filtered weakly through the splintering clouds, turning the wet ground into a bright mirror. Leaves emptied themselves before springing back up, stretching towards the light. Gon and Killua sat side by side on the curb, Killua leaning back on his elbows and staring at his feet, Gon’s chin resting on his arms as he watched the other Hunter. “Sorry,” Killua mumbled unhappily, scratching his cheek. “That was embarrassing.”

They were both soaked through, Killua’s long sleeves clinging to skin. He sneezed, frowning as he wiped his nose. His skin looked clammy and pale, though Gon wasn’t really sure if that meant anything. Killua had always been moonstruck.

(The word didn’t mean what Gon thought it means, but he was right nevertheless.)

Gon wanted to reach through the space between them, to fold his arms around Killua’s small frame and warm him up. But. He shouldn’t. That much was clear from the stiff line of Killua’s back, the way he stuffed his hands into his pockets to hide their shape. “I don’t think you could help it,” Gon replied dismissively. He zipped and unzipped a pocket in the right leg of his shorts, waiting for Killua to reveal his expression. Did it suck? Yes. But what was there to do about it now? “Do you want to talk about it?”

Killua shrugged, shaking out droplets from his downy hair. He scratched the crown of his head with the hand furthest from Gon, tilting his head up at the brightening sky. “Maybe.” There was a shimmer of hesitation, and Gon caught Killua sneaking a weary glance at him through his hair. “Not right now though.”

Suddenly, Killua’s expression changed. His eyes widened as he leapt to his feet, looking around wildly.

“Killua?” Gon tilted his head back to the silhouetted figure, struck by the way Killua’s wet hair shone.

“I was getting Alluka some medicine. You distracted me!” He jabbed an accusatory finger at Gon.

Oops. Gon grinned guiltily, scratching at his cheek. “Ahhh, well. I think it’s ok if we just go back now.” His smile sagged a little as he dropped his gaze to the ground. Was that still the plan? Killua said it was ok, once, but now Killua looked around him instead of at him. That didn’t seem like a fun living situation either, and he wasn’t about to force himself into Killua and Alluka’s lives if it was going to put this kind of pressure on Killua.

“So?” Gon’s head came up, a dog hearing its name. Killua waited at the mouth of the next street, looking back over his shoulder. “Are you getting up or what? I don’t like leaving her alone long so don’t waste my time!” Only one eye was visible, but Gon could tell that it was wetter than usual. Pink stained Killua’s cheeks, though just about anything made him blush if Gon recalled correctly, and he was sure he did.The way Killua’s wet clothes clung make it obvious that his frame hasn’t changed much: he was made of long, trim muscle, compact unlike Gon, his slightness hiding Killua’s massive strength. Killua hadn’t grown as tall as Gon had imagined he would, though, considering his towering father and willowy mother.

Something flickered in Gon’s eyes.

Nah. He’d rather go see Alluka than think any more about the other side of the Zoldyck’s clan, honestly. They always brought an acidic taste to his mouth. (It had, after all, been much easier to handle the pain of electricity training when he had thought about them, doing that, to a Killua younger than he had known without even nen to cushion the blow. And if he fantasized about crushing their faces in a little too often to distract himself from his convulsions, what of it? He wasn’t sorry.)

In a blink the dark expression on his face was gone again. Ahead, Killua waited with his hands in his pockets, watching a pair of birds shaking water from their feathers. Ensuring that his footsteps were easily audible and sticking to zetsu, Gon smiled sheepishly as he comes up on Killua. “Sorry, sorry. I was just thinking about stuff.”

“Yeah?” Killua grinned crookedly, half-turning his face over his shoulder. “Don’t think so hard, dummy, we both know you suck at it.” Gon caught the way Killua’s eyes flicker down him in a quick glance before the young man turned away again, jogging ahead. “Race you there!” he shouted. Before Gon could protest, Killua disappears deeper into the city in a dash of lightning, his laughter following behind him.

Gon whooped in delight, and took off after him. He guessed that he was already most of the way there when the lightning trail disappeared from his sight, and after that it was as easy as following his nose. The zap of Killua’s nen felt delightfully zingy against his skin, and it spurred him on. He had tried to copy Godspeed before, but that one seemed to be pure Killua, just completely out of his league. Reaching the end of the trail, Gon found Killua waiting at the bottom of a staircase outside a two-story motel, leaning against a concrete support.

“So?” Gon grinned, jogging up to him, “did I do good?”

Killua shrugged nonchalantly as he heaved himself up and walked up the steps. “You did ok. I had time to get you this, though.” He smirked over his shoulder, tossing Gon a keycard.

“You’re amazing!” Gon complimented people easily, and he had never found a single reason to change that behavior. Especially not for Killua, who should have them shouted at him day and night until they actually managed to reach through that thick hide of his. He passed Killua, leaving the white-haired boy to sputter and flush behind him. Ahead, a door swung open, and a very lively-looking Alluka bounced out. “Gon!”

“Alluka!”

They threw their arms around each other enthusiastically. She giggled when he swungs her around, her feet coming off the floor, but then she made a face and wormed out of his arms again. “Gross,” she shrieked, laughing, “you’re all wet!”

“Yeah, Killua made it rain! I didn’t know you could do that, Killua!” He grinned, turning to look at Killua while he ruffled Alluka’s hair. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Killua huffed dismissively, brushing past to take Alluka’s hand and walk her back into the room. “That was just a weird coincidence.”

Gon considered it as he followed the only Zoldycks that mattered into the motel room. The morning had been overcast, surely, but Gon could tell when rain was coming. He hadn’t smelled it in the wind, nor had he seen it in the sky. Nothing foretold rain until Killua’s aura spiked.

As shy as Killua could be about his feelings, the young man had never been particularly humble about his powers. Gon had expected a smug ‘pretty cool, huh?’ so Killua’s thorough disregard for it suggested that Killua genuinely didn’t believe he’d had anything to do with the sudden and inexplicable downpour. 

Killua really has no idea how incredible he was.

“What do you mean you’re not sick?” Gon heard Killua complain as he turned into the doorway.

“Ne, onii-chan, don’t be mad,” Alluka told Killua, holding both of his hands and swinging them back and forth. “I thought you would like to spend a little alone time with Gon when you saw him, that’s all!

Killua went very still. Gon swallowed. Killua zeroed in on him, his eyes narrowing, and Gon took a step back, laughing a little too loudly.

“How did she know you were here?”

“Ummm, Alluka and I have been sending each other pictures and stuff for a while now!”

“What?!” Killua’s head swivelled between the two. It was pretty cute, the way the pink flushed across his pale cheeks, burning all the way to his ears. If Killua had seen the pictures Alluka sent him, Gon imagined the reaction would be much more extreme. Tomato-face, he thought with an absurd giggle. He gulped when the sound drew Killua’s ire, blanching. “For how long?”

“Since you got me a phone!” Alluka chirped helpfully, and Killua’s hair flung droplets through the air when he snapped his head around to look at her. “I took his number from your contacts, onii-chan, sorry!”

Killua drew up. He gaped at her, his mouth curling childishly, and looked between the two of them. His mouth snapped closed, annoyance drawing a line between his eyebrows. Killua gave an exaggerated shrug as he turned his back to them, and Gon found it pretty clear that the young man wanted to say something else. Maybe he just wasn’t sure what. “I’ll deal with you two later,” he huffed, “I’m going to take a shower.” The bathroom door slammed shut behind him, shaking the thin walls.

Gon smile softened as he closed the outside door behind him. The room immediately darkened, Alluka’s bedside light casting a dim yellow light on the room. Gon set his pack down on the table under the window, taking in the small room. Killua definitely hadn’t picked it expecting Gon to come; both of the beds were twins. Gon had slept in trees before, though, so a carpeted floor wasn’t any hardship. Alluka smiled up at him, and for her it must be so simple. Her brother, and now her brother’s best friend! He wished it were that simple for them, too, but the look of horrified shock that had flashed across Killua’s face when their eyes met for the first time had already burned itself on the back of his eyelids.

“Didn’t something bad happen?” Alluka tugged on his wrist with both hands, her big blue eyes staring imploringly up at him. Gon gave her a smile. She cared so much about everyone.

(It was so hard to do anything but hate the Zoldyck family, really.)

“I gave your brother a shock,” Gon chuckled awkwardly, not all that sure about what had actually happened. But. Killua didn’t want to talk about it yet, so. It was hard for Killua to talk about his feeling most of the time, Gon knew that, and that was okay. But. He wanted to know what had happened, still. He wanted to make sure it wouldn’t happen again.

Why did everything have to be complicated all the time? He just wanted what they had before- to do everything together, and to share everything. Something had gone a little wonky in the space between, granted, but they were both older now, and he’d worked a lot on being better than before, so he was confident that they could fix… whatever it was that was wrong. Maybe it’d be even better than before! And he was fine if not, too. If Killua was satisfied then… then he’d be satisfied too. He just wanted to share everything with Killua anyway.

Oh, and Alluka, of course! Although, not everything. That would be kind of weird…

Bisky sometimes told him he was still childish, but the way she said it sounded like a compliment, so he didn’t worry too much about it.

“It’ll be okay,” Alluka told him after it had been quiet for too long. She came to sit next to him, looping her arms around his shoulders even though he was still dripping everywhere, and leaned her head against his. “I’m happy you’re here.”

“I’m happy too,” he smiled, gentle as he used one arm to hug her closer, patting her shoulder with a broad hand. He just hoped Killua was happy, too.

\--

Killua was embarrassed, more than anything. He shed his wet clothes the moment the door shut, leaving them haphazardly on the tile floor as he turned the shower on. It didn’t take long for the water to heat up, and he slapped listlessly at his hot cheeks as steam filled the small room. Of all the stupid things…

The water was hot enough to hurt initially, but he ignored the sensation until his nerves stopped warning him about the danger. Tilting his head into the blast, he squeezed his eyes shut. He had been looking forward to seeing Gon again, really he had, and though he of course worried that things would be way different, he hadn’t expected… he hadn’t expected that.

He didn’t even understand how to explain what happened. Killua heaved a sigh, resting his cheek against the wall, and let the hot water drain the shivering out of him. 

Alluka had known that Gon was catching up to them today and hadn’t said anything. She’d sent him out on purpose, even! Pouring shampoo into his hand, Killua scrubbed it viciously into his pale hair. Actually, he was sort of thankful… grateful she hadn’t seen him like that. Killua rinsed his hair morosely, deflated. It made sense that Gon would need a little help finding them- they were traveling to avoid Illumi, after all, but-

Wait. Rewind.

Killua stilled, his hand halfway to the soap. His eyes widened. He leapt out of the shower, barely throwing on a towel before stomping into the main room. “Show me the pictures.”

Gon and Alluka sprung apart. Killua stared at them in surprise, his ears ringing. They looked guilty. What were they just doing? There was a dark spot forming on the carpet below where Gon was just sitting, and all the left side of Alluka’s dress was wet. Killua ground his teeth and marched up to them, snatching Gon’s phone.

Gon gaped at him, reaching for it back, but Killua slipped out of his grasp and to the other side of the room. Gon stumbled on the spot awkwardly and Killua threw him a disbelieving look over his shoulder. Gon stared at him with an unfamiliar expression, amber eyes fixed intently on him- Killua didn’t have time to decode whatever it meant. Instead he stood in the corner, flipping through Gon’s contacts until he got to Alluka.

“Onii-chan don’t be rude!” Alluka complained, tugging on his sleeve, but Killua pulled his arm out of her grasp. 

“Milluki can find these, you know!” he chastised her, hiding the phone against his stomach. He couldn’t hold things above her grasp anymore, she was taller than he was at this point, but that didn’t mean he would just hand it over. “And if Milluki can find them, Illumi’s already seen them!”

Gon was in his space too now, both of them crowding around behind him, trying to take the phone away. He elbowed them back, scrolling through the pictures.

It was mostly innocuous stuff. A pretty flower. A rainbow. Selfies of Alluka against a wall in a new dress, cute animals. Killua. Killua sleeping while Alluka threw a peace sign in the foreground, Killua staring up at the stars.

He flushed to the roots of his hair, his hands shaking. “Someone can totally spot us with this stuff! Look at this one, you can see the whole night sky! You think Illumi can’t figure out where we are based on the stars?”

“Killua…” 

“You!” He whirled around, flicking a finger into Gon’s forehead. “Don’t get me started on you! You encouraged this! You- um.” All close together like this, with Alluka and Gon clustered around him, he was suddenly, acutely aware of their height difference. With Alluka it was a matter of inches, but Gon was a whole head taller than Killua, his neck arched down to peer at him and it was. Um.

And he was in a towel holding Gon’s phone.

Killua would like to go hide in a hole now, thank you.

Gon gently pried his phone from Killua’s slack fingers. “Don’t be mean, Killua. You’re going to make Alluka cry.”

Huh? He looked over at his sister. Her chin trembled, teeth biting her lower lip. Her eyes were big and wet and she looked a little scared. “I’m sorry onii-chan! I didn’t realize!” He blinked at her, taken aback.

“It’s ok, Alluka,” he muttered, scratching his cheek, a little ashamed at his outburst.

“It’s not ok!” She burst out, throwing her arms around his neck. He held her close, petting her long hair. “I didn’t mean to! Onii-chan!”

“I’m sorry I yelled,” he whispered to her, like a secret, holding her close. She sniffled against his shoulder. “There there, it’s ok, Gon’s here now so you won’t send him any more pictures and we’ll be fine. Right?”

“Mmmmhm!” She pressed her nose further in the crook of his neck, nodding vigorously.

“Okay. There we go. We’re all ok, right?” He pulled her back with his hands on her shoulders, and when she smiled through her tears he patted her on the head once more. “There we go.”

Gon watched them both silently, a guarded expression in his eyes. Killua blinked back at him, surprised. Since when had Gon been the type to hide his feelings?

“What’s wrong with you?”

Gon’s face immediately changed, blooming into an energetic smile. “Maaa, nothing,” he laughed, slipping his phone back into the pocket of his shorts, “I’m glad it worked out.”

Killua quirked an eyebrow at the taller boy, wondering if he had imagined the strain in his voice. “Whatever,” he muttered, suddenly aware of the cold of the room. And Gon was still in wet clothes from the five-minute downpour. Gon’s immune system was insane, granted, but there wasn’t any reason to encourage illness. “I’m gonna finish showering, I’ll be back out in a minute. Try not to get anything important wet.”

Gon nodded, but didn’t add anything else. Killua felt eyes on him until he shut the door.


	4. Shout x Loud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gon politely waited at the edge of the doorframe while Killua exited the bathroom before sliding in and closing the door. Killua stared after him for a beat, an eyebrow cocked. Weird. Gon had always been more of a “bust through” kind of kid.

Gon politely waited at the edge of the doorframe while Killua exited the bathroom before sliding in and closing the door. Killua stared after him for a beat, an eyebrow cocked. Weird. Gon had always been more of a “bust through” kind of kid.

Then again, they likely couldn’t both walk through doors at the same time anymore, considering how broad his shoulders were… probably that. Killua shrugged, giving his hair a last harsh rub with a white towel before tossing it over the back of a chair.

Alluka sat cross-legged against the headboard of her bed, tapping on her phone. He shrugged on a new pair of pants under his bathrobe, shedding it to throw on the first shirt his hands met, and wandered closer to peer at her screen. She was playing something colorful and flashy, but it looked pretty boring. Killua got on the bed next to her, stretching his legs out and folding his hands over his chest as he stared at the ceiling.

“So, do you two talk a lot?”

“It’s mostly pictures,” she shrugged, tapping rapidly at her screen, “we text sometimes. I can show you if you want.”

“No, it’s okay.” He patted the knee pressed against his ribs reassuringly before returning his hand to his chest. They didn’t get much privacy from each other, and he’d bought her the phone with the intention of giving her that, although maybe he shouldn’t have. His gaze drifted from the ceiling to the bathroom door. The shower sounded like a waterfall. The pause was broken by Alluka’s annoyed sigh. She set her phone down, leaning her head back against the headboard. “What’s up?”

“This level is annoying me.”

He perked up, coming up on his elbows. “Do you want help?”

Alluka stuck her tongue out at him, slapping his shoulder. “Stop trying to play my games for me, onii-chan!”

“Sorry, sorry!” He laughed, batting her hands away from him. She jabbed an elbow into his side and shoved back at her. “Ah, stop, okay!”

She withdrew, giggling, stretching her legs out in front of her too to give him more space. They lapsed into a companionable silence. The stupid door kept drawing his attention. Grimacing, Killua rolled his head to the side to look at her instead. “What do you talk about?”

Alluka hesitated a little too long for it to feel natural, and Killua’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Nothing special. Just about our day and stuff.”

“Alluka.” She peered down at him with a moue. He raised an eyebrow, looking back at her, and for a second they did nothing but stare each other down. Alluka broke first, turning her head with a huff and tossing her long hair over her shoulder.

“Obviously we talk about you the most.”

“What?” Killua sat up, one leg flopping off the side of the bed, and twisted to face her directly. He rubbed his hot cheek with his wrist. “Why would you do that?”

Alluka rolled her eyes, groaning dramatically. “Because we care about you, stupid.”

“Don’t call me stupid! _You're_ stupid!”

“You’re stupidest!” She crossed her arms and stuck her tongue out at him. 

Killua skipped a couple of beats. His mouth stretched into a flat, unimpressed line, but a moment later it curved into a smirk. He slid off the bed in a fluid movement and mosied over to the table, grabbing an apple. “You skipped one,” he complained under his breath, taking a large bite to mask his annoyance.

She gave him a baleful look before snatching her phone back up and returning to her game. “As if I was going to let you win that easily,” she scoffed. He saw her smile, though, and her eyes were warm when she glanced at him through her bangs.

Killua let her play in peace. He leaned against the table, stuffing one hand in his pocket and eating with the other. His eyes skated around the room, though he felt unnecessary aware of Gon’s open pack behind him. So what? His nose wrinkled, and he hopped up to sit on the table.

It was wet. Killua jumped back up with a hiss, snatching up the towel he had abandoned early and scrubbing the surface dry.

A giggle made his ears turn red. “Wet butt Killua!” Killua whirled around, his cheeks puffed out, but his expression did nothing to the girl on the bed. She giggled again, mouth yawning wide, and clapped her hands together. “Wet butt Killua~!”

Killua lifted the hem of his shirt up above his nose, though it wasn’t sufficient to hide his blush. “Hi Nanika,” he muttered in greeting. She stretched her hands out at him. He obediently came closer, dropping his shirt and letting her wrap her long fingers around his. “How are you today?”

“Gooooood.” Her smile seemed to melt her whole face into a puddle of glee, and Killua found himself smiling irresistibly in answer- wet butt and all.

“Did you know Gon was coming today?” he asked her conversationally, tilting his head with the soft, paternal smile reserved for his sister(s).

“‘Ai~”

His smile turned a little evil, his eyes hooded. “And you didn’t tell me either, huh?”

Her black eyes and mouth widened until she looked like a spirit mask, and she shook her head slowly.

“You know what that means, right?” Killua laughed sinisterly. She whined, leaning back. And then- Killua leapt. “TICKLE ATTACK!” Nanika was helpless. She twisted and turned, shrieking in pleasure. Killua poked and prodded at her sides mercilessly until she didn’t have any breath left to laugh.

A door shut loudly. His head turned to look and Nanika took that opportunity to batter him with a pillow. Laughing, he got up.

Gon smiled at them, pulling a green tank top down the rest of the way. His hair was flat against his neck, dripping down his back. “You looked like you were having fun!”

“Tch.” Killua smirked at him, stuffing his hands in his pockets and arching his eyebrows. “Do you need help, Gon? You do understand how towels work, right?”

Gon ignored him, his smile wide and bright. “Hi Nanika!”

“Go~n!” She stood on the bed, holding her arms outstretched. Gon walked right up to her and picked her up as if she was still an 11-year-old girl, swinging her around in a circle before carefully setting her on her feet. Giggling, she collapsed into a hug, rubbing her pale cheek against Gon’s shoulder.

Gon laughed delightedly, patting her back. Killua found himself dazed, blinking at the pair. Huh? He snapped out of it the moment they turned to look at him, crossing his arms and looking away. His mouth pulled into a sulk as he realized his cheeks felt hot. Damnit. Would he ever grow out of blushing at the least provocation, or was this a lifelong curse?

He grabbed the towel he had discarded earlier, throwing it at Gon. The back of his shirt was already dark, sticking to Gon’s skin. “Do something about your hair, you’re dripping all over the carpet.”

“Aww, Killua!” Gon complained. “Why did you ruin the mood?”

“Ruin the mood?” Killua arched an eyebrow at him, his arms crossed, and sneered. “What exactly are your intentions with my sister, Gon?”

“Killua!” he whined, rubbing the towel halfheartedly over his hair as Nanika sat back down on her bed, picking up the discarded game, “you know it’s not like that.”

“How do I know that?” he smirked, smug. “You’ve been texting behind my back.”

Nanika cackled as she beat the problematic level. Gon’s mouth stretched into a disbelieving frown. “Ehhh? Come on Killua that’s weird. I wouldn’t try to date your sister.”

“Why not? You think she’s not pretty or something? Huh?” He was grinning now, appreciating the rush of power. Teasing Gon like this felt nice. He’d forgotten how fun it was to leave him discombobulated.

“Killuaaaa.” Gon groaned, his eyes covered by the towel, “why are you being mean?”

He leaned forward a little, smirking, not that Gon could see it. “Because it’s fun, dummy.”

“Stop bullying Gon, onii-chan.” Killua straightened up, peering around Gon to look at Alluka. She stuck her tongue out at him, phone in her lap.

“I’m not,” he scoffed. 

Alluka rolled her eyes, giving him a dry look. She turned to Gon with her lips pursed. “Gon, tell Killua to stop bullying you.”

Gon pushed the towel back so that it settled around his shoulders. He looked between the two of them, Killua with his annoyed sulk and crossed arms, Alluka with her expectant stare. “Eh…” He laughed awkwardly, stepping back from them. His calves his the other bed unexpectedly, and he sat down hard. “I’d rather not get in between you two…”

Both Zoldyck siblings scoffed simultaneously, turning from him to look at each other. “Whatever,” Killua shrugged. “Let’s get lunch once Gon doesn’t look like a drowned rat anymore.”

“What? But I just showered!”

“And yet…”

Gon puffed out his cheeks, frowning. “Fine!” He jumped up to his feet, jabbing a finger in the white-haired young man’s direction. “Stop bullying me, Killua!” He ran into the bathroom and slammed the door.

Killua jerked back, his eyes widening, and whipped around to look at Alluka. She had collapsed sideways on the bed and was laughing herself silly.

“Alluka 1 Killua 0!” She cackled. Killua flushed, his hands on his hips. 

“Shut up!”

\--

The stroll to find a restaurant was surprisingly low-energy considering the initial chaos. Alluka insisted on holding both of their hands, and was happily swinging them back and forth as she walked between the two young men, humming. Killua was occupied trying to find a place that looked interesting, and Gon was just pleased to be in their company. Even though Killua had made him change again, because “that shirt is also wet now, dummy.” Honestly clothes didn’t take that long to dry. By the time they found a place and sat down, it probably would’ve been fine. Gon tugged idly at his sleeve cap, irritated by the way it dug into his arm.

“Alluka, you want Azian food?”

 

The girl wasted no time in changing her direction, tugging Gon along as she marched up to the restaurant widow and inspected the displayed menu. It looked like a noodle place. She dropped his hand to tap a finger against her lips. Killua fell back, jamming his hands into his pockets and letting Alluka decide. He turned toward Gon, shrugging.

“Azian good with you?”

“Yeah, that’s fine.” Gon nodded. His hands reflexively moved to grab onto his backpack straps, and he awkwardly transitioned into crossed arms when he remembered he had left his trusty pack in the Zoldycks’ motel room. He laughed it off; Killua’s head turned before Gon could gauge any kind of reaction. He strolled inside after Alluka, who was already scouting out a table.

She found them a booth in the back, and Alluka and Killua immediately settled in side by side, both positioned so that they could see the door, Alluka shielded from the space by Killua’s body. At least she would have been, once upon a time, before she had sprung taller than him. Gon sat across from them with a fond, if wistful smile.

“What’s that face for?” Killua intoned, quirking his eyebrow at Gon. 

Gon shrugged, smiling sheepishly. “I’m happy to be here with you.”

Killua’s cheeks filled in with pink immediately. He scoffed loudly, turning his nose up in the air, pretending he wasn’t embarrassed even though he _so clearly was_ , and it only made Gon’s grin wider. Killua had no idea how cute he was, but he definitely didn’t want to know about it either. He’d probably get really mad if Gon said it right here. Gon propped his chin up in his palm, hiding his growing grin behind his fingers.

Killua was staring at him again, his frown cutting a divot between his brows. “Why are you making _that_ face?”

“No reason,” Gon singsonged. Alluka was looking on silently, smirking. She probably had him figured out, intuitive girl. She seemed to be having fun.

Miffed, Killua jabbed a finger into Gon’s forehead, leaning closer. “Just tell me already.”

Gon leaned back from the table and out of Killua’s reach, spreading his arms across the back of the booth. Alluka’s mouth was hidden behind her hand, but her body shook with suppressed laughter. “Killua’s really cute when he’s embarrassed,” Gon projected, so that likely half the restaurant could hear him.

Frozen in place, Killua flushed a deep red, to the point where Gon was actually impressed. He retreated slowly, sinking down into the booth and hiding his face under the hem of his long-sleeved shirt. Killua long bangs obscured his eyes, but not the red across the bridge of his nose.

“Ne Killua,” he continued a little too loudly, egged on by Alluka’s cackles, “are you ok? You look a little flush- ow!” Killua glowered at him through his hair, and Gon chuckled sheepishly, rubbing his shin. Killua’s kicks hadn’t gotten any softer.

The waiter chose that moment to appear, crossing between them to deliver three glasses of water. Alluka and Killua ordered quickly, before twin pairs of blue eyes turned to stare at Gon. Oh. He hadn’t even looked at the menu yet.

Well, whatever.

He jabbed his finger down somewhere in the lunch section. “This one please!” The waiter collected all the menus and slipped away, leaving them alone again. Killua’s face had returned to his normal color but he still looked weary, eyeing Gon with narrowed eyes. Gon smiled back guilelessly, propping his chin up in his hand again.

“So? How are you? How’s everything? Where have you guys traveled to? Did you meet anyone fun? Have you seen any of our friends? Where was that place with the whole field of purple flowers? That looked amazing! Do you still have your yo-yos?”

Gon took a big drink of his glass and both the Zoldyck siblings stared at him silently. “What?”

“Maybe try asking one question at a time, you know,” Killua scoffed, unimpressed. Alluka chose not to say anything, stirring the ice cubes in her water around with her straw, hollowing out her cheeks while she drank some.

“So… I guess what are you up to right now?”

Killua’s eyebrows went up. He and Alluka exchanged a look. He looked back at Gon, crossing his arms. “Having lunch.”

“You know what I mean,” Gon pouted, folding his arms on the table. “Tell me.... I don’t know, everything, I guess.”

“Oh ok, just tell you _everything_. Sure.”

“Killua!”

But Gon didn’t mind the teasing so much. It was nice hearing Killua laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My loves: I have several plans for this longfic but also several open spaces where things may or may not happen immediately, so if there's anything in particular you'd like to see-- a reunion with a certain someone, a romantic rival, whatever-- please let me know! :D


	5. Drive x Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killua’s cheeks washed with a soft brush of pink. Gon blinked, his mouth shifting into an easy smile as Killua stared back at him. “What are you looking at?”
> 
> “You.” Killua bristled, kicking at Gon again but weakly this time. Gon barely felt it. “I’m glad we’re together again,” he beamed. 
> 
> Killua’s mouth twisted, but he didn’t retaliate further. Instead he huffed, dislodging Alluka and pushing himself up with his hands. “I’ll go pay the bill,” he mumbled, tugging his long sleeves over his knuckles.

An hour of catching up and three massive, steaming bowls of soup later, the trio had fallen into a conversational lull. Alluka leaned against Killua’s shoulder, scrolling through her phone aimlessly. Killua seemed to be half-asleep, his gaze drifting around the restaurant, not interested in anything in particular. Gon drained the rest of his broth, pushing the empty bowl away from him, and yawned.

“Sleepy?” Killua asked him in a soft voice. His mouth curved into a weak smirk, more show than anything. Gon blinked blearily at him, smiling in answer.

“I was travelling all night, I guess it didn’t hit me until now.”

“Hmm.” Killua nodded, sinking into the booth’s cushioned backing. Gon leaned his chin in his hands, taking the chance to really look at Killua. He’d seen pictures, of course, but nothing was quite the same as being face to face with someone. Killua had always moved with an assassin’s practiced proficiency, but the jagged movements of a child had given way to the effortless grace of a person well aware of their body’s abilities. Gon had caught himself a few times during lunch watching Killua’s dexterous fingers handle chopsticks; it was clear Killua hadn’t fallen out of practice. His hair was getting a bit long, not quite to his shoulders but fanning out around his neck and falling into his eyes. It had lost some of its volume as it grew longer, but it still looked thick and downy, soft to touch. He’d been pretty, as a kid, in the same way that flowers were pretty, and that well-groomed huskies were pretty, but Killua now was- handsome, easily, and several other increasingly complimentary descriptions beyond that. His pale eyes were far more expressive than Killua would ever believe. There was something feline in his face, refined.

Killua’s cheeks washed with a soft brush of pink. Gon blinked, his mouth shifting into an easy smile as Killua stared back at him. “What are you looking at?”

“You.” Killua bristled, kicking at Gon again but weakly this time. Gon barely felt it. “I’m glad we’re together again,” he beamed. 

Killua’s mouth twisted, but he didn’t retaliate further. Instead he huffed, dislodging Alluka and pushing himself up with his hands. “I’ll go pay the bill,” he mumbled, tugging his long sleeves over his knuckles.

Gon turned to Alluka, who was listing sideways into the corner of the booth. “Are you gonna finish your broth?”

She shook her head, pushing the bowl towards Gon. He drained that one, too, paused, and then downed his entire glass of water, feeling the heat rise to his face. He’d seen her put pepper flakes in, but wow had he underestimated how spicy she really made it. 

“What are you doing?”

She looked at him over the rim of her phone, quirking an eyebrow. Gon still had the same model they had bought in YorkNew, and even though it was five years old by now he’d never felt the urge to get another one. Aside from phone calls and Alluka’s pictures, he barely used the thing, so he was curious what she could be doing to spend so much time on it.

“I’m in a group chat with some people we met in Zaban City.”

“What do you talk about?”

“TV shows mostly. When onii-chan has to take a job I spend most of my time in hotels watching stuff, so…” She shrugged, less interested in talking to Gon about it then he thought she would be. Or maybe she just didn’t think he was interested? Gon really didn’t watch tv…. Ever. 

His phone made a sound and when he plucked it out of his pocket he saw it was a message from Alluka. He glanced at her but she had already turned back to her screen, typing text into it animatedly. He opened it up and found a new picture. She had taken it from the corner of the booth, and the tightness of the frame must’ve been awkward to catch. He didn’t remember her taking it, but then again her phone had been out most of the meal. Gon and Killua were both in the photo, Gon gesticulating wildly with his hands, a piece of meat stuck to the corner of his lips, Killua smirking and pointing his chopsticks at the dark-haired young man. Gon blinked at it, touching a fingernail to the lines of warmth around Killua’s eyes. He touched the phone against his chest before returning it to his pocket. “Thanks.”

“You’re welc-”

“We have to go. Now.”

Gon and Alluka turned in unison to look at Killua. He did not look pleased. His eyes were stormy, a muscle in his jaw twitching as he grabbed Alluka’s elbow and yanked her out of the booth. She ripped her arm out of his hold, elbowing him in the side as she got up. Likewise, Gon jumped to his feet, immediately on high alert. “What’s wrong?”

“I’ll explain later, let’s go!” Grabbing Alluka’s hand this time, he dragged them both out of the restaurant. “We’ll meet at the room. Don’t dawdle. Alluka, climb on.”

“I’m getting too old for this, oniichan.” Despite her complaint, Alluka looped her arms around Killua’s neck, hopping onto his back. Killua didn’t take the time to answer. In a burst of nen both of the Zoldycks were gone, leaving behind only a streak of lightning. Gon shifted uncomfortably, still heavy from the large meal. Ah. Well. He took off after the other two.

By the time Gon caught up, Killua had already opened every door and drawer to ensure that all of their stuff was on the bed, ready to be whisked away.

“What’s going on?”

“Explain later, leave now,” Killua answered tersely, shoving the clothes he had left out to dry into the top of his pack and zipping it closed. “I don’t have much cash left so we’re going to buy a junker and drive east.”

He shrugged on his bag, grabbed a massive piece of luggage, and punched numbers into his phone simultaneously. Alluka grabbed her own suitcase with a shrug at Gon. “It’s pointless to argue with him when he’s like this.”

Gon picked up his hiker’s bag and slung it over his shoulders, leaving his unused keycard on the table as he went after them. “Hello?” His head whipped around to look at Killua, surprised by the energetic, happy tone he had used to greet the person on the phone. “You’re the owner of that car on 36th ave?” His voice lilted, pleasant and friendly. “I’ll buy it off you right now, can you meet me there in five minutes? … Yeah, I’ve got the cash on me. Cash good for you? … No that’s fine thanks, I’m in a hurry. … Thanks, bye.”

Killua was scowling when Gon caught up to him, shoving the phone back into his pocket. “People are so annoying.”

“Hey, Killua, what was that voice?”

Killua smirked at the question, casting a sideways glance at Gon. “What, my ‘I need a stranger to do me a favor’ voice?”

“Is that what it is? That’s pretty interesting.” He remembered, vaguely that Killua had done something like that when they were young- pretending to be a normal, innocent kid. The idea of using a voice to get what you wanted was something that would never occur to him. It was a snazzy trick. Although now that he thought about it he didn’t really need a different voice for that. People, strangers too, were usually pretty nice to him.

“Yeah, you think so?” 

Gon nodded, “mm-hm!”

Killua made a dismissive gesture. “That’s just my Gon voice.”

“Wha~at?” Killua beamed, and though he was still trying to look cool, Gon could tell from the way he puffed out his chest that he was pleased. Flattered, Gon felt himself smile in answer, a warmth spreading under his sternum. “I’ll have to listen closer next time.”

Killua flushed a little as he looked away, checking the street sign, but his smile remained.

The owner of the car was all smiles when they traded keys for cash, and within minutes they had their bags in the trunk and, aside from a brief confusion about who should get to sit in the passenger seat- the navigator or the stupidly tall boy, as Killua put it- they were on their way out of town again.

“Shortest stay yet,” Alluka snorted from the back seat, leaning her knees against the console as she draped forward.

“Why did we have to leave?” Gon asked curiously. He rolled his head against the headrest to settle his gaze on Killua. He wore sunglasses to drive, and the amber light they threw on his eyes made them spark an interesting shade of golden green. Gon wasn’t asking to be obstinate, he wanted to understand Killua’s reasoning. Learning what to recognize as dangerous was important, since his ultimate goal was to protect the siblings. His conversation with Ging at the world tree had made it clear to him: the journey was important, as were the people you met on those journeys. And nobody he had met was more important to Gon than Killua, so- it seemed like the only reasonable goal. And Alluka was the most important to Killua, so... Alluka too.

“Alluka,” Killua directed to his sister, tilting his head towards her without taking his eyes off the road. “Check local news.”

“Checking.” She swiped away the game she had been playing and swapped over to a news app, entering in the name of the town rather than turning on her location- something she did not and would not ever do. What she did do, however, was look up information about locations all over the continent, a few every day, so that the important searches would be drowned out by the noise.

“‘Freak thunderstorm surprises Fenshin City.’” Alluka’s eyebrow went up and she deadpanned looking at her brother. “Seriously?” Gon stared at Alluka with big, surprised eyes, and they only widened when she looked at him and wrinkled her nose. “What?”

“Nothing, nothing,” he laughed awkwardly, waving a hand in front of his face. “You just reminded me a lot of Killua there.”

She stared at him as if he was dumb. “Okay.” Killua would have actually called him dumb, so… at least in that way, Alluka was different! “Someone happened to catch it on camera while they were trying to film their cat. Let me watch it.” There was a pause, all three swaying as the car responded to all the little bumps in the road. Gon watched her face, but it remained neutral throughout her viewing. She tilted her head and watched it a second time, studiously focused on the lower edge of the frame. After a beat she sighed and collapsed back into her seat, her limp arms flopping down on either side.

Gon sat up, twisting around in his seat and looping an arm around the headrest to look at her. “So? What is it?”

Alluka grimaced. “The lightning strike that started the storm definitely came from the ground.”

“Exactly,” Killua agreed from the front seat, merging left and stepping on the gas.

“See?” Gon told Killua, turning to face forward again. “I told you you made it rain.”

“It was already going to rain,” Killua snapped back. He went to flick Gon’s forehead, but since he wasn’t looking it was easy for Gon to jerk back and avoid the hit. “I just encouraged it a little.”

“It wasn’t going to rain,” Gon disagreed softly. He knew, intrinsically, that he was right, just as he knew if a tide was going in or out from the way the water moved, just as he knew which way north was, just as he could distinguish one Kiriko from another. He also knew Killua would be stubborn about this, though, so it wasn’t worth arguing. Gon would prove it one day. He had plenty of time.

\--

Driving was a one-person job, and only one person in the car was capable of it, so Gon took advantage of his position to sleep. By the time he woke up again the noonday sun had descended most of the way down, setting the landscape alight with oranges and reds. Flat plains stretched all around them, dotted here and there with rock formations jutting up into the heavens. Gon rubbed at a wet eye, yawning. They didn’t seem to be on any road- Killua was really going straight east.

“Where are we going?”

Killua glanced at him. “Hand me the water bottle in my pack and I’ll tell you.” Killua’s voice sounded rougher than usual.

Gon looked over his shoulder, only to see that Alluka was asleep behind them, messy hair fallen across her face. He reached past her knees to Killua’s backpack behind the driver’s seat, fishing around in it for a bottle. The first one he pulled out was chocolate milk, and he held that out to Killua with a flourish and a grin. Killua took one look at it and rolled his eyes at Gon- but he took it anyway, and downed about half of it. He groaned contentedly, recapping it and handing it back to Gon to put in his bag.

Gon watched Killua with a smile. “You still eat a lot of chocolate, huh!”

“Yeah, of course.” Killua took a hard turn to avoid a looming rockface, and though for a second it felt as if the car was only on two wheels and it knocked Alluka down on her side, she slept right through it. Impressive. “Why would I stop?” The car shuddered and jerked when Killua rounded it east again.

They lapsed into silence, not that Gon minded. The rock formations’ shadows stretched like fingers across the landscape as the sun set, strayating the land in dark greys and blooming reds. Gon pressed his nose against the glass window, smiling at the view.

“Wake Alluka up, will you?”

Hm? He perked up. Killua was mostly in the shadow of the car, but the sun lit the sides of his hair orange. Gon blinked at him twice before nodding. “Ok!” He grabbed her shoulder and tried to shake her awake gently, but she slept on. Gon tried to shake her harder, and yet- snore. “Alluka!”

Shouting her name snapped her awake, and she frowned blearily at Gon, uncomprehending. Killua chuckled beside him, smirking a little. He pulled up in the shadow of a behemoth, braking suddenly. Gon was jerked forward into his seatbelt, while Alluka screeched an “Oniichan!” as she flailed, almost falling off the back seat and only stopping herself by throwing her arms around the passenger seat. Cackling, Killua pulled the car into park and got out. Alluka glared at him as he got out, slamming her hand against the glass to get his attention and sticking her tongue out at him.

“Are we camping here?” Gon asked, following him out. The air was still warm, scented with dust. Killua walked a few paces from the car and lifted his arms above his head, stretching them with a groan. Several joints in his back and arms popped. He cracked his head from side to side with a satisfied groan before shaking his body out. Gon followed suit. Meanwhile Alluka stared at them from the backseat, sticking her tongue out at Killua when he turned to her.

“Dinner time?”

Reluctantly she skulked out of the car, but Alluka’s mood shifted entirely when she turned around and saw the sunset. “Whoa!!” She spread her arms, as if accepting the dying light into herself, her wide eyes sparkling. Gon turned to find Killua leaning his hip against the car, watching Alluka with a secret smile. He really was a good brother.

Alluka rushed back to the car to grab her phone, trying vainly to snap a picture that could do the scene justice. They all turned out either too dark or too bright, never capable of quite taking in the way the light looked, but she tried anyway, beaming at the sun, until it disappeared completely under the horizon.

Meanwhile, Killua had stuck his head into the trunk, and was pulling baggies out of one of their pieces of luggage.

“We mostly just have snacks.” His voice was muffled, but not from the car. Gon came closer and saw that he had already stuck something in his mouth, and his cheek bulged out as he talked. “We’ll go shopping when we reach Sermina city.”

“Sounds good,” Gon nodded. He rarely carried food himself, choosing generally to eat it the moment he bought it or to scavenge, hunt and fish for it himself, but there didn’t seem to be much in the way of flora or fauna in this desert, so he’d settle for whatever the siblings had.

Alluka grabbed a blanket from her own bag, spreading it out on the dusty ground a few paces from the car, out of the shadow. Killua came after her with an armful of junk food, dumping it into the center of the blanket. They sat down and started to eat- Gon stared at them and the pile disbelievingly.

“That’s dinner?”

“I was planning on being in a city right now, ok?” Killua shot back snootily, throwing a balled-up wrapper at Gon’s head. The wind caught it halfway and swept it up. Gon caught it, not wanting to litter, and shoved it into his pocket. “Stop complaining and come eat.”

He did as he was told.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which boys randomly wax poetic at each other while Alluka rolls her eyes in the background


	6. Fighting x Frenzy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gon sat at the edge of the blanket, rubbing his fingers over the worn wool. It was full of grains and ground, caught between the soft fibers. The different textures told tales about the siblings’ travels- mountain rock and beach sands, sharp little burrs from forest landscapes. He smiled at the pair, their pale eyes orange in the fading light, Killua’s hair a shining beacon.

Gon sat at the edge of the blanket, rubbing his fingers over the worn wool. It was full of grains and ground, caught between the soft fibers. The different textures told tales about the siblings’ travels- mountain rock and beach sands, sharp little burrs from forest landscapes. He smiled at the pair, their pale eyes orange in the fading light, Killua’s hair a shining beacon.

“What are we eating?”

Killua gestured at the stack of snacks in the center of the blanket. “Pick whatever.”

“Okay!” Gon chirped. He reached forward for the first thing he found. Mmm, that one was chocolate, better to leave it for Killua. The next- chocolate-covered almonds. Chocolate-covered coffee beans. Chocolate-flavored nutrition bars. Gon eyes grew progressively wider as he went through the stack, and they were like twin suns when he met Killua’s gaze.

“Have you been feeding this to Alluka for four years?”

Killua’s mouth twisted. He crossed his arms over his chest, eyes narrowing into a challenging glare. “Yeah, so?”

“Killua, this much chocolate isn’t healthy for you!”

“It’s not like it’s all I feed her,” Killua snapped back. “They’re just snacks! I have a stash, okay, so what? It’s not like I don’t exercise.”

Gon tilted his head, frowning a little. “Do you?”

“What the fuck?” Killua leapt to his feet, bristling, jabbing his index finger into Gon’s forehead. “You think I’m out of shape, is that it? You wanna fight, I’ll kick your ass!”

Adrenaline flooded Gon’s body. His heartbeat thunked hard against his ribs, shaking him awake. A grin stretched across his face as he lifted himself up off the blanket, something like joy flitting in his throat. “Yeah,” he answered Killua softly, a warm glint in his amber eyes. “I do want to fight.”

Killua faltered for a second. His eyes swept over the flat planes that surrounded them, dotted here and there by a massive monolith but otherwise empty. A smirk rose to his face, but it didn’t hide the light dusting of pink over his pale cheeks. Gon was elated to see it, and he immediately backed away from Alluka and the car and into open space, keeping his eyes fixed on Killua.

Killua took his yoyos out of his pockets, depositing them carefully next to his sister. “No nen?”

“For now,” Gon chirped, feeling absolutely overcome with excitement. Fighting with Killua- whether on his team or against him- was one of his favorite things, and he couldn’t wait to find out how much his best friend had improved, how strong he was, how fast. He wanted to know if his moves were different now, he wanted to know Killua’s new fighting rhythm as intimately as his own. How else did you become so in sync with a person that you could fight together without a word?

Killua, for his part, stuck his hands in his pockets and walked towards Gon as if he were greeting him at a bus station. The tension between Killua’s shoulders seemed to have disappeared- now that he thought about it, right now was the most relaxed Gon had seen Killua since they reunited. The most sure of himself.

Killua was fifteen feet from Gon- and then he was fifteen inches, his fist heading straight for Gon’s solar plexus. Gon caught it in his palm, but the force behind the punch pushed him back several feet, the soles of his boots smoking from the friction.

Killua was full on grinning, a wild elation in his eyes, his breath puffing against Gon’s cheek. Gon smiled wolfishly in answer, his blood singing.

They flew apart.

Killua’s fists came out of his pocket entirely, squared up in front of him. He faced Gon at an angle, falling into a lower stance with the relaxed ease of a boxer. He swayed a little on the spot, ready to move in any direction. Killua’s eyes were hooded, gleaming, his mouth curved into a self-satisfied smirk. Gon’s breath caught, and for an instant the silence was pure.

Gon dropped low, and with a hard push of his feet he was rapidly closing the distance. They danced around each other, closing distance in flashes, exchanging a flurry of strikes, and ripping apart again. Killua probably hit him two or three times for every blow, but more often than not Gon’s attacks were what separated them.

They rushed together again. Killua’s upper arm flexed, and Gon jerked to the left- and right into Killua’s knee. He swung his arm up and back as he was knocked over, and his elbow smacked hard into Killua’s head. The white-haired man staggered sideways, waving his hand in front of Gon to pause the match. Killua laughed, a rough sound, catching his breath. He wiped sweat from his brow with the end of his sleeve, one corner of his mouth pulled back in a smile. He coughed, hitting his chest with a fist, and cracked his neck to the side. “Not bad.”

“You got faster!” Gon cried, grinning as widely as his face allowed. His whole body vibrated, buzzing with adrenaline. His skin prickling with the beginning of bruising. Killua had kicked him particularly hard in the knee, and it was still radiating pain.

“And you got stronger,” Killua drawled. He shook out both his arms, rolling his shoulders back. He groaned when something cracked into place, grinned, and looked at Gon from under his bangs. The last of the dying light faded from Killua’s eyes. The wind whistled past. Gon shivered. Killua’s smile looked sinister in the moonlight. “Now with nen?”

Gon straightened up, meeting Killua head on. An excited smirk curved his lips, his eyes focused on the challenge. “Yeah.”

Killua whooped with delight. “Let’s go!” Killua ran, a stream of lightning over the slate ground that skated half a mile away before shooting up a nearby rock formation in jagged leaps. Hardly one to be out-shone, Gon ran towards the same formation at full tilt. Focusing his nen in his legs and feet, he flipped in the air, landing in a crouch so low he almost hit ground, and used the stored up energy to blast upwards. In that single nen-infused leap, Gon ascended the entire vertical length of the stone spire. The rock shuddered when he landed, cracks spiderwebbing under his feet. He barely straightened up before Killua was on him again.

Killua moved so quickly even Gon’s eyes registered little more than a bright blur, and he found himself on the defensive almost immediately. He would block a kick to the ribs only to immediately fend off a chop to the throat. Sharp nails grazed his back, just enough to slice open his shirt, and when he jetted forward away from them, he saw Killua’s knee coming straight for his head. Gon bent over backwards to avoid it, planting his hands on the ground and flipping backwards.

Killua’s laughter whipped around him like wind. Blue eyes were in front of him, boring into him as Killua grinned. “Are you even trying? I’m getting bored,” he teased, before flying sideways. 

Gon was way too excited, but if anything was going to help him focus, Killua’s mocking grin was it. He lowered his stance, feeling the weight of his feet press against rock, and took a deep breath. He closed his eyes, focusing on the tingling that washed across his aura wherever it met with Killua’s electricity. He took a few blows as he adjusted, but even with the strength of Killua’s leaping kick, he didn’t budge. He took another slow breath, one that seemed to annoy Killua if the flurry of kicks to his calves and knees said anything.

His amber eyes flicked open, a wicked smirk jagged across his face, and his hands flashed out. He caught both of Killua’s wrists and yanked the young man forward. They were nose to nose. “Hi.” 

Killua planted one of his feet on Gon’s chest. “Bye!” He pushed out, using his other leg to give him enough momentum to flip backwards. Gon was forced to let him go or break his wrists, so he dropped his hold on Killua. The white-haired fighter’s flip went too far out. Gon ran to the edge of the formation, peering down into the darkness. No Killua.

Light on the edge of his vision- he turned his head and found Killua’s smug smirk, razor-sharp nails at his throat. “I win,” the young man purred.

“Nope!” Gon replied cheerfully, crashing his elbow into Killua’s nose. Killua skidded back several feet, returned to the center of the stone ring, wiping his face with his sleeve. His blood scented the wind, tangy and metallic. Gon licked the corner of his mouth, falling back into his power stance. Killua chuckled, sliding effortlessly into his own.

“Did you train in a new style, Killua?” Gon asked, his head cocked to the side.

“Maybe. Or maybe I came up with a new style.” He shrugged, acting cool.

“Killua really is amazing!” Gon grinned guilessly. Killua’s body was already flushed from the exercise, so Gon couldn’t really tell if the compliment made it any worse, but he sputtered all the same, flustered.

“Stop saying shit like that, we’re fighting right now!”

“Okay!” They met in the middle again, as always, an eternal splitting apart and coming together again that rattled the world around them. Killua came from above and Gon crossed both arms over his head to catch the foot coming straight down for him. Before Gon could get a grip, Killua flipped backwards out of his reach again. He pushed forward, leading with his fist, and when Killua jetted to the side to avoid it, Gon kicked his ankle out from under him. Killua landed in a push-up position. Gon’s fist blazing with nen, he punched down. Killua pushed with one arm so that he rolled away just before Gon made contact. The muscle-bound man’s fist drove straight into the rock. It shuddered and splintered, and suddenly the whole face of it was moving.

Gon met Killua’s eyes, both sets widening simultaneously. Killua and Gon ran together for the edge- Killua spiraled down the rock formation in moments, nothing but lightning marking his path. Gon took a flying leap, executing a couple of spins and flips for the sake of it. He landed on the ground with his hands above his head and a cheeky grin, panting from the exercise. Killua punched him lightly on the shoulder, grinning. Behind him, the top half of the butte crumbled into boulder-sized pieces, collapsing around its base in a cloud of smoke.

“Not bad,” Killua complimented.

“You’re great!” Gon replied enthusiastically. Killua huffed, waving him off, but Gon noticed that his smile didn’t diminish. They walked back to the car in a friendly silence, taking the opportunity to catch their breaths.

They found Nanika sitting on the blanket, half of the packages in the center torn open and half-emptied. Her cheeks bulged like a hamster, and she was smiling wide as she stuffed more spherical shapes into her mouth.

“Are those my coffee beans?!” Killua hissed.

Nanika’s smile dropped- chocolate-covered somethings poured out of her mouth and onto the picnic blanket. She covered her face with her hands. With a loud sigh, Killua sat next to her, patting her head. “It’s fine, Nanika,” he muttered, kissing the crown of her head. “Eat whatever you want. Go slower, though,” he corrected with a half-smile as Nanika looked up at him with tearful eyes. She chewed vigorously, more food dropping from her mouth, and swallowed with what looked like heavy effort. Shaking his head, Killua handed her a bottle of water, which she gulped down with enthusiasm. Smiling, Gon sat down across from the pair and started in on the first opened package he found. Chocolate wasn’t so bad, after a workout.

Killua like this reminded him a lot more of Killua before. Maybe it was the way he treated Nanika, petting her head and offering packages to her, handling her gently, as if she were still eleven. He swung an arm over her shoulder and when the temperature started to drop, he held her against his side. Killua handed her the water again whenever she ate too enthusiastically and started to cough.

Gon beamed when Killua met his gaze. The white-haired boy tilted his head, curious. The half-moon washed out the world, and the soft, cool light was luminous against Killua’s paleness. A frown etched slowly into his brows. “What?”

“You’re a really good brother, Killua.” Gon smiled pleasantly. 

Killua’s frown stayed fixed on his face, but his eyes were soft as they turned to Nanika, his fingers stroking down her long hair, gently detangling the knots that had formed during the drive. Granted, Killua didn’t say anything- but he also didn’t argue, instead absorbing the compliment.

Gon stared at him, a stubborn warmth spreading behind his breastbone. So progress could be made. A grin spread unbidden across his face, which he impishly hid behind a packet of wafers while Killua was distracted. He would make Killua accept that he was amazing if it took a thousand years and just as many punches to the head. One day he’d hear a thank you instead of being told to shut up. Gon was giddy just thinking about it.

\--

They ate about half the pile, Nanika asleep at his side, when Killua decided they had eaten enough. The drive to Sermina city was another day’s drive across the barren ground, and if his calculations were right they’d need half of the emergency gas tank as well as what they had to make it back to any kind of civilization. The rest would have to be their breakfast and dinner.

After wiping off as much dust and crumbs off the blanket as he could, he wrapped it around his sister and carried her into the car, where he stretched her out in the backseat. Gon shut the car door for him quietly, turning to look at him. Gon’s thick spikes were grey with dust in some places from the rock they had destroyed, a smear of it on one of his cheeks Killua hadn’t bothered to mention and which brought him a sort of sick glee. Gon really was a creature of earth. When he planted his feet, nothing moved Gon unless he willed it. This trait had only gotten stronger, if their fight said anything, and to Killua it did so, loud and clear.

It said many things more than he wanted to admit. Killua felt the throb of developing bruises on his arms and legs, echoed by a deep ache under his solar plexus when Gon had landed a solid, winding punch that had thrown him nearly off the edge of their platform. He also felt more awake than he had in years, a buzz of adrenaline even now in his ears. The excited gleam in Gon’s amber eyes had spurred him on, made him want to show off, and he had. But Gon had kept up.

Gon had smashed their tower.

Killua smirked at the thought. Gon tilted his head at him with a confused smile, blinking guilelessly. Hm. Better not inflate his ego yet. Killua smoothly introduced a new subject instead.

“I can start driving again and we’ll get there at sundown tomorrow, or we can sleep till the sun comes up. Preference?”

Gon looked at Alluka in the backseat, and across the empty plain. If he were to hazard a guess, Killua would say that Gon had a bedroll in his bag, if not an entire tent. That one was variable- Gon could make his own shelter in pretty much any environment, so it was probably a waste of space for the wilderness specialist.

“Let’s sleep.” Gon answered, then turning his head toward Killua. “I’d rather sleep on the ground though.”

Killua didn’t restrain his eye roll. Of course he did. 

“Are you going to join me?” Gon asked.

Killua’s cheeks burned immediately. He jumped like a spooked cat. “What?” he hissed.

“Are you going to join me outside,” Gon asked again, ignoring Killua’s aggressive response, “or are you sleeping in the car? ‘Cause I can open my bedroll and make it a ground blanket if you have one for on top.”

“Why don’t you use your bedroll and I use my blanket?” Killua snapped, rubbing his nose. He could feel how hot the skin was, and it made his embarrassment worse. Even in the moon’s bleaching light, he doubted Gon could miss the way his face flushed.

“It’s a desert, Killua,” Gon frowned, sure he was stating the obvious. “It’s gonna get really cold. It’s smarter to share.”

“Fine,” Killua muttered reluctantly, fighting down the urge to (loudly) argue. It would be pointless, anyway. Again- Gon was unmovable but by his own will. Stubborn jerk, more like. “I’ll get my blanket.” He shuffled to the car, ducking into the trunk to ostensibly grab the gear, hidden from view. And if it took as long to locate the thing as it did for the heat to subside from his cheeks, then- it was interesting timing. That was all.

Damnit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I verily enjoyed writing this fight I hope you enjoyed reading it! ♥️


	7. Trials x Tribulations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killua woke gradually. Sound faded in first, the whistle of wind cut by jutting stone, smell second, dust and must, and then the heat of the morning sun against his face and the whole of his left side. He turned his face away from the light with a weak grumble. Something soft tickled against his jaw. He batted at it sleepily, and his fingers sank into a nest of soft spikes. “Hm?”Tria

Killua woke gradually. Sound faded in first, the whistle of wind cut by jutting stone, smell second, dust and must, and then the heat of the morning sun against his face and the whole of his left side. He turned his face away from the light with a weak grumble. Something soft tickled against his jaw. He batted at it sleepily, and his fingers sank into a nest of soft spikes. “Hm?”

Killua blinked his bleary eyes open. It wasn’t the sun at all. At some point in the night, Killua and Gon had managed to tangle together, and now the other man was tucked up against Killua’s side, his cheek resting on Killua’s shoulder, breath puffing against his chest. One arm was thrown across him, heavy and warm, damp with night sweat. Gon had kept him warm through the night all right, but Killua couldn’t fathom how he had managed to sleep through their shift in position, especially after all the training they had endured under Biscuit Kruger.

Gon’s face was completely relaxed like this, serene; it was the quiet motionless of it that rang odd to Killua. Gon was always so animated. ...Baring his anger, come to think of it. Killua didn’t want to think of it, actually. He brushed some of Gon’s spikes away from his face, relaxing into the bedroll.

“Onii-chan.”

Killua jerked up into a sitting position, fully and abruptly awake. His eyes were wide when he met Alluka’s own blue, a furious blush burning across his cheeks. Alluka, for her part, didn’t seem impressed, nor even particularly curious about the sleeping arrangement she had caught them in. 

“I’m thirsty,” she continued unabated, “do you have the water bottle?”

“It’s-” he croaked, his voice paperly from sleep. He cleared his throat. “I think it’s in the front seat.”

“Thanks.” She wandered back to the car. Killua rubbed the sleep from his eyes, risking a glance at Gon. The other young man was wide awake now, beaming at Killua. Of course he was.

“Good morning, Killua!” Gon rose to his feet, patting his wild spikes around so that they all faced the same direction. “Did you sleep okay?”

“Fine enough,” Killua grumbled, eyeing the ball of energy. He wasn’t going to lie, but he also wasn’t going to just _tell_ Gon that he didn’t usually sleep this soundly either.

“I slept great!” Gon enthused- if anyone was in their relative vicinity, Killua didn’t doubt they would’ve heard the shout. Groaning, he put his head in his hands.

“Great,” Killua muttered sarcastically, leaning his cheek into his palm. Gon answered his irritation with a friendly smile, and wandered a few feet away. The tan man tugged off his sleeping shirt, wiping his face and chest clean with it- ostensibly, anyway, as the shirt was grey from the dust they had kicked up yesterday. Gon tossed the tank to the side and faced the sun. “Good morning, world!” He planted his feet, lowering into a slight crouch, and started a series of movements. They looked familiar to Killua, and after a few moments of scrutiny he recognized the routine as something he usually saw much older people performing in groups in the park. Alluka had dragged him over to a group of people once in Haban, several years ago: Tai Chi.

Mystified, he cocked his head as he watched Gon. When had he learned that? He hadn’t thought that the style would resonate with Gon, who was far more about brute strength and stubborn will than the bend and flow that tai chi required. Still, it was easy to see how Gon would benefit from it. Killua watched the flex and shift of muscles in Gon’s back as the other man went through the routine, moving with a fluidity and grace that seemed at odds with his massive form.

“What are you staring at~?” Alluka singsonged, giggling when Killua’s face immediately colored red.

“Nothing,” he sputtered, jumping to his feet and aggressively snatching up and folding his blanket. “I’m waiting for Gon to hurry his ass up and finish so we can go. At this rate we won’t be there till after sundown.”

“What was that about his ass?” Alluka asked, her expression betraying nothing but sweet innocence as she blinked her big eyes at him. Killua threw the blanket at her head. Her cackle assaulted him as he bent down to rezip and reroll Gon’s sleeping bag, jamming it into the trunk.

He went through the food, taking out a box of powerbars for everyone. It wasn’t much in the ways of breakfast, but since all they had to do today was sit in a car, it would have to do. The rest would do for lunch, and hopefully they’d be in Sermina in time for dinner. He ate one, handed Alluka the rest of the box, and changed his shirt, the old one sticky from sweat and grey from dust.

Gon appeared over his right shoulder as he put a new shirt on, invading his space immediately to look into the trunk for his own bag, and Killua kicked him in the shin just for that.

“Killua! You’re so mean this morning!” Gon whined, rubbing his leg.

“Don’t be a baby,” Killua answered haughtily. Gon’s shoulders and back glistened with sweat already, a thin rivulet tracing down his spine. Killua rolled his eyes. “And don’t creep up on me!”

“It’s not possible for me to creep up on Killua!” Gon answered brightly, pulling on a green tank- did Gon own anything that wasn’t either white or green? Killua scoffed, slamming the trunk shut. What did Gon called what had happened yesterday, then?

“Whatever. Get in the car, I want to leave already.”

“Okay!”

The drive was as predictably boring as it had been yesterday. Rock formations, gravelly dirt making the car shudder and jump, Gon with his long legs bent into the small space in front of him, his seat pushed back as far as possible, and Alluka stretched out on the back seat with her phone hovering over her face. Granted, Killua had gotten her a satellite phone with the longest battery life available, but honestly he was still surprised it hadn’t died. Gon was awake this time, commenting on objects of interest as they flew past them- not that Killua spotted much of anything interesting. It all looked the same to him.

They stopped for lunch in the short shadow of another stone spire when the car ran out of gas. Heat rose from the ground, distorting the horizon. Alluka tied her hair back, fanning herself with her hands. Gon mopped his brow with a spare shirt, tying it around his dark green spikes to keep some shade on his face. Killua could feel himself crisp in the sun as he poured the extra canister into the tank, accepting the water bottle in Gon’s hands with a groan. He finished it off, wiping a drop from his chin, and handed it back. They polished off the rest of the snacks and got back inside the car. Killua cranked up the air conditioning, and they sighed in bliss at the cold air blasting against their skin. For all of an hour.

And that was when the battery died.

The car gave a whining rattle, a cough, and abruptly stopped. Killua blinked at the gauges as they all dropped to zero. He rotated the key back and tried to turn it on again. The engine ticked rapidly. He tried a second time and a third, but it wouldn’t start up again.

Mutely, he got out of the car and flipped open the hood. Killua honestly didn’t know much about cars beyond how to drive them, so he didn’t know where to start, but when he touched the battery with the tips of his fingers it seared his skin almost immediately. Shaking his hand to mitigate the heat, he shut the hood and walked back to the driver’s side door, opening it and leaning in.

“I think it overheated. We’ll wait till sundown and try again.”

“What should we do in the meantime?” Alluka asked, leaning between the front seats. She looked half-asleep, her cheeks and throat flushed from heat.

“Get out of the car and get in the shade,” he ordered her. Alluka was wearing a sundress, so at least she wouldn’t overheat too quickly, but she had a delicate temperament and Killua didn’t want to chance it. There wasn’t a ton he could do right now.

Her head bobbed. She brushed wet bangs off of her forehead, crawling out of the backseat and walking to the nearest shady spot. Gon watched her before turning his attention to Killua.

Sighing, Killua swept his shirt over his forehead. “How much water do we have left?”

“I’m not sure,” Gon shrugged. “My bottle’s empty.”

“Okay. I’ll check what I have.”

“How far do we still have to go?” Gon asked softly, amber gaze tracking Alluka as she slumped against a rock face, her limbs loose about her.

“Two hundred, three hundred miles?” Killua shrugged as if it wasn’t any kind of deal, but the tension in his voice betrayed him. With a car, that distance was nothing. Without it… He leaned into the car to take the keys out and jam them into his pocket, feeling the beginning of anger boil in his veins. 

Why hadn’t he checked the car first? Asked the drivers more questions? He was supposed to be responsible. What kind of idiot drove his sister into a desert with no backup plan? Gritting his teeth, he went around the back to root around his bags, trying to find any food or drink he had overlooked. They had a three-pack of chocolate milk that wasn’t being refrigerated, two small bottles of water, and no food. So much for a restaurant dinner…

“Hey.” Gon soft voice startled him, and he looked wildly at the other young man when he felt Gon’s warm, calloused palm fold around his elbow. “It’s gonna be ok.”

Killua turned his head away from him in a harsh movement, slamming the trunk. “Believing something doesn’t make it true,” he lambasted, ripping his arm out of Gon’s grip and following Alluka. He sat next to her, keeping the bottle hidden between his folded legs. Killua had already experienced starvation and dehydration a long, long time ago. The water would be for Alluka, if she needed it. And only then.

\--

Nine hundred and ninety-eight. Nine hundred and ninety-nine. One thousand. Lowering himself to the ground from his push-up position, Gon rolled over. The sky was orange, the evening wind starting to sweep over them. The breeze felt cool against Gon’s sweat-soaked skin, and he basked in it as he regained his breath. He turned his head to look at the Zoldyck siblings. Alluka had her head in Killua’s lap, curled up on herself and breathing shallowly. Killua carded his fingers through her hair gently, staring into the distance. Killua had barely spoken in the last hours, leaving Gon to entertain himself. It wasn’t that he had any complaints- working out in the heat took a lot out of him, and he enjoyed the way his body burned with the effort- but he could tell that the ex-assassin was wrapped up in his own thoughts, and Gon doubted they were positive.

Tugging his abandoned shirt back on, Gon got to his feet and moved over to the pair. He crouched down to their level when he reached them, peering into Killua’s face. It took a moment before the other man met his eyes, lifting his chin defiantly. Saddened that Killua seemed to feel so defensive towards him, Gon lowered his gaze to Alluka. “Should we try again?”

“Sure,” Killua replied clippantly. He was gentle in removing his sister as she continued dozing, exhausted by the heat, but his manner was reserved as he walked back to the car. The engine ticked but refused to start, once, twice, three times. Killua slammed the door when he got back out, throwing the hood open again with enough force to rip one of the hinges off.

Killua’s eyes darkened and flattened, his nostrils flaring. After a trembling moment of indecision, he ripped the whole thing off the car and flung it into the desert. Stunned, Gon sped-walked to his best friend.

“Killua, it’s okay.”

Killua snarled at him to shut up. Not one to be scared away, Gon reached for the other boy, but Killua smacked his hand away. “You don’t get it,” he hissed. His eyes glinted wetly as he hunched over the car engine, his lips twisted in a furious snarl. “This is my fault.” Gon didn’t need Killua to say it to understand what he meant. If they died there… it would be Killua’s lack of preparation that killed them. That killed Alluka.

Gon’s chest felt tight. He knew that pain. He understood it intimately. But they weren’t dead yet. “Maybe the battery is just out of juice?” he asked calmly, trying to be helpful.

Killua stared at him, his expression betraying nothing but cold anger. He turned his head slowly, gazing with empty eyes at the car’s insides, and the movement reminded Gon of Illumi. Killua’s nen spiked, electricity skittering over his skin. He pressed a palm over the battery, directing his power into it. Gon held his breath, his eyes skittering between Killua’s face and hand.

Without any sign of whether it worked or not, they were forced to test the car. Gon stepped back, keeping an eye on the battery as Killua tested the key. The car revved, and started up. Gon lurched forward, a grin starting to spread- but then he noticed the thin line of black smoke coming from the battery. There was a high pitched whine, just within Gon’s range of hearing that made him flinch back, and then… The engine burst into flames.

Killua was out of the car in seconds. The flames threw dancing shadows across his face,   
lighting his pale eyes orange and red as he stared into them, his expression a blank, hard mask. Gon approached him with deliberate slowness, reaching out and resting a hand on his shoulder. “We’ll figure something out, Killua.”

The pale man smacked his arm away, turning to the trunk. He emptied it off all its contents, dispassionately dragging the bags to where Alluka lay. He threw open everything except Gon’s backpack, tossing clothes and trinkets to one side and any foodstuff or survival gear to the other. The second pile was far smaller than he had hoped. The milk had already spoiled, sitting in the hot car throughout the day, so they were left with two bottles of water, one only about three quarters full, and half a bag of chips.

“Oniichan? What’s happening?” Alluka scrubbed her eyes as she sat up, her hair in disarray. She stared at the fire first and then Killua, pulling her long legs against her chest. She worried her bottom lip.

“Pick your favorites, we’re putting everything in one bag and leaving the rest behind.” Killua picked out a single extra pair of pants, shoving it into the bottom of the bag, some nondescript underwear and a couple of t-shirts, knotting a long-sleeved shirt around his waist. He tossed the rest of the bag at Alluka, ignoring her as her gaze followed him.

After a moment of hesitation, she started reluctantly sorting through the pile. Gon saw her long fingers linger over several objects, and in the end she abandoned most of her clothes in favor of the souvenirs, cradling them each to her chest before carefully packing them away.

“Why don’t we call someone for help?” Gon asked, trailing after Killua.

“We don’t know anybody nearby. Kurapika’s the closest, and even if he didn’t have any obligations it would take him a week to even get here. We’d be dead already.” 

Gon frowned. He wasn’t sure what Killua was doing right now- it looked like the young man was mostly doing anything he could think of, trying to distract himself. “Killua, stop. Maybe I know someone, or Hunter HQ will send someone-”

“Did you forget Illumi is a hunter?” Killua hissed, his eyes cold as they turned on Gon.

“He was kicked out years ago, you know that!”

“And what about Hisoka, was he kicked out?” Killua’s tone was acidic as he shoved past Gon and back to Alluka. “You ready?” 

She sniffled as she stood up, looking tearily at her brother. Her skin still looked flushed, Gon noticed, and she moved clumsily as she tugged the stuffed backpack on. Killua turned to Gon stoically. “I’m going to use Godspeed and get us as far as I can before I run out of juice, and then I’ll wait till you catch up before I decide what to do next. Got it?”

Gon felt his face burn as he tugged his own pack on, meeting Killua’s icy glare with a stubborn petulance. Why was he being like this? Gon was just trying to help!

“Fine.”

“Good.” Despite his closed-off expression, Killua’s touch was gentle as he helped Alluka onto his back, long limbs and all. He lit up in a flash, his hair exploding in all directions, and skittered off towards the east. Gon squared his shoulders, pushing out a hard huff of air through his nose, and took off after them.


	8. Hot x or x Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gon caught up at the moon’s crux; he knew its cycle well enough to judge that he had been running for about six hours. Speed of Lightning was incredible, but also very draining. It surprised him that Killua had made it this far before his nen had run dry, but Killua hadn’t had the time to train himself up the way Gon had, focusing on little else for the last two and a half years.

Gon caught up at the moon’s crux; he knew its cycle well enough to judge that he had been running for about six hours. Speed of Lightning was incredible, but also very draining. It surprised him that Killua had made it this far before his nen had run dry, but Killua hadn’t had the time to train himself up the way Gon had, focusing on little else for the last two and a half years. 

Killua lay flat in the dust, unmoving but for the shallow rise and fall of his chest. Alluka nearby nursed one of the two bottles, taking tiny sips. She looked flushed still, her eyes glassy, although Gon wasn’t sure whether it was the run or if she was sick or if she had been crying. 

He crouched next to Killua, peering down at his face. Killua met his gaze only for a moment, something indistinguishable lurking behind his guard, and turned away, staring at the stars above them. His lips pressed together thinly, his heartbeat weak. When Gon touched his shoulder with a warm finger, Killua halfheartedly shrugged away..

“Is Alluka sick after all?” He asked softly.

“It seems like it,” came Killua’s bitter reply.

“She’s stronger than you think she is.”

“No,” Killua snapped. He propped himself up on his elbows, glaring directly at Gon. “She’s not. She’s exactly as strong as I think she is.”

“We can ask Nanika for help.”

“One: no, we can’t, her powers don’t work on herself or Alluka. Two: we don’t ask Nanika for things.”

Gon frowned, sitting back in the dirt. “If it’s a dire circumstance...”

“I said _we don’t ask Nanika for things._ ”

Killua dragged himself up, wobbling. Gon’s hand flicked out and grabbed the knot that kept the long-sleeved shirt around Killua’s waist, tugging him back down with a strong pull. Killua flailed, crashing down on Gon.

“What the hell, Gon?”

But Gon was in no mood to let Killua’s cat-like hissing and clawing detract him. They were both exhausted, Killua more than him, and they were stuck here for a bit while they recovered. Killua tried to get up, extricating his limbs from Gon, but the bigger man stubbornly wrapped his arms around Killua’s chest, holding him in place until he stopped squirming.

“Let go.”

“No.”

“Let go!” Killua hissed. His hand twisted into sharp claws, pressed threateningly against Gon’s side. Gon stared back at him, hurt that Killua would threaten him just to get away.

“We need to talk.”

“We need to move.”

“You’re being fatalistic.”

Killua snorted, a mean smirk decorating his features. “Who taught you that word?”

“Leorio,” Gon shrugged, undisturbed by Killua’s attempts to make him back off. “Why are you being mean?”

“I’m not-”

“Killua.” A small frown graced Gon’s face. His tone was soft and measured. “I’m serious.” Killua stilled against him, staring at him with open surprise. Gon slowly relaxed his hold on Killua, letting the young man sit across from him more comfortably. “I’m trying to help you,” Gon continued unabated, hurt leaking through, “why are you pushing me away?”

“I’m not-”

“ _Killua._ ”

Killua’s head lowered, hiding his face. He combed his fingers through his hair, dragging it in front of his features. Gon reached out and folded his palm around Killua’s. The pale hand was cool in his, clammy. He lowered their coiled hands between them with gentle insistence. Killua stared at the floor, his face set in a stubborn frown. It melted slowly into something quiet and defeated, his shoulders slumping. Gon cupped his free hand around Killua’s pointy chin, tilting the young man’s face up. Killua’s gaze fluttered around, looking for a safe branch, but Gon had a trapper’s patience.

“Do you have no understanding of personal space,” Killua complained, barely audible, when he finally met Gon’s eyes. His own shone in the moonlight, wet, and Gon tensed with answering anguish. It only strengthened his resolve to push the subject.

Gon frowned, tapping his thumb against the ball of Killua’s jaw before letting go. “Don’t distract me.” His hand dropped to coil around the one already trapped in his grip, loosening his grasp for a moment so that he could press one of his palms to Killua’s. “What’s wrong?”

Killua’s lower lip wobbled and Gon’s breath hitched. He stifled the tears that Killua’s face immediately brought up in his own eyes, not because someone might have called him childish for it but because he didn’t want to add to Killua’s upset. Killua struggled halfheartedly to free himself, though Gon noticed how Killua’s fingers hooked around the edge of his palm. He made a soft complaint, lowering his eyes, but Gon was quick to duck down and catch his gaze again.

“Killua?”

“I’m… an idiot.” He slid his hand from Gon’s grip suddenly, pulling his knees up to his chest and resting his forehead on it. Gon leaned forward instinctively, restraining himself from curling his arms around Killua’s form. He couldn’t not reach out, though, so he cupped his palms lightly around Killua’s ankles, hoping it felt reassuring rather than constricting.

“That’s not true. You’re leaps smarter than anyone I know.”

Killua scoffed, hidden from sight. Gon sighed, shoulders sagging. Killua had never been particularly fond of talking about his feelings, but Gon had hoped that if he learned how to ask the right questions, he could understand what went on behind those blue eyes of his. Self-deprecation wasn’t exactly the answer he had been hoping for.

Still, he’d wait. He’d wait as monstrously long as he had to for Killua to come out of that infinity shell of his.

Gon sat. He breathed to center himself, focused on the gentle in and out of his breath, slumping forward by the inch. His forehead came to rest on Killua’s white hair, still damp from Killua’s full-out run. He’d fallen into something half a trance, flagging in energy now that he wasn’t mid-exercise, when Killua finally continued.

“The first thing I do once you’re back is panic and get my sister killed. That’s not something a smart person would do.”

“It’s something a worried person would do!” Gon corrected him, whiplash fast, practically cutting off the end of Killua’s sentence. Anger leapt into his throat but he tampered it down by zeroing in on Killua’s unintended admission.

‘Once you’re back.’ If words could glow it would be them, warm where they filled up Gon’s memory. Killua could have worded that in any thousands of ways, but he had used the one that meant he measured his life the way Gon did. When they were together, when they weren’t, and when they were again. Back. Returned.

Killua’s head shifted under his. He leaned back, and their eyes met. Gon’s smile stretched from cheek to cheek, giddiness skittering under his skin.

Typically, Killua blushed and pushed away from Gon, scrubbing at a hot cheek with his wrist. “What are you smiling at now? I thought you wanted to talk.”

“I’m so glad I’m here with you, Killua, I don’t care what you say. Nobody’s going to die.”

“Idiot,” Killua spat back, kicking out at Gon with a flailing foot, “just because you think so doesn’t mean it’s true.”

“Just because you don’t think so doesn’t mean it’s NOT true!”

“Just- what?” Killua jumped to his feet, the old petulance flashing in his eyes. “Don’t just say the opposite of what I say!”

“I’m not!” Gon’s fists clenched in his lap, a stubborn pout bending his mouth. He wished Killua would take him seriously, instead of dismissing him so easily. He stared up at Killua, yearning to bridge the gap somehow but uncertain how to reach him. Killua had always been better with words, twisting and reframing them to his needs. Gon hadn’t realized how much he used that to avoid talking about the important things, dismissing them as uncool. Gon didn’t play like that. If someone helped him, he was going to say thank you, friend or no friend. Especially to Killua. “We’ll make it.”

“We have no food, practically no water, no transportation, and we’re still at least two hundred miles away from civilization.” Gon’s cheeks puffed up as Killua ripped into him. He crossed his arms over his chest defiantly, raising his chin.

“Normal humans can live for three weeks without food.”

“And three days without water, _if they’re healthy_. How fast do you think we can go, Gon? Do you happen to have an extra battery on you I can recharge my nen with? I forgot mine at home!”

Gon ground his teeth, glaring at the floor. He didn’t want to be having this fight. It wasn’t fun. He liked sparring with Killua, but verbal attacks stung him. It was the only time he felt like Killua wanted to hurt him, like that was the goal. “You can make it rain,” he muttered.

“What? This again?” Killua cracked a disbelieving laugh, jamming a hand roughly through his hair. “Are you serious?”

“I saw it happen!” Gon protested, throwing his arms wide. “I know it was you!”

“You are _delusional_!”

“No I’m not!”

\--

Killua sat next to sleeping Alluka, his legs pulled up to his chest and his cheek resting on one knee, his eyes closed. He played at sleep, his breathing slow and shallow, motionless. Was it an attempt to rest his body and recharge his nen faster, or to ignore Gon? Guilt twisted in his gut, curling up with his shame. The car’s breakdown had thrown him entirely off-kilter, extinguishing the excitement of an unplanned adventure with Gon and replacing it only with the dread of failure. He’d done the first thing he’d thought of instead of analyzing their situation, plunged them directly into no man’s land with nary a thought for bolstering their supplies, and gotten them trapped in the middle of a burning sea that made Alluka sick. Short of breaking his promise to his sister about using her powers, he couldn’t think of a way out of the situation. And focusing was- difficult, with the static that sounded remarkably like Illumi’s cold purr whispering weakness in his inner ear.

A warm, broad hand grazed his elbow. “Hey, Killua?” Gon’s spoke sotto voce; Killua could feel the warmth of his breath against his cheek. He cracked an eye open, knowing it would be useless to pretend sleep. They had undergone the same training, after all. “Let’s keep going, ok? We should go as far as we can before it gets too hot.” He stared at him wordlessly. Gon bumped their foreheads together lightly before standing up, brushing dust from his knees. “I’ll carry Alluka, you take her bag, okay?”

Killua felt inexplicably bereft as Gon slipped out of his space again, gently waking Alluka to let him know they were moving before lifting her off the ground as if she were nothing, cradling her against his chest. Killua stared at them for a beat or two before scrambling to get their backpacks. The sight of them like that squeezed something tight in his chest, a jumble of disharmonious feelings swarming him. When had Gon become so measured? Had Gon grown up, when Killua felt like all he’d done was age?

He stared into the horizon, a tired anxiety lodged in his throat. He hadn’t realized how raw and worn down being constantly on the run with Alluka had made him feel. A part of him had kept steady thinking that it was temporary, and his subconscious had latched onto the idea that maybe their reunion would be the end of it, would erase the constant fear that his brother would reappear and snatch Alluka up in his talons, twist her into the tool he had always wanted. But it hadn’t, and the thread that had been holding him in place… wasn’t there anymore.

“Killua?” Gon looked at him over his shoulder, his face shadowed, “are you ready?”

He nodded, and they ran.

\--

They didn’t pause until the sun crested the horizon. They were both sweaty, shaking messes, but Gon could confidently say that they had cut their distance by 50 miles. He lifted his head to catch the last of the night breeze before the heat would start cutting in, smiling against the wind. That left them with, what, around three times that? Once Killua’s nen had completely recharged- nightfall should be sufficient, the enhancer guessed- they could easily cover that in a night. Nothing to it!

He carefully set Alluka down against the southern side of a rock formation. She mumbled indistinctly, slumping sideways. Killua appeared beside them immediately, shedding the backpacks and slipping one under Alluka’s head as a pillow. He made sure she was as comfortable as possible before slumping to the ground himself, untying the shirt around his waist to rub it over his sweaty neck and throat.

“Here,” Gon told him softly. He held half of a nut bar to Killua, who stared at uncomprehendingly. “It’s all I have left, too.” Killua took the piece, folding his fingers around it reverently. He twisted the wrapper back over what was left, tucking it into his pocket. Gon imagined the trained assassin knew he could make it out without food, and so was saving the piece for Alluka. Gon didn’t much like that decision. Trained or not, the amount of running they were doing meant they were burning a lot of calories. Was Killua eating enough generally? The pile of chocolate-covered treats hadn’t exactly inspired confidence.

“Why don’t you sleep?” Gon sighed eventually. “I’ll keep watch.”

Killua didn’t look up but he did slowly slump sideways until he lay curled up next to Alluka. Gon took it as assent, sitting in the shade with them, back straight and eyes fixed on the horizon as he leaned on the stone pillar.

As the sun climbed into the sky above them, the heat coming from the ground distorted the lines away from him. The farthest stone structures looked like willowy creatures dancing in the sun, twisting this way and that in the mirage water.

“Gon?”

He turned his head at the husky, cracked voice. Alluka frowned at him, a sheen in her wet eyes. She blinked several times, a hand rubbing at her flushed cheeks, and her lips pulled into a smile. “When did you get here?”

Before Gon could answer, Killua had already sat up, holding their last bottle of water to Alluka’s lips until she finished it all. “What’s wrong, brother?” She asked him with a confused smile, patting his flattened hair. “Gon’s here now, everything’s gonna be A-ok! Right Gon?”

“Right!” Gon nodded firmly, smiling and taking her hand. She was sicker than he thought. Killua stared at the ground, trying to hide his sadness from his sister no doubt. Gon didn’t like the defeated slump of his shoulders.

“Why is Killua sad?” Alluka asked him with a pout, tangling her long black hair into further knots as she squirmed on the ground to peer at him.

“He’s worried about you.”

“About me? Why?”

“It’s a bit too hot out here for you and we don’t have any more water.”

“Oh.” She nibbled on her lips, squirming. Maybe she was trying to sit up? Whatever she was trying to do, she gave it up quickly, flopping her limbs out like a starfish. “Look, maybe it’s gonna rain!”

Gon looked up at the sky. A few clouds drifted above them, thin and wispy. Perhaps they would make it across the landscape to a more verdant area where they would grow fat and heavy before pouring out their contents over the greenery, or maybe they would dissipate completely in the blazing sun, but one thing was certain: without help, there would be no rain on this plain today. Gon peeked at Killua, but the young man’s distant expression told him very little.

“Maybe,” Gon agreed with a painted-on smile. Killua broke the half-bar he had received earlier into small pieces, offering them to Alluka one at a time until she started to struggle swallowing the dry goods. 

They were quiet as she went back to sleep, insisting that they each hold onto one of her hands. ‘To take away the sadness,’ she had said, smiling, as she drifted off. Her touch was dry and hot, too hot.

Gon watched Killua retreat into himself, his heart thumping heavy and slow in his chest. Patiently, he reached across the distance, knotting their free hands together so that they completed the triangle. Killua didn’t return the grip, but neither did he pull from it, his pale, elegant fingers a noticeable contrast to Gon’s calloused, square palm.

“We just have to make it through today.”

“I’m not sure she can.” Killua’s voice was papery, quiet.

“I am.” Gon squeezed his hand, trying to catch Killua’s gaze, but the man was watching Alluka’s face with single-minded intensity, looking for every hint that her condition might be changing in any direction. “I’m sure.”

But Killua wasn’t listening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter before we finish the first arc! Killua you sad bug let Gon help you @_@


	9. Falling x on my x Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alluka took a turn for the worse as the shadows stretched east. Her long, thin limbs trembled in the heat, her skin growing clammy and cold. Her voice cracked when she called out for her brother and she whimpered as he pulled her against his chest. “Hurts,” she whispered into his shirt. Killua swallowed down a sharp sound, coiling around her. What could they do? She needed water. She needed medical attention, shade, cool air. And what did he have? A portion of his nen, enough to get her halfway, maybe, but certainly not out of the desert. Not in time.

Alluka took a turn for the worse as the shadows stretched east. Her long, thin limbs trembled in the heat, her skin growing clammy and cold. Her voice cracked when she called out for her brother and she whimpered as he pulled her against his chest. “Hurts,” she whispered into his shirt. Killua swallowed down a sharp sound, coiling around her. What could they do? She needed water. She needed medical attention, shade, cool air. And what did he have? A portion of his nen, enough to get her halfway, maybe, but certainly not out of the desert. Not in time.

“Killua.” Gon crouched nearby, a smear of dust painting three lines across his left cheek. Hadn’t he been climbing the rocks to get a better view?

“What?” Too drained to snap, his question sounded tired and hollow, barely focused. Gon’s expression echoed the sentiment, but it vanished quickly as Gon steeled himself, a stubborn light entering his eyes. Killua sighed, preemptively exhausted.

“The clouds are getting bigger. Maybe you can-”

“For the fiftieth time, Gon,” he grumbled, shaking his head. “I can’t-”

“You can! I saw you!”

“It was a coincidence.”

“It wasn’t a coincidence! You started it! Even Alluka said so!”

“Lightning always looks like it’s coming from the ground,” Killua sneered. “It’s a point of contact thing. I don’t expect you to understand how grounding works.”

Gon’s eyes flashed before narrowing at him. A muscle in Gon’s jaw flexed and jumped. “Maybe I’m not smart like you, but at least I try!”

Gon’s words ignited anger in Killua’s chest, radiating out through his limbs, eating up Killua’s fear and self-hate as fuel until it roared alive in every part of him. He propped Alluka up against the rock structure carefully, his blue eyes hard and flat as he straightened to his full height, unimpressive as it was next to Gon. “You think I don’t try?”

His body relaxed as his anger rose- it knew fighting intimately, and the burn of adrenaline stopped his hands shaking more effectively than anything else. The blankness in his face would’ve convinced any stranger that he was as cold-blooded as Illumi, eager simply for the chance to slice blood and flesh from his opponent with his nails and teeth. “You think I’ve been slacking for four years, wanderlusting my boredom away?” He walked towards Gon, baring his teeth in a twisted mimicky of a smile.

Gon frowned, his hands fisting at his sides. “I never said that.”

“You implied it.”

“You keep putting words in my mouth!”

“You don’t have any interesting words to put there yourself, someone’s got to do it!”

Gon’s expression slammed closed. His fists shook at his side, uncertain what to target but needing to punch something. Killua could see the muscles in his legs bunch and quiver too, taut with the control Gon exerted to keep himself still. His walk towards Killua was slow, every movement carefully deliberate. Nen whipped around Gon like wind, coming up from his feet and creating a whirlwind of restrained force around him.

Killua took a step back as Gon approached, his eyes widening, but before he could decide whether or not to move the other man’s hand flashed out, wrapping around the collar of his shirt and pulling him off the ground, up close to Gon’s face until they were nose to nose. The tip of Killua’s toes brushed the ground, but it would be impossible for him to get any leverage there. He grabbed Gon’s wrist, but when he tried to bend the man’s pinky back to force him into letting go, Gon shook him hard. For a moment they stared at each other, but then Gon dropped his gaze for a second, and when he looked up again his eyes were different- searching. Gentle.

“I’m sorry you’re scared.” Gon’s soft words felt jarring in the sharp-edged moment, a tender, cool touch on a hot, throbbing bruise. Gon set him down gently, though he didn’t drop his grip. “I want to help you, I wish you’d stop pushing me away.”

Killua could feel his pulse roar in his throat. He batted at Gon’s hand, stumbling back when the fingers uncurled from his collar. His legs shook under him, traitorous things. “You can’t help me now,” Killua muttered, voice hoarse.

“I’m trying! You won’t listen to me!” Gon implored. Gon matched every step Killua took in an attempt to give him space, and with his size it make Killua feel crowded and winded. The sun beat down on them unforgivingly. His skin felt crisp and tight, like he didn’t have the room to breathe.

“Gon it’s a fantasy!”

“It’s not. It’s not!” Gon really was still just a kid! He was so _convinced_ , all the time. Who still thought that whatever they believed was true? Hadn’t the world kicked him in the face enough? Hadn’t he nearly died? Hadn’t _they_ nearly died, hadn’t they lost each other, hadn’t they-? “I _know_ you can do it, Killua! You’re amazing, you never believed how amazing you were. You are!”

Killua shook his head hard. “You’re easily impressed.” He sneered to himself, his nails digging into his palms, hidden in his pockets. Gon had always been wowed by every little thing, always so interested in what Killua could do that he couldn’t, always so _positive_ that everything would turn out until the moment it all fell to pieces. And then, chaos. And then, loss. And then, nothingness. And then. Death.

Gon slipped closer, his broad, heavy hands resting on Killua’s shoulders. Their weight alone anchored him in place. He had to lean his head back to meet Gon’s gaze. The man’s golden eyes felt as if they slit him open and exposed his insides. “I wish you could see what I see,” Gon told him softly. He brushed Killua’s bangs out of his face with such a careful tenderness Killua felt something vibrate and break inside him.

Killua gritted his teeth as unbidden tears sprung to his eyes, stubbornly willing himself to reabsorb them, unblinking, to clear them away before shedding a single one. The hot air helped, there. “You’re seeing what you want to see,” he bit out, his voice shaking.

Gon stared at him with such a depth of sadness Killua had to rip himself away, unwilling to find out what would happen if he allowed himself to drop his guard and respond honestly. “Killua.”

He stopped on the spot, his head bent down, his hair in his face. Gon’s fingers burned against his left elbow. “You’re amazing.” Gon’s voice was throaty, full.

Killua shook his head again, ashamed.

“You’re so strong.”

“Stop it.” He said it so softly he wasn’t sure Gon could even hear him.

“You’ve been taking care of Alluka for so long by yourself. You’re incredible.”

“Stop,” he commanded, embarrassed by how weak he sounded. His fists shook at his sides, a low buzz in his ears. The air felt like it trembled around them, unforgivably hot, roasting them from the inside out.

“You’re so powerful, Killua. Nothing can stop you but yourself.”

“Stop it!” He whirled around and lashed out, sharp claws flashing out across the space between them. For a split second all he could see was Gon’s eyes, shimmering wet with pain. His shirt fluttered in the heat, three seams torn into the white fabric. Beads of blood welled from beneath them, coloring the torn edges red. Gon’s face was open to him, his eyes and mouth soft with sorrow. Gon’s chin trembled, but he forced his pout into a smile when he reached for Killua again.

“You’re amazing,” he repeated again, his eyes searching, as if somewhere inside Killua there was something that could respond with something else, anything but this defeated denial. Gon had never- never understood what Killua really was. Never. It was all- it was all a child’s fantasy, a delusion. Because Killua had always tried to be _more_ , around Gon. Gon made him more. And without Gon, he was just- just Killua. A tool that had broken itself until it wasn’t useful anymore.

He shook his head, electricity buzzing between his shoulder blades. He felt like a raw nerve, like the slightest touch would set him off, and here Gon was, still coming, _coming closer_ , and he wasn’t sure he could handle it, was _sure_ he couldn’t, he didn’t want to be like this, didn’t want anyone to see him like this, most of all _Gon_ , didn’t want- couldn’t- wasn’t-

Gon touched his elbow again and he smacked the hand away. “I said stop it!” He screamed. His nen formed a bubble around him and flashed out, exploding outwards protectively. Gon arms crossed in front of his body defensively, the electricity scorching the earth around his feet.

A rumble answered them from the sky, so loud it rattled his ribs. Gon looked up above them, then at Killua. Their eyes met. Something wet splashed Killua’s temple. A drop fell on his hand. Gon’s mouth stretched into a grin. Killua swayed on the spot, static buzzing in his brain.

Rain crashed down on them, thin hard droplets that sizzled when they hit the rocky ground. It poured down hard and fast over them, even though the sun stretched on land a mere dozen feet from them. Dazed, Killua stumbled, but before he could hit the ground Gon rocketed up to him, laughing, his arms wrapped around Killua’s torso. Gon hugged Killua to him, whooping and spinning him around. “You did it!” He shouted right in Killua’s ear. “I knew you could do it! You did it!”

Killua shivered, staring into nothing. Gon’s nose pressed into his hair above his ear, the man’s excited laugh puffing against Killua’s temple. Gon’s arms were solid around him, a protective barrier. Without them, he would probably have collapsed to the ground. Killua wrapped trembling arms around Gon’s neck, burying his face into the enhancer’s chest. Without realizing it, he had started to cry. 

\--

Letting Killua go at that moment took great effort from Gon. Despite how much he held and touched Alluka, Killua wasn’t often like that with Gon, and having the shaking boy in his arms was… nice. Nicer than he expected.

But they had different priorities right now.

The moment they separated Gon ran to his bag, pulling out a rain parka. He slid his fishing pole (for who was Gon without his father’s fishing pole?) out of its straps, knotting the parka’s corners around the wooden rod and twisting a knot into the neck hole. Soon, the makeshift container grew heavy and round with water- none too soon, for within minutes the storm dissipated, the sky now entirely devoid of clouds.

Killua sat cross-legged where Gon had left him, staring into the sun with a distant expression. Wet and confused, Alluka wrung out her long hair, tying it into braids as she went. Gon crouched by her, gathering the empty water bottles and dunking them into the water until they were each as filled as they could get before carefully pouring the remaining trickle out into his own mouth.

Killua rejoined them, holding a bottle up and wrinkling his nose at the sediment drifting inside it. “Not exactly clean, is it?” He scoffed, handing it over to Alluka. Aside from a hoarseness to his voice, he seemed back to normal. Gon asked himself what ‘normal’ was like with Killua, though. Reevaluating based on this current adventure, it seemed that a lot more went on under the surface than Gon had expected. For him it had been so easy, when they were kids together. Searching for Ging and having fun had been his main two goals, and, at least internally, it didn’t get all that complicated beyond that. Killua had always been an interesting, complex mystery, but it seemed that he had underestimated the scope of it.

Killua sat next to Alluka in the shade, cupping his palm around the back of her neck to test her temperature. Gon observed that her skin was still flushed and that her eyes seemed glassy, but she was actively responsive and didn’t seem too confused, so if you asked him she’d be just fine. Killua clearly wasn’t convinced, watching her critically as she drank.

“How’s your nen, Killua?”

Killua peered at Gon over his shoulder, tipping his head to the side. “We should wait for the sun to go down anyway. It’s too hot right now.” The sun had already evaporated all the water on the ground, returning the black earth to its dusty red-grey, and even sitting in the shade their clothes were already mostly dry, except for where their hair soaked into their collars. Alluka seemed particularly happy about this, draping her braided hair around her throat and shoulders to cool off. Killua fanned her with his hand, his eyes unfocused. Fair enough. 

Gon found fighting with Killua tiring too- well, not sparring, that woke him up, but- hrm. He flopped down close to Alluka and Killua’s feet, wadding the poncho into a ball and shoving it under his head. “Let’s take a nap, then!”

“I feel like all I’ve done is nap,” Alluka pouted, but it gave way immediately to a cheeky grin. She crawled forward to Gon, stretching out at a perpendicular angle to him. She rolled over onto her back, using Gon’s stomach as a pillow, and reached out for Killua. “Come nap with us, oniichan!”

Killua regarded them both with narrowed eyes, fanning himself where he leaned against the rock. “I’ll nap over here, thanks,” he replied acerbically, rolling his eyes. 

Alluka, unbothered, shrugged. “Whatever!” she giggled. “I’ll just keep my comfy pillow all to myself!” Gon grinned, patting her shoulder. She held his hand, propping herself up to flash Gon a smile before slumping back down and worming into a more comfortable position.

Gon fell asleep pretty quickly, despite the heat.

\--

Gon dozed on and off the rest of the day. Alluka was never awake when he was, so he didn’t move much. Killua didn’t seem to be awake, but it was possible he was just trying to recharge, or that he was ignoring Gon to avoid talking about what had happened- to avoid talking altogether, maybe.

Killua moved in his sleep, though, and at one point in late afternoon Gon woke up to Killua having moved from the rock to their little pile. He had curled into a ball so that he touched neither Alluka or Gon, but fit into the space where their hands both splayed. Gon fought the urge to run his fingers through Killua’s fluffy air-dried hair, knowing it would wake him. Going back to sleep that time was more difficult.

The next time he woke it was from Alluka’s weight leaving his. He opened his eyes to find Killua silhouetted by the last of the sun’s rays, his hands jammed into his pockets as he leaned over Gon, staring down at him.

“Ready to go?”

He scrubbed dust and dried mucus from his eyes, sitting up with a jaw-cracking yawn, and grabbed his parka, shoving it into his nearby pack. “Ready. You take Alluka and I’ll catch up with the bags?”

Killua nodded. Beside him, Alluka shed her backpack and gave it to Gon, smiling as she thanked him for his hard work. They really were sun and moon, those two. Who had Alluka gotten that from? The rest of the Zoldyck family was- ugh. He wasn’t even going to touch that.

“See you soon!” Alluka told him, her words a little slurred- from sleep, he hoped. Killua flared with white light, his hair standing on end, arcs of blue electricity flicking from his skin to Alluka’s. She shivered and giggled. “Bye Gon!”

They vanished into the horizon, an arc of lightning marking their path. Half-smiling, Gon tugged on the last bag and ran after them.

The sun started to peek over the horizon just as he reached Sermina city. Following Killua’s scent was easy enough, and he found the young man sitting on a bench outside of a clinic, his arms crossed over his chest, petulantly kicking at a rock.

Confused, Gon shed all the bags at Killua’s feet, sitting down next to him.

“Is Alluka ok?”

“She’s going to be fine,” Killua muttered unhappily, frowning at the floor.

“That’s great!” Gon exclaimed, a broad smile lighting up his tired, dirt-streaked face.

Killua shrugged, as if the news meant nothing to him.

“What’s wrong?” Gon prodded curiously, shifting down the bench so that their shoulders touched.

Killua groaned, his head dropping back on the bench so that his face tilted up to the dawn air.

“Gon!”

Gon jumped to his feet. He ran for the clinic door, flinging his arms around the tall figure that had just come out of the clinic.

“Leorio!”

Behind them, Killua covered his grimace with his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have reached the end of the Desert Arc! (Or if you prefer, the "Killua thinks he's not the person Gon thinks his is but is proven wrong arc) Congrats everyone!
> 
> Now it's time for the "Interlude with Leorio" Hope you wanted this ;P


	10. City x Living

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leorio, Killua and Gon crowded together into a booth at the back of a 24-hour diner, Leorio’s pristine lab coat crumpled in the corner as he rolled up his sleeves. Gon’s knees knocked against Killua’s, the enhancer squeezed in between his friend and the window.
> 
> “I thought you were in Swardani,” Killua interrogated Leorio, his eyes narrowed suspiciously on the doctor.
> 
> “I live there,” Leorio answered with a casual shrug, pushing his glasses up his face, “but I was in Peijin for the Peace Accord so when Gon texted me I got on an airship and came right over!” Leorio started to shove food into his mouth the moment his meal arrived. Gon did the same, and the combined sight of the two hunters shoving everything into their mouths made Killua rethink his pancakes. But they did have chocolate chips in them, so.

Leorio, Killua and Gon crowded together into a booth at the back of a 24-hour diner, Leorio’s pristine lab coat crumpled in the corner as he rolled up his sleeves. Gon’s knees knocked against Killua’s, the enhancer squeezed in between his friend and the window.

“I thought you were in Swardani,” Killua interrogated Leorio, his eyes narrowed suspiciously on the doctor.

“I live there,” Leorio answered with a casual shrug, pushing his glasses up his face, “but I was in Peijin for the Peace Accord so when Gon texted me I got on an airship and came right over!” Leorio started to shove food into his mouth the moment his meal arrived. Gon did the same, and the combined sight of the two hunters shoving everything into their mouths made Killua rethink his pancakes. But they did have chocolate chips in them, so.

He shifted his suspicious gaze to Gon, pointing his fork at him. “You what now?”

“I sent everyone a text asking if any of them were near us! I know you said Kurapika was the closest, but everyone moves around so much, I thought I’d check!”

There was silence as Killua took this in, looking between the two. Leorio valiantly Refused To Involve Himself, much too busy chewing his eggs to possibly comment. Gon simply watched him with a guileless look on his face as he ate, waiting for the inevitable question.

“...Who exactly is ‘everyone’?”

“Oh, you know…” Gon stared at the ceiling as he thought about it, touching the cool tip of his fork against his mouth. “Leorio, Kurapika, Zushi, Bisky, Wing-san, Palm, Kite, Morau, Shoot, Knuckle…” he frowned, tapping the metal against his lips again, “oh and Melereon!”

“What?!” His outburst was loud enough to quiet the restaurant for several uncomfortable beats. Killua flicked Gon hard on the forehead. “Why don’t you a light a giant beacon that says ‘Killua is here’ while you’re at it?”

“Ahh, Killua, it’s not that bad!” Gon whined, swatting Killua’s hands away.

“It is that bad!” Killua scoffed loudly, prodding Gon in the sides.

“You’re overreacting,” Leorio butted in, aggressively shoving his foot between the two boys under the table and trying to separate them. Killua kicked his leg.

“Shut up, old man!”

Leorio slammed his palm down on the diner table, jutting forward into their space, an angry vein throbbing in his forehead. “I’m still in my twenties you little brat!”

“You look eighty!” Killua spat back, standing up. They both leaned across the table, noses practically touching

“Why you little-”

Gon laughter defused their fight, and the two of them sank back down to their seats, watching him. “It’s just like the old days,” he beamed, spearing an egg with his fork. Killua muttered something indistinct, sulking as Leorio joined Gon’s laugh.

A phone slid across the table. Killua blinked at it, cocking an eyebrow at Leorio. The lanky doctor gestured at the screen, so Killua read the message written.

‘There’s a festival in Sermina!!,’ it read, ‘Any1 going this year????? It’s only 1 or 2 days….. Hopefully I won’t get sick at the same time!’

Killua frowned at it. He stared at Leorio. Stared at the phone. No clarity came to him. “So?”

“So that’s what Gon sent everyone.”

Killua harrumphed immediately, crossing his arms and slumping back into the squeaky vinyl. “What’s your point?” But try as he might, he couldn’t help the encroaching flush of shame, color filling his cheeks as his overreaction was made obvious. Since when did Gon text in code, anyway?

“It means that Gon has people with him, that someone is sick, and that they’d be in Sermina in a day or two.”

“Yeah,” Killua grumbled, pushing his pancakes around their plate, cutting them into pieces with his fork but not really eating them. “I got that, _thanks_.”

“So maybe you should back off.”

“Maybe you should shut up!” Gon stifled laugh stopped him from engaging further. Killua started to eat. Despite having not eaten in several days, he found it surprisingly difficult to take anything in. He didn’t like that Alluka was alone at the clinic, and every second they were parted made something in the depth of him grow- fear or panic or- something dark. He couldn’t get the edge off, and Leorio being himself wasn’t exactly helping.

Gon took over the conversation while Killua forced himself to eat, clearly far less troubled by their current situation. Come to it, ‘far less troubled than the situation called for’ was a pretty good rule of thumb where Gon was concerned.

“How did you know where we’d be?” Gon asked Leorio with a bright smile, excited to discover how a fancy trick had been done.

Leorio smiled smugly, looking impressed with himself. “Oh, it wasn’t hard. Sermina’s barely more than a town, there’s only one 24 hour clinic. I was really surprised to see Killua and Alluka though!”

“How _is_ Alluka doing?” Gon asked Leorio. Killua hadn’t had a chance to fill him in. Leorio had immediately insisted that they all get breakfast without Gon ever setting foot inside the clinic. And how had the Zodiac even been allowed to use the facilities professionally? Leorio’s meteoric rise in the Hunter ranks still didn’t make any sense to Killua. Didn’t anyone realize the man was an idiot? Well-meaning or not. Pff.

“She’s pretty badly dehydrated and honestly her nutrition is kind of awful.” Killua glared menacingly at Leorio, who ignored him completely. “She probably looked a lot worse than she was,” he continued, blissfully oblivious to Killua’s malevolent wishes, “but she definitely suffered heat exhaustion, so it’s good you got her to the clinic anyway. They have her on an IV, but she’ll probably be discharged by tonight.”

“That’s great!” Gon smiled. “See?” He told Killua, patting him on the knee, “she’s going to be just fine thanks to you, Killua!”

Uncomfortable, Killua speared more food onto his fork, jamming it into his mouth so he’d have an excuse not to talk. Under the table, Gon’s hand rested there, just below the edge of his shorts, burning on bare skin. Even though nobody could see it, and even though they were pushed together leg to leg, the touch was so clearly deliberate it inflamed Killua’s face. He choked on his food awkwardly, hitting his own chest hard with his fist to dislodge the bit of pancake stuck in his throat. Gon’s hand moved to slap his back, before settling on the table-top. Killua’s pulse failed to slow down, though, and he had trouble focusing through the rest of the conversation.

\--

Killua didn’t want to leave Alluka in the clinic by herself for long, but Gon managed to convince him that they should get a hotel room to drop off all their stuff first before going back to see her. Killua had more or less run out of money, and didn’t have enough cash to cover the room, but Leorio offered to share his suite with them instead, something Killua… really didn’t want to do.

Honestly, Gon wasn’t sure why Killua was so resistant to it. Leorio was one of their oldest friends, and though the two often fought he always thought it was affectionate. They had strong personalities, that was all. Killua now was significantly more closed off than the Killua he remembered, though... but maybe that was just because they weren’t used to each other yet! Killua probably didn’t want to be open about his negative emotions around Alluka, since he didn’t want her to be sad, and maybe it was just a habit he’d fallen into too strongly.

They ended up sharing with Leorio anyway. The Zodiac doctor had snagged the penthouse suite at the top of the tallest hotel in Sermina. It wasn’t impressive compared to the YorkNew skyline, but it had a wonderful view of the city’s business district and the desert that stretched beyond it. Gon pressed his nose against the glass, grinning at the view.

“If I were standing here when you were running down there, Killua, do you think I could’ve seen you?”

“Let’s hope no one was looking,” Killua grouched behind him, checking the couches in the living room space to see if any of them were pullouts. Two out of three of them were. Gon wandered back, sitting cross legged on one of the couches Killua had already inspected. He pulled off his shirt, spreading the damaged bit over his palm. He _could_ repair it, but it seemed pointless. He’d just get a new one. The scratches on his chest had basically healed already, sealed with a thin crust of dried blood.

“Are you going to take a hunter job?”

“That’s the plan,” Killua answered from the second bedroom. “I was going to drop Alluka off with Ikalgo and Palm first.”

“Really?” Gon abandoned his torn shirt on the couch, following the sound of Killua’s voice. He stood in the doorway, watching him inspect the latches on each window. “I thought you and Alluka always stayed together.”

“It depends on the job. Sometimes they’re too dangerous.”

“Do you always leave her with Palm?”

Killua sighed, annoyed. Gon wasn’t sure why. “Usually. Alluka likes swimming, so…”

Gon frowned, tilting his head. It seemed like a non sequitur, but maybe he just didn’t understand the situation well. He hadn’t seen Palm in years, even though he texted her every once in a while. It was true she was a fish and Ikalgo was an octopus, so maybe he meant they lived in water.

Anyway. It would be nice to see them again!

Killua faced Gon, his hands pushed into his pocket. Gon saw his gaze linger on the red scratches across his chest, but Killua met his eyes without saying anything about them. “You can sleep in here, Alluka and I will take the living room.”

“Are you sure? Maybe she’d like some privacy after everything.”

Killua scowled, bumping his shoulder into Gon’s as he strolled out of the room. “Don’t question me.”

“Okay,” Gon sighed, following him out again.

“I’m going to go see Alluka now. You can come with me or stay here with Leorio.” Gon’s gaze shifted to the master bedroom section of the suite. Leorio’s offkey singing drifted in from the bathroom.

“I should probably wash too,” Gon answered after a moment of thought. 

“Suit yourself,” Killua grumbled, stuffing his wallet and keycard into his pockets. He fished through Alluka’s backpack for something, stealthily slipping it into palm before Gon could see what it was. Without preamble, Killua left, shutting the door behind him in a way that felt weirdly final.

Gon tilted his head at the pile of their things. Odd. He hurried to the door, throwing it open and peeking out down the hallway. “Killua, your phone!”

“Forget it,” the young man called back without turning around, stepping into the elevator. “I don’t need it. It’s dead, anyway.” Killua slammed his hand against the row of buttons, and the doors shut behind him. Biting his lip, Gon leaned back inside.

\--

Killua stepped out into the sunshine, tilting his head up to look at the blue sky, his hands stuffed into his pockets. A bus rumbled past him, stopping against the sidewalk. A trio of giggling schoolgirls spilled out, skirts swishing. His eyes lingered on them a moment, barely focused, and one turned to the others with a high pitched giggle, glancing back at him as she pulled her two friends down the street. He rolled his eyes, shrugging them off as he turned in the other direction and strolled towards the clinic.

The unfamiliar streets drifted by with a muted sameness. Cities, towns, they all felt the same after a while, blurring together into a long line of ‘not home.’ Not that Killua’s family house was much of a home, either. The closest he’d gotten to understanding the concept emotionally was probably the time he went to Whale Island with Gon… because it had been Gon’s home, and seeing the way it affected Gon showed him how it might feel to have one. Like you were… safe, maybe. Chewing on the inside of his cheek, Killua retreated internally, falling back on automatic to focus on his senses. He scanned for threats actively, his eyes flat and unfocused as he walked.  
People turned out of his way, stopping behind mailboxes and lighting poles to let him pass. He rolled his shoulders back, feeling them crack. His face slipped into a relaxed neutral, totally blank, his stance shifting into a long, elegant curve, ready to spring. Killua focused on En, slowly expanding his range as he walked, taking in the details at the edge and immediately dismissing about them if they were deemed unthreatening. His grandfather was a master of En, and Killua intended to show him up at it. One day. He didn’t have anywhere the range, but he more than made up for it in stamina. Hey, they hadn’t tortured him for nothing!

Killua scoffed, chuckling darkly. The person walking towards him huddled the wall, resolutely looking at their own feet.

Mysteriously, not a stray pedestrian bumped into Killua on his whole walk to the clinic. What a remarkably polite neighborhood. He flipped on his ‘nice young man’ routine just before crossing in front of the clinic’s windows, the light coming back into his eyes as a friendly smile formed.

“Hi, how are you?” Killua greeted the receptionist. He leaned on the counter with one hand, nodding at her answer- in one ear out the other who cared- “Can I go see my sister?”

“Of course, young man!” she said immediately, remembering him from earlier, apparently.

“Thanks!” He knocked twice on the desk, and waved her a cheery goodbye as he strolled past. Killua relaxed into a bored slouch the moment he cleared her line of sight, scanning the hallway visually. He turned into the third room on the right.

Alluka was awake, frowning at the ceiling. “Here.” He leaned into her field of vision, dangling a black box and cord above her.

“Thank you!” She beamed, reaching out to grab his ears and pull him down to smack a kiss on his forehead.

“Gross,” he whined, scrubbing at his forehead with his sleeve. Alluka giggled.

She fished under her blanket and came up with her phone. He noticed it had a new tassel. Leorio’s doing, most likely. “Hey can you plug me in,” she asked, “I can’t get out of bed.”

“Why,” Killua teased, snatching up the phone. “Too lazy?”

He plugged it into the first outlet he found, guessing that it was for something her condition didn’t require. As far as he could tell, it was really just a monitor and a drip of some kind. Whatever the doctor had prescribed.

“Ha ha.” Alluka rolled her eyes at him in a surprisingly aggressive manner, something for which he likely had only himself to blame. 

Killua sat close to the head of the bed, twisting around to smile down at her, stroking her hair. “How do you feel?”

“Thirsty.” She shrugged. “Ok. Fine. You?”

Killua’s mouth twisted. He scratched the back of his head, his gaze dropping to the sheets. Alluka grabbed his wrist and he shivered, clearing his throat. “You scared me there, sis.” It was a whisper, if anything, but Alluka was keen on it, smiling warmly when he answered.

“You scare me all the time,” Alluka shot back, poking him in the ribs. He stuck his tongue out and she laughed, delighted always with him somehow. “Where’s Gon?” she asked, glancing past him to the door.

“With Leorio,” he shrugged, apologetic. He snorted, thinking of Gon, in all his tall and broad glory, pressing his nose against the glass, almost identical to the boy Killua had brought to Heaven’s Arena. “Starting at the horizon, as always.”

“Instead of you, you mean?”

“What?” Killua squeaked. His cheeks filled with color instantly, and he frantically covered his face, glaring at her through his fingers. “What is that supposed to mean?”

Alluka poked him in the forehead- that one was definitely his own doing- sticking her tongue out at him. “That’s what you always say when you’re complaining about Gon. ‘He’s always looking at the horizon’ blah blah blah. You’re so needy.”

“ _What_?” he gulped. Was he pink down to his toes? “Where is this _coming_ from?”

“Oniichan. Focus.” Her nail pressed harder into his forehead. She pushed herself up a little so that their foreheads came close, her eyes piercingly fastened on him. “When you were kids Gon’s ‘horizon’ or whatever was meeting Ging, right?”

Confused (and feeling a little bullied, which only furthered his state), Killua shrugged helplessly. “Yes?” He agreed, dreading the direction the conversation seemed to be taking. He went to lean back but Alluka grabbed his collar, pulling him back in close.

“Ok, so what’s the new thing he’s been training for?”

Killua gulped. Alluka was starting to smile, but not in a way that made Killua feel at all comfortable. It was her ‘I’m smarter than you’ smile.

“Ehhhh, come on oniichan,” she teased slyly, abruptly reminding him that she wasn’t a fragile 11-year-old girl any longer, “you know the answer.”

He mumbled something, still red, pressing his long sleeves against his cheeks and willing his heartbeat to slow down. Her eyebrows arched, and she poked him in the side with her free hand. “To travel with us.”

“With who?”

“To travel with us,” he frowned at her, focused.

“With who, _oniichan_?” She repeated loudly, prodding him aggressively.

He batted at her hold but she just shook his collar, sticking her tongue out at him, unimpressed.

“With both of us.”

“Yeah right. So is he going to hang out at Palm’s with me while you work or…” She trailed off, holding her hand out, waiting for Killua to fill in the blanks.

“He’s a Hunter too, he’s allowed to take the job.” Alluka groaned so loudly at his excuse that he felt another spike of heat in his cheeks, his shoulders coming up around his ears defensively.

“Point made,” Alluka shrugged, letting him go and flopping back down into her pillows. “All I’m saying is- _you’re_ his horizon now, okay? So just like…” she waved a hand above her face vaguely. “Don’t be stupid, okay?”

Killua hid his face in his hands, shaking his head. What was happening? What even was _happening_?

“Are you listening to me?” Alluka prodded him sharply in the ribs, harrumphing and crossing her arms when he met her eyes. “You’re really dumb sometimes, you know that?”

He was silent for a long time, staring at Alluka. Where did she _get_ it? What Zoldyck could she possibly learned empathy from? “Yeah…” he chuckled, a little shaken, surprised by the wetness in his throat when he tried to swallow. “I guess I am.”

Alluka’s face mirrored his own, her eyebrows drawn together and her lips downturned. She squeezed his hand, twisting her mouth into a reassuring smile, even though her eyes still echoed his own. “People love you, onii-chan. Maybe one day you’ll realize.”

His chin trembled. Killua bit down on his lip, dropping his head down to his chest. His bangs hid his eyes. Alluka, a soft, natural smile gracing her features, ruffled her fingers through his white hair.


	11. Shopping x Late Nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leorio and Gon showed up at the clinic an hour and change later with a box of fruit-laden pastries. Alluka was propped up into a sitting position by the pillows shoved up behind her, playing games on her phone. Killua sat in the chair by her bed, his eyes closed, his feet crossed at the ankle as his legs stretched out in front of him, his hands curled and relaxed in his lap. His eyes flicked open the moment the door shut behind Leorio, and he sat forward, unfolding himself.
> 
> “Hi,” Gon greeted, shoving breakfast under Killua’s nose. The Zoldyck plucked an apple tart out of the box, squinting at it and sniffing it once before accepting it and taking a bite. Next to him, Alluka selected something with cherries, happily devouring it in only a few bites.

Leorio and Gon showed up at the clinic an hour and change later with a box of fruit-laden pastries. Alluka was propped up into a sitting position by the pillows shoved up behind her, playing games on her phone. Killua sat in the chair by her bed, his eyes closed, his feet crossed at the ankle as his legs stretched out in front of him, his hands curled and relaxed in his lap. His eyes flicked open the moment the door shut behind Leorio, and he sat forward, unfolding himself.

“Hi,” Gon greeted, shoving breakfast under Killua’s nose. The Zoldyck plucked an apple tart out of the box, squinting at it and sniffing it once before accepting it and taking a bite. Next to him, Alluka selected something with cherries, happily devouring it in only a few bites.

“Am I good?” She asked Leorio excitedly, rubbing at the spot where the IV sank under her skin.

“Not yet, but soon!” Leorio promised, thrusting a thumbs up towards her. “But I do have a gift for you!”

“Another one?” she giggled, touching the little bird charm on her phone. Leorio winked and dangled a piece of paper in front of her face. Killua snatched it, planting his palm on Leorio’s face and pushing him back away from Alluka. She laughed delightedly. “Thank you Leorio!”

“You are very welcome, little lady!” His hands on his hips, Leorio guffawed loudly, clearly pleased with himself. Killua rolled his eyes, shoving the script into his pocket.

“What is it?” Gon asked Killua, perching on the edge of the bed, close enough that their knees knocked.

“It’s for my hormones,” Alluka answered herself, knowing that Killua would feel awkward about divulging the information and wanting to skip Gon feeling bad that he wasn’t apparently trustworthy. Killua could be really weird about stuff sometimes.

“Oh.” Gon tilted his head, frowning. He turned his head to look at Alluka, scratching his cheek. “I thought you were already a girl.”

“She _is_ a girl,” Killua snorted, rolling his eyes.

“No sorry I meant…” Gon laughed awkwardly, turning an apologetic smile on Alluka. “You always smelled like a girl, if that makes sense?”

Alluka blinked at him- a huge smile lit up her face and she leaned over to hug Gon with one arm- the one that didn’t have a tube attached to it- hooking her chin on Gon’s shoulder.

“Gon is so niiiiice~”

“Oh!” Gon beamed, patting the girl’s head. “Hi Nanika!”

“Hi~”

Killua scoffed loudly but he still reached out to stroke his fingers through her hair in greeting, tickling her nose with the ends of a long lock.

“Bored,” Nanika complained, draping herself on Gon with a downturned mouth. “Wanna go.”

“We can go,” Killua told her, standing up. He zoned in on Leorio, his eyes narrowing threateningly. “Can’t we?”

Leorio glared back. He stiffened, jabbing his finger towards Killua, steaming up. Just on the edge of a lecture, he looked over to Gon’s cocked head and Nanika’s pout and deflated on the spot. He harrumphed, planting his fists on his hips. “Fine, but I’m putting you on a nutrition plan and Gon’s gonna help me.” He reached out and planted a hand on Gon’s shoulder, shaking him back and forth. “Right Gon?” 

“...Right,” Gon laughed awkwardly, scratching his cheek. He turned his head to avoid Killua’s killer glare, gulping. “Yep.”

He had been immediately on board with the idea, obviously, but Leorio making a thing of it made it awkward, and Gon… was already waiting for Killua to ask him which side he was on. Which. _Sigh_.

Nanika echoed the sentiment, emitting a low and continuous groan.

“Okay I’ll get the nurse already, geez!” Leorio complained, flailing his long legs about as he walked dramatically out of the room. Killua didn’t bother waiting, removing his sister’s IV himself and detaching her from the monitors. The nurse almost dropped Alluka’s clothes in shock when she walked in, and Leorio and Gon found themselves playing situation diffuser while Killua ignored her and helped Nanika get her dress on over the gown they had given her. She shed said gown with a patter of feet, swooping her hands down the front of her skirt and turning a wide black grin on everyone. The nurse’s face changed color again, and she swooned into Leorio, who caught her with an awkward yelp.

Killua smirked, amused at the circus, and led Nanika out.

\--

“So Leorio’s the primary physician for both of you?”

“Yeah,” Killua shrugged, pouting, “who else could I pick?” He swiped his keycard through the suite’s lock, but Alluka forced her way past him before he could enter.

“Oh, I get my own room!” Alluka squealed with glee, throwing her bag into the second bedroom. “This never happens!”

Killua gesticulated his disapproval, following her into the darkened room. “No, Gon’s sleeping in here, you’re in the living room with me.”

“As if,” she disagreed, flopping a wide bell sleeve in his face, “you can sleep in the living room with Gon, I’m getting my own room.” She smiled and wrapped an arm around her shorter brother, wheeling him around and back to the doorway. “You can enjoy the horizon together.” She beamed at him sunnily and threw him out of the room, slamming the door behind him. “I’m changing!”

Killua jumped to his feet and faced the closed door, angrily working through several responses but saying exactly none of them. He huffed suddenly, turning his nose up and strolling away towards the kitchenette. Gon watched him tie up half of his hair with one of the black bands around his wrist, tugging it off the nape of his neck but not really keeping it out of his eyes. Gon blinked at the sight, before turning his head towards Alluka’s door. He stuffed the second half of the pastry he had been eating into his mouth. 

Killua poured himself a glass of water from the sink, and when he straightened to drink their eyes met. Gon held his gaze as he chewed, cocking his head to the side. Killua didn’t seem to be wanting his attention, just watching. Gon swallowed, swiping his tongue over his teeth once before smiling. “So, what are we doing next? Hanging out here a bit, or-”

“Alluka gave up most of her clothes, so she’ll probably want to go shopping once she’s dressed.”

“Too right,” Alluka said from behind them. She wore a simple, knee-length dress imprinted with large pineapples and bright yellow sandals. Gon turned his smile on her, his hands on his hips.

“You look very cute, Alluka!”

“Thanks Gon! I like your green shorts.”

“Thanks Alluka!” 

They high-fived, turning twin smiles on Killua. The (ex)assassin hesitated, feeling definitely put on the spot but not entirely sure why. He finished his water and set the glass down in slow, jerky movements. “Um? What?” 

“So are we going shopping or what?”

“You’ll have to ask Leorio. We’re out of money, remember? Necessary expenses only.”

“Let’s go shopping!” Leorio strutted in from the master bedroom, dressed down- relatively- in a summery suit and a skinny tie.

Killua rolled his eyes and suppressed a loud groan at the man’s dramatic entrance. Alluka giggled, clapping her hands together and bouncing on the spot. 

“I’ll pay you back when I get paid for the next job,” Killua sighed, refilling the water glass halfway and draining it all at once. 

“My treat,” Leorio purred, waving off the responsibility. “A token of my admiration for the lovely miss Zoldyck.” He took Alluka’s hand and bent from the waist to kiss her fingers.

“Do you want me to puke?” Killua complained, wetting his fingers to flick water at Leorio.

A few droplets hit Leorio’s shoulder, darkening the cream-colored fabric, and Leorio jumped. “Why you little-!” He stormed over, grabbing Killua’s ear and pulling him down towards the sink, turning the faucet up to high. Killua planted his hand in Leorio’s face and shoved him away. They awkwardly tangled together and collapsed behind the counter.

Alluka and Gon’s laughter accompanied them as they dragged themselves back up to standing.

\--

Most of Killua’s time and attention was absorbed safeguarding Alluka (and becoming her packmule), giving Gon ample opportunity to observe the young man. He hadn’t had much luck catching Killua unguarded as they crossed the desert, and if he watched Killua too long the Zoldyck tended to protest. His gaze kept floating back to the nape of Killua’s neck, as if the bare skin magnetized his attention. There was something interesting coiled around the curve of his first thoracic vertebrae, a mysterious shadow he wanted to investigate.

“Gon, come take some of this.” Killua called at him from under a massive pile of clothes, flushed and exasperated.

Gon’s pensive expression shifted seamlessly into a broad smile, and he helpfully plucked a good portion of garments from the pile and draped them across his long arms. Killua muttered something about fairness that Gon chose to let go, struggling back to his feet and rearranging the rest of the pile into something manageable.

“She’s turned into a monster,” Killua complained, his cheeks puffed as he inspected a pair of bright pink scalloped shorts.

“I wonder where she got that from,” Gon answered pluckily, turning his head forward towards the dressing rooms and deliberately ignoring the narrow-eyed glare Killua shot him. “Are these all yesses?”

“No way.” Killua struggled up to the bench next to the dressing room corridor’s entrance. He dropped the clothes in his arms at his feet uncaringly and sat down. “She just likes to go through the whole store and then monopolize a dressing room.”

Gon tilted his head and looked over to Killua with a slight frown, coming to sit next to him. “I thought you weren’t allowed to do that?”

Killua’s mouth flattened. He heaved a sigh, gesturing with his hand at the doctor chatting up the dressing room attendant, his booming laugh making the clothes behind her vibrate. “Leorio tips very well,” he explained dryly, clearly annoyed with the whole thing.

“Does it make you feel inadequate?” Gon asked, smiling without judgement.

Killua crossed his arms tightly against his chest, huffing loudly and turning his nose up. “As if!”

Laughing, Gon leaned back, sinking into the bench. As he slumped down further, his legs collapsed outward, and if his left calf happened to pressed against Killua’s from knee to ankle, then- Killua didn’t move away, either.

\--

Gon was very surprised to find that, after shopping all day and being treated to a very fancy dinner by a salivating Leorio, he was ready to relax and do nothing. Who would have thought that running around from shop to shop carrying Alluka’s choices and listening to Killua and Leorio’s banter/fighting would be as exhausting as battle? He barely wanted to pull out the couches, perfectly fine with sleeping on them as is, but Killua insisted aggressively. His mood seemed to have deteriorated if anything, and he had never reminded Gon so strongly of a spitting cat in a loooong time.

Gon smiled at the image, rolling over in his nest of covers to peer at Killua on the other couch. The white-haired man looked over at the movement, snorting. “You look like a caterpillar.”

Gon beamed at him, wiggling around to try and make Killua laugh. He won half a smile, Killua propping his head up on his fist. The building was tall enough that the light pollution gave their view an orange haze but didn’t light up the room. Gon was perfectly adapted to see in the dark, but it made the shadows that cut across Killua’s face starker. Or maybe his features were sharper now, and Gon just hadn’t taken the time to notice yet. Gon pulled his arms out of the tangled blankets, pushing them down his torso. “So what have you been up to?” Gon asked. Killua shrugged with one shoulder, his lashes dipping down to cover his eyes as he inspected his pillow, plucking a ball of fuzz off of it with his nails.

“Traveling with Alluka about covers it.”

Gon sighed quietly, scrubbing at his hair. It wasn’t that he expected Killua to come out and tell him everything that had happened. Considering how dismissive the Zoldyck always tended to be, yes, Gon had expected to work for details, but he still felt miffed by Killua’s reticence to offer any information at all.

“Did you fight anyone interesting?”

Killua scoffed, eyeing Gon before shaking his head and flopping down on his bed. “The point was to avoid fights, dumbass.”

Gon shrugged, tracing the line of Killua’s nose with his eyes. “Did you meet anyone interesting? What about those people Alluka is texting?”

Killua’s face twisted into something akin to unhappy disgust. Gon saw the sulk underneath, a small smile curving his mouth. Cute. Killua was so cute, always pretending he disapproved of everything even though he was usually just jealous. Eventually Killua just scoffed loudly, folding his arms behind his pillow. “They’re just a group of teenagers we met at a hostel. They don’t even know her real name, so. Are they really friends?”

“I don’t think knowing someone’s name is the thing that matters,” Gon chuckled, relaxing down until he was stretched in a long line along the edge of the pullout bed closest to Killua. “Did you meet anyone interesting?”

Frowning, Killua flicked a glance in Gon’s direction. Gon’s face gave away nothing but curiosity, his smile open and guileless as he watched Killua. He held Killua’s gaze unwaveringly, amused by the suspicion in Killua’s blue eyes. “Why?”

Gon wiggled his legs, still trapped in the cocoon of sheets, and his grin broadened. “Just wondering!”

“Well, I didn’t,” Killua scoffed, turning his attention to the ceiling. His mouth pulled taught. Gon thought it looked like Killua was trying to figure out how to ask something, so he waited. Killua slept in a sleeveless shirt, and his muscle definition was nothing to laugh about. It was clear that Killua hadn’t let himself off the hook with exercise while taking care of Alluka, but Gon found it interesting how compact Killua’s strength was, whereas his own definitely showed in his bulk. In his long sleeves, Killua looked about as threatening as any other 18-year-old on the street. If only they knew.

“Did you meet anyone interesting, Gon?”

Killua’s gaze remained resolutely fixed on the ceiling. Gon propped himself up a bit, hoping that shifting his vantage point would give him a better look at Killua’s expression. It didn’t. The man’s face was carefully schooled so that Gon couldn’t get a read on it without their eyes meeting.

“I guess,” he answered. “Nobody special comes to mind.”

“You guess, huh?” Killua propped himself up on his elbows suddenly. He turned his head over his shoulder to smirk at Gon. Gon felt the beginning of a pout forming, a little dismayed at the sudden appearance of what he judged to be Killua’s mean streak. “So you met too many interesting people, huh? Did you start up your whirlwind of summer dates again?”

“No.” Gon frowned at him, untwisting and kicking off the sheets as he sat up. The carpet tickled his bare feet, and he rubbed the balls of his feet on the soft fuzz.

“No, huh?” Killua dragged his words out, and Gon wasn’t sure if the other boy was teasing him or trying to make him angry, but either way it didn’t feel very nice. “I’m surprised. Don’t girls go wild for boys like you?” he chuckled darkly, ignoring Gon’s narrowed eyes.

“I guess.” It wasn’t that he hadn’t been asked, but part of Gon’s training had been to learn when to do things because people asked, and when to do things because he wanted to. And dating… well, it was one of the things you were supposed to do because you wanted to, right? And he hadn’t wanted to date anybody he’d met. However- that didn’t mean Gon didn’t have ammunition of his own, since Killua was so set on making a big deal of the whole thing. He shrugged, flinging his arms out. “I’ve kissed people if that’s what you mean.”

A ringing silence answered him, Killua staring at him with a dumbfounded expression. The white-haired man dropped back down on his bed suddenly, staring at the ceiling again. “...Oh. Like…” Killua’s pink tongue flashed out to lick his bottom lip. He scratched at his ear with the hand closest to Gon, which hid most of his expression. “Anyone I know?”

Gon shrugged placidly. “Zushi.”

“Zushi?!” Killua yelped loudly, sitting up fast. He slapped a hand over his mouth, wide, horrified eyes moving to the two closed bedroom doors. Neither Leorio nor Alluka came out of their rooms, so Killua’s zing-straight posture slumped a little, one foot dangling off the bed as he gesticulated in Gon’s direction, his mouth open and closing. “You kissed _Zushi_?” he hissed, incredulous, pink staining his cheeks. “Why?”

Gon shrugged again, carelessly. It really honestly wasn’t much of a deal. At all. He’d said it to annoy Killua, because Killua was annoying him, but it didn’t mean anything. “He had this crazy crush on another one of Wing-san’s students and he was really worried he was going to mess things up by being bad at kissing so I helped him out.”

Killua looked like he wanted to yell at Gon, but he wasn’t sure why. Gon tilted his head, waiting to see what would happen. Eventually, Killua groaned loudly, flopping backwards on the bed, his arms spread on either side of him as he lay sideways. “I’m probably going to regret asking this,” he complained dryly, “but... how... was it?”

Even from here, Gon could see the blush inflaming Killua’s face. Ah, at last, a show of weakness. His smile was fond as he scraped his toes on the carpet, rubbing his thumb on the sheets. “Fine, I guess.” He watched Killua carefully as he spoke, gripping the edge of the mattress. His heartbeat picked up, the rush of blood in his ears getting louder. “I hear it’s better with someone you actually like.”

He stared hard, willing Killua to meet his gaze, but if the other boy caught the meaning of the pointed comment, he didn’t concede it. Gon waited anyway, hoping that he could catch a stray glance. Instead, Killua got up, turning his back on Gon to pad to the kitchenette and pour himself a glass of water. “That’s nice,” he said in a strangely squeaky voice, facing away still as he drained the glass.

Gon sighed, feeling strangely aggravated. “What about you?” He asked, maybe a little surprised himself by the evenness of his tone. “Have you kissed anyone?”

“No,” Killua snorted immediately, shaking his head and brushing his hair back with a sweep of his wrist, refilling the glass a second time. The desert must’ve been worse than Gon thought for Killua, he hadn’t seen the boy drink this much water in a day… well, ever. “Who would I have kissed?”

Gon shrugged again, not once taking his eyes away from Killua’s shape in the darkness. “You can kiss me if you want.”

Killua choked immediately on the water he was drinking. He coughed and sputtered, his face beet-red, and ducked his head into the sink. A smile twisted Gon’s lips unbidden when Killua popped back up, his eyes watery as he wiped his nose and mouth. “What the hell, Gon! You can’t just say things like that!”

“Why not?” He chirped, his smile brightened by affection. “I like you!”

Killua seemed to miss that pointed comment too. Gon hoped that it was his emotion-shy nature, and not disinterest, but in all honesty he had realized a few years ago that a lot of the time he didn’t really understand how Killua felt about things, not really. Killua complained, loudly, but not often sincerely.

“Yeah? Well- what if I don’t like you?”

Gon’s smile fell. He dropped his gaze to his knees, immediately locking away the wave of sadness that threatened to knock him down. He felt his eyes sting, so he turned his head away. “You don’t have to kiss me if you don’t want to.” He lay back down, pulling the sheets up to his chest and rolling over so that his back faced Killua. He pushed his cheek into the pillow.

He didn’t hear Killua move, but he could feel the burn of the man’s gaze on his back. Too bad. He didn’t feel like talking anymore.

After several minutes of resounding silence, Killua carefully sat at the edge of Gon’s bed. Stubborn, Gon refused to roll over and look at him. “...Gon?”

“What?”

“What’s-” Killua’s voice was exceedingly soft in the darkness, strangely hesitant. The urge to look at him, to try and decode his thoughts by posture and expression, was strong, but the bitterness of his rejection kept Gon in place. “What’s next for you?”

Gon frowned, confused by the question. “What do you mean?”

“You found Ging. You found me and Alluka. What’s next?”

“Next?” he echoed quizzically, frowning at the closed bedroom doors as if they might offer answers. “I guess next I’m dropping Alluka off with Palm and going on a hunt with you?” He hadn’t really planned anything beyond going wherever Killua and Alluka went. Was that odd? He didn’t recall Killua having a goal any more complex than finding adventure when they were kids, apparently happy to simply help Gon find Ging.

“O-oh.” The thin tremble in Killua’s voice twisted something in Gon’s chest. He twisted around to catch the young man’s expression. The unguarded look in Killua’s eyes shocked warmth into Gon’s body, exploding out of his chest and all the way down to his toes. “O-kay.” Killua blinked, rubbing his knuckles against his red cheeks shyly. Mystified, his heart rattling in his chest, Gon reached out to curl his fingers around Killua’s fist, drawing it away from his face. Blue eyes met his amber own, half-hidden behind Killua’s bangs.

Spooked, Killua leapt to his feet. “Anywayweshouldgetsomesleep” he rushed out in one breath, cringing in embarrassment. Killua climbed into his own bed, pulling the covers over his head so that only tufts of white stuck out. Mystified, Gon blinked at the mass under the blankets.

“...Okay.”

He wasn’t entirely sure what had just happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so my original plan was for them to kiss here, but then Killua happened.


	12. Alluka x Takes x Charge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sleep did not come easy to Killua that night. He replayed his conversation with Gon over and over, rotating and reexamining it, and more and more came to the same two conclusions. One: he was an idiot of magnificent proportion. Two: Alluka clearly had a better grasp of what was happening than he did.

Sleep did not come easy to Killua that night. He replayed his conversation with Gon over and over, rotating and reexamining it, and more and more came to the same two conclusions. One: he was an idiot of magnificent proportion. Two: Alluka clearly had a better grasp of what was happening than he did.

He gave up on getting any reasonable amount of sleep when the sun peered over the horizon, getting up and padding barefoot to Alluka’s room. He rapped his knuckles on the door twice before peeking in. Alluka squinted at him, her face squished into the pillow, dazed-looking. “Onii-chan?” He slid inside, shutting the door behind him, and came closer. Killua sat on the floor, his back leaning against the bed by Alluka’s torso. She patted at his shoulder, uncoordinated, yawning into the pillow. “What’s up?”

He picked dirt out of his nails, his mouth twisting.

“ _Oniichan_.” Alluka’s chipped nails prodded at the skin of his neck.

“What do you want for breakfast?” Killua asked after a few moments. He leaned his head back to peer at Alluka. She sat up, straightening her sleeping gown. She yawned another jaw-cracking yawn, blinking the wetness from her eyes.

“I don’t care.” Killua’s upside-down face blinked owlishly at her. Alluka started to undo the braids in her hair, preferring it loose except when she slept, curiously inspecting Killua. She guessed he hadn’t slept much simply because he was already agitated this early on in the day, since Killua hardly needed regular sleep. A glance at the clock had her sighing, wanting to flop back down and pull the covers over he head. “You didn’t wake me up at 5 am for my breakfast order.”

Killua’s mouth formed into a pout immediately. Alluka knew that her older brother never had a real chance to be a normal kid, that the closest he had gotten was spending time with Gon, but even then they hadn’t exactly been doing kids’ stuff, and that their parents’ insane ideas of how to raise children had something to do with Killua’s issues handling feelings. Killua was an excellent brother, though, and she knew he did his utmost to be honest with her, even when he knew it made him look bad, or weak. She loved him for many reasons, and that was one of them, but he made it a lot of work sometimes when it was something he felt strongly about. Something like Gon.

“What happened last night?” What else could it be?

Killua groaned. He flopped down on her floor, starfishing as he stared at her ceiling. She leaned over the edge of the bed to peer at him, her eyebrows going up. Killua hemmed and hawed, his face growing red as he tried to think of a way to circumnavigate the question. He puffed his cheeks out, and Alluka reached down to squish his face, deflating them. “Well?”

“Gon offered to let me kiss him,” he muttered, slapping a hand over his eyes. Alluka grinned, bouncing on her knees once before sliding off the bed and coming to sit next to Killua. She patted his messy hair.

“So? Did you kiss him?”

“No,” Killua groaned, dragging his hand over his face. Oh no. She knew that look.

“What did you do?” She asked trepidatiously, not entirely convinced she wanted to know the answer. In fact, she was pretty sure she didn’t. Killua grimaced when their eyes met, as if he was expecting her to get mad at him. Which. He wasn’t entirely wrong in thinking it- it might very well happen.

“I… er….” Killua squirmed nervously, sitting cross legged. Though he was facing her he didn’t actually look at her, turning his face towards her window. From their position on the floor all they could see was clear sky, still a little orange. Nothing interesting.

She slapped both hands onto his cheeks, forcing him to look at her as she pushed their foreheads together with a scary smile. “Oniichan, what did you _do_?” That was a guilty face if she ever saw one. Her eyes narrowed. She pinched his cheeks, daring him not to answer. He swatted her away, his face and throat painted red with shame.

Cringing, he answered in one breath. “I said maybe I didn’t like him.”

“You…. what?” Dumbfounded, Alluka stared at him. She flattened her hands over her own cheeks, dragging them down the pale skin. _He what?_ Of all the self-destructive stupid things that Killua had done in her presence, all the things he took on himself when he didn’t have to, all the weird shortcuts he took to avoid interacting with his feelings, he _what_? Gon was literally the only crush she could recall Killua having. They had known each other for two years, had parted for four, and Gon was still on Killua’s mind nearly constantly. When they were shopping, she always caught him rolling his eyes at bright green clothes, or staring at the kinds of trinkets he’d never get himself, thoughtful. When they were in the woods she caught Killua staring up at the tall trees, half-smiling. Her brother was a lot of fantastic things, but sometimes he was also a grade A _moron_.

“I panicked,” he squeaked, leaning away from her look of horror.

“I’ll say,” she replied, aghast, her head bobbing. “You know what I think? I think you owe me and Gon the best breakfast you can find.” She prodded Killua hard in the side with her nails. “I’ll see if I can fix this.”

“Fix?” Killua pouted, rubbing at his cheek. “Nothing’s broken.”

“Your brain is broken,” Alluka shot bad dryly, flicking him in the forehead. “Now get out.”

“Geez, fine,” he muttered, his shoulders slumped as he got up and shoved his hands into his pocket. “I’ll get breakfast.”

Alluka rolled her eyes at him and shoved him out the door, shutting it resolutely behind him. What a mess he had made.

\--

Alluka came out into the main room of the hotel suite after an extensive grooming session in the bathroom, emerging with a refreshed sigh. She had mulled Killua’s problem over as the hot water pinked her pale skin, resolving to take a sideways approach. It wouldn’t do for Gon and Killua to communicate exclusively through her, after all. They had to learn how to do it themselves. She would definitely assist in damage control though. Gon’s tendency to spear right into the heart of a problem was certainly admirable, but not the best tactic to handle Killua, who had been created in a land of survival by subterfuge.

She found the living room had been cleaned up already, the beds turned back into couches, and Gon doing a handstand a few inches away from the wall. Correction, Gon doing handstand pushups. She blinked at him, using a towel to squeeze water from her long hair. “Good morning.”

Gon gave a mighty push, flipping right-side up. “Morning,” he smiled, threading his hand through his hair to get his spikes standing in more or less the same direction. “Hm, where’s Killua?” Gon blinked, smothering a yawn. “I thought he was with you.”

“I sent him to get breakfast. To be honest, it might take a while,” she sat cross-legged on a couch facing the view.

“Why?” Gon flopped down next to her, wiping sweat from his forehead with his shirt.

She shrugged, smiling at him apologetically. “He seemed upset this morning.” Innocently. “Did something happen last night?”

Gon stared at his hands, flexing his fingers and stretching them back. He nibbled on his lip, and Alluka gently prodded him with her elbow. His eyes met hers, his gaze open and honest. Gon was such an opposite of Killua, it was almost a wonder that they got along at all. She could see what had pulled them together, though. How had Killua put it? Gon lit up everything around him?

“Nothing special,” Gon sighed, his lip wobbling. “We just talked.”

“Well, he was definitely upset about something!” Alluka insisted. “But you know Killua…” she sighed, leaning her head against Gon’s wide shoulder, watching a bird soar past the window. “He didn’t really tell me what. He’s not really good with being honest about his feelings. That’s how he protects himself.” She shrugged, casual. Was that enough of a hint, or what? “I think it’s his panic mode. Fight or flight, right?” Killua was definitely an escape and try again later kind of person. Or, at least he was that person without Gon, dragging her across the map at the least whisper of Illumi’s shadow.

“Hmmm” was Gon’s thoughtful answer. Knowing he couldn’t see her, Alluka rolled her eyes. Ah well. Gon’s honesty would save the day… eventually. If Killua didn’t self-destruct first.

“...So what did you talk about?”

Gon shrugged, letting Alluka grab his arm and snake her own around it, resettling more comfortably against his side. “What we got up to while we were separated, I guess.”

“Oh.” Alluka hooked her chin on Gon’s shoulder, meeting his eyes when he turned his head to look at her. “Did he find out you have a girlfriend or something?”

Gon blinked at her, tilting his head. “No.” 

She shrugged, patting his arm. “Oh, okay. That’s good.”

“Why would you think that was it?” Gon wondered, confounded.

“I’m just guessing,” Alluka answered carelessly. She, unlike Killua, lied for deliberate reasons, instead of out of sheer idiot instinct. “Based on what I know would upset him.”

“...Why would that upset him?” Gon asked distantly, staring out the window. Alluka was surprised by the tender hurt in Gon’s voice. On second thought, she should have expected it. Killua had more or less rejected Gon (panicky bitch that he was) but she was used to the young man’s cheeriness. She hadn’t really had the opportunity to experience Gon in a negative state.

“Um…” Alluka laughed a fake nervous laugh, giving her hair one last rub with the towel before tossing it at the coffee table. She missed, and it flopped down onto the carpet. “I probably shouldn’t be the one to tell you that.”

Gon stared at her quizzically. She beamed, patting him on the shoulder.

“Oh, hey, before Killua comes back, can I let you into my master plan? You’d be very helpful.”

“Your master plan?” Gon echoed wonderingly. Grinning, she shifted down the couch a little so she could turn and face him completely, her hands on her knees.

“Yeah, I’m gonna need your help with Operation Get Killua To Accept Compliments Like A Normal Person!”

Gon lit up immediately. His smile echoed her, a mischievous giggle escaping his mouth as he turned, imitating her posture. “I’m in!”

“Yes!” She high-fived him, laughing. _No way she was going to let Killua fuck this thing with Gon up._

\--

Breakfast was nice, and loud, thanks to Leorio waking up. He managed not to wander out of the master suite nude, thankfully. Leorio had to return to the Peace Accord and the rest of them were due for a train ride - this time courtesy their hunter licenses - north towards Palm and Ikalgo.

Killua groaned when he realized they hadn’t bought new luggage for Alluka’s renewed collection of clothes, and she sent the two men on a mission to find every pillowcase in the suite. Leorio would have paid for her luggage anyway, she reasoned, so they weren’t stealing. They were going to pay him back anyway, so it didn’t much matter.

They had their own compartment. Killua, as usual, sat down in the least lit corner, propped his feet up on the seat opposite him, crossed his ankles, crossed his arms, leaned his head against the wall- and zoned out, eyes closed. She might have believed that he went to sleep in those moments, but a sleeping Killua’s breathing slowed down and this one’s didn’t. 

Nanika always responded within her when Killua zoned out like while they were on public transportation. She’d perk up somehow, as if she was attentively listening to something outside of Alluka’s range. She always felt more… active.

Was that the word?

Alluka invited Gon to walk up and down the train with her and see if there was anything interesting going on. He smiled, but waved her off, which had puzzled her. She went anyway, knowing that Killua already would’ve protested if he thought anyone aboard might be a threat. Nothing interesting.

She slid back into the compartment, pouting a little. Killua hadn’t moved, of course. Gon was-? She couldn’t see him but she could hear him. She followed his huffs and puffs and found him in the space between two facing benches. He lay on his back, bringing his arms and legs up so that his right hand struck his left foot, then his left his right, and so on, his face slowly turning redder and redder. She sat on one of the benches, watching. He did it a half dozen or so more times before letting his limbs flop out, panting quietly.

“Are you ok?” Alluka asked with a disbelieving scoff, leaning forward so that her face came into his field of vision.

The corners of his mouth drew down. Gon inhaled a shaky breath, rubbing his stomach. He pouted, flattening his feet on the floor with bent knees. “I lied to Killua,” he confessed quietly. She barely heard him. His eyes were soft and sad, and he looked so upset about it she kind of wanted to slap herself. “I feel really bad…”

“Yeah,” she nodded, confounded, “I can tell. You want to talk about it?”

Gon chewed on his tongue, frowning thoughtfully. He laced his fingers over his chest, taking deep and grounding breaths. His nostrils flared, and after a few breaths he nodded firmly. “Yeah.” His thoughtful focus broke, flickering to her. “Is that ok?”

She couldn’t help but smile at his thoughtfulness, nodding brightly. “Yes please!”

He smiled back at her, his amber eyes warm with honest affection. It wasn’t hard to tell why everyone liked Gon so much. Killua had always wanted companionship, even when he was little, so it was no wonder he’d been especially weak to the way Gon seemed to just- see who you were and not only accept you but love you for your uniqueness.

Especially not with the amount of attention Gon concentrated on him, Alluka thought, suppressing a giggle.

Gon frowned at the ceiling, chewing his lip. Finally, he sighed. “He asked me yesterday what was next for me.”

On the other side of the carriage, Killua’s eyes flicked open. Alluka met his gaze wordlessly. She smiled to herself, leaning her cheek in one hand as she peered down at Gon instead. “What did you tell him?”

“Whatever he had planned,” he shrugged, rubbing his thumbs together.

“And what was the truth?”

Gon sat up. Alluka saw Killua’s eyes close out of the corner of her own. Gon dragged himself up into the bench across from her, slouching down until only his hair stuck up above the seat, his long legs splayed in the space he had just vacated. “I’m not sure I should tell you.”

“Why not?” She shrugged, her mouth pulled back. She strongly doubted Gon could confess anything that would change her opinion of him.

He shifted uncomfortably, frowning at the floor. His eyes looked guilty when they flicked up to meet hers; he picked at the seats with his fingernails. It took him a long time to speak, and the longer he waited the more concerned she felt, the more Nanika got upset. Killua’s eyes opened again, slowly, the lines of his face creased with worry.

“It’s about your family.”

She shrugged again, carelessly. “They locked me in a room. What about them?”

Gon looked up. She shuddered, clasping a hand over her chest, suddenly winded. His eyes were more orange than she remembered, his pupils bizarrely lightless, hard and flat as slate.  
“I’m going to hurt Illumi the second he shows his face. It’s only a matter of time.”

Her mouth opened and closed. She tore her eyes away from Gon, seeking Killua out. He stared back at her with constricted pupils, his chin jerking, the expression on his face so foreign and so painful it ricocheted her back to Gon.

Thankfully, he looked like himself again, slouching forward, his mouth contorted in a painful pout. His voice was still soft, so soft, as if he thought Killua wasn’t keyed in to the sound of his voice, as if the assassin didn’t zone in on every word that crossed his lips while they were in the same room, as if the sound of the train could drown him out. “...See, I shouldn’t have told you. I’m sorry.”

Far behind Gon, Killua leaned back and crossed his arms over his face so no one could see his expression, his legs pulling in against his chest. With his back against the train’s side, he was armored all the way around.

Gon scratched the back of his neck, sitting up and turning an apologetic smile on Alluka. “I’m really sorry. He really hurt both of you, you know, so…”

“Yeah,” she replied hollowly. She found herself nodding despite herself. “Believe me, I get it.”

She wondered how close Gon’s estimation of the lives they had endured came to the truth. She’d be impressed if he had guessed at three quarters of it.

So, yes, she understood very intimately the feeling, but that didn’t stop her surge of worry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the Alluka chapter nobody asked for but I was always going to write


	13. Ikalgo x Tells x Stories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They got off the train in a teeny little town set at the base of a large mountain. They picked up a few supplies- rope, extra bandages, that sort of thing, before trekking into the woods towards the mountain peak. Gon seemed to have regained his usual good humor after his confession to Alluka. Meanwhile, Killua had pulled into himself, focusing entirely on their journey and hardly responding to anything that wasn’t an informational query. About two thirds of the way up, as forest gave way to rocky slopes, Killua started to circle the rim of trees, peering into holes. Gon followed him like a duckling, sticking his head into the areas that had just been checked to see what was in them. Eventually, Killua made a satisfied sound, lowering himself into the hollow of a rotten tree. He disappeared between the roots. Alluka and Gon leaned over the trunk, peering down into the darkness. A few seconds passed before Killua’s voice floated up at them.
> 
> “This one’s good. It’s a bit of a drop. Gon, grab Alluka’s hands and lower her in, I’ll catch her down here.”

They got off the train in a teeny little town set at the base of a large mountain. They picked up a few supplies- rope, extra bandages, that sort of thing, before trekking into the woods towards the mountain peak. Gon seemed to have regained his usual good humor after his confession to Alluka. Meanwhile, Killua had pulled into himself, focusing entirely on their journey and hardly responding to anything that wasn’t an informational query. About two thirds of the way up, as forest gave way to rocky slopes, Killua started to circle the rim of trees, peering into holes. Gon followed him like a duckling, sticking his head into the areas that had just been checked to see what was in them. Eventually, Killua made a satisfied sound, lowering himself into the hollow of a rotten tree. He disappeared between the roots. Alluka and Gon leaned over the trunk, peering down into the darkness. A few seconds passed before Killua’s voice floated up at them.

“This one’s good. It’s a bit of a drop. Gon, grab Alluka’s hands and lower her in, I’ll catch her down here.”

“Okay!” Gon called down. He turned to Alluka with an apologetic smile, holding his hands out to her. She took them immediately, beaming reassuringly at him. Gon’s grip was solid and sure, and with it, it was easy for her to let herself be, her feet dangling in empty space as he slowly lowered her in. She couldn’t see anything in the darkness, but she felt Killua’s hand rest against her ankle.

“Let go, Gon!”

Gon’s grip left her abruptly; Alluka fell into Killua’s arms with a little squeak. He set her down feet first, keeping an arm around her shoulders and directing her backwards.

“It’s clear,” Killua called out to his friend above them, nothing but a silhouette blocking out the sunlight above them. “You can jump down. The ground’s flat.”

Killua had barely spoken when Gon landed beside them. He unfolded from a crouch, his head swiveling to look at them both. This close Alluka could sort of make out his smile, but barely that. Gon, meanwhile was looking all around them, and without Killua saying so much as a word, he started along a sloping path.

“How can he see anything?” Alluka complained to Killua, gesturing towards the figure moving ahead of them. They were significantly slower, Killua adjusting his speed to hers as she carefully picked her feet around the uneven, root-laden ground, Gon stopping regularly to allow them to catch up.

Killua chuckled lightly at that, his blue eyes tracking Gon’s shape in the dark. “Gon has the senses of a bloodhound.”

“I just grew up on an island that gets really dark at night, that’s all,” Gon’s voice was surprising loud, and Alluka jumped a little, clasping a hand over her heart.

Killua tutted, though Alluka could easily hear the warmth in his voice. “That’s not how that works, moron.”

“Sure it is!” Gon answered ahead of them. She could sort of make out his shape as they got closer, but her vision was mostly grey static, so it was possible she was creating the outline of him more than seeing it. She knew it was real when she bumped into him. Gon squeezed her free hand and started to move again. There wasn’t room for three people abreast- in fact, Killua guided her from behind, one hand holding hers and the other on her waist as she slid her feet around. When she reached above her she found crumbling dirt and thin tendril-like roots. Gon must be crouching coming through this passage.

They walked for what felt like hours. She might have overestimated the time, but without being able to see where she was going, the trip felt eternal, and despite Gon’s encouragement her eyes never adjusted, so she was greatly relieved when she started to notice a pale green-yellow glow filter in from the end of the passageway.

Not long after that, they emerged into a massive underground cavern. The ceiling was dark and slick with moisture, springy moss clustered in groups and emiting the ghostly light that Alluka had seen. A subterranean lake stretched far ahead of them, still and dark. Suddenly, a head popped out of the water. Long black hair floated around the creature like a halo, a massive purple growth fixed to the center of the woman’s forehead.

Gon gave a great shout, pulling his shirt off over his head, shedding his shoes, and ran at full tilt into the water. “Palm!”

“Gon!” Her eyes widened in surprise, Palm’s gaze sweeping over Alluka and Killua before turning back to Gon. He swam his way to her rapidly, throwing his arms around her and laughing. Alluka wasn’t sure how he was doing it in the water, but she wasn’t sure how Gon did a lot of things. Palm looked very happy, wrapped up in his big arms, the scales on her hands flashing as they came out of the water to hook on his shoulders.

Alluka turned to look at Killua. He had jammed his hands back in his pockets and now watched Palm and Gon with half-lidded eyes, his bottom lip sticking out as he sulked. Laughing sweetly to herself, she plucked one of his wrists and forced a hand out into the open, grabbing it and tugging him down to the waterside.

“Hi Palm!” She greeted with a wave. Palm waved back over Gon’s shoulder, beaming. “Where’s Ikalgo?”

Released, Palm disappeared back under the surface. She reemerged shortly on the shore, her wet feet bare and pale, the blue tinge in her skin exaggerated by the sickly lighting. “He’s grabbing the boat,” she smiled, taking one of Alluka’s hands in both of hers and smiling benevolently. “You’ve gotten taller, Alluka.”

“You haven’t,” Alluka giggled. She wasn’t quite Palm’s height, and probably never would be, but she was taller than Killua and that was plenty enough to annoy him.

“Yo.” Killua’s customary greeting was flat as he strolled closer. Palm flicked water at his face, smiling when he sputtered in response. Alluka giggled, bouncing on her toes. Palm didn’t quite make her think of a mother- that role had been spoiled, anyway- but more of a cool aunt. Palm was what Alluka imagined an extended family might feel like. Someone you didn’t see often but who always had your back and knew more about you then you let on. Palm could read Killua with an intimate understanding that always surprised Alluka.

“So, back with Gon, hm?”

“Yeah, seems like it,” Killua shrugged, glancing over at Gon as the young man came out of the water. Gon shook his head like a dog, and Killua yelped as he got splashed, kicking Gon’s shin with his heel. “Quit it!”

“Isn’t that nice.” Palm smiled, settling one cool hand on Alluka’s shoulder. A yellow-tinged light glided over the dark water, illuminating the bow of a rowboat, empty but for two oars resting under the benches. Gon stared at it with his mouth half-open, a question lingering on his tongue, but as it came closer they could all see a red shape just below the water.

A few feet from the shore, Ikalgo rose up to his eyes, two tentacles coming above the water to wave at them. He continued that way until his feet hit sand, waddling out on stubby legs.

“Wow!” Gon planted his hands on his hips, his grin stretching from ear to ear. “You guys have a serious secret base, huh? That’s so cool! Thanks for bringing a boat, Ikalgo!”

Ikalgo stared at Gon with eyes huge as saucers, glanding back and forth between Gon and Killua rapidly, before laughing awkwardly and rubbing his round head with one tentacle. “Uh, you’re welcome I guess!”

Killua scoffed, rolling his eyes as he walked past Gon. He breezed by with a “you’re so not cool” and hopped into the boat, never taking his hands out of his pockets.

Gon frowned after him, but Alluka interrupted any further chaos by picking Ikalgo up and kissing his cheek, setting him down inside the boat as she, too, clambered on. “Thank you, Ikalgo!”

Killua harrumphed, dropping down in the very back seat, where no one could sit beside him and he wouldn’t have to row. He stuck his legs out in front of him, disinterestedly staring off into the darkness. Unconcerned, Alluka sat in front of him, where Palm settled beside her. Gon snatched up both oars before anyone could protest, standing up and pushing them off the rocks before settling. “So, where to?” Ikalgo directed him.

It wasn’t a long ride by any means. They slid across the dark, unmoving water, the lantern attached to the front illuminating canine-like stalactites as they passed underneath.

“Hey Ikalgo,” Gon asked casually, knifing the oars into the water with barely a drop disturbed, “how come you were surprised when I said thank you?”

“Oh, it’s just…” he rubs his head again, embarrassed at being called out, his tentacles wobbling. “Killua and I don’t say thank you to each other so I didn’t expect it.”

“What?” Gon blinked. He looked past them to Killua, tilting his head like a puppy. “Why not?”

Killua sank down to the bottom of the boat so that he could cross his arms over one of the sides, propping his chin on his hands and yawning. Avoiding the situation as _usual_. Alluka rolled her eyes. She already knew the answer, and it was stupid.

“Killua says friends don’t need to thank each other because it’s expected that you’ll do whatever you can to help each other anyway.” Ikalgo crossed two tentacles over his chest, his head bowed down with a smirk. “Cool, right?”

“I don’t think that’s cool,” Gon overrode immediately. His voice was flat and loud, echoing over the water. Ikalgo reeled back in shock, the top of his head tinging blue, but Gon swiveled his attention back to Killua. “When people do nice things for you, it’s nice to acknowledge their efforts, even if they’re expected. It makes them feel nice. You want your friends to feel nice, don’t you?”

Alluka lowered her head into her hands, shaking her head gently. Gon had no finesse whatsoever. Palm seemed to get the gist. She hid her high, tinkering laugh in her hand, patting Alluka’s arm.

Killua shot back an irritated glance. He shifted, flopping backward and spreading his arms across the bench he had vacated. “You got a problem?” His eyebrows went up and his eyelids went down, his demeanor relaxed.

“No,” Gon answered, overpowering, his gaze holding Killua’s unwaveringly. Gon did not back down. From anything. “But I think you might.”

Killua’s expression grew stormy, his eyes narrowing. “Oh yeah?” His lips pulled up into a toothy smirk, a little threatening. “With what?”

“With acknowledging your feelings.”

Dead silence. Ikalgo had turned almost entirely blue and disappeared under Gon’s legs, peering out at Palm and Alluka with saucer eyes. Palm was staring at Gon with her mouth shaped into a little ‘o’, her long hair curving like tendrils around her ribs. Alluka slapped both hands over her mouth, holding back the laugh that threatened to burst out of her.

And Killua. Alluka bit her lip, shaking. Killua’s _face_. He turned tomato-red in an instant, every muscle in his body going taut. He jumped to his feet, so agitated he was practically spitting, jabbing his finger at Gon. “What the hell did you say to me?”

Gon’s mouth and eyebrows bent at the corners. He frowned back at Killua, setting the oar handles down in his lap and holding them there with the weight of his forearms. “Saying thank you is uncool, saying you’re awesome is embarrassing, all that stuff. It’s because you don’t know how to handle it, right?”

Killua struggled with Gon’s guess, a ball forming in his throat. Palm and Alluka’s heads turned over their shoulders to watch him. He shakily dropped back onto the bench, pulling one leg up and leaning his arm on his knee so that he could hide his face behind his limbs. Only his eyes were visible between his sleeve and his fringe, half-glaring at Gon with a clearly weakening resolve.

“So what?” he muttered, looking away.

Gon smiled fondly. He shrugged, picking the oars back up and starting to row again. “It’s okay, Killua, that’s something we can work on.”

“I don’t want to work on it!” Killua hissed, glaring at Palm and Alluka until they stopped looking at him. His complaint fell on deaf ears. Gon started to hum as he rowed.

The wide underground space narrowed into a network of splitting channels. Ikalgo directed Gon through the maze. They turned a bend and Alluka sighed in relief at the sunlight at the end of the tunnel.

They came out into a cavern big enough to hide an airship, its ceiling dotted here and there with slim holes that allowed shafts of light to rain down on them. Gon’s mouth opened in an awed smile, his amber eyes sparkling as he took in the space. Their boat drifted forward until it met the stone ground, at which point everyone got out. Palm and Ikalgo lifted the boat out of the water and set it in a little wooden cradle. Against the far side of the cavern was a network of platforms made of wood and vine, some with walls and some without. Gon practically screamed in excitement, exclaiming loudly at every interesting new thing he found. Killua strolled after him with his hands in his pocket, playing cool, but the others knew him well enough to recognize the affection softening his eyes and curling his mouth.

“Are they-” Palm began to ask, pointing a finger at the pair as Gon explored their ‘house,’ bursting up the ramshackle stairs to see the cave from up top, exclamations of wonder giving away his position.

“Not yet.” Alluka shook her head, blowing out an annoyed breath.

Palm giggled into her hand. Alluka had never been around Palm when the woman lost her temper, something she had been doing far less since her transformation into a chimera ant and subsequent return to herself courtesy the one and only time she had seen Killua cry. She had never understood why Killua scoffed whenever she referred to Palm as a cool-headed figure of advice. “Killua is so slow about these things,” Palm shared with Alluka, who could only nod, a little disgusted. “Even I’ve gone on a date with Gon!”

Wait. Alluka’s mind sputtered and ground to a halt. What? “What?”

“Oh, it’s an old story, forget I said anything,” Palm smiled, waving Alluka off. “Don’t you think it’s time I fetch dinner? I’ll be right back!” The fish-woman dived back into the water and disappeared.

Alluka scowled at the smooth-as-glass surface, crossing her arms. They were definitely going to talk about this! ...Later. After Killua and Gon had left, probably. But still!

\--

Dinner consisted of odd, subterranean fish with transparent flesh and massive, bulging eyes, seasoned with the glowing moss they had spotted in the first cave. The taste was certainly strange, but not unwelcome. Except to Killua, who ate a tiny bite at a time, his face scrunched up in disgust the entirety of dinner. Outside, far above them, night had begun to fall, and the sunlight was now just a pale orange glow hugging the ceiling of the cavern.

Killua was still forcing himself through his meal when everyone else had finished, splayed around the fire they had used to cook the fish.

“Is it just the two of you here?” Gon asked, lying on his back with his broad hands laced over his chest. 

“Right now, yes,” Palm nodded. “Sometimes the other ants come by for a while.”

“That’s nice,” Gon smile, turning his head to look at them across the fire. The flames glowed in his eyes and on his tanned skin, making it look like Gon was expelling some of the light, too. Killua shoved the last piece of fish he could stand into his mouth, throwing its skeleton into the dark water.

“Hey, Ikalgo?” Gon continued thoughtfully. 

The octopus perked up, a tentacle wiggling above his head. “Yes Gon?”

“How did you and Killua meet, actually?” Gon sat up, scratching his cheek with an embarrassed smile. “I’m sorry I didn’t ask at the time, I was a little preoccupied.”

Killua scoffed harshly at that, crossing his arms solidly across his chest and tilting back so that his spine met ground. He scowled at the ceiling. “Understatement.”

The smile slid from Gon’s face, his eyes downturned. Palm and Alluka shared a glace, Alluka’s quizzical and Palm’s knowing. Alluka cocked her head but Palm waved her off, mouthing ‘later’.

Ikalgo didn’t seem to notice the sudden tension. He stood up- not that it made him any taller- crossing his two primary tentacles across his chest and smirking. “It’s a pretty cool story actually,” he boasted, his chest puffed out. “Killua saved my life, and then I saved his!”

Gon blinked at him. He swayed a little towards Ikalgo, his gaze focused on the red ant, his hands curling loosely in his lap. “What happened?”

“Well!” Ikalgo spread his tentacles out, clearly pleased that he got to tell this story. “Killua and I fought! That’s how it started! I was in a dead body, you know, and I was sniping at him! I had a trap all laid out, a bunch of chimera ants in a cave just like this one! But he caught on too quickly! Killua is really a cool guy, you know!”

Gon propped his chin in his hands as he listened, smiling. Alluka glanced over at Killua, her heart light as Ikalgo talked. His eyes had softened from their hard glare, but Alluka could see trepidation in the lines around his mouth, fear touching his irises. Puzzled, she reached out to take one of Killua’s hands. He glanced at her, squeezing her fingers once. She bit her lip, turning back to Ikalgo’s animated tentacles.

“So there we were, Killua holding on to a stalactite and me, holding on to Killua. And he figured out just from that that if I fell in the water my friends would go crazy and eat me, because I was bleeding! What a smart guy, too. And even though I was trying to kill him, Killua said I was a cool guy and we could be friends! Wow! Killua isn’t scared of anyone!”

“Killua’s amazing!” Gon agreed brightly, throwing a fond look Killua’s way. The Zoldyck did not notice, cringing at the ceiling.

“He sure is!” Ikalgo smiled, all of his tentacles waving above his head in unison. It looked like he was dancing. “But then Killua got tagged by the Ortho siblings!” Ikalgo gasped at his own story. Nobody else knew who they were, and so they all sat in mistified silence until Alluka asked-

“Who?”

“The Ortho siblings.” Ikalgo crossed his primary tentacles against his chest again, the others falling limp behind him. He shut his eyes, looking very serious as he tilted his head down a little. “The sister would put a badge on a victim to tag them, and then she and her brother would activate their nen ability, Darts de Darts! The brother would play darts in another room, and the darts would materialize inside the victim’s body! There’s no way to avoid them! They were totally undefeated!”

“...So what happened?”

“....I don’t actually know!” Ikalgo shouted, slapping two tentacles against his cheeks, his eyes huge, as if he had just realized it. “Somehow Killua stopped the dart that was supposed to go in his head!”

“I used my nen to create an open circuit that would force my hand to close the moment the dart appeared, that’s all,” Killua muttered out of the darkness. One of his arms now draped across his eyes, hiding most of his face. His mouth was pressed into a thin line.

“It was super cool, anyway!” Ikalgo interjected heatedly, “and when they appeared to check on their victim, the Ortho siblings were SUPER SHOCKED that he was still alive! So shocked that they still fought about it after Killua cut both their heads off! I saw the whole thing from the shadows!” Ikalgo’s energy was incredible, and despite Killua’s clear discomfort, Alluka found herself really enjoying the story. At least, until-

“But of course once Darts de Darts ended, all the fish darts that were sticking in Killua’s limbs disappeared, and he started bleeding from everywhere! He could’ve died!! BUT~!” Ikalgo’s smirk returned, his chest puffing with pride again as he planted tentacles where his stubby legs met his round body. “I carried him to a hospital and he was fine! It’s a good thing I was there! But I was only there to save Killua because he saved me!”

The end of Ikalgo’s story was greeted with silence instead of the acclamations of wonder he had expected. He opened one eye, peering at them all, and then a second, his mouth round.

Gon’s eyes were wide and misty, the corners of his mouth pulled down. His chin wobbled as he hugged himself, his head swiveling to look at Killua. “You almost died?” His voice was soft, throaty, strained with grief.

“I didn’t,” Killua replied, stubbornly hidden behind his arms, his words betraying no feeling either way.

“Yeah, but… you could have! And I- I didn’t even know!” Gon clambered closer to Killua, propped up on his knees and leaning over the other young man.

“Like you said,” Killua answered flatly, his words sticky, “you were preoccupied at the time.”

“Killua!” Gon sniffed, rubbing at his right eye. He looked like a little boy, lost and upset. “I’m sorry!”

“It’s over. It’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing!”

“You paid for the hospital bill, anyway.” Killua continued. He propped himself up on his elbows, and though he kept his gaze on the floor and away from Gon, his tone was softer now. Not emotive, but not abrasive either, kinder. Invariably surrendering his own conflicting feelings to ease Gon’s pain, if he could.

“That’s what that money was for?!”

Killua shrugged one shoulder, guilt crawling into his chest. “Yeah.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Alluka looked away, meeting Palm’s eyes. The older woman leaned her head towards the wooden structure, inviting Alluka to leave the two boys and head for bed. Probably a good idea. She nodded quietly and they stood, taking Ikalgo with them. Behind them, Gon leaned down to press his forehead against Killua’s chest.

“I didn’t think it would help,” Killua answered. He sighed, and spoke again, more quietly- more truthfully. “You weren’t okay. I- I didn’t want to make anything worse by telling you.”

Gon’s broken sob made Alluka flinch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about the late update! My whole yesterday got taken up by helping someone move x.x


	14. Nighttime x Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killua watched the others sneak away, feeling conflicted. On the one hand he wanted to call them cowards for abandoning him to an upset Gon, but on the other hand. Well. Gon sniffed, pulling back from Killua’s chest to scrub at his eyes, his mouth twisted down as he restrained little whimpers. Killua tried to ease the jittery feeling in his chest but had little success. The broad mass that Gon had become crying like a kid struck him as strangely funny, and Killua had to bite down the hysteria threatening to bubble out of him. Fuck, this was really not the time.

Killua watched the others sneak away, feeling conflicted. On the one hand he wanted to call them cowards for abandoning him to an upset Gon, but on the other hand. Well. Gon sniffed, pulling back from Killua’s chest to scrub at his eyes, his mouth twisted down as he restrained little whimpers. Killua tried to ease the jittery feeling in his chest but had little success. The broad mass that Gon had become crying like a kid struck him as strangely funny, and Killua had to bite down the hysteria threatening to bubble out of him. Fuck, this was really not the time.

“Hey, Gon, it’s fine. That was years ago.” He flicked him on the forehead, forcing a smile. “Don’t waste your time crying about it now.”

Gon shook his head hard. He snatched up one of Killua’s hands, gripping it between his palms and squeezing it against his chest. “If you had died, nobody would’ve known where you were. We might never have found you! I-” Gon’s face was blotchy and red, his hands trembling. “You’d just be gone and I would’ve never known why!”

“Yeah, but that didn’t happen.”

Gon whined. He threw himself onto Killua, wrapping his arms around Killua’s neck and pressing their cheeks together. Killua bristled, half-heartedly smacking Gon on the shoulder. “Can’t breathe,” he hissed- Gon really was heavy but of course Killua could handle much worse, so it was mostly a lie. To his credit, Gon did shift his weight off Killua, instead laying on his side next to him. One arm flopped in the space between them, Gon’s fingers curling into the hem Killua’s shirt, and the other arm curved around their heads.

Gon was quiet for a while, his hiccupy little sobs stretching and thinning until he was breathing normally again. In their natural state, Killua could feel Gon’s nen radiating from him, warm where they were a few inches apart and outright hot where they touched. If he bothered looking at it, Killua had always seen it as… well, sunlight. Where most fighters’ nen auras were colored, Killua saw Gon’s as pure light. Well, except-

He swallowed that thought and all it threatened, rolling his head to peek at Gon. Blue eyes met amber. Gon touched Killua’s hip with his thumb, his knuckles grazing the bare skin under Killua’s shirt. The muscle under Gon’s touch spasmed, and Killua felt his cheeks darken, but Gon looked far too preoccupied to focus on that particular detail.

“I still don’t understand. Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

“When?” Killua snapped. He smacked Gon’s hand away from him, shifting onto his side so he could prod Gon on the chest. “When exactly was I going to tell you?”

Gon’s eyebrows drew together in a perplexed frown. He pouted up at Killua with no answer, his eyes soft and sad, and the guilt of it made Killua frazzled and irritable. He didn’t deserve to feel guilty about it! It wasn’t fair. Grinding his teeth, Killua let his anger carry him- it was always easier, easier to just be angry and not to be hurt. “When we were working on the plan? It would’ve distracted you.” Or Gon wouldn’t have reacted at all, which really would’ve- which- Killua’s breath hitched. He scrubbed his figners through his pale bangs, disguising his eyes behind them. “While you were sitting around with Pitou?”

Gon’s mouth opened on a protest but Killua barrelled ahead anyway. “What about afterwards? No, wait, you were in the hospital.”

The hospital, oh, the hospital. Killua still had fucking _nightmares_ about the mummified arm that had fallen out of the plastic sheeting when he’d come in with Nanika, nightmares about the ropes of black nen streaming from Gon’s bandaged body, wraps darkened with blood, nightmares endless and cold and 

He jumped up to his feet, backing up several paces, the heat of Gon’s nen unbearable. He turned away, jamming his fists into his pockets.

“Killua!” He peered over his shoulder with one eye. Gon was standing too, his fists clenched and shaking at his side, his eyes wet but focused intensely. Gon marched up to him, bare feet leaving shallow imprints in the rocks. He grabbed Killua by the shoulder and spun him around, pulling Killua against his chest. Gon wrapped his arms around Killua’s middle, resting his cheek on the shorter man’s head. “I’m sorry.”

Meaningless. Gon didn’t- he didn’t _understand_. It spiked Killua’s anger- or was it his grief, could he even tell them apart? He shoved at Gon’s chest, trying to push him away with unrelenting pressure, but Gon ignored the effort, trapping Killua in the hug. “Fuck your ‘sorry’!” Killua spat at him. He twisted his right hand into claws, digging them into Gon’s shoulder painfully. “I did everything I could to stay alive! You-”

Killua snapped his mouth shut. Something oily gathered in his throat. His eyes filled with tears he refused, refused to shed. He steeled himself, wrapping himself up in his own willpower, slowly extricating his claws from Gon’s flesh as he went quiet.

But Gon was Gon, and Gon didn’t let things go.

“I what?” His voice was soft, his eyes open and honest and willing to hear, willing to listen. But Killua didn’t want to be heard. He liked his wounds hidden, festering or not, buried where no one could rip them open whenever the fuck they wanted. Not that it stopped Gon, ever.

“Forget it,” he muttered, disgust dripping from his words.

He didn’t, predictably. Gon shook his head slowly, holding Killua’s gaze. He ignored the deep gouges in his shoulder, his hold around Killua less hug and more cage. “I what?”

Killua flattened a hand on Gon’s chest, giving a half-hearted push. Gon grazed Killua’s cheek with the back of his left hand, curling his fingers around Killua’s chin and raising it up, forcing their eyes to meet. “I what, Killua?” he whispered between them, his warm breath puffing against Killua’s skin.

Tension drained from Killua’s body. He stared up into amber eyes with nothing but weary defeat, his own expression closed, emotionless. “You decided it was fine if you died.”

Gon’s eyes widened. Grief and guilt filled every line in his face. He squeezed Killua back into him, bending his head down to press against Killua’s shoulder. He shook as he held the smaller man, blubbering into his hair. “I’m sorry!”

Killua stood, passive and limp as a ragdoll, and let it happen, his mind filled with static but for a single thought. He was starting to really hate that sentence. ‘I’m sorry.’ For what? What, exactly, was Gon sorry for?

The wrong thing, probably.

\--

“Ne, Palm?” Alluka turned her head to look at Palm’s profile, her pointed nose and the purple bulb of her forehead.

“Hm?” The woman paused, lowering the strands of loose hairs she had been coiling into a fishing net into her lap. “Yes Alluka?”

“You said something about going on a date with Gon?” The concept still didn’t make much sense in her head. Gon was eighteen, and Palm was twenty-six, so it wasn’t entirely out of the realm of possibility, but it still sounded like something of an incompatibility to her. Maybe it was because most of her conversations with Gon had revolved around Killua in some way or another.

“Oh. Yes. In retrospect it was a little strange of me to request it.” Palm smiled, glancing over at Alluka. She looked fond as she reimagined the memory. “But Gon just has a way of making people feel seen, you know, and I was a very different person then.”

Alluka had only known Palm as the cold-blooded fish that was fond of Killua in a sort of motherly way, and so had little comprehension of her meaning. “O...kay.”

“Killua stalked us from the bushes, of course,” Palm laughed, waving a hand in front of her face.

Wait. Hold up. Killua? Then that had been before he’d fetched her from the Zoldyck estate, which in turn meant- Alluka’s recoiled, her tongue lolling out of her mouth. “Oh my god you went out with Gon when he was a kid?”

“I did say it was strange,” Palm replied merrily. Alluka gagged, shaking her head. “But…” Palm pressed a finger to her mouth, thoughtful. “He did tell me he had been on many dates before, and he certainly wasn’t inexperienced.”

“Stop it that’s gross stoooop,” Alluka groaned, her face in her hands.

“I think that’s a big part of Killua’s problem,” Palm continued in her tinkering voice, entirely unashamed, ignoring Alluka blithely muttering something rude under her breath. “He wants Gon to see him, but he also doesn’t want to show himself.”

Alluka paused, her hands over her mouth, and blinked at Palm. That was… surprisingly astute. She peered down into the darkness, and though she could see a glow from the fire’s dying embers, she couldn’t spot either man.

\--

“I won’t do it again.”

The soft words roused Killua from a shallow sleep. His back ached from the rocky ground under him. His midsection was hot and sticky from Gon’s arms, Gon’s head resting on his chest. He hadn’t exactly chosen to sleep this way, but laying there had been easier that trying to get an upset Gon to let go so they could follow the others to more comfortable bedding.

“You won’t do what again?” he wondered, staring at the ceiling. Early morning light filtered into the cave from above, not yet bright enough to be painful.

Gon kept one arm around Killua’s waist as he propped himself up, meeting Killua’s gaze. His expression was open and honest, his eyes somber and resolute. “I won’t make a pact that might kill me.”

Killua was mute for several beats, a hollow ringing in his ears. Ambivalence tore him in too many directions to make sense of. Frazzled, he relied on his instincts- bitter and sarcastic as they were. “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

Gon’s brows bent in consternation, his eyes flashing. “You won’t be able to see it. Because it won’t happen.”

“Right.”

“I’m serious!” And Gon was. That was easy to tell, easy to read. Everyone knew what Gon’s serious face looked like. Nobody knew better than Killua how pointless it would be to argue with Gon about something he had that look for. His stubbornness was both an excellent trait and a massive fault: once he made up his mind, not even universal law itself could stop him. Certainly no human being could stand in his way. No, they just had to bear the fallout, whatever it may be.

Sighing, Killua rolled his head back and shut his eyes. “I can hear that.”

He could feel Gon’s eyes burn on him. The other man waited for a more definite answer, but Killua didn’t have one to give.

Gon shifted his arm up, splaying his fingers over Killua’s sternum. The heat and weight of it anchored Killua down, forcing him to stay and bear this moment instead of following his instinct and skittering away. Gon bent down above him, his breath fanning across Killua’s cheeks and lips. His ears reddened immediately. With one eye open, he planted his open palm on Gon’s face, shoving him backwards out of his space. “Did you want something else?” he snapped churlishly.

Gon reached up and took Killua’s hand by the fingers, curling them around his own and pressing Killua’s knuckles to his lips. His eyebrows tilted upwards, his tawny eyes wide and puppyish. “Your forgiveness?”

Killua’s hand tightened hard around Gon’s, crushing his fingers. Lucky him. Had he not already been holding onto Killua’s hand, Killua probably would’ve tried to punch him.

“Fuck off,” Killua answered viciously, tugging himself out of Gon’s grip and rolling up to get to his feet. His muscles protested, tight from their uncomfortable sleeping position, and he stretched his arms high above his head, groaning. His spine popped in several places, shoulders groaning as he rolled them backwards.

Gon pouted up at him, his eyes soft and so sad it pinged in Killua’s chest. Stupid Gon. Stupid weakness to Gon. Stupid- feelings. Stupid everything. “You’ll just have to prove it,” he shrugged, as if he didn’t actually care either way, as if his world didn’t hinge on whether Gon would rip his heart out of his chest again without intending to do it.

Gon leapt to his feet. Stretching his arms against his chest, Killua peered at Gon with one eye. The young man smiled with a satisfied look in his eye, cracking his knuckles. Killua knew that look. Gon had figured out his next plan of action, and he was ready to start training for it.

Killua blinked at him, surprised to feel his face beginning to heat up. Gon got that look a lot, but Killua was usually the one training by his side and not, um. Not part of the goal. 

“Alright!” Gon beamed, clapping his hands together. “I’m gonna do it.” He went straight into his tai chi routine, his nen swelling.

Killua bit his lip, turning away quickly, scanning the wooden construction at the end of the cave to see whether anyone else was awake and equipped to be a distraction yet. He could feel the beginning of insanity coming on.

\--

The five of them had breakfast together- more fish. Alluka urged Gon to be careful, sending him ahead to drop the rowboat into the water so that she could threaten her brother, smiling all the time. Killua sat at the stern with his arms crossed, glaring at her as Ikalgo directed him and Gon to the other side of the lake.

Killua picked the branching exits at random, and when they finally managed to squeeze through a little gap into open air, the sun shone directly above them. They made it back to the train station in a short time after that; without Alluka, nothing prevented them from using their nen to move. This time, Killua didn’t tuck up into the corner and zone out: he didn’t need to rely on his En as an early detection system if he didn’t have Alluka to protect, after all. Instead he watched Gon.

In many ways, Gon hadn’t changed. He stared out the window at the landscape rushing by with a broad smile, exclaiming and pointing whenever they passed something particularly noteworthy. He wandered up and down the corridor, peering into sections and climbing on the seats when he got bored. He trained a lot, though the enhancer focused on his muscular work far more than Killua did. Not that Killua _needed_ to work on body mass, and he’d punch the first person who said so in the face to prove his point.

“So what’s the mission?” Gon asked at some point, peering curiously at Killua. 

He shrugged. “Lost Pet detail. It should be quick and easy.”

“Then why didn’t we take Alluka?” Gon asked with a frown.

“Exotic pet. Humans occasionally on its menu. Trust Alluka to try and feed it while I’m sleeping,” he groaned, rolling his eyes. “Kind of a treacherous area, too.”

“Oh. Okay.” Gon smiled, propping his hand in his chin, itself leaning on the windowpane. “Are you a Lost Hunter now?”

Killua shook his white hair. “I haven’t picked a designation. I can do B-level missions of pretty much any type, so I usually go after whatever mission takes the least time with the highest payout. I try to stick to cities so there’s plenty of places to hide Alluka and we don’t have to separate, but I needed one that paid more this time around.”

Or had he picked it because he thought Gon would like it more than trying to track a fraudulent ex-lover con-man in the middle of Yorknew? They paid about the same. (Gon didn’t need to hear about that.)

Gon nodded thoughtfully, beaming. “I think I want to be a Lost Hunter.”

“Hm.” Killua leaned forward, warmed by Gon’s enthusiasm. “It’s a good choice for you. What with that nose of yours,” he snorted. Gon beamed.

“Thanks, Killua!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This marks Time Two that I planned for a kiss that didn't happen. Geez x.x


	15. Gocha Preserve x Mystery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nature: 1  
> Killua: 0

The stop they exited the train at was, if possible, even more rural than the last. It reminded Gon of home, honestly, and when he stepped out into the crisp evening air he took a deep breath, blowing it out gently. He hummed joyously, turning to Killua with a satisfied smile and snatching the man’s hand up in his own, tugging him towards the heart of the small town. “Let’s get dinner before we head out!”

“I already told you I’m out of money!” Killua hissed, already blushing, snatching his hand back and shoving it into his pockets.

“My treat!” Gon insisted. He didn’t react outwardly to Killua’s churlishness, happily wandering down the main street until he found a cozy little place, the scent of herbs drifting out the open windows.

They were tucked into a little booth at the side, attended to by the little old lady that ran the shop. She reminded Killua of Gon’s grandmother, though Gon didn’t seem to think so, and the way she kept doting on them, flashing impish little smiles, made him very suspicious. At least until he noticed the way she kept returning to the cook they could see through the half-window, snuggling up to the other wrinkled old lady and rubbing their cheeks together.

Oh. Shit. Killua slapped a hand over his forehead, already ready to blame his flushed cheeks on the heat of his spicy soup. They were sent away with extra dessert, something for which Gon thanked both women profusely while Killua skulked by the door, his hands jammed into his pockets and his face blooming scarlet.

“They were so nice!” Gon beamed as they stepped back into the cool air.

“They’re probably the only couple around here like them, they just got excited,” Killua mumbled, embarrassed.

“So?” Gon blinked, his eyes soft, his smile guileless. “That’s okay, isn’t it? People are allowed to be happy about all sorts of things!”

Killua groaned. This was definitely not a conversation he wanted to prolong. “Yeah, whatever. Come on, we still got a way to go.” He inclined his head towards the remaining length of main street and the forest beyond.

The trees grew taller and thicker as they moved deeper into the wilderness. Night fell. The old oaks gave way to tall, thin pines, clustered so closely together they blocked out any starlight, the air thinning and growing colder as they ascended. Finally Killua shut his eyes, focusing on his En to sense his environment.

He jumped slightly, his back hitting Gon’s broad chest. A hand came up on his elbow, helping his balance. “What’s wrong?” Gon breathed into his ear. Killua jerked away from the sound, rubbing his ear.

“Don’t talk so loud when you’re that close!” He jabbed Gon’s stomach with his elbow. “Use Gyo.”

As Wing-san had taught them, all living things had nen, though most never learned how to use or control or even sense it: trees, birds, even the smallest insects. There was nothing particularly shocking about being surrounded by that energy. All the trees shone green; they were so dense it was difficult to make anything else out, but neither of them was ordinary, even compared to your average hunter.

“Whoa,” Gon smiled behind him, reaching above them to thread his fingers through thin air. Thin purple lines stretched all around them, flickering between branches. The nen threads ignored Gon’s finger passing through them, but when Killua focused a jolt of nen at one it snapped in two and dissolved from the point of contact out.

“What do you think made this?” Gon’s voice was full of delighted wonder, helping settle the anxiety that this web had anything to do with the Spiders.

“I don’t know,” Killua replied with a frown, shutting his eyes again and extending his En. “But we might find out soon.” After all, spiders hunted using the vibrations caused by prey wandering into their web to find it, and Killua had deliberately marked it.

Still, the height of it was interesting. Though the strands weren’t all at the same level, none of them came lower than seven feet from the ground. Whatever had created this web clearly had no interest in whatever lived on the forest floor, so what was it hunting? Was it hunting at all?

As they climbed higher, the gaps between the trees started to expand again, though the strands above them seemed to grow thicker. As the moon started to set, they stumbled across a bowl-shaped clearing. A tree stump sat at the very center of the depression, large enough for two children to sleep on. Had they been here five years ago, maybe they would have. And one of them would have woken up on the forest floor, kicked off by their friend.

Killua snorted to himself, sitting on the stump. Gon came to sit next to him, tilting his head back to the open air and the stars above them. He smiled up at the glittering constellations, soft. Killua’s gaze lingered on Gon a moment too long to be subtle before tilting up too. He released focus on Gyo, letting the mystery go for now. It wouldn’t help any to try and decode it before going to sleep. Instead, just him, Gon, and the splatter of stars. Out here in the middle of nowhere, with nothing to diminish them, they filled up the sky like a dusting of glitter.

Next to him, Gon tilted back completely, collapsing on the tree stump. It was true his neck hurt craning his head like this, so Killua followed suit. “Isn’t it nice?” Gon enthused next to him, his happiness warm, a balm.

“...Yeah.” Killua bit his bottom lip, swallowing a swell of nervous angst. With every heartbeat he became increasingly aware of the heat of Gon’s arm through his long-sleeved shirt, increasingly keyed in to every inhale and rolling exhale from the man beside him. Gon squirmed a little to make himself comfortable, and it brought their shoulders together. The back of Gon’s hand brushed against his. Gon’s pinky curled around his own. That had to be on purpose. He felt it like a jolt of static electricity, the current shuddering up his arm and zinging into his chest.

“Are we making a promise I don’t know about?” Killua complained, squeezing Gon’s finger back with a little too much force to be anything but a warning.

“If you want to,” Gon answered blithely.

Time ticked on. Gon didn’t add anything else. Killua turned his head to look at the other man, his eyes narrowed. Gon continued to look up at the sky with a steady smile, apparently just happy to _be_ , something Killua… didn’t understand. Something he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to understand. Moments made him happy, people could make him happy, but just- _being_ happy? He eased his grip, refocusing on his shallow breath, willing that daunting thought away. “What about?”

Gon rolled his head to the side. His amber eyes flicked over Killua’s expression before meeting his gaze, excluding generous warmth. “I promise not to make any pacts that might kill me. Why don’t you do the same?”

“Tch,” Killua scoffed, overwhelmed by the wealth of jumbled emotions Gon’s promise brought to the surface as always. He rubbed his ear with the sleeve of his free arm. “Obviously I wouldn’t do that, who would take care of Alluka?”

“She’s not going to need you forever, you know.” Gon’s broadening smile creased the lines around his eyes, made the golden gleam of them softer. They were so bright against the dark of his skin, luminescent under their own power. 

Killua swallowed, turning back to the stars. “I guess.”

Gon rolled onto his side. He was practically pressed against Killua at this stage, propping himself up on one elbow so that he leaned into Killua’s view. Blue eyes flicked to Gon, one eyebrow going up. “What?”

“Seal it with a kiss,” Gon breathed, pressing their thumbs together. Killua flushed, swatting Gon on the shoulder.

“You’re such a kid! Do you ever grow up?”

Gon laughed, bright and full, and collapsed back down to the tree stump. It took a minute for frazzled Killua to notice that the boy had laced their fingers together, and by that time it was too late to react, so- he let it happen.

At least that was what he told himself.

\--

Gon snapped awake a little before dawn, the first streaks of light coloring the clouds purple-grey. He sat up, his chin falling to his chest as he strained his ears. The wind cut down the sharp stone slopes above them, whistling past the pines. He heard the skittering of small animals along the forest floor, claws against rough bark, the early caw of a blue-throated fernbird. Nothing unusual. He focused next on the scents of the forest. Wet earth was the overriding smell, dew beading on the moss underneath him, but the breeze brought down a mixture of acrid animal urine and an undertone of-

His eyes flicked open. Gon jumped to his feet. He spotted Killua splayed on the other side of the stump, one leg bent up over the wood, and prodded him gently with his foot.

Wazzat?" Killua asked, wiping drool from his cheek as he yawned and sat up.

"Fire."

"Huh?" Killua was up on his feet, alarmed. Gon nodded seriously, his eyes narrowed uphill. 

They could go right and follow a long curve that steadily climbed to the summit, or they could cut left and ascend the nearly-sheer cliff face. Gon turned to look at Killua, but the white-haired man was already at his side, analyzing the rockface for handholds. "Let's go see."

Gon's eyes softened. He smiled, reaching out to gently squeeze Killua's fingers, his chest tight. He'd missed this. Being on the same wavelength, always ready. The intimacy of working together. It had changed meaning over the years, but it hadn't changed shape. Killua's blue eyes flicked to him, guarded, but as he jumped ahead Gon noticed the pink of his ears. Like Alluka said, Killua didn't always seem honest with his feelings... but his body was another matter, and sometimes it sang where Killua wouldn't even talk.

They ascended to the apex in minutes, and leapt up the branches of the nearest pine until they could see above the treetops. Gon scanned the horizon, narrowing in on a thin trail of smoke streaming up from the northern ridge. "Over there!"

"Where?" Killua squinted into the mountain's murky shadow, unable to separate anything definite from the swathes of grey and purple-blue.

"Follow me." He dropped into the middle canopy, where the branches where thick and plenty, offering them a variety of clear routes. Gon's hands and the soles of his shoes were sticky with sap by the time they came out into open rock, his hair a mass of tangles and pine needles. Killua looked a mess too, a dark stain on his left knee and what looked like snagged spiderweb in his hair and over his cheek. The young man gagged as he peeled the webbing from his skin. Giggling, Gon climbed the last few rocks up towards the smoke. The sky was pink and orange by then, offering them a pastel view of the land they had traversed. 

Gon stepped out by where he had seen the smoke, biting his lip.

"So what was it?"

Gon's head swiveled towards Killua. The transmuter was taking a picture of the landscape and sunrise beyond, one hand in his pocket. He didn't actually look at his phone, though, his head tilted up and his eyes on Gon as his finger pressed the camera button. The phone went back into Killua's pocket, and he was at Gon's side a second later, peering curiously past him.

Of the fire there remained only embers, smoldering in the ashes of a campfire. Their new vantage point, however, offered them a view into the next valley, where two more streams of smoke rose on the east and west crests. The smoke on the east puffed out in a series of intermittent puffs, the shape and regularity of it unnatural. Then it returned to its passive stream, while the west replied similarly.

"What do you think?" Gon asked, memorizing the patterns.

"Poachers? Training Exercise?" Killua shrugged, huffing and tilting his head back to breathe the clean air. "Maybe our employer hired more than one team."

"Should we check it out?" Gon strained forward, gripping the straps of his backpack. He wanted to, obviously, but Killua might not want to waste the time it might add onto their mission.

Killua looked at him with one eye, quiet as he measured him. He let out a long, dramatic sigh, folding his hands behind his head. "I bet you want to, right?"

Gon's impish grin stretched from ear to ear as he nodded. "Sure do!"

Killua scoffed at him despite his mouth curving into a smile. "I guess it's okay." Killua swiveled his feet so that they faced each other, flashing a toothy, energetic grin. "You take west I'll take east." He bent his legs and kicked off with his nen, flying backwards and disappearing into the trees. Bouncing excitedly on the balls of his feet, Gon ran in the other direction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a bit short but don't worry I'll make up for it


	16. Stranger x Danger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gon reached the second campfire within a quarter hour, breaking a few thick branches along the way. He leapt down and landed beside the flames, smiling and holding a hand up in greeting. “Hi there!”
> 
> The person tending the fire threw themselves backwards at the sound of his voice, sprawled on his back and staring wide-eyed at the large figure in front of him. The stranger had a long, pointed nose and dark, curly hair tied back in a poof of a ponytail. He clutched a hand-woven blanket to his chest, its fibers grey with ash. “Who are you?!” He screeched, gathering his legs up near him defensively.
> 
> “I’m Gon!” Gon grinned, planting his hands on his hips. “Who are you?”

Gon reached the second campfire within a quarter hour, breaking a few thick branches along the way. He leapt down and landed beside the flames, smiling and holding a hand up in greeting. “Hi there!”

The person tending the fire threw themselves backwards at the sound of his voice, sprawled on his back and staring wide-eyed at the large figure in front of him. The stranger had a long, pointed nose and dark, curly hair tied back in a poof of a ponytail. He clutched a hand-woven blanket to his chest, its fibers grey with ash. “Who are you?!” He screeched, gathering his legs up near him defensively.

“I’m Gon!” Gon grinned, planting his hands on his hips. “Who are you?”

“Me- Melcamp,” the other man replied, climbing to his feet. A bead of sweat rolled down the man’s cheek, his knees knocking together. He stared at Gon with alarm, his wide eyes never leaving the hunter. “Wh- what are you doing here?”

“I followed your smoke signals,” Gon answered cheerfully. Gon had grown like a weed, stretching tall and thin at first and then bulking up once his growth spurts stopped. His behavior hadn’t changed, he was still as open and honest and friendly as he always had been, but his intimidating frame dictated the reactions he got: nervous, more often than not. Still, he could understand why his sudden appearance might scare someone anyway. Not many people wandered out into this mountain range unless they had something specific to do- as Killua had said, the area was treacherous and was inhabited by some man-eating creatures- but Gon was hardly a suspicious fellow by nature. “What are _you_ doing out here?”

“I’m, uh.” The stranger ducked his head, pressing his fingers to his mouth, thinking. “Hm…”

Gon blinked at him, tilting his head, and grabbed the straps of his backpack. “You?”

“I’m looking for a friend!” Melcamp shouted suddenly, his hands clenched into fists.

“Oh, ok!” Gon nodded, throwing a thumbs up. “I’ll help you! I’m a Lost Hunter!” he beamed.

Unexpectedly, Melcamp’s eyes widened further; he paled before bursting into nervous laughter. “Hahaha how lucky for me! A lost hunter! Wow! My day is really looking up! Hahahaha!”

Gon continued to smile at him, patient. He understood the man’s stressed-out reaction completely. Losing a friend could be really worrying, especially in a place like this. Not everyone was like Killua, capable of handling just about anything the world threw at him with little more than an annoyed sigh and a flick of electricity. “So where did you last see him?”

“It’s been a while!” Melcamp answered in an uncomfortably high voice, pulling on his collar. “We were exchanging our morning updates and they stopped mid-message!” He pointed towards the ridge where Killua and Gon had found the first smoldering campfire, and Gon frowned.

“I just came from there. There was a fire, but nobody near it.”

“What?! How, that’s at least a two hour hike!”

Gon laughed awkwardly, scratching the back of his head. “I can move pretty fast.”

“Oh…. okay..?” Melcamp rolled his blanket up and attached it to the bottom of his pack, throwing Gon nervous glances. Gon let him prepare, looking across the valley to the fire on the next ridge. Killua must have reached it by now. The smoke climbed into the sky in an uninterrupted stream, passively swirled about by the wind. The other signaler was on Melcamp’s team, then, so they’d probably meet in the middle looking for the third person. No need to give Killua a call.

“What were you three out here doing, anyway?” Gon asked, making friendly conversation more than anything.

Melcamp’s eyes bulged. He looked away, stuffing scrap remains of food into his bag, sweating profusely. “We were camping!” He screeched out.

“Why’d you split up then?” Gon giggled.

“We’re looking for the coolest views!” Melcamp voice was strident and over-loud, the skin around his eyes taut. He stared at Gon wildly. “What about you???”

“Killua and I are looking for a lost pet!” he beamed, shifting his pack more comfortably as Melcamp readied himself to go. “Come to it I’m not sure what it looks like,” he tilted his head, “but it’s called Barby.”

Melcamp’s eyebrows bent. He stroked his chin thoughtfully, easing into something less panicked. “Barby, huh?”

“Yup! Maybe he’ll be with your friend!”

“Hm……” Melcamp answered, his eyes narrowed thoughtfully. “Maybe…”

“Shall we?” Gon smiled, inclining his head towards the valley between the three campfire points. Melcamp nodded slowly, starting down the rocky incline, carefully picking his steps. Gon strolled along beside him with a blissful smile, humming a little tune.

\--

Killua did not greet the person on the other ridge. Instead he watched the woman from the shadows of a pine, dissimulated in the middle branches, his hands in his pockets and his gaze analytical as it swept the small encampment. A large tarp hung about seven feet from the ground, stretched between three trees. The woman tending the fire waved a thick blanket over it, metering the puffing smoke with her brows bent in concentration. Her pink hair was pulled into a ponytail out of her face, cascading down to her mid-back. She wore a dark green camouflage jumper and moved silently. Killua narrowed his eyes and dropped to a lower branch.

Beneath the tarp Killua spotted several wooden crates. They were all shut, a few stacked on top of each other. He saw a sleeping roll and the imprint where two more had been, and a tall, empty cage against the far side. Huh. He glanced at the woman again, but she had her back turned to him, one hand shading her eyes as she squinted into the distance. The other trail of smoke had gone lax, communicating nothing.

Killua lowered himself silently to the ground and strolled over to the crates. He rearranged his right hand into sharp claws, jamming them between the lid and prying it up. Inside he found cases of tranquilizer darts. The next box contained a few rifles. The next was empty, but lined with straw.

“Hey!”

He lifted his head. The pink-haired woman pointed a gun at him, her hand shaking a little. Killua rose a hand in greeting, entirely unintimidated by the weapon in his face. “Yo.”

“Who are you?” She barked at him. “Where did you come from? What do you want?”

Killua blew his bangs out of his eyes, totally relaxed. “Killua. Up there.” He inclined his head towards the ridge where they had found the first fire, shrugging. “Nothing much.”

“You’re a real smartass kid, aren’t you?” She spat, shooting him a narrowed glare. He shrugged again, yawning exaggeratedly. 

“I guess.”

“What makes you think I won’t shoot you?” She sneered, straightening up and aiming more directly at him, her hands stilling as she exerted bravado.

“What makes you think you can?” Killua’s bored expression morphed into a smug smirk.

“No one will ever find you if I do!”

“Sure. Whatever you say.”

She pulled the trigger. Birds burst from the treetops, flitting into the valley below. Killua had disappeared from her sight. She spun around wildly, her aquamarine eyes scanning the area for him.

“Behind you.”

Something touched her throat, pricking the soft skin. A bead of blood rolled down her neck, catching in the hollow of her clavicle. Swallowing, she went very still, turning her head in tiny increments. Killua’s mouth was still stretched in that smirk, but his eyes were cold and flat, killing intent rolling over her and keeping her frozen. Razor-sharp nails tapped against her flesh teasingly. Killua eased the gun from her lax fingers. He threw it hard into the sky, and it disappeared in a flash of light, somewhere into the forest beyond.

Killua retracted his claws, shoving his hands into his pockets. Without her seeing him move, he went from a presence behind her to a teenager lounging on their provision crates. “So this is your base camp, huh?” Killua asked conversationally, watching her. Her face pinched. She glared at him, smothering the fire with her signalling blanket, and kept her mouth stubbornly shut. “So you’re poachers, right?”

“No!” Her cheeks burned red with anger, and she puffed her cheeks out as she stood up, her fists clenched at her sides. “Poaching is wrong!”

Killua shrugged. She had been aiming a gun at him not a minute ago. Morals were ambiguous from person to person- he knew that more than anyone. “So what are you doing out here with all this?” He gestured vaguely to the mass of boxes around him, crossing his feet at the ankles as he lounged.

Harrumphing, she crossed her arms over her chest, turning her head to the side. “As if I’d tell you!”

Killua snorted, folding his arms behind his head. “Whatever. We’ll just wait for Gon, then.” She’d probably tell him- who didn’t tell Gon things, with his stupid open face and his stupid friendly smile and his irritating ability to read strangers with barely a glance.

Personally, Killua didn't much see the difference between shooting an animal or tranquilizing it and putting it in a cage. Why else would the woman and her team have one? And it had to be a pretty big animal too, if the size was anything to judge. That, or they were trying to catch several, which would explain the crate of darts. Black Market pet trade seemed the most likely option, Kurapika had told him stories about the mafia families and their tendencies to keep heaps of exotic, dangerous pets just to prove some sort of point about their personal worth and virility. He found the whole thing stupid to the max. Wouldn’t it be funny, though, if a bunch of those people got eaten by their own pets?

“....Who’s Gon?”

Killua smirked to himself at the woman’s nervous question. She had probably expected that Killua was the only person she had to contend with, and hearing that he had backup had probably thrown her for another loop. Her problem, not his. He opened one eye to look at her, nonchalant. “ _My_ partner. He went to check out the other fire, so he’d probably with one of yours right now. There’s three of you, right? By the way you might be missing one. We found their fire, but there was no one around it.”

She blinked at him owlishly, taken aback, and Killua had to laugh at her expression.

\--

Gon chatted cheerfully as he and Melcamp wandered through the valley. The man was fairly quiet, his gaze darting between trees as they walked, looking for something. Gon assumed it was his missing friend, but it could also be that he was nervous about the wildlife. Supposedly it was dangerous, but Gon had yet to see any animals bigger than a squirrel.

Getting bored holding the conversation alone, Gon focused on his gyo instead. The nen webbing that had been above their heads was much denser here, rising from a few feet above the forest floor to the pines’ middle canopy, zinging around so thickly that nobody could walk through the valley without passing through any of the threads.

Melcamp walked straight through them without any awareness. Gon could see the purple nen netting vibrate wherever it touched the man, but didn’t break. Melcamp’s aura was a faint orange light, seeping out of his pores gently. It seemed pretty obvious to him that Melcamp couldn’t be a Hunter, totally unaware of his natural nen.

Gon noticed that the threads vibrated when he walked through them as well, but when he shifted into zetsu, they stopped responding to him at all. Useful. He smiled to himself, an added bounce in his step as he thought about showing Killua what he had found.

As they reached the deepest part of the valley, the trees ancient, so thick that Gon couldn’t reach around any of them, the temperature started to drop rapidly. Despite the heat Gon tended to give off, even he felt himself get chill, pulling on a dark green denim jacket that had been shoved deep into his hiker’s pack. Melcamp hugged his arms to his chest, shivering, and went very quiet, moving like a mouse.

“Are you ok?” Gon asked brightly, checking in.

“Just fine,” Melcamp squeaked, his eyes round. He reminded Gon a little of Ikalgo in that way, and Gon patted him on the shoulder.

“Do you want to borrow a shirt?”

“N-No. It’s okay, I have some at base camp!”

Pause. Gon tilted his head like a puppy. Base camp? If Melcamp had lost one of his friends, shouldn’t they have started there? Odd that he wouldn’t mention it until now, wasn’t it? Gon’s mouth curved into a smile, his expression open and caring even as his eyes were sharp, focused on Melcamp. “Why don’t we go there and get you something warm then?”

Melcamp’s eyes bulged. “No, no, that’s okay! Let’s keep looking for Bragga!”

Hmm. Suspicious. But then again, Gon hardly worried about a little cold when one of his friends was in danger, so he could understand, actually! “Okay,” he agreed amiably, “let’s keep going then. Let me know if you get too cold!”

Melcamp nodded vigorously, ignoring the drop of snot dangling from his long nose. Chuckling, Gon continued walking ahead. They reached a hollow at the lowest point of the valley. About seven feet across it was almost perfectly circular. Gon lifted his head to peer up into the trees. Despite the thick, heavy branches, a shaft of light pierced the canopy straight into the hollow. Gon could tell immediately that this space had been shaped deliberately; it didn’t seem natural at all. And then he went into Gyo.

The circular well rose up in a column, entirely devoid of the purple threads, although they were extremely thick around it, as if forming a netting. An odd-looking bird struggled to flap its wings against the invisible barrier, cawing in confusion. The skittering of small creatures had all but disappeared. In fact, aside from the trapped bird, Gon could hear almost no animal sounds at all. It reminded him of travelling by airship, when his ears needed to pop and everything sounded as if it was underwater. “Do you hear something?” Gon asked Melcamp.

Melcamp frowned, rolling his head from side to side. “No.”

“Yeah,” Gon answered softly, sweeping his eyes across the forest floor. Pine needles were thick everywhere, but there seemed to be more in the hollow itself. Was it bedding?

Melcamp shouted- his scream was silenced almost as quickly as it began. Gon whirled around, but Melcamp had already disappeared. “Melcamp? Melcamp!” Gon jumped up through the hollow, landing on a higher branch. “Melcamp!” But the man was nowhere to be seen. Gon shut his eyes, focusing on En, but as his aura expanded all he could sense was the purple netting, so thick that it made everything else indistinguishable.

He couldn’t even smell the acrid scent of Melcamp’s nervous sweat anymore, it seemed to stop on the spot the man had been standing. Very strange. With no other recourse coming to mind, Gon resolved to find this base camp in question. And there was one place to look- Killua’s fire.

Leaping into the highest canopy, Gon sped for the far ridge.

\--

Killua was bored. He and the woman- she had yet to introduce herself, glowering at him as she picked at her rations- waited for her companions to catch up. He lounged on the boxes, having opened all of them despite her protests. Aside from the tranq darts he found food, typical camping gear, more empty straw-lined boxes, some with holes in them, and lots of trapping tools: rope of various strengths, muzzles, leather cording, that sort of thing.

“You know this area is a preserve, right?” He had yawned, flicking blue eyes over to the fuming woman. She didn’t respond. And now they were just waiting, something he had been trained to do for months at a time if it came to it, and he was perfectly content to sit here and watch her get more and more upset. Sort of. He’d rather be doing something interesting, but if he couldn’t, pissing her off was fun.

The sun reached its apex when Gon appeared, a broad hand threading through his spikes. Killua stood up, his hands in his pockets as he strolled over to his friend. “Find anything?”

“Yeah! I found this person named Melcamp!” Out of the corner of his eye, Killua saw the pink-haired woman stand. “We were looking for his other friend and all of a sudden he disappeared! So I thought I’d come find his base camp.” Gon whirled around to face Pink Hair, smiling that endless friendly smile of his, approaching her directly. “Hi! You must be one of Melcamp’s friends! I’m Gon! What’s your name?”

Killua rolled his eyes as the woman stared at Gon, shocked. “P-Panipa.”

“Nice to meet you, Panipa! I’m sorry I lost Melcamp!”

“Um” was her intelligent reply. Killua looped an arm around Gon’s neck and dragged him backwards away from the woman, spinning him around so that they faced each other.

“You know they’re here to capture animals and sell them, right?”

Gon blinked. His mouth formed into a drooping pout. “Really? But Melcamp seemed so nice!”

“Tch.” Killua shook his head. Unbelievable. For a person with such strong instincts, Gon could really be shockingly naive. Seriously, was he ever going to learn? It probably helped that he could get himself out of just about any situation, but still. “You’re weird.”

“You’re weird!” Gon whined back, sulking.

Killua couldn’t help smiling, flicking the man gently on the forehead. “Whatever you say, Gon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am blessed thanks everyone for reading, I hope you have fun with this mystery *wipes tear* :3


	17. New x Allies?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gon told Killua and Panipa about the odd hollow he and Melcamp had found, and despite the distrust between members they all agreed to go check it out. Panipa, her gun far away, strapped a bandoleer of tranquilizer ammunition around her torso and picked up one of the rifles, slinging it over her shoulder. Gon thought she looked cool like that. Killua rolled his eyes and fell a little behind the pair to keep an eye on her movements while Gon enthusiastically headed the line.

Gon told Killua and Panipa about the odd hollow he and Melcamp had found, and despite the distrust between members they all agreed to go check it out. Panipa, her gun far away, strapped a bandoleer of tranquilizer ammunition around her torso and picked up one of the rifles, slinging it over her shoulder. Gon thought she looked cool like that. Killua rolled his eyes and fell a little behind the pair to keep an eye on her movements while Gon enthusiastically headed the line.

Gon had failed to mention the nen threads to Panipa, something that made Killua feel very smug and a little proud. They walked at a normal pace, for now concealing their abilities from the pink-haired woman, Killua moving with an easy stroll even as they went down steep inclines. By the time the air started getting colder, Panipa’s bangs had flattened against her red face, sticky with sweat. Killua and Gon were practically unaffected, chatting when she had to pause to catch her breath. 

“Do you want me to carry that for you?” Killua snorted, gesturing at the heavy rifle she now used as a walking stick. Panipa glared at him, at first, but another ten minutes of walking changed her mind and she handed it over. It hardly weighed as much as one of his yoyos. Normal people were really weak. No wonder he’d managed to reach the 200th floor of Heaven’s Arena as a 6-year-old. Pathetic.

Honestly it was no wonder Gon had attracted his attention during the Hunter Exam. There was nothing ‘normal’ about him.

Without the weight of her rifle, Panipa caught back up to Gon. He smiled at her and offered her some water. She waved him off, patting the flask at her hip, and wiped her brow. “I don’t get why you’re partners with that guy,” she grumbled, stomping.

The young man’s eyes focused fixedly on her. He paused, his smile growing in intensity, and when he spoke it was a little louder than it should have been, a little forceful. “He’s pretty amazing actually.” Gon’s teeth were very white. Panipa blinked rapidly, weirded out, and fell back into the middle of the pack.

Killua watched her movements with a raised eyebrow, pressing his lips together. Pff whatever. His eyes flicked to the side and he pouted, pressing a reddening ear to his shoulder.

The cold hardly bothered him as they reached the hollow Gon had described before. The dark-haired Hunter tapped Killua’s wrist, and pointed his finger up in an imitation of Bisky. Catching the signal, Killua activated his Gyo to take a look. He stopped in his tracks, his head tilting all the way back. “So it _is_ a spiderweb.” 

“I think so too,” Gon said beside him, hushed. His head swiveled towards Killua, just inside his range of vision. The man wore a decided expression, grinning with excitement. “I think we’re in its bed.”

“Or its guard spot,” Killua offered in return. He cracked his neck to the side before turning his attention to Panipa. “Hey, you.”

“My name’s Panipa you brat,” she scowled at him. Unimpressed, Killua tossed the tranquilizer rifle at her. It hit her in the torso and she flailed, barely managing to regain her balance.

“What are you hunting out here?”

“I told you,” she snapped, pointing a vibrant yellow nail at him, “I’m not a poacher.” He rolled his eyes, blowing a raspberry at her. Slinging her rifle over her shoulder again, the woman wiped a smear of dirt off the grip. Deflated, she answered. “Porcubeavers and Blue-tailed foxes, but we were hoping to find a Corkian Birdsnake or two.”

Killua scoffed, rolling his shoulders back. No wonder they’d brought such a large cage. Ironically it was just the size he needed to transport the pet they were trying to find, presuming said pet didn’t want to come home. He had Gon on his team, though, and Gon could charm (and had charmed, in fact, Killua had seen the pictures) bird chicks the size of a building, so they were probably fine. 

“Oh, so only protected animals, huh?” Killua snorted, smirking. 

Panipa glared at him, puffing her cheeks out. “I’ll have you know blue-tailed foxes do better in captivity then they do in the wild.”

“I find that _wildly_ unlikely,” Killua shot back, his grin toothy. Gon laughed loudly at that, and Killua winked smugly at the woman. There were more interesting things to do than irritate her, though. Killua stuffed his hands in his pockets, turning back to Gon and the mystery web. He held out his hand towards the wall of threads, tilting his head towards Gon. “Ready?”

The young man’s smile was bright with excitement, his nen concentrating around his form. “Ready.”

Killua flattened his palm on the nen webbing and injected a burst of electricity into it. First, the space where his hand met the threads became a hole, but then it started to expand gently, dissolving outwards, and by the time it finished the space was big enough that Killua could leap through it if he was careful. Gon couldn’t, though, not with those broad shoulders of his.

They didn’t have to wait long. A dark shape filled the gap in the trees. Killua and Gon switched immediately into zetsu, kicking off into the branches in two directions. Panipa was not so lucky. Her shriek of surprise cut short. Without gyo it looked as though she simply rose up into the sky feet-first, shocked into silence. The shape above spun the woman around and around with its legs, leaving her somewhere out of sight in the upper canopy. It dropped down into the hollow after that, its feet kicking up pine needles as it twisted itself around and started to repair the hole.

It was a spider and something else, its massive main body violet with stripes of blue, its spindly legs moving at a speed most couldn’t track. Despite its pedipalps flickering and touching its mouth, its face was strangely human-like. Aside from the eyes, of course, eight reflective black beads clustered on its forehead. Gon shivered with excitement, meeting Killua’s eyes where they hid above the creature, grinning. Of course. 

Despite Gon’s supposition that they had found the creature’s bed, it didn’t seem interested in staying in the space, departing as soon as it had repaired the hole and using its own power to rise back into the sky. Killua and Gon tried to follow it, but even by switching back into Gyo, they couldn’t find it. They had a brief, hushed fight about whether or not to use En, knowing it would probably sense them and return, but Killua managed to talk Gon down by convincing him to check on Panipa first.

They found a veritable cluster of purple cocoons, attached to high branches and swaying in the breeze. The first one they cut open, the largest, revealed a skeleton that clattered down into the branches. The second was a man apparently asleep, but when they touched his shoulder the flesh inside was liquid, sloshing about the dead body. When they cut it loose it dropped heavily into the space below, squinching against the branches, and landed with what sounded like a splatter below them. The next three revealed Panipa, Melcamp and a squat, bald-headed man with comically broad arms and a bushy white mustache. His face was lined with wrinkles, his eyes bright and alert. Panipa and Melcamp cried out in relief, both of them throwing their arms around the old man despite their precarious position in the high canopy. This was Bragga, then.

“My kids didn’t give you too much trouble, I hope?” The old man greeted them with a gravelly voice, smiling kindly, reaching up to pat the two taller adults on the shoulders.

“The white-haired one is really mean,” Panipa complained to Bragga, shooting Killua a glare over his shoulder. Killua smirked at her.

“Now now. You probably saw our base camp and assumed the worst. Isn’t that right, young man?”

Killua blinked. Beside him, Gon hung from a higher branch, giggling excitedly even as it bent and complained under his weight.

“Why don’t we go back to base camp and explain, hm?”

“But Bragga!”

“Come on now,” he tsked at Panipa, patting a teary-eyed Melcamp on the head. “Shall we?”  
“But,” Melcamp squeaked. He had realized their precarious position and was now entirely wrapped around the branch they stood on, his eyes bulging as he tried to make out the forest floor far below them, “how do we get down??”

“Just hold on to old Bragga,” the man replied. Both Melcamp and Panipa wrapped their arms around him. At half their height, the entire thing seemed outright comical, and Killua set himself up to watch with great amusement, his eyes flicking to Gon to see how he was reacting too. He seemed to be enjoying himself, as always.

Bragga focused. A burst of nen flew from him as he leapt up, rising up above the treetops for a moment before coming crashing down into the center of the well, where his aura wouldn’t touch any of the threads. Killua and Gon both stared at them in a moment of shocked silence. Their gazes met. Gon’s mouth stretched into an improbable grin. He jumped after Bragga. Killua sighed. He strolled right off his branch, letting himself fall and cushioning his landing by concentrating his nen into his legs. The thickness of the pine needles helped marginally, but he still felt a tremor rack up the bone.

So. Bragga was a nen-user. Was he a Hunter, too? That would give him the license to do pretty much as he pleased, even in this preserve. Ah, well- he’d have time to investigate. It was obvious Gon was going to want to find out more about the man. Killua could read it in the excited gleam in his eyes, in the bounce of his step. He had found a new, interesting person to befriend.

Killua sighed, strolling a little behind the group. Whatever. Alluka was safe, for now. They could take a few extra days to wrap up this job, if they wanted. It would probably be fine.

But not too long.

\--

Bragga carried Panipa’s rifle, cheerfully encouraging the two adults in his group along with the benevolence of a grandfather engaging shy children; it only exaggerated their immaturity. Melcamp asked endless incessant questions about the spider creature nobody could answer, watery-eyed, while Panipa complained about Killua, recycling the words ‘smug jerk’ a whole lot, and shooting him glares occasionally. He always replied to them with a crooked smile. He knew it wasn’t very nice, but Gon started to giggle about it at some point and that only encouraged him.

By the time they reached the encampment for the second time, they had wasted most of the day. Bragga directed Panipa to restart the fire that she had put out this morning and attempted to send Melcamp into the forest to gather some mushrooms.

“But what if the spider comes baaaack?” Melcamp had whined in a high pitched voice, tears overflowing from his eyes, and Gon volunteered to find mushrooms instead. Killua went with him, obviously, much to Panipa’s relief, and when they returned with a boxful of fungi, Bragga had already set a pot of water on the fire to boil. The old man sorted through their pickings, dumping a few out on the grass- poisonous, maybe- eating one or two raw and tossing the rest into the water. When Gon peered in, he spotted a few animal bones, clean except for stubborn scraps of tendon, and a handful of green herbs. It smelled interesting, but not familiar. They sat around the fire as the sun set, Bragga doling out mushroom soup to each with a broad, kind smile that reminded Gon of grandma. 

“So what are you kids doing out here?” Bragga asked curiously, one eye open.

“We’re looking for someone’s pet!” Gon answered, and at the same time Killua cooly answered, “search and rescue.” They glanced at each other, Gon laughing and Killua pressing his lips together, scratching his cheek. Sheesh. There was truthful and then there was honest and then there was _Gon_. Did he even understand the concept of secrets? Sometimes Killua wasn’t sure.

“How interesting,” Bragga teased, a light in his eyes. “We’re also here for a search and rescue, somewhat.”

“I wouldn’t call caging a wild animal a rescue,” Killua snorted, stirring his soup around with his spoon. He found the taste odd and strangely musky. It wasn’t outright unappealing, but it would take him a bit to get used to. Gon, predictably, had already finished his bowl and gotten a second portion.

“Is that what you think we’re doing?” Bragga chuckled, rubbing a hand over his bald head. “I suppose it’s not entirely untrue.”

Killua tsked, setting down his bowl and leaning back on his elbows. “Not entirely, huh? What’s that supposed to mean? Either you cage them or you don’t.”

Panipa leaned forward suddenly, jabbing a finger towards Killua across the fire, her mouth open to argue. Bragga quieted her with a raised palm, shaking his head gently. “I cage them temporarily, it’s true,” he conceded. “But intentions matters with these things, wouldn’t you say, my boy?” Killua bristled at the familiar term, but Gon rested a hand on top of Killua’s to stop him and he deflated, settling for a weak, narrow-eyed glare.

“I think they do,” Gon answered instead, cheerful. Bragga’s gaze shifted between the two and his smile broaded.

“Ah, young love,” he breathed wistfully. Killua, immediately red, snatched his hand back from under Gon’s and picked up his soup, practically burying his face in it as he ate. He missed the way Gon’s eyes followed him, his smile momentarily brittle, but Bragga didn’t. “Sorry,” the man apologized, patting his own knee, “I shouldn’t assume…”

“It’s okay!” Gon sounded bright, but there was a tension in his voice that made Killua look up. “What _are_ you doing out here, then?”

Bragga sighed. His expression hardened as he sat up, the atmosphere shifting to something more serious. “Large animal sightings in the area have dropped significantly in the last few years. I’m sure you have noticed that the forest is strangely empty.” Gon nodded, his mouth in a grim line. “We’re here to investigate where they’ve gone.”

“And you need cages why?” Killua asked in a drawling voice, irked. He didn’t care so much about Bragga, but the tone Gon had used pinged something like guilty regret in him, and it made him more abrasive.

“Hm… Well, I might as well tell you. I’m a specialist, and my nen ability is that I can track any living creature. If I tag it, I can always sense where it is, and if it dies. There’s a limit to how many creatures I can tag at once, of course, but it’s gotten fairly high over the years if I do say so myself.” His whiskery smile was proud. “The compact requires that I bond with the creature first, though, and that can take a while, especially with wild animals, so unfortunately I have to keep them restrained for a time.”

There was a short silence as Gon and Killua both considered this answer. Gon’s gaze was far away, and Killua expected that the boy was thinking of the animals. Killua wasn’t, though- the answer seemed pretty clear to him. The spider was probably a chimera ant that had escaped the NGL chaos, settled here, and devoured all the large animals it could find. That would explain how it used nen.

Of fucking course they would find the one wild chimera ant left in the world, of _course_.

“But Melcamp doesn’t know nen,” Gon frowned, confused.

The man jumped to his feet, and it was increasingly obvious to Killua that, although he was an adult, he really wasn’t that much older than them. Panipa probably wasn’t either, though he always struggled to judge a woman’s age accurately. He blamed his mother and Bisky for that, mostly. “I know what nen is! I just can’t use it yet!”

“They’re still working on opening their nodes,” Bragga nodded sagely, kindness crinkling the skin around his eyes. “Not everyone can be like you, Gon.”

“Huh?” Neither of them could remember giving Bragga their names, and neither Panipa nor Melcamp had used it. “Did we meet before?”

“Not quite,” Bragga chuckled. “I was there during the chairman vote, so I know who you are. Most hunters do. Now, Killua Zoldyck…. He’s more of a mystery, isn’t he?” The old man winked, a twinkle in his eyes.

Killua jumped to his feet. He grabbed the man by the collar, pulling him off the floor and holding him up so they were nose to nose. His talons touched threateningly against the underside of Bragga’s chin. Melcamp and Panipa rose, crying out in alarm. Gon stayed still as a stone. “How do you know me?” Killua growled.

Bragga stared back at him with utter calm, meeting his eyes seriously. “I was once offered a job to find you and track you. I turned it down.”

“By who?”

“There wasn’t a name on the job, but I’m pretty sure it was Illumi Zoldyck. Your brother.”

Killua dropped the man immediately. He took a step back, gaze sweeping over the campfire, and caught Gon’s eye. His partner watched him with intense focus, sadness lining his mouth. A muscle in Killua’s jaw flexed. He swallowed, shaking his head, his eyes hidden by his bangs, turned and disappeared from sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> doop doop mushroom soup what happens next? :P


	18. Something x Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Awkward silence reigned around the campfire. Panipa and Melcamp clearly had no idea what to do. Bragga seemed content to do nothing at all, serving himself another bowlful of soup. Gon sat lax for a moment. He drained what was left in his bowl and excused himself, slipping into the evening darkness to find Killua.

Awkward silence reigned around the campfire. Panipa and Melcamp clearly had no idea what to do. Bragga seemed content to do nothing at all, serving himself another bowlful of soup. Gon sat lax for a moment. He drained what was left in his bowl and excused himself, slipping into the evening darkness to find Killua.

He didn’t have to look long. Killua’s white hair was easy to see in the moonlight, a shock of brightness against the dark treeline. He sat at the height of the ridge, his gaze distant as he stared into the valley below. Gon approached at a normal pace, quietly sitting beside the other Hunter. Killua had both of his feet propped on the rocks, his arms folded over his knees.

“Are you ok?” Gon whispered gently, tawny eyes focused intently on every tick in Killua’s expression. Killua shrugged, an inconsolate sadness in his sluggish movements that Gon hardly recognized. Gon reached out, brushing his fingers against Killua’s upper arm, but when Killua shifted out of the touch, he let his hand fall limp.

What was he supposed to do? Besides punching Illumi in the face, how could he help? Killua- either it was because Killua didn’t know how to talk about the dark feelings dwelling in him, or he just didn’t trust Gon with them, but Killua was never- never forthright with him about things like this. Never honest.

Gon hugged his own arms to his chest, gathering his legs up, mimicking Killua’s pose.

“No matter what happens with Illumi, you did a good job, Killua,” Gon continued to try, even if it made his throat feel sticky and his tongue too heavy for his mouth. “You freed Alluka.” Killua snorted derisively, his lips drawing back from his teeth. Gon frowned, laying his cheek on his arms as he watched Killua. Why? It was true! “You did!” 

But Killua only shook his head, his eyes hard. “No.” His words were weighty, hardened by an unbroachable finality. “I didn’t.”

Gon gritted his teeth, an old fury igniting in his chest. So if he didn’t, why the hell did they split up? Why did he spend all that time keeping her safe? His limbs unfurled, kicking small rocks down the steep incline. “Yes, you did! You saved her!”

“From what?!” Killua yelled back. He was on his feet now, his eyes blazing in the moonlight- or was it that they reflected it, a wet sheen distorting the light. “She’s still being hunted!”

“She was by herself, locked away in a room, and now she’s traveling the world with you! How did you not save her?”

“Travelling isn’t being free, you idiot,” Killua hissed. Gon’s hand curled into a fist around a few pebbles, crushing them into near dust. “We’re on the run. Every second of every day. She can’t have friends! She can’t tell people who she is! She can’t go to school, she can’t feel safe, she can’t do anything.”

Gon threw the fistful of dust into the distance, biting back a growl. Killua was such a fatalist, how was he supposed to get through to him? Everything Gon said, Killua dismissed- as childish, as idiotic, as unrealistic, as delusionally optimistic. Killua was the one being childish! Refusing to communicate, hiding all his feelings, yelling and demanding apologies as if he had never made a mistake in his life. “So what! Weren’t you happy when you could go wherever you wanted?”

“You don’t get it,” Killua spat, and here it was, here was this moment, the end of the argument, where Killua was going to tell Gon he was just too naive to understand the world, that he was an idiot that didn’t know better, that he had just misunderstood their entire relationship. “I wasn’t happy because I could do whatever I wanted, I was happy because I was with you.”

Killua angrily wiped his eyes with the flat of his palms, his teeth clenched. He wobbled on the spot before sinking to the ground, his head hanging shamefully against his chest. Gon stared at him, his ears ringing, his mouth half-open with no words to give.

Something bloomed in his chest, hot and expansive, spreading down his limbs like light. One second he watched Killua bury his face in his hands and the next he was beside him, wrapping his broad arms around the smaller man and crushing Killua to his chest. It dragged a tiny whine out of the white-haired boy, his head hidden against Gon’s shoulder. Killua’s hands, trapped between them, clung to his shirt.

Gon turned his head, pressing his nose against Killua’s hair. The young man shuddered against him, whatever dam he had holding back the weight of his fears crumbled to nothing. Gon stroked his back, hushing him soothingly. He could feel the heat of Killua’s sticky cheek against his open mouth and, without thinking, Gon pressed a kiss to the salty skin. And another. And a third.

Killua flattened a hand against Gon’s chest, pushing him back with a slow but insistent force. Shit. Shit, he shouldn’t have- he should’ve asked first, he-

Killua tilted his head up and their eyes met. Gon swallowed down the apology threatening to spill, mesmerized by the open, almost fearful expression on Killua’s face. The man’s eyes were swollen and wet, his cheeks splotched red, his chest heaving on confused breaths, halfway to crying, and he was the most amazing thing Gon had ever seen. The exhilaration made him feel brave, and he cupped a broad palm around Killua’s chin, marvelling at the contrast between Killua’s fair skin and his dark tan. His thumb stroked across Killua’s cheek, sweeping away a stray curl of hair. “I was happy because I was with you, too,” he confessed with a soft smile, pressing his forehead against Killua’s.

Killua dropped his gaze shyly. He lowered his head to rest against Gon’s shoulder, taking metered shallow breaths to calm down. Gon was patient, ever patient, because Killua was a flighty creature and Gon knew flighty creatures, and you didn’t chase them, you waited for them to come to you.

When Killua looked up again he looked a little more resolved, but his entire face had gone red to the tips of his ears and he couldn’t quite meet Gon’s eye. “Do you, er,” he whispered, rubbing his knuckles against his burning cheeks. Gon was immediately charmed by the behavior, his heart fluttering anxiously in his chest. “...Do you want to try kissing or whatever?” Killua blurted out awkwardly, immediately slapping a hand over his own face.

Gon laughed, giddy relief spreading through him. Killua tensed in his arms but he only held on tighter- oh, this was not a moment to let go. “Yeah,” he grinned, curling his fingers around Killua’s hand and drawing it away from his face. “I really do. Can I?”

Killua, burning red and clearly embarrassed to all hell, merely shrugged, but that was concession enough for Gon. Hardly containing his grin, Gon ducked his head down to catch Killua’s lips.

\--

When Killua and Gon returned to the encampment it was hand in hand, Gon’s jacket hanging loosely from his fingers and smeared with dust. The fire had died down to the soft, red glow of embers, an occasional spark of flame licking scorched wood and casting dancing shadows. Melcamp was already asleep, Panipa was cleaning her face with a washcloth dipped in cool water, and Bragga was sitting atop his sleeping roll, weaving and knotting ropes together into a netting. His eyes flicked to their tangled fingers and he chuckled knowingly.

“There’s a nice flat spot to sleep on the other side of the boulders behind us if you want a little privacy,” he informed them with no judgement, his moustache shivering as he smiled. Killua burned red immediately. Gon squeezed his hand when he felt him tense but instead of pulling away as he tended to do, Killua gripped Gon’s hand in return- a little too hard.

“Ease off,” Gon breathed to him, bumping this hips together. Flushed and annoyed, Killua turned his head down, tapping his cheekbone against Gon’s shoulder, hiding his blush from the others but not so much Gon.

If anything could key up his elation further, that was it.

“Sounds good!” Gon said to Bragga, waving a hand in hello and thanks as he snatched up his bag and swung it over his shoulder, grabbing Killua’s too and dragging him past the group. “See you in the morning.”

“ _Gon_ ,” Killua warned under his breath, pinching his side. Gon laughed in answer, screaming joy lurking in the hysteric edge of it. Short of Illumi popping up, Gon doubted anything could wreck his mood at this point, especially not with Killua so adorably embarrassed by the whole thing. 

For his part, Killua doubted he could handle looking at much of anyone in the eye. His lips tingled with the memory of Gon’s mouth pressed against his, and though for the most part their kissing had remained chaste, his blood sang with the promise of more to come. It wasn’t a song he was ready to hear, and definitely not one he was about to _engage_ with. The way Gon kept looking at him was hardly helping things, his golden eyes so aglow that Killua consistently caught himself short of breath and burning red. Hell, if this went on much longer, he might just spontaneously catch fire.

Gon let go of his hand when they reached the promised sanctuary of privacy, dropping both of their bags and humming as he went through them. First he unhooked his own bedroll, then he pulled out the blanket Killua had used in the desert, tossing them out on the dirt. He went about prepping a sleeping space, his hips moving in an excited little jig that had Killua slapping a hand over his face, questioning all the decisions he had made in his life- at least until Gon shed his boots and shorts, bundling up his dirty jacket as a pillow and holding his hand out for Killua to come closer.

He might just die on the spot instead.

Killua dragged his feet as he approached, his blue eyes stubbornly stuck to the floor. He sat on the bedroll next to Gon and took his sweet time unlacing and removing his sneakers. He hoped that he might return to a normal color at some point, but the more conscious he was of Gon’s lingering gaze and the heat in his face, the worse it got, and by the time he had shoved his wadded socks into his shoes and laid down, he was convinced his entire body must be the color of a ripe tomato.

Gon relaxed next to him, propping his head up on his arm and gazing softly at Killua. His lips were fixed in a smile. He dragged his fingers slowly through Killua’s soft, downy hair, grazing his knuckles against a hot cheekbone, and dipped down to kiss the edge of Killua’s mouth. He barely pulled back, a pink tongue flicking against his lips. Killua swallowed, and his blue eyes were awash with something like anxiety, his lips parted on words he couldn’t find. Gon’s grin magnified in response, and he ducked back down to drink in another kiss, awed by the softness of Killua’s mouth against his own.

He had done a lot of exciting things in his so-far short life, but at this moment he couldn’t think of anything nicer than this, clustered close with his childhood friend, basking in the kind of warm, sweet touch he had only let himself think about alone in the darkness, when he was trying to sleep.

Killua crossed his feet at the ankles under the covers, folding his hands over his stomach as he lay on his back, stiff. Everything felt different. The air was tinged with the smell of Gon. Every touch against bare skin felt like a spark, zinging along his veins, his nerves lighting up at the least provocation, traitorously tuned in to Gon’s very existence.

Gon curled around him, resting his head so that Killua’s hair tickled his cheek, throwing a leg over both of Killua’s and pulling them a little closer. He laced his fingers with Killua’s, allowing their tangled hands to rest on the paler man’s chest. He wasn’t bothered by the way Killua had closed himself off, awkward and rigid- a shy, uncertain Killua was better than an angry, defensive one by absolutely every count, and anyway Gon knew him well enough to recognize it as a victory.

“Good night, Killua,” he breathed into a pink-tinged ear, his smile broadening when it reddened again.

“Good night,” Killua ground out, but he turned his head towards Gon, the tip of his nose meeting the collar of Gon’s shirt. Gon fell asleep smiling.

\--

Killua woke up at an angle, his legs crossed perpendicularly over Gon’s, the upper half of his torso sticking out of the covers and lying in the dirt. His head rested partially on a sleeve of Gon’s jacket, the green denim spread open haphazardly, drool dry on his cheek. He scrubbed at the crusted skin, yawning at the brightening sky and rolled his head to look at Gon.

The enhancer was on his stomach, his cheek pillowed on his crossed arms. One golden eye cracked open, and his mouth curved into a sleepy smile. “Hi.” Gon’s voice was gravelly and low, rough with sleep, and Killua blinked at him, oddly struck by it. It felt more intimate than before, somehow, even though they’d shared beds plenty. He knew why, but facing it was a different question.

Not for Gon, it seemed. The taller man propped himself up on his elbows and ran blocky fingers through his thick dark hair, rearranging the matted spikes into something resembling his usual style. “Do you think I should cut it?” He asked Killua conversationally, and Killua shrugged. What kind of stupid question-

But then Gon crawled around the sheets until he was lined side-to-side with Killua, leaving one of his muscular legs beneath Killua’s limbs, peering down at him with a smile.

“Can I kiss you again?”

“You don’t have to ask every time, stupid,” Killua mumbled. It was too early in the day to be blushing already, damnit! Gon chuckled, a warm sound that rolled in his chest, and Killua felt the tension between his shoulders easing at the sound. Gon was a happy person in general, but something felt personal about his happiness _now_.

So morning breath was a thing, and Killua crinkled his nose when Gon’s exhale swept against his face, but the tingling touch of lips against his had him looping an arm around Gon’s neck, holding him close. How crazy was it to be able to _feel_ Gon’s smile rather than seeing it? A warm palm flattened against his ribcage, gently dragging down his side until it cupped around the small of his waist. Gon’s thumb traced the line of Killua’s shirt before dipping under the hem, a whorling fingerprint of heat against his skin. Killua’s breath hitched, and an experimental tongue flicked against the corner of his mouth, wetly tracing the seam of his lips. Shivering, Killua weakly banged his palm against Gon’s shoulder.

“Ok,” he turned his head away, blushing furiously, “that’s enough.”

“Awwww, but Killua!” Gon teased, lightly pinching his side. Killua’s glare lacked fire, and Gon responded by calling him cute again, grinning toothily when Killua smacked him for it. Letting go of Killua’s side, Gon instead brushed white bangs out of Killua’s eyes, his touch lingering on the transmuter’s cheekbone.

“Hey, Killua?” Gon tilted his head, thoughtfully stroking his thumb against the soft skin of Killua’s mouth. 

Killua gripped Gon’s hand with his own, pulling it away from his face and holding it still against his chest. He didn’t realize that Gon could feel his heart thumping against tanned knuckles- probably for the best. “What?” He spat, an annoyed cat. 

Gon could see right through it, though. There was something enchanting to him about Killua’s attitude, and his general over-wrought reticence made his moments of honest weakness all the sweeter. “Do you want to be my boyfriend?”

Killua was silent for several beats, but his body wasn’t. Gon could feel his heartbeat ratchet up as Killua held his breath, color filling his pale skin. “What kind of stupid question is that,” Killua bitched, turning his head away from Gon and staring through his lashes into the distance.

Laughing, Gon crossed his second arm over Killua’s chest as well, resting his head on their linked hands and grinning at him. “So?”

“Isn’t the answer obvious,” Killua muttered reluctantly, trying to extricate his hand. Gon let him, and Killua propped himself up on his elbows, but with Gon’s weight on his torso he wasn’t about to go much of anywhere.

“Maybe,” Gon shrugged placidly, his smile never wavering, “but you still have to say it.”

Killua glared down at him, as if that might change his mind. He halfheartedly pushed at Gon’s forehead, but Gon didn’t budge. He flicked his thumbnail against it hard instead, but nothing. “Get off, I want to get up.”

“Nope!” Gon chirped. “I’ll let you up after you answer.”

“Fine,” Killua growled, and it might have been more intimidating if his ears weren’t red, “yes, I want to be your boyfriend. Happy?”

And he was, oh, he so was, he really was, so very happy. It must have shown on his face because Killua’s eyes widened. The white-haired man chewed on his bottom lip and it bloomed the skin red and swollen and what was Gon supposed to do but kiss Killua again- and again, kissing the tip of his nose and his cheeks and his forehead and the hollow of his throat until Killua was batting at him.

“Get off, I want to wash up before the others wake up!”

“Okay just one more,” Gon giggled giddily. He stole another kiss against Killua’s lips, and though it was chaste it was long and so nice Gon immediately came back for seconds with an “ok, just _one_ more,” that had Killua planting his hand over Gon’s face and shoving him away.

“No more!”

“I’m sorry!” Gon laughed, “you’re just so cute I can’t stop!”

“I’ll make you stop!” Killua threatened, but he was smiling too, like he couldn’t stop himself, and if Gon died right here he’d die happy having lived through this very moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to dedicate this chapter to rhythmxecho for encouraging me, and also because this is the chapter I was writing when you popped up, hope you like it :P
> 
> it only took 50,000 words for them to kiss for the first time it's cool x.x whats up


	19. Hunt x Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone was awake and busy when they returned to the camp. Bragga boiled some palm-sized eggs in the leftover soup cheerfully while the other two checked equipment and loaded rifles.
> 
> “What’s the plan today?” Gon asked, accepting a mug of burnt-smelling coffee with a cheerful smile.
> 
> “Are you kids up for a little spider spotting?” Bragga asked, his eyes crinkling as he smiled.
> 
> “Sure are!” Gon grinned, planting a hand on his hip.

Killua’s morning routine took about twice as long as it should have, because Gon was a pest and couldn’t seem to leave him alone for more than five minutes at a time. At least, that’s what he would’ve told Alluka if she was there with them, but the truth was that the very thought of Gon was a distraction all by itself, and half the time it was his own fault he wasn’t getting anything done, retreating into the memory of last night and this morning, staring dazedly into the stream they’d found nearby to wash up.

Everyone was awake and busy when they returned to the camp. Bragga boiled some palm-sized eggs in the leftover soup cheerfully while the other two checked equipment and loaded rifles.

“What’s the plan today?” Gon asked, accepting a mug of burnt-smelling coffee with a cheerful smile.

“Are you kids up for a little spider spotting?” Bragga asked, his eyes crinkling as he smiled.

“Sure are!” Gon grinned, planting a hand on his hip. Killua rolled his eyes, sniffing the coffee Gon held and making a disgusted face. It wasn’t anywhere near sweet enough for him to drink in the first place, but that was just downright unappetizing- and coffee smelled better than it tasted as a rule, so, eugh. Since when did Gon even drink the stuff? And, side note: how did Gon find fatherly figures everywhere?

Killua smirked, thinking of what Leorio might say to that. He imagined it would involve Ging’s name and a long string of expletives. The white-haired man sat at the edge of the ridge, selecting a seat that was over a particularly sheer drop and letting his feet dangle over nothing. They could see all the threads with Gyo, but Gyo was aura focused in the eyes. En was aura expanded, so if a little jolt of nen could dissolve a thread, what would happen if he spread his En over the area instead?

Gon sat beside him, right up next to him so that they touched from the hips down, leaning back on his hands with one arm pressed along Killua’s back. It was windy up here, and the chill of air against the heat of Gon’s body made him shiver.

“What are you planning?” Gon asked, the left side of his mouth curved up in a curious smile. Killua turned his head towards Gon, observing him through pale eyelashes. Gon cocked his head at that, a puppy hearing its name, and Killua smirked at him.

“You’re still a kid, aren’t you?”

Gon’s eyebrow went up, and his smile shifted into a territory Killua was entirely unused to, particularly coming from Gon, but which shocked a red-hot blush out of him almost immediately. “Not in any of the ways that matter,” he purred, his golden eyes flicking over Killua’s shape.

“What the hell!” Killua screeched, leaning back away from Gon and punching him hard in the shoulder. “Don’t do shit like that!”

Gon laughed at him, hard and full-bellied, wiping a tear of mirth from his eyes. Killua huffed, his flush fading back to pink, and narrowed his eyes at the older man. “Are you messing with me?” he growled threateningly, pinching Gon’s side hard.

“Ow. Yes. Stop it,” he squirmed, gripping Killua’s wrist and pulling vengeful fingers away from his skin. “I can’t help it, you’re so cute when you’re flustered.”

“Stop calling me cute!”

“Not a chance,” Gon shook his head, water flying from his spikes and splattering across Killua’s front. Gon toasted his coffee to him and took a single sip- his tongue lolled out of his mouth in disgust and he checked behind him quickly to see if anyone was watching before pouring the rest out onto the treetops below them. “What _were_ you thinking about? I know what your thinking face looks like, you know.” He poked his fingernail into Killua’s forehead, an imitation of the gesture Killua had pulled on him a thousand times.

“I was wondering if En would destroy the web.”

“I don’t think so,” Gon shook his head, setting the empty metal mug beside his hip and leaning back again, kicking his feet. “I used En to try and find Melcamp and nothing happened to it.”

“Hrm.” Killua nodded, turning his head to stare out into the valley. Curious. “Do you think Bragga’s ability would work through the webbing?”

“Maybe. Why?” Gon’s smile turned impish. He looked at Killua sideways, sly. “You think someone should get caught on purpose?”

Killua shrugged. “Why not? Someone on the inside could be useful.”

“I volunteer!” Gon announced at large, punching the air. 

Killua hissed. “No, moron, one of the useless twins.” He pointed behind them with his thumb.

Gon frowned. “But Killua, neither of them knows nen, they won’t be useful on the inside!”

“It’s just a tracker test, Gon. Geez. We know how to rescue them we’ve done it already.”

Gon frowned, shaking his head slowly. “I’m pretty sure if the spider is smart enough to do all that stuff it's smart enough not to store its prey in the same place twice.”

Killua stared at him for a long moment before scoffing, flopping backwards into the dirt. “Whatever.”

\--

They caught up with the other team and headed out. Bragga carried all three of his team’s tranquilizer rifles strapped to his back, moving as if totally unencumbered despite the fact that the rifles were longer than he was tall. It was comical watching him stroll in the woods like that while Panipa and Melcamp panted from exertion, struggling to keep up with the nen users.

Neither of the two were particularly pleased when Killua suggested deliberately throwing them to the spider, and they both strongly sided with Gon when he offered to do it instead, but Bragga frowned thoughtfully and agreed with Killua. He had, after all, already formed the requisite bond with them to fulfil the requirements for his nen ability- at least that was what he said, but Killua had a strong suspicion Bragga already tracked both of his apprentices.

“What?!” Melcamp cried, slapping both hands on his cheeks, his eyes bulging out of their sockets. “I don’t want to!” he screamed, breaking out into a cold sweat. “What if it eats me right away!”

“Spiders can’t eat anything solid,” Killua snorted, his hands casually resting in his pockets. “They have to wait for your insides to liquefy first.”

“That’s even worse!” Melcamp’s voice frightened a poor squirrel, and it emitted sharp little squeaks as it skittered away.

“I don’t want to either,” Panipa whispered, her face ashen. “That stupid kid took away my gun!” She pointed a neon nail at Killua, gripping onto Bragga’s sleeve.

“You shot at me,” Killua shrugged, rolling his eyes. Gon’s head swiveled, his eyes flat as he stared at her. She what?

“They were rubber bullets! I was just trying to scare you!”

“You failed,” Killua yawned. Gon’s eyes narrowed on her another moment, but Killua’s ease convinced him to let it go.

An angry vein throbbed in her temple, but before she could initiate a fight, Bragga cut in. “Melcamp andI were caught first. In case it didn’t realize that we freed ourselves, I’m afraid you’re the best choice, Panipa.” He settled a hand on her shoulder. After Gon, Panipa was the tallest of the group, and with Bragga reaching Killua’s shoulders at best it was pretty funny watching him stretch his arm all the way above him to land there. “Don’t worry,” Bragga told her with a warm, paternal smile, “we’ll all be looking out for you, me especially.”

The fight visibly drained from her, and she sighed as she slumped, taking off her bandoleer of tranquilizer darts. Gon took it from her and slung it over one shoulder, since he had left his bag back at base camp. “Fine. What should I do?”

By this time they had descended into the forest but hadn’t quite reached the old growth. The nen webbing wasn’t at its thickest yet, and since all nen users were in zetsu, only Panipa and Melcamp’s movements had pinged the web. “Stay right where you are,” Bragga instructed her with a cheery smile, “and we’ll take care of everything.” In one move, Bragga swept Melcamp off his feet and into his arms. The man squirmed and yelped in fear when Bragga leapt high into the nearest pine, disappearing into the branches. Killua and Gon glanced at each other- in a moment they had vanished from her sight too.

Killua threw a blast of lightning at her feet, smirking to himself when it made her screech. His nen caught on a multitude of threads, and they dissolved in zigzag scarring. The noise of small animals died almost immediately, and soon there was a rustling between the pine needles.

From his position in the upper canopy, Gon could see trees swaying as the spider came closer to them, its weight bowing the tips of pines as it skirted along its web to the point of damage. It moved at incredible speed. His eyes widening, Gon wrapped himself fully around the trunk of the tree he stood on, staying utterly quiet as the spider passed immediately below him, throwing a thread over the branches beneath his dangling feet and dropping down to Panipa’s level. The ground shook when it landed, its pedipalps clicking eagerly. Panipa’s frightened holler cut short as she was spun into a cocoon and thrown on the spider’s back. It rose back into the canopy, and Gon held its breath as it regained its position beneath him, twisting around and going back the way it had come.

Killua appeared on the branch next to him, balancing on one foot and watching the tops of trees sway as the spider went north-east. “You good?”

“Yep!” Gon’s grin was exhilarated. Killua snorted. Of course. What else had he expected?

They dropped to the ground floor and found Bragga beaming at them despite Melcamp still curled in his arms, holding tightly around his neck, his teeth chattering from fear. “I can still sense her,” Bragga grinning, dropping Melcamp and giving them a thumbs up. Melcamp groaned, a heap on the ground.

“What if I just went back to base camp and kept an eye on it, huh?” he whimpered, teary-eyed as he looked up at them.

Bragga helped the boy up, but before he could reassure Melcamp, Killua cut in: “We’ll get there much faster without him.”

Bragga sighed, nodding. “Very true. You may go, Melcamp, if you like.”

“I do like!” He screeched, wiping the snot from his long nose, his big bulging eyes watery, shocked that Killua had supported his decision. “Please! OKAY! BYE!”

Melcamp had not moved that fast since they had met. Gon laughed awkwardly, scratching his cheek, uncertain what Bragga was doing with such a coward when he seemed like such a cool guy. Killua merely smirked, glad to be rid of him. “Where to, old man?” He asked Bragga. The bald man stroked his mustache, his small eyes tracking Melcamp before he turned to them both with a broad smile. 

“Follow me!”

Bragga and Gon moved in much the same way, kicking off and leaping forward bounds at a time, hopping from branch to branch in a way that shook the treetops and rained pine needles down on Killua. Rolling his eyes, he ran along the ground level, his own footsteps silent. He had no reason to engage Godspeed yet, perfectly capable of moving at their speed without the extra jolt to his nen. Hell, his assassin techniques had covered invisibly-fast movement long before he even knew what nen was.With all the ruckus the other two made, Killua was honestly shocked the spider didn’t turn around and come back after them immediately.

They didn’t run more than ten minutes, although it was fair to say they had covered plenty of ground in that time. Melcamp was probably still in the old growth. Meanwhile, they had climbed out of the treeline, and were now ascending a nearly sheer cliff, which dipped suddenly into a much smaller valley, high in altitude, perhaps the area of the Heaven’s Arena floor. It was hidden from all directions but above by rock faces, and teetering at the lip of it, they could peer down into it and see a pock-marked ground. Gyo revealed that many of the holes were lined with thick webbing that descended into the darkness below earth. They glanced at each other- Bragga nodded, a thoughtful expression deepening the lines in his face as he stroked his mustache, and Gon grinned, bouncing from foot to foot. Rolling his eyes on a smirk, Killua picked a hole and dropped in first. 

He landed on something soft, his ankles feeling as though something pressed around them. With gyo he could see that the entire subterranean cavern was lined with webbing. He tried to pull one foot out but it only stretched the sticky thread. Before he could warn the others, they both landed beside him, their impacts making the ground beneath his feet shudder. Shaking his head, he rolled his eyes heavenward- and paused, cocking his head.

“We have to kill it.”

“Huh?” Gon replied, swiveling to hone in on Killua. “Why?”

Killua pointed above them and Gon arched his head back. The cavern was lined with clusters of translucent sacs, so thick they hid the ceiling. There were thousands, easily, some like gel balls, others heavy and drooping, a dark shape inside them, pulsing occasionally.

The floor was littered with pure white bones of all kinds- human, animal, blue-tailed fox. Killua bit his lip. He jerked in surprise when Gon’s fingers slid against his palms, tangling their hands together, and turned to look at him.

“It’s going to be fine this time, you’ll see,” he promised, his head dipping low to brush a kiss across Killua’s hair.

“I’m not worried, you dork,” Killua snorted, elbowing Gon. He pulled his hand from Gon’s grip, rubbing it against his chest, distrubed by the oddly tight sensation the moment had elicited in him. No, he wasn’t worried. But they _would _have to set the place on fire, that he was convinced of.__

__“Come,” Bragga interrupted, a frown set on his face, his eyes blazing as he marched ahead of them. All the holes made it quite easy to see inside the cavern, and it was no difficulty navigating as Bragga followed his connection to Panipa. It was so easy to see, in fact, that when a low, angry growl bounced across the enclosed space, they all whirled around, confused by the source of the sound._ _

__A shape rose from beneath a pile of bones: first it was only gnashing teeth and flashing yellow eyes, but it shook off its covering, and between the purple threads of nen, they could see a face staring out at them._ _

__It had the head of a bear, a squat neck and broad shoulders, but its body was long. It had twelve legs, each ending in a foot with two splayed forward toes and a thumb-like digit that ended in a wickedly hooked claw. Gon set himself to fight it, but before he could jump forward, Killua snatched his collar and pulled him back._ _

__“Killua, what-”_ _

__But Killua’s arched eyebrows and surprised expression paused Gon’s hiss. He tilted his head, straightening up, and waited for an explanation._ _

__“That’s Barby.”_ _

__“What?”_ _

__“Barby. The pet.” He looked at Gon, shrugging. “You know, the job? Barby.” Killua gestured towards the animal, as baffled by the turn of events as anyone._ _

__Now that Gon looked closer, he could make out a red collar around the creature’s neck, a cute heart-shaped tag hidden in the matted fur._ _

__“Um.”_ _

__The creature unfurled itself totally, a spiny tail waving back and forth behind it like a hunting cat. “So what do we do?”_ _

__“Don’t kill it, for starters.”_ _

__“Gee, thanks. I think I figured that part out on my own!”_ _

__“Why are you asking me then? Use your brain!”_ _

__“I am using my brain- ooooow, why did you hit me?”_ _

__

__“Why are you yelling!”_ _

__“You’re the one that’s yelling!”_ _

__Bragga stared at the two boys as they argued- and so did Barby, tail twitching excitedly. It reared up on its back six legs, scooting closer and landing hard beside the pair. They turned to look at it and it bared its great teeth again, its mouth large enough to bite Gon’s head off in one go. Its breath was putrid, and Killua jumped back out of range, waving his hand in front of his face, gagging. Gon held his ground, lowering himself into a fighting stance. Barby inhaled, its slitted pupils fixed on Gon’s golden irises. Its forked tongue flicked out._ _

__It licked a slobbering line across Gon’s throat and face, pushed its head hard enough against his chest to knock him over and flopped down on the ground then and there, panting heavily where it lay its head on Gon’s stomach. Laughing, Gon scratched its nose._ _

__“Hi there Barby! You’re pretty friendly, huh.”_ _

__Killua slapped a hand over his face. Of course. Of fucking course it liked Gon already, literally ten seconds in. Amazing._ _


	20. The Death x Of Childhood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barby had decided, it seemed, that Gon was its new favorite. When he managed to push the big head off him and stand up, Barby had coiled its centipede-like body around Gon, rubbing on his side and emitting a deep rumbling sound that was maybe a purr. It keened happily when Gon busied himself picking nen threads out of its fur, scratching his nails along the creature’s spine as he groomed it.

Barby had decided, it seemed, that Gon was its new favorite. When he managed to push the big head off him and stand up, Barby had coiled its centipede-like body around Gon, rubbing on his side and emitting a deep rumbling sound that was maybe a purr. It keened happily when Gon busied himself picking nen threads out of its fur, scratching his nails along the creature’s spine as he groomed it.

Killua didn’t seem too happy about the turn of events. He sat on a rock nearby with his cheek leaning on his hand and his eyes narrowed. Gon didn’t call him out on his jealous sulking, but Killua’s attitude did magnify his smile as he pet Barby.

“Can we move on?” Killua complained, huffing and rolling his eyes. Gon booped Barby’s nose and brushed away the last of the spiderweb, wiping the sticky nen from his hands.

“Sure, Killua. You lead.”

“Tch. Fine.” Shoving his hands into his pockets, Killua stomped further down the cavern. Gon and Bragga quickly caught on, and the two of them made significantly more racket than the trained assassin. Gon’s heavy footsteps made small tremors, and Bragga started to sing a boisterous camp song. Groaning, Killua’s head sank a little lower. Gon laughed, catching up and slinging an arm around Killua’s shoulders. Barby followed fluidly, leaning its bear head against Gon’s hip until he gave it scritches behind the ear.

A ray of light went out just ahead of them. They stopped on the spot, the noise dying. Gon and Killua immediately went into fighting stances as the spider descended into the cavern, its bulbous body the exact size of the hole, legs making dirt and rocks shower down into the space. It landed with a heavy thunk, crushing fragile bone. It emitted a scream that sounded like a woman wailing, high and filled with the agony of loss. Goosebumps broke out across Gon’s skin. Killua’s eyes narrowed. Out of all the hunting techniques people and animals used, he really hated mimicry the most.

Killua reformed his fingers into their razor-sharp talons, leaping forward with arm outstretched to attack, but before he reached the creature he was suddenly thrown sideways into the cavern wall. He gasped as his spine slammed into rock, winded, and shook dust out of his hair as he stood up. Barby moved in a fluid wave until its bear face filled Killua’s vision, growling. He slammed his palm into the creature’s soft nose and it skittered away, but instead of cowering behind Gon it spiraled its long body around that of the spider, planting its hooked thumbs into the ground. Its lips pulled back in a snarl, and it roared at the humans.

Gon was at Killua’s side, his hands on his elbows as he tried to help him up. Killua shook him off. “Stop it,” he growled while Gon stroked his palm along the back of his head and over his back, checking for blood, “I’m not that easy to injure.” And even if he was, this wasn’t the time. Spider, first. Barby, second. Injuries, never.

Bragga watched the two creatures evenly. He had unstrapped both rifles from his shoulders, setting them down carefully against the wall. He stripped his shirt off too, standing bare chested with his arms spread to his side as he faced Barby and the spider.

“I don’t mean to harm you,” he said. “Let’s talk.”

“They can’t talk,” Killua spat. “They’re animals.”

Gon and Bragga both looked at him with matching expressions of unimpressed disbelief. Killua threw his hands up, already exasperated. “Fine, have it your way!” Gon squeezed his elbow. Killua pulled out of the boy’s hold, crossing his arms over his chest as he dropped into a sitting position. “Do whatever the hell you like. Just don’t kill Barby, I need to get paid.” He turned his head away, brooding at nothing, and missed the flash in Gon’s eyes.

“Fine,” Gon replied quietly, his tone hard and inflectionless. He left Killua there, joining Bragga in spreading his arms, turning his open palms towards the ceiling to show he concealed no weapons.

Despite his complaining, Killua watched Gon entirely, ready to step in if anything looked like it might head in the wrong direction. Gon could feel Killua’s gaze on him but he ignored him in turn, instead taking one step towards the creatures. Barby coiled protectively around the spider, its feet crushing a powdery skull as it rearranged its legs, and its mouth opened to show glistening teeth. Gon smiled at him, holding his palms in front of him to be sniffed.

“Come on Barby, I thought we were friends?”

Barby roared again, yellow eyes flicking between the humans. When Gon took another step forward its tongue rolled out, forked tip trembling against air, and flicked forward. Gon took another step closer. Barby’s fur puffed up and it panted, its feet shifting anxiously. One more step and Gon’s hand touched its broad neck. A ripple passed down Barby’s body, and it gently uncurled from around the spider.

Killua took that moment to attack from behind, but Barby’s back feet kicked up and caught him right in the chest, its three toes closing in around him. The hooked barb on its thumb punctured Killua’s shoulder, pressing into the joint and dislocating his right arm. It slammed him into the ground, hard enough to make breath stutter and his ears ring. He hissed, grabbing the claw with his left hand.

Before he could send a jolt down the creature’s limbs, Gon appeared above him. The enhancer wrapped his broad fingers around Barby’s ankle, tugging at it gently. The creature seemed to understand him, letting go and lifting its foot off of Killua. Gon grabbed him by the undamaged arm, dragging him away from Barby and the spider.

Killua hissed in protest. Gon’s grip tightened around his forearm. The taller man threw Killua a look over his shoulder, his mouth pressed into a thin line and his eyes hard and angry. The expression cut through Killua, rattling something in his chest, and he struggled to suck in a breath.

Gon pulled him into a wall, pinning him there with a forearm braced against Killua’s chest. Killua didn’t fight back, his eyes narrowed and his posture stiff, glaring down his nose at Gon. “What do you think you’re doing?” Gon asked, a low rumble in his voice like the roll of thunder. He braced an open palm against Killua’s dislocated shoulder and pushed it back into place, folding his fingers around the wound. 

Killua didn’t so much as flinch. “What the fuck do you mean, what am I doing?” he spat back, hardening against Gon’s anger. He hadn’t done a thing to deserve it, as far as he was concerned. “I’m killing a Chimera ant before she spawns a new king, that’s what! Or did you forget what happened last time?”

“We don’t know that she’s a queen! Barby’s trying to protect her-”

“‘We don’t know that she’s a queen?’ Are you kidding?” Killua kicked hard at Gon’s ankle, trying to get some space, but the other man wasn’t having it. He pressed his arm harder into Killua’s sternum. His ribcage groaned against the weight, pushing the breath out of his lungs. Killua retaliated with a swift punch to the kidney. Gon’s nostrils flared from the pain but he didn’t budge, his eyes blazing. “Look around you!”

“Yes, look around you!” Gon yelled back, “the whole forest is empty! Where did the animals all go? Right here!” He swept his free arm out, gesturing to the bones littering the spider’s nest. “And where do you think the ants are, huh? Hiding?”

“I don’t care,” Killua hissed. “The only good ant is a dead ant.”

Gon’s fist drilled into the wall beside his head. For a moment they were still, Killua staring at Gon in disbelief while the other man struggled to get his anger in check. Killua gritted his teeth and jabbed a punch into Gon’s solar plexus: it drove him back just enough to get a foot against Gon’s hip, shoving him backwards, but before Killua could escape, Gon’s hand wrapped around his ankle, slamming him into the wall again. “Are you going to tell Palm that, or should I?”

Killua rankled. “That’s different, you _know_ that’s different.”

“No, I don’t! And neither do you! You don’t know, you’re guessing!”

“Yeah, and I’m _guessing_ that neither of us has a miniature rose in _case_ I’m right!”

“Killing things isn’t always the answer, Killua!”

Killua’s eyes widened, his breath caught in his chest. Cold washed over him, a hard knot twisting in his guts. Words turned to ash in his mouth, falling away from him in the darkness.

A loud skittering sound caught their attention. Gon whirled around, and despite the heated argument they had been having only a moment ago, he kept in front of Killua protectively. The spider had climbed the wall, and she scurried over clutches of eggs towards the oldest bunch. They sagged, heavy and full. Barby’s swarming body followed below her. Killua tensed, ready to jump at her, but he was caged in place by Gon’s arms.

The spider’s front legs flashed forward, slicing through several eggs. The sacs burst, spewing slimy yellowish liquid all over the floor and splashing on Barby’s fur. Blackened shapes fell from the ruptured sacs, hitting the ground with resounding thuds. Barby edged closer to them, bending down its head to sniff at them.

They didn’t move. Barby nosed at one, huffing, and turned it over. He keened at it, nuzzling it again, but it didn’t rise. It was a twisted mass of limbs, distorted and unmoving. The next was much the same, unrecognizable as anything but a mangled mass of shiny black flesh. The spider cut through more, and more of the shapes fell, twisted and lifeless. She opened her mouth and her wailing scream echoed around them.

Gon swallowed, shivering. The spider delicately plucked an egg from the remaining clutch, slowly descending. She approached by inches. Killua made to move but Gon leaned back on him, pinning him against the wall. He gritted his teeth, digging nails into the boy’s shoulder in response to the pain it elicited in his own, but Gon ignored him, intently focused on the queen as she came closer.

She stopped before either could reach the other, laying her sac down on the ground. She split this one open daintily, but there was no difference. The child inside this one was dead, too- had never taken and would never take a breath. Her eight eyes fixed on Gon, her mouth opening- the wailing cry of a tortured woman.

A tearful gasp caught Gon’s attention, and his head swiveled to Bragga. The man cried large, blubbery tears, wiping his red face with his broad calloused hands. He ran forward and threw his arms around the spider, wailing into her neck. “Me too! I can’t have kids either! That’s why!” Barby scurried to the pair, twining its long body around spider and man, tucking his head on top of the spider’s body and emitting a rumbling whine.

Gon took a shaky step forward, releasing Killua. Without the weight on him, the white-haired man dazedly sank to the ground, his limbs lax at his side. He stared emptily into the middle distance, his hands curled. Gon reached the creatures with his arms open, embracing the trio kindly.

Killua drew his legs against his chest, hiding his face against his knees, alone.

\--

By the time Gon turned around, Killua had vanished. His heartbeat jolted, and his hands clenched briefly into fists. Chewing on his tongue, he turned to Bragga. “Stay with them and find Panipa,” he instructed, giving Barby a last pat on the nose, “I’m going to look for Killua.”

He didn’t wait for a response. Gon leapt out of the underground hollow and to the lip of the depression, his golden eyes scanning the treeline. He couldn’t see any sign of Killua, but that hardly surprised him. He was as efficient at disappearing as anything else, and Gon doubted honestly that he could’ve found the Zoldyck siblings without Alluka’s help. The irony was that Killua had yelled at her about the exact picture Gon had used to locate them, but Killua didn’t need to know that (yet).

Gon sighed, tilting his head back and inhaling deeply, his eyes shut. It smelled like ozone, a sign that Killua had used his nen, probably to run, mingled with the scent of fresh blood. Gon rubbed his palm against his cheek, scratching at the scraggly beginnings of stubble.

It wasn’t hard to follow Killua’s trail, not with a nose like his. He caught up to him at the bend in a stream. Killua sat on a boulder that rose out of the clear water. He had stripped off his shirt and balled it up, dipping it in the water. He roughly wiped the blood from his shoulder with it, tension around his eyes. The water was shallow enough here, and Gon kicked off his boots, wading closer. He held his hand out towards Killua. The other teenager stared at it without responding. “Let me do it?” Gon asked gently, reaching for the shirt. Killua shrugged, handing it over without much fuss. He stared silently across the water while Gon wrung the shirt out, redipped it, and set about wiping the puncture wound clean.

Killua remained silent while Gon worked, hardly moving even as he pulled bandages out of his pack and wrapped the shoulder up. They soaked up red quickly, the stain blooming like a rose. Killua stood on the rock, his hands in his pockets and his body language languid. “Thanks,” he shrugged. “I could’ve handled it by myself.”

“I know that,” Gon answered, so quickly he almost spoke over Killua, louder than he intended. He frowned when Killua threw him a baleful look, hopping from rock to shore without so much as a splash. “I want to talk.”

“About what?” Killua’s tone was flat as he turned his head to the sky, sweeping his gaze over the trees. “As usual you were right and I was wrong. Doesn’t that cover it?”

Unbidden, Gon’s mouth twisted into a pout. He came closer and his heart squeezed in his chest when Killua turned his head away, hiding his expression behind his hair. Killua hid a lot. Anything that wasn’t anger. And Gon- Gon didn’t like it. Not at all.

There was only one thing to do when you didn’t like something, and that was to try and change it. Gon lightly held the wrist of Killua’s good arm, drawing the attached hand out of his pocket and lacing their fingers together. “I don’t think so.”

Killua made an aggravated noise between his teeth, shaking his head from side to side. “I don’t know what you want, Gon.”

“I want to know what you’re thinking!” Killua scoffed. Gon squeezed his hand, very much disliking the jolt of pain Killua’s dismissal speared through him. “How you’re feeling.”

“You know how I’m feeling,” Killua replied passively. Gon caught the raw edge to his words, the roughness as it dragged out of a tight throat.

Gon stepped closer, wrapping his free arm around Killua’s shoulders and pulling the young man against him. He rested his cheek against the top of Killua’s head, his exhale stirring white strands. “No, I don’t. And I don’t think I ever did.”

Killua stiffened at that. Gon could feel the urge to run in the way the smaller boy’s legs bunched, in his tremble of readiness. He wasn’t sure how he was going to cut through that tendency yet, but he certainly wasn’t going to just let it happen, tightening his hold on Killua. “Will you tell me?” Killua’s silence was expected, but that didn’t make it easier to bear. “Please?”

Killua shrugged in his hold, the tension draining slowly from his muscles until it felt as though Gon was the only thing keeping him upright. The silence stretched. Gon manipulated Killua until they faced each other, but rather than pushing him again he wrapped Killua up in a hug and waited until he found words.

“I-” Killua didn’t go further, breathing out an aggravated sigh. He pressed his cheek against Gon’s shoulder, shrugging halfheartedly.

“You..?” Gon encouraged. He drew back, curling a hand around Killua’s chin and tilting it up. Their eyes met. For a moment, Killua stared at him, his eyebrows pulling together in a frown, his mouth half-open, but then he looked away. “You what?”

Killua shrugged again. “I don’t know.”

Something rankled in Gon’s chest. He shoved his frustration down, taking deep, slow breaths. “I’m sorry I yelled at you. I know you were scared.”

Emotion flashed across Killua’s face, too quickly for Gon to read, and before he could try Killua had hidden his face against his shoulder again. Was it always going to be like this, Killua running and hiding and Gon having to wait him out, drag him out into the light- every time?

Had it been stupid of him to assume it would be like when they were kids, easy, simple, fitting together? Or had that been a delusion all along, had he just been too distracted, too naive to notice?

“I wanted to be better.” Killua’s words were thick and sticky, distorted by a tightness in his throat.

The quiet words knocked Gon right out of his head. Despite his uncertainty, he heard the unspoken words loud and clear. ‘But I’m not.’ His eyes watered, and he squeezed Killua to him again.

“You are! You are better.” Killua barked a hard laugh that gave Gon the chills. “It’s not your fault. You’re still in survival mode.”

“I don’t have any other mode,” Killua spat through gritted teeth. Gon ignored his anger, recognizing it for the defense that it was. He shook his head, unwilling to allow that idea to exist unchallenged.

“That’s not true.”

“You can’t just decide what’s true and what isn’t.” Killua planted his hand on Gon’s chest, pushing at him halfheartedly. He loosened his grip, letting Killua take a step back so that they faced each other properly without giving him the opportunity to escape.

“But I can show you.”

Killua sighed, apparently giving up. “Whatever. Do what you want. It’s not like I can stop you.”

Gon swallowed. He wasn’t- this wasn’t a satisfying conclusion. It wasn’t what he wanted. He didn’t- It wasn’t right. “What do _you_ want?” The Zoldyck’s mouth pressed in a thin line and he shrugged, _again,_ complacent, careless, and a part of Gon just wanted to shake him until he got a straight answer. “Killua!”

“I don’t know. I don’t know what I want. To stop running, I guess.”

To stop running? Gon thought incredulously. Then _why wasn’t he_? “Then let’s do it. Let’s find a place to live. Let’s hunt Illumi down ourselves. Anything.”

“Everything’s always so simple in your world.”

“It can be simple if you make it simple,” Gon parried, frowning. “All I care about is being with you and Alluka. Anything else is secondary.”

Killua blinked, his head lifting to meet Gon’s eyes. “Um-” He bit his lip dazedly, color flooding his cheeks. It cracked a tender smile on Gon’s face.

Gon cupped Killua’s jaw, delicately pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Go back to base camp?”

Killua swallowed, nodding his head, and bumped his forehead against Gon’s shoulder affectionately.

Good enough for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please forgive the dumb title this chapter has XD


	21. Long x Way x Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gon and Killua reached base camp in late afternoon, the air just beginning to chill as it swept over the mountainside.

Gon and Killua reached base camp in late afternoon, the air just beginning to chill as it swept over the mountainside. Bragga and Panipa had built a pile of wooden planks by disassembling several of the wooden crates, and busied themselves reassembling them into a much larger box. The spider helped them by wrapping the planks up with her threads, keeping them together even when they lacked the necessary amount of nails. Melcamp, for his part, was crouched over the fire, poking at the logs with a blackened stick. He shivered where he was hunched, large gloopy tears running down his face, terrified of the spider happily working away behind him.

Barby lifted its head, sniffing the wind as they got closer. It roared suddenly, making Melcamp whimper, and raced over the landscape to the approaching pair. It circled them both, panting. Gon patted its head, scratching across the width of its nose. It followed closely at heel, and Bragga turned to wave at them as they approached.

“How’s your shoulder?”

“Fine.” Killua waved him off, entirely uninterested in discussing the injury with much of anyone. It barely bothered him, and anyway with Ten it would take a week or less to set him back to normal. He didn’t quite heal at Gon’s rate, but puncture wounds were a lot less messy than, say, a broken arm, and he was perfectly adept at using his body to full capacity, injury or no injury.

Neither Gon nor Bragga protested when Killua announced that he was going to sit in a quiet corner and focus on healing himself, though he could feel Gon’s eyes tracking him. The young man made himself helpful instead, working with Panipa and Bragga to make the spider a nice nest they could transport. Panipa, he discovered, was a helicopter pilot, and the plan was to airlift all the supplies out of the reserve. It would save Gon and Killua some travel time if they accompanied the others in flight, but that would wait for the morning.

They ate dinner together as the sun set. Killua was quiet, hardly responding in one way or another to the food they had thrown together, part rations and part wild roots, eating mechanically with an expression that belied an internal focus.

“What’s up?” Gon prodded him gently with an elbow halfway through dinner.

“I called Barby’s owner. She wants to take in the spider. She… collects unique creatures, I guess you could say.”

Gon smiled, scratching behind Barby’s ears. The animal’s long body stretched out into the darkness, his large head in Gon’s lap. “Barby will like that!” They hadn’t quite determined the relationship held by the two monstrous creatures, but as long as they wanted to be together, Killua saw no reason to split them up. Most importantly, he wanted someone to keep an eye on the nen-using spider/chimera ant/monster in case it started eating at its birthing rate again. He glanced towards it, but it had curled up and hidden itself in its new crate.

“And I need to talk to Bragga about…” his voice was quieter, his gaze flicking across the fire to the nen user and his two apprentices. Bragga’s reaction to the spider’s secret certainly explained a thing or two to Killua regarding Bragga’s relationship with the two idiots. They were definitely _children_.

Gon had struggled with understanding Killua’s inner thoughts, but the end of that sentence was not particularly difficult to decode. Illumi.

“Do you want me with you?”

Killua shrugged, his mouth pulling at the corners, and glanced up at him with one eyebrow up. “It’s whatever.”

Close enough to a yes for Gon. He leaned back on one hand, clustered into Killua’s space, and finished his dinner.

Bragga, it seemed, already knew. He sent the kids to bed early, promising a daybreak start the next morning, and wandered over to the edge of the ridge, sitting down by himself. Killua approached with his hands shoved in his pockets as usual, taking a seat a few feet away. Killua took a picture of the long sweep of pines under the starry sky. It came out dark and a little blurry but he didn’t notice, returning it to his pocket. Most of the pictures he took for Alluka weren’t that good, but she always acted happy receiving them regardless. Gon hovered nearby, occupying Barby but easily within earshot.

“Tell me about that job you didn’t take.”

Bragga stroked his mustache thoughtfully. “Not much to say. It came through the system using a false IP, so it was from someone who knew the Hunter system but who wasn’t supposed to be using it. There’s not a lot of disgraced Hunters, you know.” Someone had to do something pretty bad to be kicked out of the Hunters, since murder was just par for the course when it came to Black List Hunters. Killua thought that may have been Milluki, too, using Illumi’s in to hack through the system, but Milluki probably liked it better with Killua gone.

Illumi had done a stupid thing, killing Hunters, especially during an election. It only showed the will of his resolve to control his younger siblings, though, and Killua really doubted anything had changed there.

“When did this happen?”

“Oh, a year and a half ago, about then.”

Killua inclined his head, parsing the information. ‘About a year and a half ago’, he had taken an assassination contract. It had been in the same city he and Alluka were already in, had paid handsomely, had come with a schedule easy to infiltrate. It was perhaps the easiest Hunt he had gone on, and also the one that had wrecked him the most. He hadn’t tried to kill a sentient creature since. At least not until today.

Maybe Illumi had known, somehow. Maybe he had taken it as a sign that Killua was ready to come home.

 _He was never going home._ Not that he’d call Kukuroo mountain home, anyway.

“What else?”

“It implied you were a runaway, and your loving family just wanted you back home, safe and sound.”

Killua snorted, kicking his heel against the rockface. Half of that was accurate, anyway.

“Hard to believe someone’s a little lost pup when they have a Hunter license at 13 and two different winning streaks at Heaven’s Arena before that.”

Killua colored, scratching his cheek, suddenly aggravated. “How do you know that?!”

“It’s in your file,” Bragga chuckled, his moustache vibrating. “We all have one, you know. That’s how clients choose us. But don’t worry, the association doesn’t want Nen to be widely known about, so none of our abilities are written in them. Only our accomplishments.”

Killua’s eyes narrowed on the man. It sounded like he needed to reacquaint himself with the Hunter net. Maybe he should give Kurapika a call.

“Now,” Bragga smiled, standing and wiping dust from his pants, “do you feel better?”

Killua shrugged, turning his gaze back out towards the landscape. “I guess.”

“Good. I’m going to bed. You kids have fun, don’t stay up too late!” He winked at Gon as he wandered past, beelining for his bedroll. Gon came over to Killua, offering him a hand up. Killua rolled his eyes at it and hopped up by himself. Barby nosed him heavily in the chest, and he pushed the creature back gently.

“ _Do_ you feel better?” Gon asked, tugging Barby away from Killua without tearing his gaze from him.

“Not sure,” Killua shrugged. “But I wouldn’t mind sleep. There’s nothing I can do right now, anyway.”

“Okay,” Gon agreed placidly, straightening Barby’s collar. “Sounds good.”

\--

The helicopter ride was extremely uncomfortable. Even with large, padded headphones, the noise absolutely overwhelmed Gon’s sensitive ears, and whenever anyone talked, their voice came through with so much static and volume Gon would tip forward, his head on his knees. Killua stroked his back, not really sure what to do. Within fifteen minutes they were over the little village with a train station, and Panipa landed the craft to the tune of Killua’s growled threats.

Bragga agreed to drop Barby and the spider off with Killua’s employer in thanks for rescuing them from being the spider’s meal- though Killua seriously doubted the trio would’ve died without their intervention- which allowed them to head directly back to Alluka without any detours. Just a simple train ride, and a walk through the woods.

A train ride that Gon spent within five feet of him at all times, to the point where Killua couldn’t throw his arm out without hitting him.

“Did you want something?” Killua bitched when he caught Gon watching him for the upteenth time, crossing his arms, oh so conscious of the blush that had been nearly permanently darkening his face. Gon’s grinned toothily, swapping seats so that he sat next to Killua instead of across from him, slinging his arm along the back of the booth seat so it tucked behind Killua’s head.

“Yeah,” he breathed, ducking his head to nose along Killua’s cheek. “You wanna make out?”

“What?!” Killua screeched, jumping; his face felt like it had burst into flames. “ _That’_ s what you’ve been thinking about?”

“Yep,” Gon answered sunnily, zero judgement and zero shame. He smoothed away the frown lines between Killua’s brow with his thumb, far too much in Killua’s space for Killua to get his thoughts straight. “You’re really cute, I have nothing to do right now, and Zushi was right, kissing someone you actually like like that is _way_ better.”

Gon and Zushi trying out kissing on each other and debating about whether it was satisfactory or not was really not an image Killua wanted in his head, thank you very much, even aside from making him feel slightly homicidal towards the kid. “Can we not talk about Zushi right now,” he growled, elbowing Gon.

“We don’t have to talk at all,” Gon replied cheekily, letting his arm slide downwards gently until it lay across Killua’s shoulders. His thumb snuck under the collar of Killua’s shirt, the skin smooth and hard from years of calluses as it swept over his collarbone.

Killua turned his head to look Gon dead in the eye, his eyes narrowed into a glare that predictably did absolutely nothing to damper Gon’s enthusiasm. “You’re really annoying, you know that?”

“Whatever you say, Killua!” Gon beamed. He rearranged his legs so that his hips and torso faced Killua, sideways on the seat. Killua was boxed between Gon, the table and the window, but rather than making him feel trapped it made him feel... strangely isolated from the world at large. Protected, maybe. It was nice.

But not quite as nice as actually kissing Gon. Not as nice as a broad hand skimming through his hair and along the curve of his neck, feeling out every ridge of bone in his spine, not as nice as the wet drag of Gon’s tongue along the sensitive seam of his lips, not quite as nice as the rumbling groan that shivered between them, ribcage to ribcage, not quite as nice as the fluttering pulse that sped into a drumbeat under his curious fingers, the rush of blood in his ears.

Not quite as nice as Gon, every fiber of his being tuned in to Killua and Killua alone while the landscape rushed by, ignored.

They nearly missed their stop. Killua stepped out into the sunlight on shaky legs, blinking dazedly. Something felt unreal about the world outside. Gon slipped a hand in his, leading him down the dusty main road with a bright smile and a skip in his step. Killua, his head floating in the clouds, didn’t have the presence of mind to be embarrassed about it, and felt perfectly content to let himself be dragged through the town and to the forest without a word of complaint. He didn’t notice the way it magnified Gon’s happiness, either, thoroughly distracted by the buoyant sensation filling his chest.

They found a hollow and stumbled around in the dark for a while before they found the underground lake. It definitely took longer than it should have, even though Gon could see in the tunnels, and the more time they spent down there the more Killua started to regain his focus, the more he realized exactly how deliberate Gon’s stumbling stops were, his giggling rebounding in the tunnels. It took a pinch and a threat to never kiss again (he doubted he could pull off for more than a day) to get Gon behaving, and by the time Ikalgo met up with them, dragging the boat, Killua was back to a snappy, aggravated kitten, hissing whenever Gon got too close and burning red.

Alluka and Palm waited for them on the other shore, Alluka waving with both her arms as they rowed closer. She gave them both squeezing, happy hugs, Palm following suit a little more sedately, before leaning back and taking a good look at them. Alluka’s smile turned impish, and she snapped a picture of them with an evil little giggle.

“Oh, Gon~ Killua’s going to be so maaaad.”

Killua frowned immediately, looking sideways at Gon before turning his gaze back to Alluka. “Why?”

Gon laughed awkwardly, scratching at his cheek. “You sly dog you,” said Alluka, winking and grinning. Gon took one step away from Killua.

Killua crossed his arms, not in on the joke and definitely not liking it. “ _Why_?”

Alluka held her phone in Killua’s face, showing him the picture she had just taken. There wasn’t anything particularly out of character or unusual about it, unless you counted the way their pinkies linked- Gon seemed obsessed with keeping in physical contact at all times- Gon was grinning and effusive and lit up the photo, while Killua existed next to him, one hand shoved in his pocket and his eyes focused above the frame, on Alluka’s face.

Oh, unless you counted the fat, puffy red mark bitten into the base of Killua’s throat.

Killua made to take Alluka’s phone, but she snatched it back against her chest, curling her hands around it protectively. She screeched when he tried again, darting away laughing.

“Delete it.”

“No way oniichan! I’m keeping this forever!”

“DELETE IT!” He yelled at her as she hid behind Palm, cackling.

“Killua-” Gon interrupted, but before he could continue Killua whirled around on him, jabbing a hard nail into his sternum, the force of his glare entirely undercut by the fierceness of his blush.

“Shut up, I’m going to yell at you later!” Alluka took that opportunity to start running, and Killua took off after her, Palm’s tinkling laughter following them as Ikalgo looked on, confused.

\--

Palm insisted that they stay, at the very least until the next day, due to Killua’s shoulder injury. She had seen it happen, she said, and knew that it was worse than Killua was letting on.

“First of all, I’m _fine_ ,” Killua spat, kicking Gon in the shins before the other man could object, “and second of all, stop _spying_ on me!”

“Alluka was worried,” Palm stated in her defense, entirely blase about the whole thing. Killua’s eyes narrowed suspiciously on the fishwoman.

“Exactly how much did you watch us?”

Palm’s answering smirk did nothing for his peace of mind, but it did elicit a disgusting crawling sensation. Ugh, why did he even trust that woman?!

‘You know why,’ a traitorous voice suggested- it sounded a whole lot like her, in fact, if a little more detached- and he stomped off tempestuously. Killua climbed to the top of the rickety wooden structure. He sat on the highest beam, leaning his back against the rock wall, and shut his eyes, his body relaxing.

“Gon, will you help me find all my stuff? It’s kind of all over the place right now.” Alluka gestured vaguely at the cave around them. He could see her flower-printed dress draped over a beam, ostensibly drying.

“Sure!” Gathering her memorabilia and clothing didn’t take much time when Gon had always been an adept climber, but he was slowed a bit when, halfway through the task, Killua’s aura swept through the cavern and over all of them. The sensation remained, a tingling against his skin like static current, like standing on a hill feeling a thunderstorm rolling in by the charge in the air. It made his moves more careful around the others, concerned that he might zap them accidentally, but it also sparked a sort of elation in him.

Gon jumped down from a high beam with a few items of clothing thrown over his shoulder, a foxbear plushie under one arm, and landed with a thud next to Palm. “Killua sure meditates a lot now,” he commented casually to her, tossing the clothes into one of Alluka’s open suitcases.

“Hm?” Palm dropped the hand that had been covering her blue eye, tilting her head at Gon. She glanced past him to Killua, still up in the rafters. He hadn’t moved since he’d climbed up there. “Oh. He’s not meditating, he’s extending his En.”

“Really?” Gon lifted his head, craning it over his shoulder to look at Killua. The cave was pretty big, as far as caves typically went, and Killua sat at a height of about four stories, so the fact that his En could reach Gon was pretty impressive to begin with- even masters tended to stall around 50 meters. But even then, they tended to flash their En out to find something- for Killua to hold that range for an extended period of time…

There was something to be said about the kind of concentration and control that required. And. That kind of skill really… _impressed_ Gon. He dumped the rest of Alluka’s stuff haphazardly and leapt up to Killua in one jump that left a smouldering foot-shaped crater in the cave floor. The wooden structure shook violently when he landed, several of the objects hung from the scaffolding clattering to the ground below. Killua cracked an eye open, the sensation of his nen surrounding Gon dying down. “Hi.”

“Hi yourself,” Gon answered chipperly. He joined Killua on the highest beam, straddling it to face him. He was close enough to touch but not so close that it would be distracting (in theory, since Killua was distracted by Gon regardless of most things). “How long can you hold En?”

“It depends on the range I’m using.” Killua shrugged, eyeing Gon. “Why?”

Gon shrugged with a smile, kicking his feet as they dangled in the air. “What’s your record?”

“An hour,” he answered casually, as if it was nothing much, “but I was only covering two bedrooms and a hallway.”

“Woooow!” Gon scooted forward on the wooden beam, grinning from ear to ear. “Killua is really amazing!”

Killua smirked but didn’t quite meet Gon’s eye, watching the other occupants as they moved about looking for Alluka’s stray things. “That’s nothing compared to what my grandfather can do.” His eyes narrowed thoughtfully, before flicking to Gon. Killua chewed on his bottom lip, leaning back against rock as he crossed his arms. “I’ll beat his record, though. One day.”

Gon pouted briefly, erasing the expression before Killua could see it. “I bet you’re better than he was at your age!”

Killua sighed, aggravated, and scrubbed his fingers roughshod through his hair. “Maybe. That just makes me more valuable to the family, though.”

Gon suppressed the immediate wave of anger that particular revelation instilled as best as he could, unaware of the way it made his eyes look hard and his smile warped. He looked away, pressing a knuckle into the tight hinge of his jaw. “That’s too bad for them.” Something in Gon’s tone made Killua shift his attention entirely on him. Normally, he liked that. He met Killua’s eyes head on, his own blazing with certainty. “They’re not getting you or Alluka anyway, so it doesn’t matter.”

Killua hesitated, biting his bottom lip. His shoulders slumped as he sighed, scooting a little closer to Gon to lean into his chest. “I guess.” Looping an arm around Killua’s shoulders, Gon kissed his temple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nobody is immune to make-out floating-in-the-clouds feels, not even Killua ;)
> 
> Arc 2 is done! How do you feel about that? ;P


	22. Ocean x Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next step of their journey involved a long boat ride on a rickety ship that reminded Gon of his hunter exam. ‘It’s best we change continents,’ Killua had said at the time, but Gon and Alluka privately reckoned that it likely had more to do with his shoulder than anything. Loathe as always to reveal any weaknesses, Killua had been moving exactly the same as he always did, straining the injury further through his pretense. That was fine by Gon- if Killua wanted to sit on the bow of the ship and focus on healing, he wasn’t going to mess with him. ...Mostly. Until he got bored, at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a glossary for ship stuff:
> 
> Yard- the horizontal bar from which sails are hung  
> Foremast- the forwardmost mast  
> Gallant Sail- the highest sail  
> Shrouds- those rope net/ladders on either side of the masts  
> Taffrail- the rail all along the edge of the ship

The next step of their journey involved a long boat ride on a rickety ship that reminded Gon of his hunter exam. ‘It’s best we change continents,’ Killua had said at the time, but Gon and Alluka privately reckoned that it likely had more to do with his shoulder than anything. Loathe as always to reveal any weaknesses, Killua had been moving exactly the same as he always did, straining the injury further through his pretense. That was fine by Gon- if Killua wanted to sit on the bow of the ship and focus on healing, he wasn’t going to mess with him. ...Mostly. Until he got bored, at least.

Gon dangled upside down from the foremast’s highest yard, his open palms skimming along the rough linen of half-filled sails. They were doing so much travelling and so little exploring, he was already starting to get antsy. He certainly understood why Killua said he wanted to stop running. It wasn’t just that they couldn’t stay still: they couldn’t form any solid relationships, nor even solid plans.

Gon sighed, not liking the path his thoughts were heading down. He spotted Alluka far below him, waving up with both arms. A distraction, at last. He unfolded his legs and slid down the gallant sail, catching the lower yard with his hands and swinging himself upright, launching briefly up before catching the shrouds. He climbed down the rest of the way with the speed and agility of a monkey. “Morning Alluka! What’s up?”

She held up a pack of cards. “Will you play with me?”

“Of course,” he smiled, hands on his hips. “I thought you were playing with that sailor with the red hair?”

“I was,” she sighed, “but he was trying to get a little too friendly, you know?”

“He _what_?”

Gon blinked. Alluka rolled her eyes. They both stared at Killua where he had materialized beside them. “Don’t listen in to my conversations,” Alluka admonished him, sticking her tongue out at him when he tried to protest. “He didn’t do anything untowards, he just kept complimenting me incessantly and I didn’t like it, so I left. Okay? Chill out. Go fix your shoulder.”

“See? Compliments are annoying!”

Alluka groaned. Both hands on Killua’s chest, she pushed him back towards the ship’s bow. “Go away, oniichan.” He left reluctantly, an offer to hurt the sailor drifting over his shoulder.

Gon chuckled, following her to a spot along the starboard side where they could stay out in the open air without getting in the way. “You know Killua’s still going to threaten him?”

“Yeah, duh,” she flipped her long hair over her shoulder, tying it up with a pink and teal ribbon. The damp air made it stick to her throat. She shuffled the cards efficiently, her fingers moving them around with practiced deftness. “You don’t know the half of how overbearing he can be.”

Gon frowned, tilting his head. “He’s just trying to protect you.”

“Yeah, I know that,” she scoffed. “It’s still annoying. There’s being careful and then there’s Killua.” She cut the deck herself, shifting her hands in ways that reminded him of a magician. (Or Hisoka, but that was a thought he liked much less.)

“Illumi’s really good at what he does.”

Alluka’s loud groan made him pout. “You suck at this,” she informed, handing him seven cards face down, “you’re supposed to take my side when I’m talking to you and his side when _he’s_ talking to you.”

Confused, Gon scratched his cheek. “I’m on both your side all the time. It’s the same side.”

Alluka laughed at him, setting the deck down between them and looking at her cards. “Are you trying to tell me you’ve never disagreed with Killua about anything?”

“Of course not.”

“There you go.” She took a card from the center pile, slipping it into her hand. She squinted thoughtfully at the cards before throwing down an 8 of clubs. She lowered her cards into her lap, smiling at Gon. “I guess the mission is going poorly, huh?”

“Huh?” He looked quizzically at her over his hand of cards.

“Operation Get Killua To Accept Compliments Like A Normal Person, obviously.”

“Oh. Right.” He laughed with Alluka, pleased that despite her complaining she clearly always had her heart set on improving the young man’s life. They were really good to each other, and Gon was very glad- even if it meant losing Killua’s companionship for a number of years.

(Besides, Bisky was probably right when she said their separation had been for the best, even if it had enraged him at the time.)

“I got a little sidetracked.”

“I’ll say,” Alluka waggled her eyebrows at him.

Gon threw down a card, and for a few turns they were just paying attention to the game. “He can’t be that bad. You have your phone.”

“It only took two, three years.” She plucked up the card Gon had just discarded, tossing out a 3 before laying down a row of four hearts, 6 through 9. She tilted her head thoughtfully, blue eyes flicking to the bright sky above them. “Actually it was pretty weird. I asked for one for ages and he always said it was never going to happen, it was too dangerous, etcetera, etcetera, whatever... Then one day, we’re in a big city, I forget which one, he takes a mission in town so I have to stay in the hotel room the whole time. He came back early with this… look on his face.” She rearranged her hand aimlessly, a frown twisting her mouth as she thought of that day. How could she explain it? A vacant stare and a defeated slouch? A sudden distance she couldn’t comprehend? “Like a black hole had swallowed him somewhere inside.”

“What’s a black hole?”

“Never mind,” she frowned, biting her lip. “It was like… he wasn’t all there, you know?” She glanced up to look at Gon. He was entirely focused on her, his eyes intense, leaning forward. “He handed me a phone but he didn’t say anything, he just went into the bathroom and locked himself in. When I asked him about it later he just, you know…” She scrunched up her face into a stormy expression, shoving her hands into the pockets of her lacy shorts and slouching her shoulders.

Gon smiled with one corner of his mouth, the imitation pretty adorable as well as accurate, but concern colored his eyes. He ran his thumb over the top of his cards thoughtfully before playing one. “Do you know what happened?”

“No idea,” Alluka shrugged, picking up the card Gon had just thrown down. “I didn’t ask again, and you know he didn’t bring it up.”

“Yeah,” Gon sighed, glancing at the shape of Killua over his shoulder. “I’m sure.”

Killua, avoiding his feelings, pretending they didn’t exist? Who would have thought? Except _everyone._

\--

Killua joined them around lunchtime, his sulking pout and furrowed brows denoting a level of irritation. He peeled an orange he had swiped from a sailor, offering a few segments to Alluka and Gon as he ate it, and sat down next to them without saying anything. Alluka offered to deal him in, but he refused to play.

“What’s up?” Gon rested a hand on Killua’s knee, stroking the bare skin with his thumb. 

Killua shrugged, fanning the discard pile out to see which cards were already there. “Rummy?”

“Yeah. You sure you don’t want to play?”

Killua shrugged again. He hopped up on the taffrail, slouching comfortably, and watched. Alluka stared at him, her eyes narrowed analytically, as she waited for Gon to play. Once he did, she dropped a card immediately, setting her hand down in front of her. “I’ll be right back,” she smiled, “you can go while I’m gone.” She straightened her shirt as she stood and flounced away.

Gon drew a card from the facedown pile. He didn’t look at it as he pushed it into his hand, turning his head towards Killua. “You don’t want to talk?”

Killua sighed, aggravated, and kicked his heel against the wooden rails. “I’m just bored, that’s all. Nothing’s wrong.”

Gon’s eyebrows went up. He started to smirk, delicately curving his palm around the shape of Killua’s ankle. “And you want me to entertain you, hmm?”

Killua immediately glared at him, heel-kicking him in the shoulder, flushing while Gon laughed. He tugged the collar of his shirt up over his nose. “You are so annoying,” Killua grumbled, his blue eyes sweeping the deck for anyone watching.

“But you like me,” Gon sing-songed, beaming. Killua rolled his eyes, but he didn’t actually disagree. Gon took it for a victory. And Alluka was back.

She slapped something into Killua’s hand. Without hesitation, he unwrapped the chocolate bar and shoved half of it into his mouth. “Fanks A’uka,” he said, mouth full, tipping forward. He flopped down on the deck next to them and, facing the sky, let it melt slowly.

Alluka went back to the game without preamble, smiling at Gon. “Some problems have simple solutions,” she winked at him, and stuck her tongue out at Killua when he mumbled something unintelligible around the chocolate in his mouth. She threw down the rest of her hand, discarding the last card with a smirk. “Rummy. I win!”

“Awww, again?” Gon pouted, tossing his hand down.

Alluka laughed, sweeping all the cards up and shuffling them expertly. “Now imagine if we were tracking points.”

“No thanks, I know an ass-kicking when I see one.” Gon slumped sideways until he, too, lay on the deck, his head close to Killua’s. He rolled onto his back, folding his hands over his stomach and looking up at the sky. There were enough clouds to mitigate the sunlight but not to be considered particularly overcast, and they slipped past quickly, their shapes morphing endlessly. “How much longer is this trip?”

“Couple weeks,” Killua answered immediately.

Gon blew out a breath. He didn’t mind the company, of course, but he was starting to remember how little he liked sea travel. It didn’t bother him or anything, and it definitely didn’t make him sick, but once you’ve gone through the whole ship once there wasn’t much of anything else to do. No wonder Killua seemed perpetually on edge. He’d be antsy too if it was always like this. Car, train, train, train, bus, boat, another bus… Endless hotel rooms? It might be fun if they were chasing something but…

...Meh. They were built for better things. Even Alluka, strength-of-a-normal-person or not. Hopefully he’d be able to talk Killua into doing something fun once they disembarked. Maybe there would be a festival nearby! Shame they couldn’t enter any skills tournaments, Killua would definitely be against that! What did Alluka do to entertain herself, anyway? Aside from charm random people, watch tv and play on her phone. That couldn’t be it for her, right?

He rolled his head to the side, checking on her. She sat against the taffrail, the legs tucked under her, brushing one hand through her ponytail to untangle knots, cradling her phone in her other hand and tapping it with her thumb.

\--

Another week passed, each day as unremarkably boring as the next. Privacy was impossible amongst the various workers and passengers, especially with everyone sleeping in the same quarters. Killua got snippier every day, though Gon and Alluka were offered brief respite whenever someone gave him something sweet. Predictably, the amount of eyes everywhere made him extremely skittish when it came to their romantic entanglements, and Gon could hardly do more than hold his hand before Killua started to retreat, hiding his reddening cheeks behind his hands or clothes or his hair, if not outright putting distance between them. It was frustrating, to say the least.

As they approached the other continent, Gon started to sleep in the crow’s nest, preferring the cool, salty air to the slow rise of moist heat that gathered in the hammock room. Six nights before they were due to arrive, he snapped awake under the light of the moon. It was almost full, not quite round but bright enough that even an average man could see their surroundings clearly. Gon stood, tilting his head back to the breeze and inhaling. Interesting. He stuck his tongue out to taste the sea air.

Shrugging his pack on, jumped from the crow’s nest, catching onto the shrouds to lessen his momentum before dropping to the deck. The second mate leaned against the ship’s wheel, looking half asleep as he steered, his eyes wet from a yawn.

“There’s going to be a storm.” 

The man squinted at Gon, scrubbing one of his eyes. “Don’t think so.”

“We should wake the captain up.”

“There ain’t gonna be a storm, kid,” the dark-haired sailor scoffed. “Look at that sky. Clear as anything.”

Gon frowned. He was young still, yes, but even when he’d been a kid, most people that mattered tended to take him seriously. Then again, this wasn’t a ship helmed by a Hunter looking to eliminate unworthy contestants, this was a pleasant low-cost passenger ferry, used mostly by the working class for leisurely visits and long moves. As much as he tried to be fair with people’s abilities, maybe this sailor just didn’t have the experience to sense a storm coming, nor the wherewithal to recognize that he didn’t have the expertise he thought he did.

“If he says there’s going to be a storm, you better believe there will be.”

They both turned, the second mate squinting, to see who had spoken. Killua leaned casually against the door that lead below, attired in sleeping shorts and an oversized green shirt that, hm, belonged to Gon, actually. Gon went to him immediately, a rush of pleasant heat overwhelming his concerns for a moment. He wrapped an arm around Killua’s shoulder, leaning down to steal a kiss. Killua let him, mostly, loosely curling his hand around Gon’s collar but gently pushing him back. “You go wake the captain, I’ll get Alluka up.”

“Mmm, ok,” Gon agreed, running his fingers through Killua’s soft, sleep-mussed hair.

“Don’t wake the captain up,” the sailor interjected, annoyed. “You don’t want to see his bad side.”

“There’s a storm coming, idiot,” Killua snorted, effortlessly crushing his ego, “we’re waking the captain, _you_ sure won’t know how to handle it-”

“Why, you-”

But Killua yawned dramatically, waving the man off as he went back below deck, Gon following closely behind him. “How did you do that?” Gon asked curiously, glancing back at the sailor a last time before the door shut behind him.

“Do what?”

“Show up so fast.”

“Oh.” Killua shrugged, allowing Gon’s fingers to slip between his. “I was awake already, and it was too hot in there to go to sleep, so I was coming to see you.” The revelation, so casual and small a thing that it was, swept warmth across Gon’s chest. He smiled brightly, pressing a kiss onto Killua’s shoulder as they ducked under a swinging rope. “Wake up the sailors, too. We’ll need em.”

Gon nodded, squeezing Killua’s hand before they parted.


	23. Storm x Castaways

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was, indeed, a storm. It hit hard and fast, rain whipping through the air almost sideways, great salty waves crashing onto the deck and sweeping it clean. The sailors heaved and hoed, yelling at the top of their lungs to be heard by their comrades

There was, indeed, a storm. It hit hard and fast, rain whipping through the air almost sideways, great salty waves crashing onto the deck and sweeping it clean. The sailors heaved and hoed, yelling at the top of their lungs to be heard by their comrades. Below deck the hammocks twisted and turned over, dumping the bodies of half-awake passengers onto the ground. Gon’s early warning meant that Alluka was not among them. She sat just inside the captain’s cabin, her face glued to the porthole as she watched everyone on deck scurry around.

Gon and Killua joined the sailors, pulling ropes and securing cargo, and it seemed that they had it in hand- despite the third mate glaring at them over the ship’s wheel- much to the captain’s pleasure. A shout came from the forward sailor, touched with hysteria, and they all turned to look. In the dark distance, flashing between the rolling waves, they could see a twisting water-spout rising into the sky. This was no ordinary storm, it was a typhoon.

“Get to the lifeboats!” Someone screamed.

“Are you insane?! Anyone on a lifeboat right now is going to drown!”

“Below deck! Everyone, go below deck!”

“Enough!” The captain hollered over the panicking sailors. “Stay where you are! Hard to port!”

“Hard to port!” shouted down the line uselessly. The wild-eyed mate leaned his whole body on the wheel, but he hardly managed to turn it. Gon ran over, grabbing a spoke and pulling it hard. The sailor had no choice but to let go, and the ship groaned with effort as the rudder shifted in troubled water. The ship started to turn, but not hard enough to avoid the incoming funnel. Panic filled the sailors, most of them young men who had expected a leisurely cruise and an occasional storm, certainly nothing on this level. Some scattered below deck, some went to hide in the captain’s cabin despite his red-faced shouting, and a few even tried the lifeboats after all.

It was no use. The typhoon passed directly over the ship, ripping planking from its body and entirely tearing the roof off the captain’s cabin as it crossed the stern. People flew up into it, breathless- Killua ran directly at the cyclone, screaming Alluka’s name, but it continued on without a shred of care as all natural disasters did.

Gon climbed the main mast, punching the wood with his fingers to keep climbing as the ripping winds and lashing rain made it too slick and difficult to hold. He tracked the spinning winds with his amber eyes. Gon planted his feet against the wood and, concentrating his nen in his legs, kicked sideways as hard as he could, launching himself directly for the typhoon.

It swallowed him up indifferently, and he found himself in the chaos of debris, planks of wood and confused fish slamming into him from all angles, screaming sailors whirring around him. He spotted Alluka by the long, dark hair streaming behind her. She seemed to have been knocked out, her body limp as it was thrown about. Kicking off the debris brought her close to him several times, but it still took him half a dozen tries to reach her. Wrapping entirely around her frail shape, Gon maneuvered them until they were in the very center of the cyclone, allowing them to drop through the eye into the water.

Gon clamped a hand over Alluka’s mouth and nose, tilting his head up. The typhoon moved past them quickly, but then it was immediately difficult to tell which way was up in the murky, violent water. With one arm and two legs, Gon swam as hard as he could, trusting his instincts to bring him upwards.

A dark shape loomed above him as he came closer to the surface, and he veered hard to the left. Mere moments later, the mast plunged into the water, sweeping them further away. Gritting his teeth, he kicked his feet hard back towards it. He climbed up on the angular mast, throwing Alluka over his shoulder to shimmy up the wood. He didn’t find any of the handholds he had made, and when he lifted his head to the ship’s skeleton he realized that the answer for that was obvious.

His kickoff had cracked the mast in two.

No time to fret, now. A sailor saw him coming, and he took Alluka from Gon before helping him climb over the railing. “Where’s Killua?”

“Who?”

“The white-haired guy I’m always with.”

The sailor’s eyes went wide, and he pointed at the water between the ship and the passing cyclone. A streak of lightning zigzagged over the water. Gon yelled Killua’s name ineffectually, the wind swallowing up the sound long before it could reach him. Unsure what else to try, Gon executed his Jajanken, throwing out a paper and hoping that Killua would notice the flash of the homing projectile. It made it most of the way to Killua before dispelling, but the trail he left curved into a half-circle and headed back for the ship. 

Killua crashed directly into Gon, panting, his skin translucent and glowing with the last flickers of Godspeed, sparks of lightning flickering in his hair. “Whereisshe?”

“She’s fine, she’s fine, I got her.” Killua tried to move past Gon to Alluka, but Gon grabbed both his shoulders, keeping him in place. Killua tried to shake him off, his eyes snapping up in a glare, but Gon shook his head and held him in place while the sailor thumped on her chest.

She sat up suddenly, coughing hard, vomiting water onto the deck, and Killua slipped past to wrap his arms around her. And that was when they realized the ship was sinking.

The fallen mast had crunched a hole into the side of the hull. Passengers and cowering sailors came screaming up from the hold, all but stampeding for the lifeboats. Killua slung Alluka over his back, hoisting her up, but Gon stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

“They’re going to need all the boats.”

“Fuck that,” Killua spat. “We’re not staying here so they can escape.”

“We’ll be fine!” Gon hollered over the wind. “Debris floats.”

“I really hate you sometimes,” Killua yelled at him. Gon spread his arms out, shrugging, in a ‘what can you do’ sort of gesture, and sprinted towards the remaining lifeboats to help people into them. Killua set a confused Alluka down, taking this time to check her for injuries. She bled sluggishly from behind the left ear, staring at him with confusion.

“Killwa? What’s going on?”

His lips pulled into a grim line. Luckily her wound seemed to be a surface impact, a scratch from debris more than anything. Had he done anything but get Alluka hurt this last month? Oh, right, he’d left her alone to go have an adventure with Gon. _Much_ better. Pinching the bridge of his nose, Killua ground out a sigh. “Gon’s helping the passengers evacuate.”

“An’ us?”

“We’ll evacuate with the captain.”

How was he to know the captain was already dead?

\--

The typhoon passed, the waves calmed, but the ship was too broken to continue. A large portion of the hull floated sideways near them, dipping under the water and bobbing up again. Climbing onto the large wooden structure, Gon jabbed at it with his fingers flattened together until he managed to dislodge a portion of it large enough to hold all three of them but more easy to maneuver than the massive piece. While he did that, Killua ripped up planks from the discarded portion to use as paddles.

Alluka’s water-proof phone was the only to survive the wreckage, and its satellite capabilities meant she could pull up a map. Combined with Gon’s intimate knowledge of the stars, they located themselves with fair accuracy. They were still nearly a week away from shore, of course, but there was a set of small islands large enough to seem liveable. There wasn’t much information about the islands on the net- it seemed they had once been inhabited by a sea-fairing tribe, but that a terrible illness had swept through, rendering them extinct. The islands were so out of the way and the omen so dark that nobody had bothered living there again. 

They reached the set of islands early the next day. Island was a kind term for most of them; sandbar would be more appropriate. The center-most island, however, easily could have fit a tribe of a hundred, two hundred people, a ring of beach surrounding a tropical jungle, thick with noise.

Their first step, according to Killua, was to build a shelter on the beach to avoid predators. Gon’s eyebrows went up at that, his gaze sweeping over the jungle as their raft hit sand. Killua’s decisions really were in deference to Alluka most of the time. If they were alone, they would’ve started immediately with exploration, climbing trees to sleep if Killua bothered to sleep at all.

Then again, maybe that was a thing kids did, and not something that had been unique to their relationship. Gon squinted into the distance, before shaking his head. Nah, Killua had been eager enough to explore when they were on their own. He grinned to himself, picking the raft up over his head and bringing it inland so that the tide wouldn’t sweep it away.

“We should figure out where the high tide stops before we build anything,” he chirped, sticking their raft into the sand close to the jungle edge so that it stood upright. Killua squinted thoughtfully at him and agreed. “I’m going to try to find lunch! Alluka, do you want to come?”

Alluka tilted her head back to look at him. She had flopped down in the sand, limbs awry. her sleeping gown had torn at the shoulder, and it tilted haphazardly on her. Her expression was neutral as she stared at him for a few moments, searching, before waving him away.

“Ok! Killua?”

“I’ll stay with Alluka and get a fire started.”

Gon nodded and smiled. “Alright. I’ll be back soon.”

He walked into the line of vegetation. Despite the shriek of monkeys communicating above him, he didn’t have much trouble overhearing the Zoldyck voices drifting in from the beach.

“What’s wrong?” Killua asked, guilty and downtrodden.

“Just leave me alone for a while, oniichan.” Alluka didn’t sound better, tired, defeated.

“...Right.”

Gon hesitated, considered returning to them, but he thought better of it and plunged ahead.

If any sign remained of the tribe that had been here, Gon didn’t spot it, though he wondered whether his father would have. Ging was an archeologist, after all- or, at least, that accounted for his first star. Ging was probably an interdisciplinary adventurer, right?

Thinking too hard about the hunter bylaws was going to give Gon a headache. Shaking it off, he reached for his fishing rod over his shoulder, grasping the grip and testing the flexible shaft by shaking it vigorously. Good as always. He smiled at the red bobber as he slid the point protectors off the three-point hook. Maybe he should get fish instead.

An hour or so of walking found him on the other side of the island. It was mostly flat land, warm and comfortable if a little sticky, the air particularly moist in the densest part of the jungle. The birds flitted mostly in the upper canopy with the monkeys, but Gon spotted plenty of lizards and snakes that would make for tasty eating. He ignored them for now, instead stuffing his pack with various hard-skinned fruits he found growing in the lush green.

A particularly fat snake drooped sleepily from a vine just as Gon reached the front of the island again. He gave it a hard whack on the head and slung the stunned reptile around his shoulders, returning to his companions.

Alluka was off by the wet sand, more of it exposed as the tide lowered, building a sand structure of some kind, her brows scrunched together in concentration. Killua sat by the upright raft, a few feet from the line of trees, melancholically prodding a stick into a low-burning fire.

“Hi!” Gon greeted cheerfully, flopping down cross-legged next to Killua. He uncoiled the snake, tossing it down beside the fire, slipped off his pack, and sighed contentedly. “I found the other side. We could probably walk around the whole island in three hours.” That was, of course, at Alluka’s speed.

Killua made a sound of acknowledgement without looking up. Curling a hand around Killua’s fist, Gon gently took the stick from him, tossing it into the fire. “What’s up?”

Killua didn’t answer per se, though his blue eyes shifted from the fire to something else. Gon followed his gaze and found himself watching Alluka’s back. He blinked at it, then Killua.

“She’s fine. She’s healthy.”

“Healthy and happy aren’t the same thing,” Killua responded distantly. With nothing to do, he tilted back and crossed his arms behind his head, collapsing backwards onto the sand.

“Nobody’s happy all of the time.” Gon shrugged, brushing Killua’s hair out of his face.

“You are.”

Gon frowned, tilting his head. He scrubbed his thumb against Killua’s pale cheekbone. Did he really think so? “No I’m not.”

Killua snorted softly, rolling his eyes. “Are you happy now?”

“Yes.”

“There you go.”

His frown deepened. Was there a reason he shouldn’t be? He was here with Alluka and Killua, and as far as he was concerned this was just another adventure. He liked adventure.

“I’m happy because I’m with you,” he reminded Killua.

One of Killua’s eyebrows cocked up. Gon braced himself for the incoming insult, but instead Killua reached up and coiled his palm around the back of Gon’s neck, pulling him down for a kiss.

Nice. Now _this_ was what he called progress. How could he be anything else but happy?

\--

While Gon prepped the snake for cooking, Killua went into the island to see if there was a source of freshwater anywhere. He came back as the pieces roasted over the fire, his eyes narrowed thoughtfully into the distance. Alluka came back up to eat, but she didn’t really speak to either of them, chewing morosely, and left the moment she had finished her portion.

“We need a water still,” Killua ventured once he had finished eating. “There’s no stream or anything.”

“No problem,” Gon answered cheerfully. “I still have my parka.”

“Lucky us.” He didn’t sound enthoused, though. “I’ll start building a lean to.”

“We can do that together,” Gon smiled, “the still will only take a minute.” He dragged his parka out of his back. The neckline was still knotted tightly together from their desert adventure, so all he had to do was seal it around a large tree branch. The air was moist and the sun hot, therefore he expected to catch plenty of vapor. He’d have to keep an eye on it of course, stilling didn’t exactly create a wealth of freshwater... but at least it was a comfortable heat, so they shouldn’t get a repeat of last time.

Building the lean-to wasn’t quick work. It might have gone more efficiently if Killua didn’t stop to lambast him about his technique every twenty minutes, but since it seemed like the petty arguments were improving Killua’s sulky mood, Gon fed into them, deliberately baiting him.  
More than once they wound up wrestling in the sand, Killua yelling while Gon shrieked with laughter, pinning him down and stealing kisses while Killua tried to smack him.

High tide swallowed Alluka’s sand structure, lapping at the embers of their fire but not quite reaching the lean-to they had built. Debris from the storm started drifting up on their shore as the sun fell, and Alluka walked along the edge of the water between the floating planks. Gon caught Killua watching her often, nudging him lightly with his elbow, but Killua never voiced whatever concern it was that he was having.

A little frustrated by the overall lack of communication, Gon asked Killua to gather some large fronds to make bedding, and went over to talk to her the moment Killua disappeared into the vegetation.

She didn’t acknowledge him as he came closer, crouched by the splintered remains of a wooden barrel, staring listlessly at the horizon. He sat down in the sand next to her, even though it was wet, slinging an arm around her shoulders and pulling her sideways into his chest. “Hi.”

“Hi,” she replied weakly, leaning her head on his shoulder.

“What’s wrong?” She shrugged disconsolately, turning her head so that it hid against his shoulder, a move that was so Killua he had to fight not to smile. “It’s ok to tell me, I won’t get upset.”

“Killua’s going to be upset.”

“I won’t tell him.”

Alluka snorted, leaning harder into Gon’s side but tilting her head back to the ocean. “He already knows.”

“Then it’s unfair not to tell me! Right?” One corner of her mouth tilted upwards, and he was fully ready to call that a victory, too. He shook his shoulder, jostling her. “Now tell me what’s wrong.”

“It’s… you’ll think it’s stupid.”

Gon pouted briefly, turning to look at the waning moon. He dropped a heavy hand on her head, mussing her hair up. “I thought you were supposed to be the smart one?” he teased, ducking into her line of sight and grinning.

That shocked Alluka into snorting laughter. She covered her nose and mouth with her hand, embarrassed but smiling. “You’re a dork.”

Gon’s eyebrows arched up. He grinned toothily, proud of himself. “So?”

She pouted, leaning both her cheeks on her fists and staring out at the ocean. “It’s just…. We lost everything again. Leorio just bought me all that stuff. I didn’t even wear half of it. I know… I know it doesn’t matter, _really_ , but…” Her head sank a little further. Frowning, Gon stroked her hair, watching her expression closely. “I lost all my souvenirs, too. I just. We already don’t have any _place_ , and to not have _anything_ either…”

Gon wrapped her up in his arms, pulling her into his lap and against his chest. She wrapped her thin arms around his neck, her head down. “I’m sorry. It’s okay to be upset about it. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost my fishing rod.” It had been Ging’s fishing rod, yes, and that was important, but Gon had so many memories imprinted into the thing it was a talisman. If he had been a manipulator, it would’ve been his weapon. It held the joy of catching the Lord of the Swamp, the pride in learning how to hunt, the exhilaration of stealing Hisoka’s badge, even the betrayed angst when Killua caught a bird on the first try. And those were just the first month of the six years he had spent with the trusty tool.

Even without that, he could understand how all-encompassing the feeling of loss could be. Intimately.

It wasn’t anything to be ashamed about, as far as he was concerned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dedicate this chapter to the Hunter Exam arc ;)


	24. Simple x Solutions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Alluka and Killua work on a solution to get off the island, Gon starts a secret project
> 
> Oh and also, some intimate contact. Mature content, my friends

With a reasonable place to sleep, plenty of food to be found and with Gon in charge of distilling water, Killua and Alluka focused their attention on the next item on the agenda: getting out of there. Her phone had limited battery life left, so they turned it off and discussed what message they might send, and to who. The most obvious solution would have been to tell Palm to ‘take a look’ and from there she could warn the others, but no cell signal reached down into their caves, so not much to do there.

Killua’s list of trusted individuals wasn’t much bigger than the one he’d had when they first escaped together. Canary might have been their next choice if she had left the Zoldyck household, but he doubted she had. Leorio was a disaster with directions and would kick up far too much of a fuss to be unnoticed, and Kurapika… unfortunately, Killua simply doubted they could reliably contact him. He hadn't heard from the Kurta in almost a year.

Eventually, Killua switched gears. “We’re not _that_ far from the shore,” he shrugged, sweeping his hand out, “we can always…” he trailed off, his mouth half-open on whatever words he had forgotten to say, tracking Gon. He carried three half-splintered crates stacked one on top of the other with one arm, a massive piece of flatwood under the other. He was cheerful about _something_ , smiling as he worked, tilting his face up towards the hot sun.

“We can always what?”

“Huh?”

Alluka snapped her fingers right next to his ear. Slapping a hand over it, he leaned away, glaring at her.

“This is sad,” she sighed, shaking her head. She had done her hair up in braids to avoid tangling, and they bounced against her back. “You’re literally just watching your boyfriend move heavy shit. You’re so gay. How did nobody figure this out.”

“I’m pretty sure everyone figured it out except Gon,” Killua sulked moodily, rubbing the shell of his ear before dropping his hand back in his lap. That didn’t kill the blush creeping over his cheekbones though.

“Oh, right,” Alluka deadpanned, one eyebrow up. “You’re both dumb.”

Killua bristled, jumping to his feet and pointing a finger down at her. Alluka just stared back balefully, clamping her hands over her ears and sticking her tongue out at him. He puffed his cheeks out, shoving his fists into his pockets, and turned his nose up at her, but then he just sat back down.

“We can always build a raft. We’ll fill the barrels with rainwater and salted fish, make a sail, and we can get out of here.”

“Or we can wait for rescue, someone’s bound to come looking for a vanished passenger ship at some point, right? Maybe even a hunter!”

Killua grimaced. He wasn’t a fan of waiting for much of anyone- no, not even Gon- to get him out of scrapes. Asking for help was… just not a thing he liked doing. It had been happening too often already, lately.

“With all this wreckage they’re bound to check this island, right?”

They turned to look at the waves lapping the beach. Killua’s eyebrows went up and Alluka slapped a hand over her face. Would they realize wreckage had even floated up on this shore? That was uncertain, because Gon was cleaning it up in record time, a sizeable pile of wood stacked up next to their haphazardly constructed lean-to. 

“What is he doing?” Alluka asked incredulously. 

Killua shrugged, as entirely uncertain as she was. “Something useful, I hope?” Useful or not, it was definitely distracting.

\--

While Killua and Alluka worked on their plan to escape the island, Gon set himself on a task that Alluka had inspired. If they weren’t going to have things, he could work on having a place. He cheerfully set about collecting all of the salvageable wreckage he could, wearing indentations into the beach as he walked it up to the treeline handfuls at a time. He caught Killua looking sometimes, and if he timed his wink just right the boy would blush and stick out his tongue before turning his head away and towards Alluka.

It was slow work more than tiring, but he accumulated a fairly large pile of wood, enough to build a cabin, at least. He spent most of the day after that stripping palm trees and long-leafed fronds, laying them out to dry in the sun. He went back in as dusk crept slowly through the jungle, cutting through vines with a scaled-down version of his Jajanken Chi, and dragged long strands of it back with him, tearing up a trail.

He joined Alluka and Killua by the fire as the last rays of the sun stretched red over the ocean. He sat cross-legged next to Killua, close enough that their knees pressed together, and accepted a skewer of grilled fish. “How’s the plan coming?”

“We’re still discussing options.” Killua stripped pieces of flesh from his own fish, popping them in his mouth slivers at a time.

“Honestly,” Alluka smiled, cheerfully ripping a whole bite from her meal and chewing while she talked, “I’m ok with sitting around and waiting for a rescue. I could do with a change of clothes, but it’s not that bad!”

“You might rethink that once you wake up covered in bug bites,” Killua snorted. He hadn’t really managed to sleep last night, so he’d amused himself by zapping insects that tried to encroach on their space, but he wasn’t going to be doing that every night.

“You’re so negative,” she complained back to him, sticking her tongue out. “What do you think, Gon?” she grinned at him, friendly and sweet.

Gon beamed back, his left hand settling on Killua’s leg just above the knee. “I don’t mind! This place reminds me of home, actually!”

Killua snorted, scratching sand from his hair. “How so? Because it’s an island?”

“Yep!” Gon answered loudly. Killua cast him a suspicious sideways stare, trying to decide if Gon was messing with him or not.

“So what are you working on, anyway?” Alluka asked him, glancing at the pile of broken wood and jungle vines he had accumulated.

“It’s a surprise,” he winked, flashing a peace sign. 

Alluka clapped her hands together, delighted, and giggled. “Looking forward to it!”

\--

They slept again under the lean-to. It rained halfway through the night and Alluka bundled closer to Killua, shivering, fat drops dripping through the rickety awning. They woke up all three tangled together, Killua stuck between the other two and overheating pretty majorly. He elbowed Gon in the side to get him up and dragged himself out into the early morning light, aching with hunger.

He tried the fruits Gon had brought back, and was pleasantly surprised to find that the bulbous yellow one had surprisingly sweet flesh. It was full of black seeds, but provided you didn’t mind spitting them out, it was delicious. The green pulpy thing was far too sour for his palette, and the other fruits were hit or miss, but the yellow one… it would do quite well for a daily breakfast. And snack. Stretching his arms above his head with a yawn, Killua abandoned Gon doing tai chi on the beach to disappear into the jungle and figure out which type of tree the yellow fruit came from.

The sounds of the jungle pressed in around him, a cacophony of animals calling out to each other above him, the buzz of insects, the sloppy squish of mud around his shoes. Moisture beaded on his skin and made his shirt stick. Hungry bugs attacked his legs, so he crouched down in the mud and slathered it over his bare skin, save for his face and throat. He came upon the yellow fruit in a grove of trees that stuck straight up, bark with scales that reminded him of snakeskin. Ripe specimen hung down from the center in bunches, swaying invitingly. Grinning, he jumped up to snag the lowest bunch, slicing it free from its tree with a swipe of his fingernail, and cradled it to his chest as he landed. Then, he slung it over his shoulder, smirking as he turned face to return to camp.

He found his steps slowing on his way back, one hand in his pocket and the other holding the fruit, frowning vaguely towards the ground. Had that been the first time he’d left Alluka without making expressly sure she was looked after? There was something dissonant about being alone in this moment; he was almost angry at himself for not having thought of her sooner, but inordinately relieved that the pressure had been gone, almost without him noticing. He knew Gon would look after her. That was certain in his bones, and had never borne question.

He swallowed and bit his lip, blinking rapidly. He blew out a slow breath, rolling his shoulders back. Right. Camp. Nodding to himself, he forged on ahead.

\--

It was easy to tell when you were getting near the shore: the jungle’s outer ring was marked by ground that was firm, unlike the wet interior. Killua was in the dry ring when he heard footsteps squinching behind him, so he paused and turned to meet the walker. Gon emerged from behind a large leaf, grinning in greeting when he saw him. The large man hesitated, his gaze flicking up and down Killua’s form. He swallowed thickly, a tongue flicking out to wet the corner of his mouth. “Hi.”

Killua’s eyebrows arched up. He self-consciously peeled his shirt off his stomach, feeling a flush creep up his throat. “Uh.” Very smart, Killua, really good job here. “Hi.” Gon closed in and took the bundle of fruit from Killua, setting it at their feet. “I was just bringing it back to-”

He didn’t get to finish his sentence. Gon cupped both hands around his jaw, long, blunt fingers lacing at the base of his skull, and tilted his head back. He kissed Killua insistently, backing him up with small but intentional steps until Killua’s back met a tree. “Do you know how distracting it is,” Gon breathed between them, his voice rough and pitched low, his pupils large and black in his tawny eyes, “watching you walk around in my favorite shirt?”

“ _This_ is your favorite shirt?” Killua made a good attempt at his usual deadpan, plucking at the collar of said clothing, an eyebrow cocked disbelievingly, but the uptick in his voice gave him away.

“Mmhm.” Gon rolled his tongue into Killua’s mouth, mapping out the curve of his hard palate, dragging wetly against the slick edge of his lip. He leaned his weight on Killua, pinning him in place, and shuddered when the other groaned in response.

Killua’s hand left his pocket. It skimmed up Gon’s arm, leaving a trail of goosebumps in its wake. He gripped Gon’s shoulder to get a little leverage and looped his other arm along his back, his fingers rubbing against the base of Gon’s hairline. Gon’s mouth left his, skating along his jaw before chapped lips dragged down to the base of his throat, pressing wet kisses into the hollow between flashes of tongue. He tilted his head back to the sky, blinking drowsily at the light filtering through the trees.

“Hey Killua,” Gon asked breathlessly, pulling back to stare seriously into Killua’s eyes. His fingers stroked against the hem of his- Gon’s- shirt, carefully aware of the boundary. “Can I-”

“Yes,” Killua interrupted. He held Gon’s gaze but only just, his face flooding with color- some of it arousal but a good portion of it embarrassment. He was definitely interested in whatever Gon was thinking, but he didn’t think he could handle hearing him say it out loud.

Gon didn’t seem to agree. He pouted, frowning. “But you don’t even know what I was going to say.”

“Yes anyway,” Killua hissed, squeezing Gon’s bicep. Gon’s eyes narrowed thoughtfully. Nervous, his pulse fluttering in his throat and entirely too fast for his liking, Killua rankled. “What?”

“I want to make sure you’re interested before I do anything. I don’t just want to do whatever until you’re no longer enjoying yourself.” Gon’s mouth flattened in a straight line, one hand on his own hip and the other on Killua’s. 

“I don’t think you need to worry about that,” Killua uttered raggedly. He dropped his forehead forward onto Gon’s shoulder, endlessly endlessly embarrassed.

“Ok, but I want to make sure!” And Gon was so fucking earnest it was almost painful sometimes, except that he was so, so into it he almost couldn’t handle it.

Killua raised his head again, not-so-gently knocking his forehead into Gon’s and staring his dead in the eye. “You are killing the mood.”

One of Gon’s eyebrows went up. He stared disbelievingly at Killua for only a second before a confident smirk took over. “Oh, am I?” he purred, suave in a way that shocked Killua coming from Gon and yet didn’t register at all as a bad surprise. In fact Killua was very ready to say it was just about the opposite. “Let me fix that.” He drew Killua into another long, deep, dragging kiss, pressing him into the tree, dragging his spread fingers along the line of Killua’s ribs. Killua whimpered quietly, his hips pressing up into a muscular thigh, and Gon pulled back with smug delight.

“Fine,” Killua hissed, his lashes covering his blue eyes, “ask.”

Grinning victoriously, Gon dragged the tip of his nose along Killua’s cheekbone. “Can I lick you?”

Killua’s entire body tensed, and he would’ve jumped if he wasn’t pinned in place. He sucked in a ragged breath, shivering. He was right- he couldn’t handle Gon saying it. “Yes,” he squeaked, strangled and high-pitched, entirely undignified, not even entirely sure what the question entailed but definitely for it.

Gon dropped to his knees. Killua gulped, blinking rapidly at the space he’d just been. Gon’s hands immediately slid under the hem of his shirt, running all the way up his sides and pushing the material up, exposing Killua’s pale stomach. He stared at it with half lidded eyes, worrying at his bottom lip. The pause made Killua grow unfairly self-conscious, but then Gon leaned in and pressed the flat of his tongue along the curve of his iliac crest, dragging it up along shivery muscle to catch moisture and sweat.

Gon was literal in a way Killua should’ve expected, mapping the planes of his stomach and sides with a single-minded determination, cataloguing every spot that made Killua sigh or squirm with his tongue. Gon had taken to holding Killua’s hips in place, thumbpads stroking the skin just inside his hip bones in a way that he found unerringly frustrating. Killua gripped both of Gon’s shoulders to steady himself, vaguely aware that if Gon let him go now he’d sink to the ground, his legs liquid. The shirt slipped part of the way back down Killua’s chest, catching in Gon’s hair. Annoyed with it, Gon stretched the fabric out and ducked his head underneath to drag his mouth up Killua’s side from waist to armpit.

Killua squirmed, tickled, and stared wide-eyed at the head under his shirt. He felt dizzy. Satisfied that he had mapped out enough of Killua’s torso, Gon went ahead and revisited several of the spots he had found earlier, testing at them with little nips and apologetic swathes of tongue, egged on by Killua’s whimpers.

He ducked out of the shirt and backwards suddenly, his expression open and sincerely probing as he looked up at Killua. Killua slapped a hand over his mouth, a hysterical giggle bubbling out of him. Surprised, Gon cocked his head, but he didn’t seem in the least offended, half-smiling curiously. “What’s up?” he asked, bobbing forward to drop a kiss on Killua’s stomach over the fabric.

“You look like a hedgehog.” Gon’s hair hadn’t received a cut in a while, and it was heavy with the weight of humidity, so that his long spikes curved towards earth, the forwardmost pointing skywards but the rest cascading over his back. The shirt had flattened them further, pushing them in just the right shape to make the resemblance obvious.

Gon’s smile stretched across his cheeks. He stood up in a fluid motion- something Killua found perfectly unfair at the moment- sweeping his bangs out of his face and kissing him gently. “You are so cute.”

“Shut up,” Killua mumbled against Gon’s mouth.

Gon shrugged, smiling. “No.” And then: “Hey Killua can I suck you?”

Killua immediately went crimson, his back muscles seizing up. “You gotta work on phrasing these things,” he whined, coiling his arms around Gon’s neck.

“I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to say it properly.”

He was probably right, but Killua wasn’t about to admit it. He was supposed to be the worldly one, not Gon, and anyway Gon wasn’t supposed to have any experience, what the _hell_ , this was totally unfair. “You were being such a pain before, just say it.”

“Okay.” Gon smiled, so casual and familiar and the way he always was despite what they were doing that Killua felt like he might have a meltdown. “But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“Do you want me to punch you or what?”

Gon chuckled. He kissed a slow, tender line up the column of Killua’s throat and dragged his tongue around the shell of his ear. Squeezing his hips, he pulled Killua more tightly into him. “Hey Killua,” he murmured breathily, low and rough, “can I suck your dick?”

Gon was right. Killua didn’t want him to say it properly. Damn it. He stuttered something that was more sound than word, his pulse hammering in his chest, and dragged in a shaky breath. Gon patiently worried at the spot behind his ear with lips and teeth and tongue, most likely marking skin, and Killua whimpered. “Fuck,” he swore, mouth dry, throat sticky, painfully hard. He felt Gon smirk against his throat, the bastard. “Yes.”

“Cool.” Gon did not waste a second. He pecked Killua on the lips before dropping to his knees, tugging at the waistband of his shorts. He nuzzled at the seam between Killua’s hip and leg, inhaling. Killua shuddered, embarrassed, and tilted his head up to the sky. If he couldn’t really handle hearing the question, he definitely couldn’t handle watching it happen. 

Gon’s first touch was curious, the tip of his tongue testing against the head lightly. He licked a slow line around it, humming in satisfaction when Killua’s penis jumped at the touch, and sucked it into his mouth.

What the fuck. What the _fuck_. Killua lowered a shaking hand into Gon’s hair, stroking through it and grabbing at it in turns.

Gon seemed perfectly content to stay right where he was, the base of Killua’s head caught against his lips, his tongue flat against the bottom curve and pressing up against the slit, Gon’s fingers feathering up and down his shaft curiously. Killua squirmed against the ghostly touches, whimpering. Gon took mercy on him, his grip tightening around the base of Killua’s cock. He started to move, gently and unsure at first, but he picked up a rhythm quickly based on the pitch of Killua’s throaty cries. Gon bobbed his head down until his lips met his hand before hollowing out his cheeks and dragging back up Killua’s length slowly- torturously, even. 

Killua’s hips bucked, so Gon flattened a forearm across Killua’s hips and pinned them solidly to the tree, sinking all the way down to his root. And Killua’s brain melted out of his ear.

He blinked back into awareness cradled against Gon’s chest, staring up at treetops and satisfied golden eyes. He muttered something that came out garbled, dazed. Gon grinned, smoothing hair out of his face and pressing a tender kiss to his forehead. “You eat too many sweet things, Killua.”

Several seconds passed before understanding dawned on Killua, and he slapped both hands over his red face, further flustered by Gon’s heady laughter. Gon shifted so that he sat up against the same tree, arranging Killua in his lap so that they were chest to chest. Feeling boneless, Killua loosely looped his arms around Gon’s neck, leaning his hot cheek against a bare shoulder.

“Nap time?” Gon asked, chuckled.

“Mrrrm,” Killua answered, sighing contentedly. What a strange feeling, to want to stay right where he was. He hadn’t met that one in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the joke title to this chapter is "Fastest x Man x Alive"


	25. Surprise x Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gon works on his surprise. Killua also gets a surprise, but not one he likes.

Gon and Killua returned to the shore together. Gon kissed Killua on the cheek, handing him the fruit bunch, and left him by the fire to go work on his project. Killua watched him leave, dazed. Buoyant, almost.

“Oh, you’re back. Can I have one of those? I’m hungry!”

Gon plucked a frond from a nearby tree, inspecting it before deeming it adequate for the task. He extended his nen over it, and started to dig a long, thin trench.

“Oniichan.”

There was something comical about the leaf getting driven into hard sand and winning the battle.

“ _Hey!_ ”

“Huh?”

Alluka’s eyebrows arched into her bangs. She held out her hand towards him expectantly. “Feed me.” He blinked at her once before twisting one of the yellow fruits off and handing it to her. She tore a chunk of the leathery skin off with her teeth and dug her thumb into the hole she had made to split it open. Juice covered her hands almost immediately, and she pouted a little as the sticky liquid seeped down her arm. Shrugging, she bit into the pulpy flesh. Her eyes lit up in surprise at the taste, and she beamed at Killua. “Wow it’s sweet!”

He smirked back at her, nodding.

“So what just happened with you and Gon?”

The smirk froze on his face, eclipsed by the rush of blood to his face. “What do you mean?” He squeeked, tromping past her to toss the bunch of fruit into one of the barrels they had rescued.

“Oh please,” Alluka teased, giggling as she followed him down the beach. “It took three tries to get your attention.”

“It’s none of your business.”

“Unfair! There’s literally nothing else to entertain me here! Plus!” She bounced closer, wrapping her arms around him from behind and perching her chin on his shoulder, grinning. “If you don’t tell me I’ll ask Gon~”

“Are you threatening me, young lady?”

“Why?” she smirked, batting her lashes, “you scared?”

Killua flicked her softly on the forehead, shaking his arm to dislodge her. She flounced around him, looking entirely ridiculous in a way oversized shirt, and put her hands on her hips, grinning. “Come on just tell me.” She leaned forward, dropping to a whisper. “Did you have sex?”

Killua recoiled, red as a tomato. He crossed his arms over his chest, glaring at her, as if that ever worked.

“Oh my god you did!” she squealed, clapping her hands together, bouncing.

“Not- not really.” Killua scrubbed one cheek with the back of his hand, his head drooping forward a little. Yes, he very much wanted to hide at the moment, but Alluka really would go straight to Gon if he did. As pointless as it seemed, he’d like to keep _some_ modicum of control over the situation. “It was kind of… one-sided.”

“So you…” He shook his head, shoulders coming up defensively around his ears. Alluka’s expression became smug, a little cat-like, scarily similar to the face he made when he knew he had outwitted someone in a fight. “So _Gon_ …” Her eyebrows went up as she smirked, waggling her eyebrows.

“Can we not talk about this anymore?”

“Awwww come on oniichan!” She planted her hands in his hair, shaking it all up, and grinned right into his face. “You’ve been crushing on Gon longer than you’ve known what a crush is, I’m happy for you!”

“Keep your voice down!”

“I’m preeeeeeeetty sure Gon already knows!” She laughed. Killua pushed her off him, scowling. She cackled, bouncing away towards their companion. “Oh Go~on!”

Killua kicked up and wrapped his arms around her from behind, slapping a hand over her mouth. “Stop it!” She winked at him over his hand, and… licked it. He snatched his hand away in disgust, wiping it down the leg of his shorts. Cackling, she rolled out of his grip.

“Ok, I’ll be nice.” She patted him on the shoulder. Killua sighed in relief. “But not as nice as Gon~”

“Alluka!”

She ran down the beach laughing.

\--

Gon worked fairly mindlessly once he got started. Math was certainly not his strong suit, but he had a good eye for distance and relative size, and he knew his own body very well, so determining a good size for a shelter wasn’t difficult. The lean-to was good reference to begin with, but even without it he felt confident.

Alluka came to see him with water and an offering of roasted fish and fruit skewers- not the yellow ones Killua hoarded but the green fruit, as cooking it lessened its bitterness. Her timing was good, too. He had just finished digging one of the long sides.

“What are you working on?”

“It’s still a surprise,” he laughed.

Alluka pouted, sidling closer and nudging him with her elbow. “If I guess right will you tell me?”

“Nope,” he chirped, patting her head. She batted his hand away, her hands flattening over her hair protectively.

“And here I thought you liked me.”

“I _do_ like you,” Gon chuckled, knowing that Alluka didn’t question that.

“But not as much as you like Killua, right?” She grinned suggestively.

“It’d be pretty weird if I did!” It really was hard to knock Gon off-kilter, wasn’t it? He was nothing like Killua in that way. Alluka wasn’t sure she’d ever seen Gon embarrassed. She wasn’t convinced he was even capable of it. His honesty was a treasure, and his uncompromising positivity a blessing. Killua had told her once that Gon had a temper, but she couldn’t _see_ it. It didn’t make sense to her that it might be the case. Stubborn, oh, she believed with a thorough certainty, but angry?

It just didn’t seem like him.

\--

Alluka got up early the next morning, wandering down the beach to the edge of the lapping waves. Killua cracked an eye open to watch her, but the weight of Gon’s arm, draped over his waist from behind, kept him still. Gon tightened his grip, pulling them flush together, and nuzzled sleepily into Killua’s hair. He pressed small, lingering kisses on the back of his neck, keening contentedly. By natural progression they trailed along his jaw, encouraging him to turn towards the touch. Killua shifted onto his back; Gon gladly moved to accommodate the movement, leaning over him. Their lips met, and the sweet greeting shifted direction, tongues pressing together lazily, testing and stroking. Their fingers tangled together, lax above their heads. Gon leaned his weight on Killua, pressing his thigh between Killua’s legs, rocking his pelvis against the curve of Killua’s hip. Killua’s moan shivered between them and Gon sighed in answer, sucking needily at Killua’s bottom lip.

“Hold on, hold on,” Killua gasped between them, his free hand wedging between them to flatten on Gon’s chest, pressing him back lightly. Gon perched up on his elbows, stroking the back of his fingers over Killua’s cheek.

“Sorry,” he smiled softly, his eyes warm and golden in the light. “Did I come on too strong?”

“It’s a little early for- you know.” His eyes narrowed on Gon when the young man grinned, suspicious and a little offended.

“I don’t know about that, Killua,” Gon chuckled. “I don’t think time matters. When you’re hungry you eat, when you’re horny you have sex. That’s all.” He pretended to ignore the way Killua blushed at the very word, squirming uncomfortably. It was cute as hell and hilarious to boot: hadn’t Killua been the one to show him porn?

“So what I’m hearing is” Killua deadpanned, annoyed by Gon’s fond amusement, “you’re horny all the time.”

“Yep!” Gon shrugged, unapologetic. His fingers tickled the warm skin of Killua’s waist, tracing the line of his shorts. “I mean, you’re gorgeous, can you blame me?”

Killua rolled his eyes, smacking Gon’s hand away and attempting in vain to control the heat creeping into his face. “Yeah, and when I wasn’t around what did you do?”

Gon obeyed the unspoken request, smoothing Killua’s shirt down and resting his hand on his hip over the fabric instead. He tilted his head, confused. “What do you mean?”

“I’m guessing you didn’t suddenly become horny overnight.”

Gon frowned, scratching his cheek. Hadn’t he already said? “I had sex.”

Killua stared up at him. “...Oh.” A beat too late. He sank into the floor, gazing up at the top of the lean to over Gon’s shoulder. His insides twisted uncomfortably. 

“Killua?” Gon’s warm palm cupped his cheek. He gazed down at Killua, worry bending a line between his brows. “Did I do something wrong?”

Killua sighed, aggravated. Why had he even asked? Why had he thought that Gon’s answer might be any different? He’d never been ashamed of anything, and he’d never thought too hard about the rules of society. Gon always liked things simple. Hungry, eat. Horny, fuck. It made sense in his brain. Pushing Gon off him, Killua sat up, flattening his hair down.

“Killua?” Gon curled up on himself, out of Killua’s space, watching him with hurt eyes, uncertainty flitting on the corner of his mouth.

Killua shook his head. His mouth felt as if it were full of cotton. He didn’t trust himself to say anything that wouldn’t start a fight, straining against the cacophony of feelings in his chest.

What was he supposed to say? It wasn’t Gon’s fault. They’d never talked about sex, or relationships, or even if they liked each other like that before. It wasn’t Gon’s fault Killua had gone through his adolescence in the constant company of his younger sister while the other boy was off galavanting wherever with whoever. It wasn’t Gon’s fault that Killua’s only experiences up until now were shameful and lonely maturbation sessions in motel bathrooms while he ran the shower, trying to guess how tall Gon was now, or what he sounded like, trying to remember the shape of his smile. It wasn’t Gon’s fault if Killua had clung to the shape of them together, absent of anyone or anything else.

It wasn’t Gon’s fault if that thing was supposed to fucking _mean something._ Killua wiped his face with his shirt angrily, clenching his teeth around the bitter taste in his mouth.

“It’s fine. I’m going to go wash up and check on Alluka.” 

“Killua-”

He didn’t look back, but he felt Gon watching- confused, hurt probably- as he walked away. He’d handle it like an adult later. Later. Right now he-

He couldn’t. Not right now. Definitely not now.

\---

Gon left Killua alone, working on his project instead. The ditches dug, he cut up the largest pieces of salvage into rectangular chunks with his Jajaken Chi. His training with Bisky had focused on absolutely precision control over his nen, and it was easy now for him to regulate the size and power of his special skills. Even with his Chi and Pa only ever reaching 80% capacity, that was already far more than most nen users achieved in their lifetime. He hadn’t passed the Hunter exam as a twelve-year-old newbie for no reason.

He worked single-mindedly, his expression focused as he carefully aligned each section, pressing them into the ditches until he had a rectangular shape about eight feet tall. Hm. Maybe he didn’t need the vines after all. The back wall was made of several different pieces, and the wind whistled between. Also, he had cut a gap in the front where a door should be, but had no idea how to make a door. Could he build hinges out of anything here? He shifted through the wood pile with his foot, squinting at the metal pieces he could make out, but aside from old barrel bands there didn’t seem to be much.

Alluka came up behind him, looping an arm around his. “Are you building us a cabin?” she asked with a gigantic grin, perched up on her toes. His answering smile was soft as he patted the hand on his wrist. 

“Yep.”

“Can I help?” She asked sweetly, stepping in front of him and holding both of his hands, swinging them back and fro.

“If you want to.” She nodded her head enthusiastically, her braids flying everywhere. She hadn’t taken them out in a few days, but they had collapsed from the coil on top of her head and now hung in four ropes down her back. “Okay.” He cracked a smile. “How do you think I should make a door?”

“Hmmmmm…” She let him go and flounced over to the construction, stroking her chin thoughtfully as she peered at the gap. “I don’t know!” She declared with a laugh, throwing her arms out to the sky. “Let’s worry about that last! What’s next?”

“Wall reinforcement.”

“Easy!” She declared, hands on her hips, expression proud. “I know exactly how to do that one!”

“Yeah?” He grinned, eyes soft. Alluka really was a blessing. In an odd way, she had been saved from the horrors of growing up a Zoldyck by being locked away by them. He doubted she could’ve maintained her cheery self if she had been forced to kill. But then, there was Nanika…

“Mud!” She pointed towards the jungle with open palms, beaming. “Just, you know…” she moved her palms in circles in front of her, “spread it on everything and let it dry!”

“Let’s do it!” Gon grinned.

Gon used more palm fronds to shovel up mud and bring it up to the cabin in progress as Alluka happily smeared it all over the walls, and soon the earth came up to her elbows, flecked all over her skin and clothes. Gon worked next to her, getting the top of the walls where she couldn’t reach. They worked quietly for a while, punctuated by the occasional giggle as someone splattered someone else by accident or on purpose. Alluka hummed pop songs Gon had never heard, and they fell into a comfortable rhythm.

Alluka waited until Gon was working with a near-permanent smile before bringing up the reason she had come to begin with. “Are you okay?”

His hands paused. He tilted his head down to her, open. It didn’t really occur to him that she might mean emotionally. Alluka waited to see if comprehension would dawn- it didn’t- before sighing, focusing on the mud she smeared over the corner, trying to make it look somewhat even. “I ask because Killua’s been moody all day and you’re clearly ignoring each other, so…”

Gon’s expression returned to the distant, demure one she had seen early in the day. She really wasn’t a fan of it. It made her stomach hurt. “I know I upset him, but I’m not sure how.”

Understandable. Everything seemed to upset Killua, or anger him, if he was in the right state of mind. But he’d been mild lately, when not outright happy, something she considered to be excellent progress. The backslide was disconcerting.

“Well, what happened? What were you talking about?”

Gon narrowed his eyes thoughtfully as he worked. “Sex?”

“Maybe he was just embarrassed?”

Gon shook his head with certainty. “No, when he’s embarrassed he goes really red and he yells at me. He just… he went really quiet and he wouldn’t look at me.”

Alluka stopped what she was doing, staring at Gon. Oh. Oh no. “Do you remember exactly what happened?”

He frowned hard, clearly trying to dredge it up, but as with all conversations he remembered the feeling and meaning of it more than the words themselves. “I said if you’re horny you have sex and he asked me what I used to do when I got horny and I said I had sex? And then he just-” he paused. He scratched at his cheek self-consciously, leaving behind a smear of dirt, and looked at her apologetically. “Is it ok to talk to you about sex?”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” she waved off, biting her lip. Oh, she knew what this was about now. “It’s okay, Gon. You didn’t do anything wrong.” She patted his bicep, but he only stared at her disconsolately, his mouth twisted into a pout. “Killua’s just… he’ll get over it. It’s not your fault.”

Gon shrugged, going back to work, though his movements were sluggish, focusing on the same spot for longer than necessary. Alluka followed suit, glancing over her shoulder at the beach. Killua sat perched on top of a boulder that jutted out of the water, staring listlessly out onto the water. It wasn’t Killua’s fault either. Sometimes things just didn’t turn out the way you liked, and you had to deal with it and move on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went back and forth a long time on whether or not Gon should have Previous Experience or not. On the one hand, the romance of wanting only Killua, but on the other, Gon's tendency to not judge stuff and also being a wild animal so sex is just a thing of life with no particular meaning.
> 
> In the end I decided to go with waiting.... and then the story decided I was wrong. So, if that's what you wanted- sorry. I feel you. ^-^;


	26. Island x Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get built. Also, mature warning for this one too yall

Killua didn’t deal with it like an adult. In fact, he didn’t deal with it at all. He buried the shaky, sick feeling with the rest of his hurts and pretended it had never happened. He approached Gon and Alluka as they completed covering the second wall, his hands in his pockets and his eyes squinting against the sun. Before he could ask what they were doing- although it seemed kind of obvious- Alluka threw a glob of mud at him. It clung to his cheek for a full second before detaching and splattering on his shoulder and down his arm. He stared at her for a moment before taking a handful himself, speed-walking towards her with a blank look. Alluka shrieked and tried to hide behind Gon- he lifted his arms out of the way, twisting around to see what was happening- but Killua circumvented him easily, tugging her collar up and dumping the mud down the back of her shirt.

“Oh you’ve done it now!” she screamed, scooping up mud with both hands and slapping her cupped palms over his face. It devolved into a full out wrestling match after that, and all three of them were covered in mud by the time it ended, Alluka giggling and out of breath, Killua laying on his back with his eyes closed and his limbs akimbo, tufts of silver hair sticking out at odd angles where it wasn’t matted with dark earth, and Gon sitting up against one of the unfinished walls, grinning widely.

“I’ll go get more!” He jumped up to his feet, scooping up the palm fronds he used as plates, and disappeared momentarily into the jungle.

Alluka crawled over to Killua, propped up on her elbows as she peered down at him. “Feel better?”

“I guess.” She rolled her eyes at his shrug.

“You know you’re his favorite, right?”

Killua snorted softly. “Yeah, shut up.”

She stuck her tongue out, knowing he couldn’t see it, and laid down next to him, staring up at the sky. Along with the salvage Gon had gathered, there were a few barrels that were still in one piece. They used one mostly to store the fish they caught for easy eating later, and the others were used as rain barrels. It rained at least once a day on this island, but it was warm and lasted only fifteen, twenty minutes at a time, so it was usually just a pleasant respite from the tropical heat. Living on this island was surprisingly easy, to the point where its lack of inhabitants was frankly puzzling. It looked like it might rain again soon. Hopefully it wouldn’t undo too much of their work? 

Gon returned shortly with more mud, and that was how the cabin turned into a group project. They paused work during rain and for meals, but with all three of them it went much faster. Next they used the dried palm fronds Gon had stored in the lean-to during the day to make a roof, supporting it with beams and finally using those vines he’d gathered. For bedding, Gon made raised pallets, which they covered with some of the spongy moss that grew on the trees. Alluka cackled when she saw he had only made two, though one was significantly wider than the other. Killua facepalmed, but it hardly hid the color of his cheeks. Killua was the one who figured out the door issue. Gon and Killua gathered more fronds, drying them and slicing them into strips, which Alluka wove together until they had a flat mat a little bigger than the opening. They simply stood it up against the wall, picking it up with both hands and moving it if they needed to get through. It was dark inside, of course, but since it was mostly for sleeping and avoiding insects in the night- it worked just fine. They argued about whether or not to add a fire pit, and decided against after the first night sleeping in there. With the three of them in there generating heat, the night chill hardly intruded. On nights when Killua didn’t need to sleep he usually left to avoid overheating and wandered around the jungle by himself, up in the higher canopies, to work out.

Alluka talked Gon into teaching her his morning Tai Chi routine, not that it took much effort, and watching the pair move fluidly through it as the morning sun stretched their shadows all the way to his feet was rapidly becoming Killua’s favorite part of the day. Alluka was right. They hadn’t stayed in the same place for more than a week in a long, long time, and there was something positive about being stuck here. They could build a raft if they really wanted to leave, but he was starting to feel strangely content, lost out here.

Gon donated most of his clothes to Alluka, and tended to walk around in just shorts, wearing his boots when he ventured into the jungle but otherwise wandering around barefoot. Whereas Killua and Alluka wore leafy hats to protect their pale complexion, Gon tanned darker almost by the day and there was something very, um, satisfying about watching him tromp up and down the beach with his sister. Once they had finished the cabin, Gon went back to his absurd exercising schedule. Killua joined him for most of it, but he didn’t need as much strength training as Gon, so sometimes he’d run laps around the island instead.

Gon continued to be physically affectionate, holding hands or pecking Killua on the cheek whenever they crossed each other, stealing playful kisses when they sparred (much to Killua’s annoyance), but he didn’t ‘get frisky’ with Killua again. He seemed to be waiting for something, but if he was waiting for Killua to make the first move- Well. It might take a bit. Just thinking about it made him uncomfortably hot under the collar, and not in a fun way.

\--

Gon found that sparring without nen was more difficult. He was forced to work on his finesse. Punching Killua with too much force might actually break a bone, something he didn’t want. The handicap didn’t seem to do shit to Killua, though. He was back to his old assassin tricks, moving around Gon soundlessly, too quickly to be seen, hitting him in the sides or on the back with small jabs. Sometimes he’d stop with his hand flat against Gon’s chest, smirking, with a look in his eyes that said ‘hey, remember that time I tore someone’s heart out in front of you and you thought it was cool?’ Gon remembered all right, and he was still impressed. He fully knew that Killua could probably tear his heart out too if he really wanted, but that wasn’t exactly something he felt any anxiety about. The fact was- without nen, Killua won far more often than he lost. And that was boring!

On this particular morning the sound of rain woke him up, and he went outside to find Killua standing in the downpour, his face tilted up towards the clouds. He approached casually, curving his palm around Killua’s biceps and leaning down to kiss his temple. “Morning.”

“Mmm.” Killua glanced at him over his shoulder with a small, coy smirk. “You wanna fight?”

Gon grinned. “Always!”

Killua patted Gon on the shoulder. He gripped it suddenly, injecting a strong electric shock into the muscle. Gon gasped as it spasmed, dropping to one knee. His entire shoulder went numb, his arm flopping limply at his side. He grasped his wrist with his other hand, temporarily paralyzed. “You- you cheater!”

Cackling, Killua ran down the beach, following its curving edge out of sight.

Finding Killua proved to be his first challenge. Gon could be fast, but trying to outrun Killua was like trying to outrun a jet plane. The rain stirred everything up, effectively masking the ozone-scented trail Killua’s Godspeed left behind. Gon went around the island once to see if Killua was just laying in wait elsewhere, but after sustaining all of zero surprise attacks, he changed tactics. His second attempt involved climbing to the tops of the trees and peering out over the island to try and spot the runner. The palm trees did not appreciate his efforts, one bending all the way down to the sand under his weight. The trees deeper in the jungle were more solid, and from there he could get a pretty clear sight on the whole island. Killua wasn’t on the shore at all, streaking over the water instead as the rain lessened, before stopping completely.

Double-cheat. Gon grinned, excitedly leaping from the tree to land on shore. (It splintered under him, a crack which spread down its trunk to nearly half its height, but Gon didn’t notice.) The sand absorbed his landing, bowing slightly under the pressure but hardly disturbed. He cupped his hands around his mouth, shouting at Killua over the water. “I’m only fighting you on dry land!”

The streak of lightning bent, but not towards Gon. Instead Killua stopped on one of the nearby sandbars, dropping into a sitting position and waving cheekily. Gon’s grin was toothy, excited. Challenge accepted. He left his boots on shore and ran into the cold water, swimming over. Killua was still sitting when he reached it, putting on an exaggerated expression of boredom, yawning broadly. It wasn’t a big stretch of land by any description, maybe the square footage of Mito’s house, but with nothing to destroy it was plenty enough space for them.

Killua didn’t move until Gon was within arm’s reach of him, at which point he moved so fast that even to Gon it looked as if he had vanished into thin air. Gon wheeled around just in time to receive a fist to the face. It wasn’t hard enough to do anything but surprise him, but before he blinked Killua had danced away again, cackling.

Killua seemed to be focusing on evasion today. He didn’t move in to attack nearly as much as he usually did, slipping under punches and leaping over leg-sweeps with smug grins. He spun acrobatically, straight showing off, bending backwards to avoid Gon’s grab and using the momentum to flip backwards, heel-kicking upwards into Gon’s jaw. Gon stopped trying to hit him altogether and made a game simply of trying to grab him. It did not go well. But Gon had some tricks up his sleeve too.

Running after Killua wasn’t going to win him anything except breathlessness, so he’d make Killua come to him. Gon settled into a fighting stance, his feet a little apart, knees bent. He let him arms hang at him sides, eyes closed, breaths deep. He focused on the sound of Killua’s excited heartbeat instead of trying to track the imperceptible movement of his feet, on the float of his teasing words. He smiled at the relaxed ease of Killua’s taunts, his thumb twitching imperceptibly. 

At first Killua merely teased him, asking if he was giving up. Gon smiled but didn’t answer, staying right where he was. Predictably Killua got bored. Gon ignored the jabs from behind, the hard kicks to his calves. A thwack at the back of his knee from a hard heel brought him down to kneeling, and he stayed there peacefully. Killua circled him a few times before shoving a heel into his shoulder. “Hey, are you gonna fight or what?”

“What.” Gon’s eyes flicked open, grinning up at Killua. He grabbed Killua’s ankle with his cross hand, reached up to grab his shirt with the other hand, and slammed him down on the ground.

Killua immediately tried to get up but Gon was so close to the ground already all he had to do was fall forward, pinning the white-haired man down with the weight of his torso. He crossed his arms over Killua’s sternum, propping his chin on them with a smile. “I win!”

“You cheated,” Killua pouted, kicking his heel half-heartedly against Gon’s calf.

“You cheated first!”

Glowering, flushed with exercise and still burning with energy, Killua pinched Gon’s sides, injecting small shocks for the fun of it. Squirming, Gon arched up to snatch Killua’s hands. He settled back down, pinning Killua’s wrists above his head where they couldn’t do any more damage. “So you admit I won.”

“I admit nothing!” Killua scowled. Gon blinked, surprised by the sudden roughness in Killua voice. He moved both wrists to one hand so that he could perch up on his elbow, peering down at Killua’s face. His cheeks were definitely getting rosier by the second, his breath shallower, something almost nervous in his eyes. He cocked his head to the side, gaze following Killua’s flush down his throat where it disappeared under the collar of his shirt. Killua tried to tug his arms away again, harder, and Gon’s grip tightened instinctively. Killua hissed in response, his hips jerking under Gon’s weight. Gon’s eyebrow went up. _Oh_. A cheeky grin spread from ear to ear.

“So I really _did_ win.”

“Shut up!” Killua sputtered, disgusted.

“You know,” he continued, pleased as punch and happy to show it, “if you’re horny, you should just-”

“If you finish that sentence,” Killua spat, weakly kicking his heel against Gon’s calf, “I swear you won’t like what I do to you.”

“Is that a promise?”

Killua ceased struggling immediately, his eyes widening before narrowing into slits. “Do you want to die?” he growled.

Gon laughed. He nuzzled under Killua’s jaw, peppering the pale skin with small kisses. “Aww, you know I love you, don’t be mad.”

Killua went completely still, trapping his breath inside him. “Wh-” he swallowed, startled by the roughness of his own voice, by the way it rattled in his throat. “What?”

“What?” Gon sat back on his haunches, releasing Killua. He laid a hand on his waist, thumb stroking a gentle line up and down his side. He read Killua’s expression, his own ernest, brushing the back of a finger along a pink cheekbone. “Oh, sorry,” he apologized with a warm smile, “should I not have-”

“No,” Killua interrupted immediately. He dropped his gaze, hiding behind his lashes, “no, it’s um. It’s fine. I just.” He waved a hand in the air vaguely, his mouth an awkward slant. “Didn’t expect…”

Gon laughed- he couldn’t help it- so utterly charmed by Killua in his entirety. “I kind of thought it was obvious, Killua.”

Killua chewed and licked at his bottom lip as he mulled it over. It took him a moment but he met Gon’s gaze. He had decided. Whatever it was he had decided, Gon wasn’t sure, but he recognized resolution when he saw it. Killua reached up and grabbed his face with both hands, pulling Gon back down over him and into a firm kiss. He invaded Gon’s mouth with his tongue, wrapping an arm around his neck to keep him down, sucked at Gon’s tongue when he found it.

Gon scrambled to catch up, returning the kiss with single-minded enthusiasm. He searched out one of Killua’s hands, lacing their fingers together and pinning them back above their heads. Killua groaned in answer, flattening his feet against the ground to get a bit of levage. Gon bit hungrily at his throat, feeling himself catch fire in response to every sound Killua made. The moan Killua elicited in him when he rolled his hips up vibrated in his chest. 

“Hold on, hold on,” Gon gasped, apologetically blowing on the red marks he had made on the column of Killua’s throat, “we’ll get sand everywhere.”

“Then let us get sand everywhere,” Killua muttered, pouting but hazy-eyed.

“You don’t know what you’re saying,” Gon laughed, but he wasn’t ready to stop either. Killua dragged him down into another sloppy, wet kiss, licking and nipping at his lips and tongue. It was uncoordinated, yes, but it still zinged down to his toes. He pawed at Killua’s shirt, humming a question against his mouth.

Killua’s arm slid out from around his neck and pushed firmly on his chest. He sat up for a second, panting, immediately distracted by the slick shine of Killua’s mouth. Killua arched off the ground to peel his shirt over his head, sand shaking out of his hair. He went to toss it aside but Gon snatched it up, pushing him back down and flattening over him again. “We’ll need that,” he uttered against his mouth. Killua made a sound of acknowledgement in the back of his throat, clearly more interested in kissing than whatever Gon intended to do with the shirt. Chuckling breathlessly, Gon dragged his hands over Killua’s torso.

“Something funny?” Killua grumbled, flushed and offended.

“I’m just really into you,” Gon answered easily, taking this opportunity to sit up and drag his tongue up Killua’s side. This proved to be a mistake, as he spat out several grains of sand, laughing. Killua squirmed away, wiping a palm down the wet skin with a wrinkled nose.

“You’re gross.”

“Hey, _you’re_ the one that likes _me_ , so.”

“You’re so annoying,” Killua groaned, covering his face with both hands. 

Gon took this opportunity to note exactly where his flush ended. He dragged his fingers from Killua’s chin down the open line of his throat, sweeping along his collar bones and the crest of his sternum, smoothing his thumb along the place where pink diffused into porcelain. “You’re beautiful, you know?” his words were soft, suffused with warmth. He met blue eyes through the gaps in Killua’s fingers. They stared back at his with wide uncertainty, glittering through a wet sheen. His smile stretched, and he took both of Killua’s hands in his own, bringing them to his mouth and kissing each finger. Killua didn’t accept the compliment but he didn’t refute it either, slowly and shamefully allowing it to absorb, and that made Gon so happy it practically spilled out of him. 

He kissed Killua, his hand skating over the young man’s torso. He hummed encouragingly when he felt cool hands flattened again his scapulae, pushing into the touch. Killua’s fingers trailed along the planes of his back, feeling the edges of individual muscles, fingernails dragging against skin just hard enough to sting. Sighing, Gon rolled their hips together.

Killua’s breath stuttered. His head fell back and hit sand. He blinked dazedly at the sky, his eyes only opening halfway. Gon leaned over him, his head turned to the side so that his lips dragged over Killua’s cheeks, panting quietly. He rolled his hips again. Killua moaned in response. For a while they were content with the rhythm of slow and dragging shifts as they breathed in tandem, Killua’s palm curved around the back of Gon’s sweaty neck, Gon’s nose pressed against a hot cheekbone.

Killua’s head turned to the side to catch Gon’s lips. Humming appreciatively, Gon stretched his body over Killua’s again, relaxing down on top of him. The change dragged a shaky cry from Killua, his back arching, and his hips stuttered up in rapid little thrusts. Gon swore quietly against Killua’s mouth, every nerve shocked alive, something which drew a surprised chuckle from Killua.

Gon peeled away and Killua pouted up at him. Gon grinned at him, looping an arm around Killua’s waist and encouraging him up. An eyebrow raised, Killua obeyed. Gon slipped the shirt under Killua’s seat, smoothing it out over the sand as much as possible before letting Killua settle back down on top of it. He scrambled at his shorts, undoing the button fly in record time. Both of Killua’s eyebrows were up now, and his eyes were widening. Gon lay back down over him, distracting him with some very thorough kisses. He tugged back the elastic of Killua’s shorts frantically, dragging them down his thighs. Killua made a confused sound against his mouth and Gon immediately let go, holding his hand out away from them.

“If you stop now I’m going to kill you,” Killua muttered heatedly against his mouth. Chuckling, Gon obeyed. He rolled his hips against Killua’s again, grinning when Killua moaned and arched up to press harder into him. Reaching between them, Gon wrapped his long fingers around both of their cocks.

A shocked sound ripped from Killua’s throat. His feet flattened on sand, arching his hips and back almost entirely off the ground despite Gon pressing over him. Gon groaned at that. He rolled his hips in one direction and his hand in the other, his open mouth stuck to Killua’s as he moaned. Killua’s expression was slack, his eyes half-lidded and unfocused. His hips caught Gon’s rhythm, thrusting up to meet him mindlessly. His breath was so shallow, almost imperceivable where it stayed trapped behind his sternum. Every so often a particularly aggressive movement provoked a gasp from him. His head arched back and Gon happily sucked at the marks on his throat, focused almost entirely on the pulsing pleasure spreading down his limbs.

Holding himself up on one arm was taking too much concentration. He pressed his open mouth against Killua’s shoulder, panting, thoughtless, shaking, thrusting mindlessly. Killua made soft guttural sounds, needy, shocked, wanting. How could he do anything but give?

Gon came first, his teeth sinking into Killua’s shoulder. He felt a pulse in Killua’s dick against his, and Killua came a moment later with a cry that got caught halfway out of his throat, clipped and high. A metallic taste touched his tongue. Gon sat up guiltily, touching the bite mark on Killua’s shoulder with his thumb. “Sorry,” he apologized, smearing a trickle of blood over the skin.

“Hrm?” Killua blinked. He stared vaguely at Gon for several seconds, his tongue dragging slowly along his bottom lip, his movements uncharacteristically sluggish. “F’wat?”

“I broke skin.”

Killua snorted, the corner of his mouth lifting halfway as he waved it off, closing his eyes again. “No big deal. Kiss?”

Gon smiled, leaning down to give Killua a soft kiss, teasingly flicking his tongue against his puffy bottom lip. “We should get cleaned up.”

“There’s water right there,” Killua mumbled, flopping out the arm that was closest to the edge of the sandbar. Gon started to lift himself up but Killua immediately looped his arms possessively around Gon’s back, his mouth twisted into a pout. Gon stopped- Killua didn’t explain, slowly releasing him. Gon lay down next to Killua, staying close, throwing one leg over him so they were still touching. Killua turned his head to the side, squirming closer to tuck into the curve of Gon’s chest. He sighed heavily, puffing air against Gon’s clavicle.

They rested there for a minute, curled together, their pulses returning to normal. Killua’s breaths deepened and stretched and when he opened his eyes again they were contemplative, his brows bent together.

“What are you thinking about?” Gon asked him softly, earnestly curious, without judgement or fear.

“I-” the word hung between them. Killua blinked, frowning at nothing.

Gon smiled, gently unsticking Killua’s bangs from his forehead and brushing them away from his eyes. “You can tell me anything, you know.”

Killua rolled his eyes dramatically, something which made Gon laugh effusively. “Now I don’t even want to tell you.”

“What?” Gon gasped, mock hurt, a hand pressed to his heart. “Unfair. You wound me!”

“When I wound you, you’ll know it,” Killua snorted, punching him lightly in the shoulder.

“Will you please tell me?” Gon asked, wrapping his hand around Killua’s fist. He held Killua’s blue eyes as he pressed kisses to his knuckles.

Killua sighed, though Gon didn’t miss the uptick at the corner of his mouth. He looked away self-consciously. “It’s kind of dumb.”

Gon shrugged one shoulder, smiling encouragingly. “I want to know anyway.”

“I…” Killua bit at his lip. He shook his head, almost giving up, but finally- “...I never felt like that before. I mean, like-” he hid his face against Gon’s shoulder, a hand shading whatever features were still revealed- “how it _feels_ , you know? I never-” he swallowed, and there was a strain in his throat that made Gon’s heart hurt, even through the haze of orgasm. “I didn’t know it was possible to feel… good. Like that.”

Gon wrapped an arm around Killua’s waist, squeezing the young man against him. He pressed a hard kiss against his temple. Some things couldn’t be fixed. That? That he could fix.

That he could spend a lifetime fixing.


	27. Alluka's x Adventure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alluka gets bored. Killua panics. The usual.

They came back up on the cabin with their hands tangled together, their hair wet from an ocean swim. Alluka gave Killua’s shoulder one glance before staring at Gon with an eyebrow raised, crossing her arms over her chest. “Were you fighting or fucking?”

“Both,” he grinned easily, not even slowed. Alluka grinned back and they high-fived as he walked past her to a dwindled pile of fruit, snagging breakfast.

Killua glowered at his back before rolling his eyes and pushing the fruit around with his foot, looking for a yellow one. There weren’t any left. He made a disgusted face at the rest. “I’m gonna go get food I actually want to eat,” he called haughtily, turning his nose up at them and walking into the treeline. Alluka’s tinkling laughter followed him.

“I told you he’d get over it,” Alluka told Gon once she felt confident Killua had left earshot. “Did you do your routine yet? I’m not sure I can remember the whole thing alone so I waited for you.”

“I haven’t! Hold on, let me eat first.” She nodded, her hands on her hips, and waited. Life continued on.

While Killua and Gon trained together, Alluka got very adept at weaving, making them sandals, hats, sleeping mats. She experimented with making clothes, but the material was too scratchy. Killua offered to kill and skin a few monkeys for leather but the very idea appalled her.

Killua adopted Gon’s ‘eat when you’re hungry, fuck when you’re horny’ maxim, which was fine initially but got out of hand a lot faster than she expected considering Killua’s typical resistance to change. She’d kicked them out of the cabin more than once for waking her up in the middle of the night because someone or the other got bored, and banned them from doing anything in there but sleep when she started to recognize a noticeable smell. Which. Disgusting, come on, she was his teenage sister! Have some boundaries! Ugh. Boys. 

She was very much pro Gon and Killua being a thing, and it did wonders for Killua’s sour disposition, but there were limits!

Alluka ran out of materials while they were off galavanting somewhere, setting down a half-made basket and scanning the tree line. She could just get her own. Or- she hadn’t really gone into the jungle, much. Killua preferred her to stay in the relative safety of the open beach, but Gon usually cut in that it was perfectly safe, and that aside from a few snakes there wasn’t anything really big enough or aggressive enough to attempt to attack humans, although the monkeys might throw something if you invaded their territory. Since they kept to the upper canopy, she didn’t exactly fear it.

It was about time she had an adventure of her own, anyway. Tugging her woven hat down harder over her wavy, salt-rough hair, Alluka smiled and went into the jungle.

The walk was pleasant enough, if she ignored the way mud squished through her sandals and covered her feet, making sucking sounds as she walked. The insect population increased as she pushed further in, and soon she was getting annoyed enough to follow Gon and Killua’s oft-noted example, crouching down in the mud to smear a thick layer of it all over her skin, face included. She giggled to herself as she moved further into the jungle, caked the same color as the ground, and pictured herself on a hunt, half-invisible as she walked. 

Unlike her brothers, Alluka had received very little training in the ways of the assassin, since Nanika had shown herself early on. Their techniques were mostly a mystery to her, but Killua had taught her how to move silently when they used to play in the garden. Otherwise, hide and seek was just too easy for him.

She found herself steadily growing uneasy, a sort of mania expanding in her belly. The island was perfectly safe, she reasoned, finding herself walking slower and more gently as the ground started to slope downwards under her feet. Killua had once surmised that the center of the island was actually lower than sea level, and she found herself agreeing. The slope grew stronger as she walked down it, and at some point she found that, with the slick mud, she couldn’t turn around and go back up.

Resolving to find another way around, Alluka started to walk carefully along the same level of incline, looking for a fallen tree or cut vine to grab on and head back up. A misstep made her feet slide right out from her and she fell on her back, sliding down the mud to the bottom of the depression. She hissed uncomfortably, tugging at the hem of her shorts, and pushed herself up to her hands and knees. Her elbow burned, and when she peered at it she noticed it was wet with a combination of mud and blood. She rubbed at the tender, torn skin, frowning. Hopefully it wouldn’t get infected.

She stood up slowly, a little wobbly, grimacing as she looked up the slope. No way she’d climb back out the same way. The moisture was almost oppressive here, and she could feel the mud sloughing off her skin as she sweat. She took two steps, puzzled by the much wetter feel under her left foot. Lifting it, it was obvious why: she had lost a sandal. Sighing heavily, Alluka squinted back up towards the mudslide. She couldn’t see it. Probably swallowed by mud.

Adventures were a lot less fun than she expected. Maybe you had to have someone with you. Someone who actually let you do fun things everyone once in a while instead of being overbearingly protective all the time. Killua hardly let her climb trees. Pff. It wasn’t her fault she wasn’t strong like Killua and Gon. Even normal humans could _climb trees_.

Pouting to herself, Alluka stomped further into the jungle.

\--

Killua thoughtfully stared into the middle distance with narrowed eyes, a palm flat against Gon’s chest as the young man pressed him into a tree, kissing down his neck. “Why are you always pinning me to things?”

Gon pulled back with a bright grin, teeth incredibly white in contrast to his dark tan. “I noticed you like it, so.” He shrugged carelessly, bracing his forearm against Killua’s upper torso and pressing him harder into the bark. Killua shivered first and glared at him second, smacking him hard on the shoulder. Gon pulled back, hands up, cheeky.

“You’re such a pest,” Killua muttered, on the surface annoyed. Gon kissed his pink cheek, lacing their fingers as they walked back to camp, each carrying one of Alluka’s deep baskets filled with different fruits. Gon had collected a lot of the sour green ones, much to Killua’s dismay, insisting that it was their only source of vitamin c. Killua wasn’t convinced, but it was more palatable roasted, so fine, whatever. He’d eat it. But he didn’t have to like it.

“We’re back!” He called to the camp at large, dumping his basket near the fire pit. He shooed away a young monkey- they had at some point noticed that there was easy food to be found at the human campsite, and had steadily been making pests of themselves. He considered dispatching one as a warning, but Alluka chastised him and fed the damn thing instead, which was just asking for trouble. Gon sided with her on the subject, predictably.

On the subject of Alluka, where was she?

“Alluka?” He checked inside the cabin to see if she was napping. No one. He paced the beach, following the waterline with his eyes. Not swimming, either. He jumped to the top of the nearest tree, scanning around him. Nothing, but Gon watching him from below, his hand shading his eyes. He dropped down. 

“Have you seen Alluka?”

“No.”

“Can you track her?”

Gon shrugged loosely, his arms swinging. “Of course.” He smiled reassuringly, ruffling Killua’s hair. He closed his eyes and tilted his head back, letting the scents of the jungle fill his nostrils. Humans had very different smells from other animals. Since the three of them were nearly constantly in each other’s company, their scents had all sort of combined, but since Alluka was the only woman in the group hers was particularly distinct. (And, of course, he was particularly inclined to recognizing Killua’s, so that was fairly easy for him to distinguish too.) “This way.”

They moved quickly at first, hopping from low branch to low branch instead of walking in the mud to preserve the way it had torn up in places. Gon stopped suddenly, precipitously balanced on a branch. He lifted his head, sniffing again, but frowned.

“What?” Killua snapped, an angry anxiety shortening his temper. “Why’d you stop?”

“I don’t smell her anymore.” He tilted his head, thinking, but then he smiled. “She must’ve covered herself in mud. We’ll just have to follow the tracks, come on.”

“What was she thinking,” Killua complained heatedly, “coming in here by herself?”

“She probably just got bored, Killua,” Gon reasoned gently.

“Safety first, excitement second,” he hissed between gritted teeth, his eyes narrowed on the trail of mud. It wasn’t as easy to follow as he had hoped. The moisture made it more gelatinous than anything, and in some places it had already flattened again.

“That sounds like the opposite of you, Killua!”

“Yeah, maybe when I was twelve!”

Gon paused, frowning. “Killua…”

“Shut up about it,” he snipped, swatting at insects but staying out of the mud, unwilling to disturb any of it lest he get distracted by a false trail. “Find Alluka.”

Gon watched him with a frown but didn’t argue, following at a more sedate pace. They had to double back a few times when it became clear that they hadn’t gone the right way, and Killua was verging on an explosion when they found a streak of what looked like a heavy object sliding down a hill. Something protruded about a third of the way down, sticking straight out of the wet, brown earth. The hillside itself was empty of trees, forcing them back to the ground to inspect it. It made a sucking sound as Killua yanked it out. He shook it hard, splattering mud all over their face and arms. It was a woven sandal. Killua spun on the spot, running down the incline- he was straight sliding by the end, his arms wheeling around the keep himself balanced, and the moment he landed on flat ground he took off at a dead run, yelling Alluka’s name.

Gon’s mouth pulled into a grim line as he followed Killua, expecting that it was pointless to try and meter his panic. It would only start a fight he didn’t exactly feel like having, and none of it mattered until they knew what state Alluka was in anyway.

The trees were tall and dense enough here that, at ground level, the light always seemed like evening. The distant scream of monkeys distorted in a way that made everything feel a little unreal. It was cool here, too, heavy with the buzz of insects. Gon and Killua returned to the low branches, hopping from tree to tree, trying with difficulty to follow a trail that didn’t seem to exist.

“Alluka?” Killua shouted, one hands cupped around his mouth to bolster the sound. “Alluka!”

Gon screeched to a halt beside him. Before Killua could move on, Gon snatched the back of his shirt, l holding him in place. “Hold on,” he whispered, “I hear something.” 

Killua fell still and silent, watching Gon’s expression as the man focused on his hearing. He blinked, frowned, then turned his head to the left. “Alluka?” He yelled into the forest. Pause. Gon perked up, and turned to Killua with a grin. “It’s definitely her, come on.” Snagging Killua’s hand, he dragged the Zoldyck to the next tree. Killua almost fell off that branch. He tugged his hand out of Gon’s grip hard, smacking him half-heartedly on the shoulder.

“You’re gonna make me fall,” he muttered, his mouth twisting. 

“Sorry,” Gon apologized with a shrug and a grin. He held his hands up around his shoulders, winked, and turned to keep going towards the voice he had heard.

“Alluka?” Killua called as they got closer.

A distant voice replied with an excited “Killua!”

Killua hesitated for a fraction of a second before speeding up, zipping between trees ahead of Gon. The call and answer continued a few times before he caught up, and he dropped to the ground in front of his sister minutes later.

He found her sitting on top of an unnaturally cut stone. She swayed back and forth lightly, her black mouth pulled into a wide smile, her eyes black half-moons between smears of mud. “Nanika,” he breathed, cupping her round cheeks between his hands and scraping some of the drying mud away from her face, “are you okay?”

“Nanika good!” she grinned, throwing her arms around his neck and happily snuggling into him. He wrapped an arm around her waist and held her against him, stroking her hair, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head. Gon caught up to them then, and Nanika stuck one arm up into the air to greet him, her smile broad over Killua’s shoulder. “Gooooooooon.”

The black-haired boy grinned back, crouching down to her level. “Hi Nanika. We haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Nanika sleepy,” she chortled, humming happily where she lazed against Killua’s chest.

Killua picked her up as he stood. It was an awkward fit, her long legs dangling, but Killua didn’t care. “Then let’s get you to bed.”

“No!” She squeezed her face together, kicking her feet and flailing her legs. 

Killua turned his face away to avoid getting hit, tightening his grip. “Nanika! Calm down!”

“No!” She screamed again, battering at his chest to put her down. “Something here!”

“Okay, okay!” He set her down as gently as he could, considering her flailing. She calmed down immediately, returning to her jack-o-lantern sized smile. Nanika took one of Gon’s hands and one of Killua’s, pulling them over to the rock she had been sitting on and crouching down. They followed suit. She patted mud away from the rock lovingly. It was cut into a three-sided pyramid, though the top was sliced off in an exact horizontal line. She dug around it, but the slick mud just kept seeping around it again. She didn’t seem to notice, humming as she worked. “Something here~” she sing-songed, giggling.

Killua and Gon looked at each other, bemused. Gon smiled and shrugged easily. It wasn’t as though they had a schedule to keep. Killua narrowed his eyes at the rock, feeling distinctly incurious about it, but if it made Nanika happy… fine

Gon swept her off her feet suddenly. Nanika’s eyes and mouth rounded in surprise. She held her breath. He jumped back a set and set her down carefully on a low branch. “Sit right here, okay?” He smiled, taking all her long hair and twisting it into a coil, resting it over her shoulder. “We’ll dig for you.”

The two boys used Shu, just as Gon had to dig the trenches, snatching broad leaves from the jungle trees, so that they could scoop away the wet earth more easily. It was very slow work, and they had to dig an ever broadening circle to make sure the mud didn’t just fill back in. The pyramid rock sloped outward until it was about the size of a chimney. Beneath it was another stone shape, but it went straight down. They didn’t dig much of it out, but Gon peered at the straight seam between the two, dirt wedged between them but grayer than any of the earth native to the island.

Gon grinned over his shoulder at Killua. “Do you think-”

Killua shrugged, his expression pinched, and glanced back at Nanika. She held her hands together against her chest, smiling as she watched them, swaying back and forth. “Let’s find out,” he told Gon.

Gon straightened up, lacing his hands together and stretching them out above his head. Excited, he bounced up and down a few times before flattening his hands on one side of the rock. “Okay, on three! One, two-”

“Just push,” Killua scoffed, rolling his eyes. 

“Okay!” Gon slammed his palms against the rock- it flew sideways and hit one of the trees surrounding them, lodged in the wood for a moment before hitting the ground and splattering mud everywhere. Nanika giggled, clapping her hands together. Gon leaned over where it had been- and sure enough, there was a dark hole leading down into darkness, like a well.

He straightened up, his face alit with excitement as he looked between Killua and Alluka. “Shall we?”

Killua breathed out a long, drawn-out sigh, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I guess. Whatever.”

Too giddy to wait, Nanika pushed herself up the branch. She flailed for a moment, her mouth shaping into an o, and fell face first into the mud, but she was smiling again when she bounced back up, jumping up to Killua and throwing her arms around his neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen. This fic just keeps getting longer. I don't even know what to say. x.x


	28. Secrets x Surprises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The triangular opening was only big enough for one person at a time. While Killua and Gon could easily jump down, that certainly wasn’t the case for Nanika. It didn’t take much hunting to find a long vine; Killua sliced it down with his nails. They tied one end around her waist and the other around Killua’s. Gon, with the best eyes, jumped down first.

The triangular opening was only big enough for one person at a time. While Killua and Gon could easily jump down, that certainly wasn’t the case for Nanika. It didn’t take much hunting to find a long vine; Killua sliced it down with his nails. They tied one end around her waist and the other around Killua’s. Gon, with the best eyes, jumped down first.

“It’s safe!” He called up, voice echoing up the passage and reverberating into a choral sound.

“Let me know right away if you change your mind, okay?” Killua told Nanika, his hand on her head and their noses almost touching. She grinned at him and bobbed her head, clutching the vine to her chest. Half-smiling for her, he kissed her forehead. Something down there was attracting her attention, and as much as he wanted to just seal the damn place up for now, he doubted she would let him. Gon wouldn’t understand, anyway.

He lowered her into the darkness inch by inch, his left foot braced against the opening’s outer wall. The vine at his feet uncoiled further and further, and soon he had no slack left at all.

“Do you have her yet?” he shouted down to Gon, unable to see much other than the top of the taut vine.

“Almost! Just a few feet.”

Killua sighed, drumming his fingers against the line. “I’m cutting her loose, be ready to catch her.”

“Okay!”

His mouth pulled in a thin, displeased line. He turned his eyes up to the sky, asking himself what the hell he was doing. He rearranged the bones in his right hand and sliced clean through the rope. He readjusted from the change of weight with little more than a shift of tension in his legs, hardly affected. He pulled the rest off his body and dropped it in the mud.

“We’re out of the way,” Gon’s voice drifted up to him, “you can jump down now!” So he did.

Little light filtered down from above. It illuminated particles of dust directly beneath the shaft, and a flat earthen floor, but little of the construction’s internal features were visible to him in the grey twilight.

“What do you see?” He asked Gon, squinting.

“We’re in a big, empty room. There’s shapes on the wall, writing maybe, but nothing like what I’ve seen before. Drawings of birds and monkeys, too. Nanika squirmed in his arms and Gon set her down gently, walking over to one of the walls. Killua could make his shape out when he moved, but only just. Gon traced the carvings in the wall; some of the wet surface crumbled beneath his fingers, colored particles staining his fingers unnoticeably. Behind him, Nanika began to walk away.

Killua sidled up to her, taking her hand and planting his feet. She kept going until her arm was stretched behind her, and the moment she could go no further she started to whine. It wasn’t a sound he was used to her making, high pitched and almost eerie in its need, more creature than human. Perplexed- a little shocked- he released her and followed instead.

Could she see in the darkness, too? He had no answer to that. She navigated without effort, drifting through corridors without any hesitation in her steps. She found doors where no doors were apparent, her footsteps echoing ahead of him cheerfully.

Gon caught up quickly, falling in step next to Killua and occasionally warning him against tripping hazards.

“Where is she going?”

“How should I know?” he retorted sourly. They were most certainly below sea level, and the moisture made the walls bulge a little, stalactites growing into the ceiling and dripping cold slime down on them. He slapped at the drops as if they were insects, irritated perhaps beyond reasonable measure.

Gon, meanwhile, seemed to be having a great time, padding along behind Nanika happily, his head twisting as he took in the details around them. Killua could do with a little more fucking light.

It came as a surprise to him, but he was extremely bothered by being the only one who couldn’t tell where they were going.

Nanika’s giggle rang down the corridor as her footsteps sped up. The ground took a noticeable downward slant. Killua pressed his hand against the wall for reference, but when his palm came away wet and a little slimy he lolled his tongue out in disgust and wiped it off on the leg of his shorts. 

Gon’s hand slipped into his, pulling him towards the left a little as they walked. After a few minutes Killua realized that they were now descending in a spiral, moving down and down into the bowels of whatever construction they had found themselves in. The air changed- the stuffy, musty smell cut in half by a strike of ocean salt. He blinked as the air cooled rapidly, whooshing past him.

Nanika’s footsteps sped into a full-on run. “Something here!” she cried happily, her arms spread on either side as she hurried away. “Something’s here!”

Killua struggled to keep up, swearing as he tripped on the uneven floor and nearly plummeted to the ground, caught only by the firm grip Gon kept on him. His lips pulled up in a snarl, but he kept the accompanying growl caught behind his teeth. What kind of brother would he be, pitching a fit whenever he wasn’t the one in control?

Was he ever in fucking control to begin with?

‘Probably not,’ he thought sourly.

Gon slowed to a stop, breathing out a quiet, awed ‘wow.’ Frowning, pouting, Killua kept going, pulling Gon along towards Nanika. “What?”

“There’s a statue. It’s huge- I wish I could show you.” He could hear the smile in Gon’s voice, the bubbling interest in Nanika’s discovery. All he saw was more darkness. He could tell they had walked into a wide-open space from the way their footsteps echoed in the resounding silence, punctuated only by drips of water. No wonder there wasn’t any freshwater on the island; it must all be getting sucked down through the soil into- wherever here was.

“We’ll come back here with lights one day,” Gon promised brightly, squeezing Killua’s hand.

“Sure, whatever,” he muttered petulantly.

“Nanika, wait!” Gon called abruptly. He let go of Killua’s hand and ran ahead in the darkness. Killua shoved his free hands into his pockets as they curled into fists. He felt out the floor with his feet as he moved forward, slowed by his inability to see.

He could hear a commotion but couldn’t see a fucking _thing_.

“Killua!” Gon called at him, his voice bouncing against the stone walls and seemingly coming from everywhere. “Gyo!”

“No shit,” he tossed back casually, irritated with himself for not having tried that sooner.

He saw Gon and Nanika immediately- he’d never looked at Nanika using Gyo before. She was ringed with white, her aura far broader than he would have expected, at least twice the size of his own in a resting state. Alluka’s looked nothing like that. Her own was a sort of magenta, close to her body. Gon’s was just as it always was, a wash of warm sunlight.

But none of those things were as interesting as the statue. He could see it now. It took up the entire far wall of the massive hall. It was a seated person, legs crossed in a lotus, dressed in an elaborate crown with robe that looked like scaled skin and a necklace of fishbone. The carving style was unfamiliar to Killua, a depiction of a god he had never seen before, a long, thin nose and broad ears pierced with fishhooks, eyes inset with blue gemstones. It’s two hands cupped over its solar plexus. Between the gaps in its fingers, Killua could see an orb. Nanika had climbed into the statue’s lap, her hands holding onto the stone folds of its sleeve as she tried to pull herself higher. The entire statue glowed blue with nen, the energy concentrated into a deep and vibrant cobalt inside the sphere.

Killua stared at it with an open mouth, taking a shaky step forward, and then another, until he stood at its feet. Gon had followed Nanika into its lap, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her down as she whined and pleaded, her hands reaching for the orb.

Something wet crept up his shoe. Looking down, he took a step back. It splashed behind him. Frowning, Killua reached down to touch the ground. Water lapped at his hand, then his wrist, gently climbing to his elbow. He blinked, squinting. 

Fact one: they were most certainly below sea level. Fact two: An air bubble trapped under water will remain trapped as long as it is in a sealed container, but once the seal is broken, water pressure will quickly push the air out. Fact three: rising waters and whipping wind.

Oh. Oh _shit_.

“We have to go.”

“Killua, I think-” 

“ _Now_!”

Gon twisted around, surprised by the urgency in Killua’s tone. Killua wasn’t sure if Gon knew the concept of trapped air, but one look at the water rising around Killua’s calves seemed to be enough clue to get him moving. Gon tightened his grip on the squirming Nanika, skittering backwards with her in his arms.

She immediately started to flail, battering Gon’s shoulder with her fists, screaming wordlessly. Gon held her tighter with one arm, grabbing Killua’s hand as he passed him and running up the way they had come.

Killua gritted his teeth. It was awkward moving like this, and it was clearly slowing Gon down trying to deal with both of them. He tugged his hand out of the man’s grip. “I’ll follow you, just go.”

“You can’t see anything-”

“I can see _you_ ,” he argued back heatedly. The wind grew stronger, and he knew the faster it went the faster water would fill the tunnels, “so go!”

Gon’s mouth pressed in a grim line, but he turned and ran all the same. Killua stumbled a few times behind him, crashing into the ground and skinning his knee, but it didn’t come close to slowing him down. They had left all the doors open as they went through them, and that turned out to be very helpful without Nanika leading them through the labyrinthine corridors.

She didn’t stop screaming, a high-pitched wail tinge with anger and sadness, her hands reaching back over Gon’s shoulders as if she could make the orb fly to her. Gon ignored it, though Killua imagined it must be torture to him, that chilling sound so close to his ear. Streams of black flickered inside her white aura, a sight that made his insides churn.

A few wrong turns and double-backs later, they finally reached the shaft they had entered from. By then the water had risen enough to wet his shorts, and he gritted his teeth as they stared up at the triangle of light. “We can’t all fit.”

Gon nodded next to him, then turned to look at him. “You go first. I’ll pass you Nanika.”

Killua had neither the time nor the inclination to argue. Focusing nen into his legs, he jumped hard. He overshot the ground, arcing up to the top half of the trees that surrounded the opening before crashing back down into the mud hard, splattering the nearby trunks. He picked up the portion of vine he had abandoned earlier, quickly tying it around the nearest tree and tying the other end around his wrist before jumping back into the opening. He hung about two thirds of the way up.

Gon didn’t need any explanation. “On three!” he shouted up at Killua, peeling Nanika’s arms from around his shoulders and gathering her up bridal style. “One, two, three!”

He threw her upwards, his face lined with grim determination. Killua caught her with his free arm, hugging the girl tightly to his chest. “Nanika, I need you to hold on while I pull us up.”

Fat tears rolled down her face in the shaft of pale sunlight. “Something,” she said, over and over again, squirming, trying to get back down.

Killua gritted his teeth. “Nanika,” he begged, his voice cracking. “Please hold on.” Her lip wobbled, fingers grasping at air. It hurt him to see her like this, but it would hurt much more to watch her drown. “Please?”

“Killua don’t cry!” she said suddenly, throwing her arms around his neck and clinging to him. He exhaled a breath of relief, letting her go to grasp the vine with both hands now. He pulled them up, inch by inch, until they reached the opening. They couldn’t both fit through it, but with some encouragement he managed to prompt Nanika to push herself up from his shoulders and climb out.

The moment she disappeared from his sight, he slackened his grip on the vine, sliding back down to the length he had. “Gon, can you-”

Gon stared up at him. The ocean water had come up high enough that Gon was now swimming. Killua bit his lip. Gon just shook his head, though, his hair sticking to his cheeks. “Go back up, just go, get out of the way!”

Swallowing heavily, Killua nodded. He pulled himself back up at record speed, throwing himself out of the hole. He grabbed Nanika- she sat in a daze, her mouth turned down, rocking from side to side- and pulled both of them back several feet.

Far below them, Gon took in a deep breath and tightened his limbs into a cannonball, letting himself sink down to the floor. Once he had sunk all the way down, he gathered his feet under him and jumped. He didn’t aim quite right, and his nen-encased shoulder ripped apart the stone chimney as he emerged into the sunlight.

The moment Gon landed their eyes met and they nodded before leaping higher into the trees.

Killua’s long-ago supposition was correct. The center of the island was, indeed, below sea level. The water kept rising, spilling out of the broken shaft and forming a saltwater puddle in the area they had dug out that kept expanding. Nanika sniffled quietly against his shoulder, slack in his arms.

Gon’s head twisted away from them. He stilled, his body quivering with tension. Killua turned to look: a billow of black smoke rose northeast of them, accompanied by the smell of burning brushfire. The camp.

Killua transferred Nanika to Gon’s arms. “I’m going ahead,” he said before Gon could voice any protest. “Catch up quickly, okay?”

He activated Godspeed, but before he could zip away, Gon stopped him by grabbing his shirt. “Wait-”

“Gon, we don’t-”

Gon tugged him forward hard, crushing their lips together. Killua blinked in surprise, a tightness lodging in his throat. Gon released him just as quickly, worry tight around his eyes. “Go.”

Killua licked his dry lips, nodding, and took off between the trees.

\--

Killua slid to a stop, a shower of sand splattering over the black walls of their cabin. The roof had already burned to embers and caved in, igniting both of the beds inside, while the walls’ wooden insides smouldered patiently, flashes of flame licking through crumbling patches of dried mud. It was too late to save anything of it. Killua clenched his fists, taking a shaky step backwards. His eyes watered, stinging from the heat and smoke. He swallowed against the heavy knot tightening in his throat, to no avail. 

“Isn’t Alluka with you? How interesting.”

The soft deadpan made goosebumps rise on his skin. He spun around, wide-eyed, old fear filling him instantly with ice. Illumi’s empty eyes regarded him from behind long strands of inky black hair. He was pale as an apparition tapping his elbow with one finger at the rhythm of Killua’s heartbeat, always listening.

“Are you ready to come home yet?”

Killua shuddered, his breath shaky. He took a step back, then another, shaking his head. Illumi didn’t move, but his eyes always followed Killua wherever he went. “How did you find me?”

“I taught you to hide, so I knew I wouldn’t find you.” 

A bead of blood welled between Killua’s clenched fingers, dripping onto the sand. Typical Illumi compliment, taking credit for Killlua’s work. After all, he had been the one sharpening him, turning him into a well-honed tool, right? He bared his teeth, but Illumi went on cooly.

“I tracked Gon instead. He’s quite easy to follow. He does leave such a trail of admirers, I worried he might never come back to you. Imagine my delight when you both accepted payment for the same job. How lucky for me.”

Illumi’s phrasing in that hypnotic monotone made chills skate up his spine. His stomach twisted in knots at the implications. Illumi always knew which scab to rip open. How? How was that possible? He found himself falling into a defensive stance by pure instinct. The heat of the fire stung at his back, preventing him from backing off any further. Illumi came closer in slow, even steps, reaching towards Killua with a long arm. The young man shuddered, his heel pushing backward.

Illumi’s hand rested on the crown of Killua’s head, his bony fingers sinking between white strands. “I thought you’d be taller,” Illumi remarked. A bead of cold sweat slid down the back of Killua’s neck despite the heat, his eyes wide, his clenched fists shaking, splattering blood on the sand.

He couldn’t move. He couldn’t move. _Damnit move _!__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm doubt to remind you that nanika actually means "something," so she'd be essentially calling her own name.
> 
> Also, yeah, um. Yep. Family time. :|


	29. Battle x Cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gon catches up to Killua and Illumi

Gon watched the smoke as he came closer, waiting for a flash of lightning to climb into the sky and call down the rain to put out the blaze, but no such thing happened. He squeezed Nanika to him as he ran, setting her just inside the treeline to hide her before emerging onto the beach.

Killua was nowhere to be seen. Gon stood before the smouldering remains of their cabin, staring mutely at its decaying skeleton. Something moved behind him. He spun on the spot but not quickly enough. A heavy shape crashed into him, knocking him into the flame-licked wall. It crumbled completely under him, showering him with embers. Hissing in pain, Gon jumped back to escape, effectively bringing down the other wall. The last remaining one tilted, no longer held up by the rest of the construction, and slowly collapsed on the blackened palettes they had used for sleep.

Dismayed, Gon took another step back, his fists clenching. A foot caught him in the chest, sending him stumbling back onto the open beach.

“Killua?” He called out, winded.

Suddenly, Killua appeared before him. He swayed a little on the spot, his head forward, his hands relaxed at his sides. His right hand had twisted into talons, a red stain decorating their sharp edges where blood dripped from his torn palm. His eyes were flat and lifeless, empty as they stared out at Gon from an expressionless face.

“Killua?!” he cried, hurrying closer. He grabbed the man’s wrists, staring imploringly into his eyes. “What’s going on, what’s wrong?” The Zoldyck stared back at him wordlessly, unresponsive. Gon cupped the young man’s jaw in his hands, pressing their foreheads together. “Killua, talk to me,” his voice cracked, “come on. Please.”

“How touching.”

Gon jerked upright, his eyes widening in recognition. His heel slid back in the sand. He held an arm protectively in front of Killua’s unmoving shape as he faced the intruder. “Illumi,” he growled, tawny eyes narrowing on the willowy assassin. “What do you want?”

Illumi tilted his head, inky hair cascading over his shoulder. His black eyes gave away nothing, his manner as affectless as always. “I’m taking my things home.”

“Killua will never go with you!” Gon shouted. His nen flared around him, sand blasting away from his feet and sinking him a solid inch.

Illumi hardly even blinked at the show of power. His posture was totally relaxed as he held his elbows, unguarded. “Oh, he will.” He brushed his hair behind his shoulder with long white fingers. “Once you’re dead. You know what to do, Kil.”

Five nails plunged into Gon’s back from behind, striking the bone of his scapula as they shredded through muscle. He gasped in shock, dropping to one knee, and swept his arm backwards. Killua flipped backwards, landing soundlessly out of reach. Gon stood back up, ignoring the hot blood slicking his back, and turned to face his lover.

“Killua,” he gasped, his voice rough, “don’t-”

Killua launched forward, imperceptible to a normal human eye, swiping his claws at Gon. He leaned back, feeling the breeze of Killua’s passing, swallowing heavily. “Killua, please,” he begged, following him the way a sunflower turned to the sun, anguish making him heavy. “You’re stronger than this.”

“No,” Illumi corrected cooly. “Killua likes to obey, don’t you Kil?” His gaze stayed fixed on Gon even as he spoke to his little brother, his voice lilting and empty of emotion. “It’s so much easier than trying to think for yourself.”

“Shut up,” Gon spat at Illumi over his shoulder, anger vibrating inside him.

Killua straightened. He started to move, his footsteps tapping a beat that began to distort inside itself, confusing Gon’s ears as well as his eyes. Rhythm Echo. It was so ingrained in him he could probably do it in his sleep. The afterimages expanded until they formed a complete ring around Gon, the true Killua entirely dissimulated within it. Gone was the playfulness with which Killua sparred, the multi-shaped desire to show off, to impress Gon with his moves. There was only technique, the cold tools of a trained assassin.

His sense of smell was overwhelmed by the scent of smoke, rendering it useless. His clenched fists shaking, Gon shut his eyes and focused on his hearing. Not on Killua’s feet, but on his heartbeat. Slow. Even. Shallow. Gon could feel tears building behind his eyelids, but he wasn’t about to let Illumi see. 

Killua breezed past him. He leaned back out of the way, avoiding the swipe. When he opened his eyes the circle of afterimages was unbroken. They disappeared all at once when Killua threw himself forward towards Gon, arm outstretched to slice into whatever it encountered, before reforming almost instantly once he passed him.

Gon’s brows bent into a perplexed line as Killua flew across the circle at him several more times, before they climbed upwards. His eyes widened, his mouth opening on a soundless gasp. His sluggish heartbeat picked up again, hard against his ribs, a sort of crazed elation filling him. The corner of his mouth lifted. Killua was amazing, _amazing._

Illumi’s mouth flattened as Killua flew past Gon again. Gon leaned back a little; the assassin’s claws sliced shallow lines across his pectoral, so shallow they didn’t even bleed. “Kil,” Illumi sighed, “stop playing around.”

Rhythm Echo died. The white-haired assassin straightened up, licking the red stain from his palm. And then he moved again.

His nen flashed into the sky, inviting a torrential downpour. His skin glowed, his hair standing up on end, electricity zipping all over his body. His legs bent, and he disappeared into Godspeed.

Gon’s arms tensed at his sides, his legs bent in a ready position, but he planted his feet and refused to move. Killua ran circles around him, totally invisible but for the closed ring of lightning. He rebounded through the center at incredible speeds but Gon stayed right where he was, feeling his own hair start to stick straight up as it used to in response to the static charge around him. The scent of ozone filled his nostrils, totally overwhelming what little was left of the smoke as the rain came down on them. Electricity skimmed against him, raising the fine hairs on his arms and legs. Killua breezed past, so close that the lightning burned marks on Gon’s skin, and yet he remained unskewered.

“How are you dodging?” Illumi asked, and despite the cool, quiet evenness of his voice, Gon thought he detected a note of annoyance. It was the most emotion he had ever heard from the man.

His golden eyes opened, hard with anger but bright with victory as he smirked, his gaze drilling into the elder Zoldyck. “I’m not,” he grinned, baring his white teeth to the intruder. “He’s missing on purpose.”

Looking more closely, Killua moved in arcs as he dissected the circle, arcs that started out pointing towards the center but bent out just enough to avoid it. Gon’s smile was wolfish, hard, angry as he stared Illumi down. “I guess he’s stronger than you after all.”

Illumi’s eyes narrowed a fraction. _Good_ , Gon thought viciously. 

“Killua,” Illumi bit, his voice flat and hard, “finish this.”

Killua’s aura flashed into the sky, again and again until there were no clouds left, no rain, nothing but endless azure. He ran faster and faster, the glow under his skin like a moon, until the last of it exploded outwards, scorching the sand and leaving fractured streaks of glowing-hot glass in its wake.

He came to an abrupt stop, crashing down on one knee. Killua teetered for a moment, his empty eyes staring at nothing, the last of his nen buzzing between his shoulder blades, and collapsed sideways. Nanika came running out of the woods at the moment, and despite Gon’s shouted protest, she threw herself on top of Killua and curled up around him.

Illumi’s fathomless eyes followed Nanika’s form. He moved towards the younger Zoldycks; Gon shifted immediately to block him, baring his teeth.

Illumi paused. He hmmmed curiously for a moment, and then he disappeared.

Illumi was fast, and Illumi was quiet, but Illumi was no Killua. ‘I’m the one everyone thinks highly of,’ Killua had told him once, and that was the voice that rebounded in his head over and over as he planted his feet again, lowering himself into a ready stance. If he could beat Killua sometimes, he could beat Illumi most times, especially as he had trained specifically to beat the older assassin.

Illumi’s needles were a problem for most people. Most people weren’t Gon. Bisky had told him that enhancers were particularly weak to manipulators, since their tendency towards simple-mindedness made it easy to give them a specific goal and let them cause havoc. Most enhancers weren’t Gon. He was too stubborn, too certain of his own goals, for anyone to change them. One of them was ‘protect Killua and Alluka at all costs.’ And one of them was ‘get rid of Illumi permanently.’ And as far as he knew, there was only one way to do that. The manipulator was like Gon in that way- he didn’t quit until he got what he wanted. And if what he wanted was to control Killua and Alluka, then:

The answer was clear.

Gon’s nen flared around him, brilliant and furious. His eyes narrowed, his ears perked as he listened for Illumi. The man’s footsteps were imperceivable, his heartbeat somehow disguised. A piercing pain in Gon’s shoulder made him spin around and lash out with his elbow, but it contacted nothing. Illumi wasn’t there when he turned, either.

He gritted his teeth. There was an unusual smell on the island, something like cloves, that tickled his nose in a way he didn’t like. That had to be him. He focused on the spice as it colored the breeze, sweeping an arm or a leg out whenever it spiked in strength. While he didn’t manage to make contact, Illumi didn’t manage to hit him again, either. _Good._

Gon’s eyes hardened, reflecting like the shell of a golden beetle as he surveyed the beach around him. A shadow crossed over Killua’s pale hair. Gon launched himself at the two, flying right above their lowered heads. His outstretched knee struck Illumi in the chest, knocking him back. The eldest sibling landed in the sand with a dancer’s delicacy, barely leaving an imprint as he vanished from sight again. Gon gritted his teeth, the veins in his arms bulging as his fisted hands shook with climbing anger. “Get the fuck away from them,” he hissed into thin air.

“Or what?” The breeze carried Illumi’s cool voice as if it belonged to the wind.

“Or I’ll kill you.” Illumi didn’t respond to that, not that Gon had expected him to. He swept his gaze over the beach again but there was nothing in particular to be noticed. The smell came again and he spun on the spot, smashing his fist into something. He felt a satisfying crack, and grinned wolfishly when Illumi flipped backwards and landed at the edge of the water, touching his broken nose with a note of surprise. “I think I’ll kill you anyway,” Gon threatened, hatred and anger dripping from his words.

Illumi wiped blood from his lip casually. “Hm.”

The assassin disappeared again. He stayed in zetsu, something which Gon found frankly offensive. Did he think he could beat Gon without even using his nen? Or was he just a coward, incapable of killing someone in a straight fight, depending solely on his manipulative powers, subterfuge and the ability to hide and strike from the shadows? Pathetic.

He got more and more annoyed by the minute. Every strike against him flared his anger until black started to eat into his nen, until the red haze pushed everything out except the need to hurt Illumi. He took a knee to the face and a foot to the chest. Razor-sharp nails stabbed into his side, dragging red lines up his ribs. This game was stupid.

This game was going to end.

A burst of En told him that Illumi was right behind him. Gon spun on his heel, punching Illumi squarely in the gut. The assassin flew backwards, blood flying from his mouth, and skidded along the sand until his back hit a tree trunk. “FIGHT ME YOU COWARD!” Gon yelled, his aura doubling in size.

Illumi stood calmly. He cracked his neck left then right, his expression as blank as always, his wrists clicking as he spun them, and walked towards Gon. “If you insist.”

In the blink of an eye, Illumi disappeared and reappeared only inches from Gon. He attacked with a flurry of open-palm strikes, his nails tearing into Gon’s flesh from bone until his front was slick with blood. Gon parried where he could, trying to hit back with his fists and feet, but Illumi deflected every move as if it was a child’s. His hands moved too quickly even for Gon to see, putting Gotoh’s tricks to shame, surgically slicing muscles until Gon felt his left arm go limp.

Gon panted, falling to one knee. A crazed grin stretched across his face. He started to laugh, his jewel-hard eyes holding Illumi’s cold gaze. If Illumi was puzzled he didn’t show it, but Gon didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything Illumi felt. He just cared about killing him, once and for all.

“Zoldycks,” he hissed, spitting blood on the sand. Illumi’s blows ceased for a moment, the man’s fingernails half inside Gon’s flesh, surgically peeling tendon from his ribs. “So prideful. You always think you know everything.”

“I know you’re going to die,” Illumi told him cooly.

Gon barked a laugh, vicious and mean. “I don’t think so. Jan.” Illumi’s eyebrows lifted, unimpressed. “Ken.” The man didn’t even bother moving away, so sure that he could dodge, methodically and painfully sinking his nails further and further into skin. It made pride flare inside Gon- that the asshole would take pleasure in making this painful for him. Did he get under Illumi’s skin? Oh, the poor _baby_. Gon slammed his two fists together, one on top of the other. “Chi!”

A sword of aura jutted out from his joined hands, piercing Illumi through the chest. Black eyes bore into Gon, bored almost. “Is that all?”

“No.” Gon’s grin cracked his cheeks, his eyes glinting. “I learned this new trick specifically for you.” A bolt of electricity jolted down the length of the nen blade, directly through Illumi’s epicenter. The assassin froze, every muscle in his body stiff as the voltage buzzed through him.

It had been Illumi’s idea to add electricity training to Killua’s poison regimen, something Kikyo had applauded him for. Illumi hadn’t endured it personally. And for that reason, Gon thought, wildly triumphant through the haze of anger, he would die here.

The temporary paralysis was long enough for Gon to pin him to the ground, both knees on Illumi’s chest. Even in the end, nothing showed on his face. Gon bared his teeth, his face lined with emotion, his fists shaking. He had hated Neferpitou to the depth of his being, and he had thought he’d never be able to feel hate like that again. But he was wrong. He hated Illumi more than anything.

His aura swirled around him like the storm that had brought them to the island, orange spiked with black, and concentrated into his right fist. He pounded it into Illumi’s face, his lips wolfishly pulling back from his teeth at the first satisfying crack of bone. He hit him again, and again. On the third punch, Illumi’s cheek caved. On the fourth, the socket around his left eye fractured in two, blood bursting from the black irises. On the fifth his head split like a melon, blood and grey matter slicking the length of Gon's forearm, splattering across his cheek. Illumi’s body gave one last shudder, and it stopped moving.

Gon swayed on the spot. His fist stayed pressed into the sludge that had once been a brain as the anger drained from him, leaving behind a vast and paralytic exhaustion. Panting, he tilted backwards and fell into a sitting position, his hands behind him to keep him up. 

The pain registered all at once, a hot agony that made each breath burn in his lungs. He coiled forward, biting back a groan. And through the pain, he heard a scream- high and sharp and almost inhuman, hysterical in its agony.

He pulled himself up on his hands and knees, turning to face the siblings he had protected.

Golden eyes met blue. Killua’s eyes widened, shock overwriting any other emotion he could have felt. Killua scrambled backwards purely on instinct, his pupils pinpricks in a sea of azure. His breaths were fast and shallow, panicked, senseless. There was no recognition in his eyes, only pain, only overwhelming, all encompassing fear.

Gon’s eyes widened, his mouth going dry. “Killua-” he breathed, scrambling to his feet, blood dripping on the sand from his chest, his red fist, his-

Killua recoiled, wrapping his arms around Nanika’s waist, shaking as he hid against her. “Take it away, take it away,” he begged her, his wet face pressed into her chest. “Please, please,” he whimpered, trembling fingers gripping her too hard. “Take it away.”

Her arms came around him, cradling her brother against her. Her black eyes dripped fat tears, her mouth arching downwards. She cried when he cried, petting his hair the way he did for her. “‘Ai” she promised, curling protectively around him.

“Killua!” Gon shouted desperately, running for them despite the pain.

But it was too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you're confused about the last bit I invite you to reread chapter 2. I know that was a long time ago at this point ^^;


	30. The End x Of Summer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gon dropped to his knees in the sand, gathering Killua up from Nanika’s arms and cradling the young man against him. He pushed Killua’s hair out of his face, his hands skimming the smaller man’s body frantically. Blood smeared over pale skin, shockingly red against Killua’s silver strands. “Killua, please,” Gon cried, kissing the boy’s forehead over and over, his hands shaking as they cupped the back of his head. “I’m sorry I scared you,” he hiccuped, “I’m sorry. I had to do it. For you a-and Alluka and Nanika, I had to.”

Gon dropped to his knees in the sand, gathering Killua up from Nanika’s arms and cradling the young man against him. He pushed Killua’s hair out of his face, his hands skimming the smaller man’s body frantically. Blood smeared over pale skin, shockingly red against Killua’s silver strands. “Killua, please,” Gon cried, kissing the boy’s forehead over and over, his hands shaking as they cupped the back of his head. “I’m sorry I scared you,” he hiccuped, “I’m sorry. I had to do it. For you a-and Alluka and Nanika, I had to.”

Nanika whimpered beside him. Gon reached out and wrapped an arm around her too, cradling the siblings against his blood-slicked chest. She trembled against him, globs of tears wetting his shoulder, and said nothing.

She fell asleep quickly, going slack in Gon’s arms, exhausted. Killua had similarly been knocked unconscious by her wish granting, and no measure of shaking or begging would wake him yet. Gon lay them down one beside the other, close enough that Nanika curved into Killua’s chest in her sleep, and waded out into the water.

The salt stung him, and he gritted his teeth against shouts of pain as he carefully washed the blood away. Entire portions of skin peeled away from his chest, leaving behind angry red patches of exposed muscle that continued to bleed sluggishly.

The clothes they had left had begun to thin, so he felt very little about shredding them and turning them into bandages, but they were hardly enough for the amount of damage he had taken. And like this, it was likely to get infected. Even with his nen helping, he would need a doctor.

They might all need a doctor soon.

It was time to leave the island.

Unbidden, Gon’s gaze was drawn to the burned-out husk of their cabin. A wave of bitter sadness threatened to engulf him, but he shook it out of his head viciously. It was the last home Illumi was ever going to destroy. The next one would be better. Truer. His gaze flicked to Killua and Alluka asleep on the sand, and back to the cabin. If he had the chance to build it, anyway.

Who knew how Killua’s wish had been granted?

Gon’s head lowered, his gaze distant as he stared at his feet. Better not to dwell. He stayed there for a while, sinking into a daze, before shaking it off suddenly. He pressed a hand against his torn chest, sparking enough pain to shake the haze. He had to do something.

The first thing on the agenda involved getting rid of Illumi’s body. That was easy enough. He picked up the headless carcass and threw it into the ocean. The sharks could have it for all he cared. Second, he needed to find a way off the island. That, too, was simple. Illumi, sure of his own victory, hadn’t bothered to hide his boat, and Gon had found it just around the beach’s curve. It was stocked well enough for three people to eat and drink for a week; it seemed he had come prepared to drag his siblings home. Gon ate more than the average person, but some extra fruit would do them, and with a sail attached they wouldn’t have to use the motor for most of the trip, saving on fuel. He found bandages in the hold, and stared listlessly at them. He shouldn’t have been so hasty in shredding his clothes.

That didn’t matter. He could, they could, always get new ones.

If they stayed together.

Gon sat down hard, his broad hands folding over his face, hiding him from the sun. He sucked in a shaky breath, pain piercing his heart. Killua’s face- the look in his eyes- the inhuman sound of his hysterical scream- Gon shuddered, curling in on himself. What if-

No. No no no no no. Gon jumped to his feet, jogging back to the Zoldyck siblings, every step a screaming agony, his already-red bandages dripping. It wasn’t going to happen, he wouldn’t let it, not even if he had to start over again, not even if he had been erased from Killua’s life, _he wouldn’t._ He had already waited longer than he ever wanted to, retraining himself. Never again.

 _Unless Killua ran from him,_ a traitorous voice whispered.

That voice could go fuck itself.

\--

Alluka was the first to wake up. She agreed with Gon that it was time for them to leave, and she helped him bring the fruit they had already gathered onto the boat, salting the fish they had waiting in one of the barrels. She didn’t speak much, following his directions mechanically, her eyes sad and listless as she glanced at Killua periodically.

She didn’t know, either, how Nanika had changed him, and like Gon she dreaded finding out. Nanika had been quiet during most of their island stay, drowsy and warm, but she had been present all the same. Now, though, it was as if she had buried herself in the deepest part of Alluka’s inner self to sleep. She hadn’t been this tired since curing Gon.

The skin around Alluka’s eyes tightened as she thought of their eldest brother. She had seen his death through Nanika’s eyes, and though she certainly didn’t consider it tragic, it was still horrific. She had never seen Gon like that, not once, but now she understood what Killua meant when he had warned her about Gon’s temper, his voice pitched low and tension tight between his shoulders.

It was terrifying. The sound of Illumi’s head spitting open was likely to feature in her nightmares.

Once they carried all the food they reasonably wanted to take onto the boat, Alluka and Gon made a final check to make sure they had left nothing they wanted to keep behind. Not that there was much point to it- Alluka took three of the hats she had woven, Gon took his backpack and his fishing rod, and there was nothing else left worthwhile. Gon lifted Killua carefully in his arms, cradling him with an anguished tenderness that made Alluka’s heart hurt.

They set sail once night fell, Gon directing the boat based on the starry sky. “Can I have my phone?” She asked softly. They hadn’t used it since navigating to the island, and mercifully it still had a little battery left. She swiped away her notifications, pulling up her preferred contacts.

“Hi, Leorio?” She asked, her legs pulled up against her chest as she rocked back and forward slowly. Gon’s eyes shifted towards her in the darkness. She twisted a strand of hair around her finger. She could hear a cacophony of voices through the line, excited shouting scrambling Leorio’s answer. She cringed, pulling the phone back from her ear and dropping her forehead against her knees. Strange how the sounds of a busy room could make you instantly lonely. 

A door clicked shut, and the noise immediately lessened to a background hum. “Alluka? What’s going on?”

“Where are you right now?” she asked instead, too tired for explanations- too shaken to trust herself to continue speaking through the fear rolling through her.

“Oh, it’s just an Association Meeting, those zodiac sure get rowdy! Hahaha!”

Alluka pulled further into a ball, staring out at the water listlessly. She could feel Gon watching her, worried probably, but… it just. It wasn’t enough right now. “No, I mean, what city are you in?”

“Swardani city!” Right. The Association base of operations was there. She knew that. Killua avoided the city for that very reason. Though he liked to avoid the larger cities in general, Killua had been adamant about avoiding both Swardani and YorkNew in particular.

It was on the right continent, at least.

“We’re on a boat due east of Mantai, about a week out. Gon’s injured and-” her voice cracked, and she swallowed heavily, clearing her throat. “And Killua might need help,” she breathed out tightly, her hand curled into a fist against her leg. “Do you think you can come get us in an airship?”

There was a long gap. She could hear Leorio’s breathing, but his silence made her insides twist.

“I’m surprised Killua is letting you tell me that,” Leorio conceded. It tore a laughing sob out of Alluka.

“Illumi’s dead,” she confessed, her voice shaking, tears brimming. “Gon killed him.”

Another silence, this one cold. Leorio was a doctor, but she doubted he was on Illumi’s side either. 

“I’ll leave right away. Stay safe.”

She nodded, sniffing, wiping her forearm against her eyes. “Okay.”

“I’ll see you soon, Alluka.”

“Y- yup.” She hiccuped wetly.

“Bye.”

“Bye.” She hung on until the line went dead, cradling her phone against her chest. Gon crouched behind her, touching her shoulder uncertainly. She twisted on the spot, throwing her arms around his neck and sobbing into his bandaged chest. Gon tightened his arms around her, holding her soundly, and stroked her long hair, saying nothing. He held her until she fell asleep.

\--

The next day was marked by a continuing silence. Gon grimly busied himself with operating the boat, even though it didn’t need much more than a steering hand. Alluka forced herself to eat but never managed more than a few nibbles at a time before her stomach complained. She blamed it on seasickness, not used to such a small boat on the ocean waves, but from the look in Gon’s eyes she doubted he believed her excuse.

Their eyes both invariably returned to Killua, anxiously waiting for him to wake. He was totally still in his sleep, and more than once an irrational fear that he had simply died seized Alluka so strongly that she laid down next to him, holding his wrist, her fingers pressing against his pulse point. Gon watched over her then, worry creasing lines around his eyes, but he didn’t say anything, and he certainly didn’t try to dissuade her. 

The sea was calm, thankfully. Their little boat couldn’t have survived a storm. Thankfully airships were much faster than their speedboat, and Leorio caught up to them in the afternoon of the next day. A rope ladder descended from the airship he had hired, and he climbed down to meet them.

Alluka threw her arms around his waist the moment his feet touched down, burying her face in his stomach. Bewildered, Leorio patted her back. He craned his neck around to look at Gon, a question in his eyes that Gon didn’t answer. Leorio’s eyes bugged out when he saw Gon’s blood-encrusted bandages. “Get up, get inside! I’ve got to take a look at you. Are you crazy?! You’re not immune to infections, you know! I don’t care how strong you are!” Gon nodded guiltily, his eyes turned to the floor; it derailed Leorio completely, who stared at his old friend with surprise.

Gon abandoned the ship’s wheel. “Go on up, Alluka,” he sighed. She bit her lip but nodded, climbing up the ladder first. Leorio frowned, turning to Gon- Alluka couldn’t hear their conversation as she climbed up into the airship, neither did she want to. What point could there possibly be?

Gon clambered into the airship a little after her. She watched him enter the hatch with a frown on her face, confused. She had expected him to carry Killua up, but he was nowhere to be seen. Leorio wouldn’t do it, would he? But instead of making room for them, Gon leaned out of the hatch and looked down the rope ladder. Alluka crept closer, nervously braiding her hair for lack of anything to do. She missed weaving already, at least that had relaxed her.

After a minute of waiting, Gon seized the ladder and started to pull it up, rung by rung, letting the rope coil at his feet. It went on for a while, the pile accumulating, before he reached down and clamped his arm against something; first he pulled out Killua’s limp body, gathering it to his chest where it slumped over him, and second he grabbed Leorio’s forearm, helping the doctor into the ship.

Leorio immediately chastised him for laying Killua against his wounds, but Alluka could tell from the shape of his mouth and the slight hysteria in the way he moved that he was as worried as they were. Whether he was concerned for them or for Killua she didn’t know. Maybe all three of them. For all of his idiosyncrasies, Leorio cared about people a lot, and none more than his friends.

Gon carried Killua to the passenger lounge, laying him across several seats. Leorio whisked Gon away immediately after that, much to both Alluka and Gon’s dismay, into a little nurse’s office, to check out his wounds and redress his bandages. They weren’t gone too long, but when they returned Alluka could clearly see that Leorio had not at all liked when he saw, stress tight around his eyes and mouth.

He gathered himself up, blowing out an aggravated breath, before turning to Alluka with a patient half-smile. “Do you mind if I check on you too, Alluka?

She glanced at Gon- he lifted Killua’s upper half up so that he could occupy the seat beside him, gently setting him down against so that his head lay in Gon’s lap. Gon stroked Killua’s hair, his tawny eyes fixed on the paler man’s neutral expression. Alluka found herself nodding as she watched, and she turned to Leorio with a heavy shrug. “Sure.”

She followed him to the medical room, dragging her feet. The checkup was rote, and it was easy to obey Leorio’s directions. Open your mouth. Stick out your tongue. Cough. Look into this light. Not having to think was easier, not having to make decisions, not being responsible for their outcome. Simple.

Leorio grabbed his stethoscope with both hands when he was done, slinging it around his neck. “It looks like your nutrition’s improved already, that’s good.” She hadn’t exactly been able to eat any refined sugars or overly processed foods for weeks now, so she wasn’t totally shocked that he would say that, although it seemed kind of weird. “I do wish you’d worn sunscreen though,” he muttered to himself. Alluka’s face scrunched disbelievingly at that.

“We were on an uninhabited island. Where were we going to get sunscreen?”

Leorio’s eyes narrowed thoughtfully. After a second, he blushed, embarrassed, his bottom lip sticking out as he looked away from her and at the ceiling. He mumbled something indistinct to himself, scratching his cheek. Alluka rolled her eyes, but it made her feel a little more at ease.

Leorio patted her head kindly, holding her briefly against him. She relaxed against his side a little, blowing out a slow breath. “You’ll be okay, kiddo.”

“I hope so,” she answered him in a small voice. He squeezed her shoulder. They walked back to the passenger lounge together, the hanging lights swaying as the airship made a u-turn and headed back towards the continent.

Gon was kneeling on the floor in front of Killua when they returned, tufts of Killua’s white hair visible over the line of Gon’s spikes. Alluka ran ahead of Leorio; his steps sped up after her.

“Killua? Hey. Hi.” Gon gently held Killua’s face between his hands, sweeping stray hairs away from his temples with his thumb. “Are you okay? What’s wrong? What are you feeling?”

The Zoldyck heir swayed with the motion of the ship. He stared at Gon mutely, unblinking. When Alluka and Leorio approached, his gaze transferred to them, and Alluka gasped. A long-ago memory of Mike came, unbidden, to her, of their first meeting. An excited little girl seeing a puppy, she had reached out to pet his snout. Even as she stroked his fur he had stared at her with an unblinking, unmoving stare, analyzing and memorizing her sight and smell. Killua’s eyes were like that, empty of feeling, of want, of hope. Just empty.

Blue eyes shifted back to Gon. The enhancer pulled Killua into his chest with shaking arms, pressing his face into the crook of Killua’s neck. Killua let it happen but didn’t respond, his hands dangling at his sides as Gon curled further against him, and stared out at nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone welcome to the transition between the Island and the City arc, everything is going to go great I swear! ...by 'great' I mean 'it's gonna be an angsty mess'
> 
> I was going to ask you guys to guess what happened to Killua but I forgot and now it's too late... oops.


	31. Ship x Shape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They sat together in the empty cafeteria, all four of them at the same table. Alluka sat next to Leorio, morosely pushing food around her plate under the doctor’s concerned eye. Gon sat close to Killua, their shoulders pressed together. If it was possible to describe a way of eating as ‘angry,’ that was what Gon did. He tore into his food with his hands, chewing aggressively, glaring down at his plate. Killua, unmoving, his hands in his lap, stared at the wall.

They sat together in the empty cafeteria, all four of them at the same table. Alluka sat next to Leorio, morosely pushing food around her plate under the doctor’s concerned eye. Gon sat close to Killua, their shoulders pressed together. If it was possible to describe a way of eating as ‘angry,’ that was what Gon did. He tore into his food with his hands, chewing aggressively, glaring down at his plate. Killua, unmoving, his hands in his lap, stared at the wall.

“Eat something, will ya?” Leorio told Killua heatedly. Blue eyes fixed on him, unblinking, unwavering. Leorio squirmed and huffed, loosening his tie.

“Eat, Killua,” Gon instructed through his teeth.

The white-haired young man picked up his fork. He ate mechanically, eating, cutting, eating, chewing, with no pause or hesitation. He didn’t pull faces at the blackened vegetables, didn’t complain about the too-tough meat. He didn’t respond as they all stared at him, Alluka pushing her plate away. Once his own plate was clear, Killua pulled Alluka’s plate towards him and started eating that too. He finished her meal without slowing down, and reached towards Gon’s plate.

Gon flattened his palm on top of Killua’s hand, holding it down. Killua ceased moving, looking at the other man blankly. A muscle jumped in Gon’s cheek. He squeezed his eyes shut, taking a ragged breath. “You can stop eating now.” Gon lifted his hand. Killua’s returned his own to his lap, and his head straightened so that he stared ahead again. Gon finished his plate quickly; not one of them spoke.

The rest of the airship ride went much the same way. Killua did nothing unless he received instructions otherwise. Gon brooded, his eyes hard and his jaw clenched, slamming doors. Alluka charged her phone and started to hide behind it, playing games or texting her friends group, whatever she could do to keep herself occupied while Leorio made a few calls himself.

They gathered again for dinner.

“Eat what’s on your plate,” Gon told Killua that time. Gon didn’t watch to see if it would help, destroying his own meal. Alluka picked childishly at hers, her stomach too tight and knotted to accept much more than water.

“If you’re done travelling,” Leorio started tentatively, undoing the top two buttons of his shirt, “you can live with me for a while. I have a big place in downtown Swardani, there’s an extra bedroom and a pullout couch in the study.”

Gon’s eyes narrowed thoughtfully. He hadn’t thought about what to do next. So far they had followed Killua’s plans, but that wouldn’t work for obvious reasons. He could bring the siblings back to Whale Island, but he didn’t exactly want Mito to see Killua like this, either. A place was a place, and he didn’t need anything specific. “Alluka, what do you think?”

She squirmed a little, her eyes on the tabletop. She bit her lip. Killua didn’t like to spend a lot of time around Leorio, often complaining about the man, but she thought he probably liked him deep down. Personally she only had good things to say about him. He could be brash and over-the-top, but he cared a lot about people. He cared a lot about them, most especially. He was safe. It certainly didn’t hurt that he was a doctor, either.

“I think it’s a good idea.”

Gon’s chin lowered an inch. He glanced at Killua- the young man finished the last bite of his food and returned to his waiting state, his eyes fixed on the wall just above Leorio’s left shoulder. “...Okay.” Gon’s mouth pulled into a facsimile of a smile as he met Leorio’s eyes. “Okay. We’ll do that. Thanks, Leorio.”

“Yeah. No problem,” Leorio shrugged awkwardly. He kept staring at Killua, clearly discomforted by his behavior. It was the look in his eyes that bothered Leorio the most. He remembered it from the Hunter Exam, the same total emptiness in his gaze as Killua had when he killed Bodoro. It gave him a bad feeling.

“Last time Illumi did this, it wore off within a few days, right? I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

Something flashed across Gon’s eyes. He shook his head from side to side slowly, glaring at his plate. Gon meet Leorio’s gaze, his teeth clenched. “Illumi didn’t do this.”

Leorio frowned, his arm sweeping out towards Killua’s unmoving body. “What do you mean? Then who did?”

Gon crossed his arms on the table, gripping his own forearms hard. He glared at the table, his orange eyes lightless. “I did. It’s my fault.”

Leorio immediately, automatically shook his head. “No way. You can’t blame yourself for th-”

“I did it!” He shouted, slamming his fist on the table. A hairline crack skittered across the surface; the table split in two, caving down the center and sending their plates sliding into each other, where they broke against the ground. Gon got to his feet, his clenched fists shaking at his sides. “It was me, okay? _I_ did it.”

Leorio looked to Alluka for help. She pulled her knees against her chest, out from under the broken table, but she didn’t look up, nor did she offer any of her soothing words. Gaping, he looked back to Gon. “It can’t be your fault. You don’t have the ability-”

“Shut up!” Gon yelled. He kicked half of the table out of frustration, and it flew across the room, lodging into the airship’s inside wall. “You don’t know anything about it!”

Killua was on his feet, responding to Gon’s aggression with fight readiness, his aura building and his right hand rearranging itself into his talon nails. Gon stared at him, breathing hard. He swiped a broad hand over his face, taking a deep breath.

“Sorry, Leorio,” he breathed eventually, sitting back down. “You didn’t do anything. Relax, Killua,” he sighed, turning his head away.

The rest of airship ride went much the same way. Tension filled it like a bubble, to the point where the skeleton crew that had come on board for the private ride avoided all the passengers, keeping their heads down and the eye contact at a minimum while they did their work. The boatswain came into the cafeteria and froze on the spot when he noticed the broken table lodged into the wall. He stared at it in thoughtful silence for several minutes, his fingers hiding his mouth, before turning heel and leaving the room without saying anything. Leorio expected a hearty repair bill for that one.

Alluka hid in one of the bunk rooms, the blinds rolled down against the beaming sun, and caught up on her text chain’s favorite tv show. Killua sat on the floor right outside her door, his cupped hands sitting in his lap as he stared at the floor like an unused marionette. Gon haunted the halls like a vengeful ghost, internally focused, giving off a vibe that had everyone steering clear.

They landed in the early morning the next day. The trio sat on a bench, Killua in the middle, while Leorio had a long and apologetic conversation with the exit clerk. Gon spread an arm across the back of the bench, sitting hip to hip beside Killua. He gripped the man’s knee with his free hand, stroking his thumb over cool skin to ground himself. The lack of response kept wrecking his calm, and his fingers would twitch tighter before he’d blow out a deep breath and force his muscles to release.

Leorio came back with a significant bill and a grumpy expression, shoving the receipt deep into his inner suit pocket. “Let’s go,” he grumbled, both hands jammed in his pockets and his elbows jutting out sideways. Killua stood when Alluka did, following at her heel with his hands loosely at his sides. Of all things, she was surprised to discover, that was one that disturbed her the most. Killua’s fight-ready tension was familiar, but he was so self-assured and equally guarded that his hands were almost always hidden in his pockets, and the change in silhouette was jarring. Gon’s amber eyes fixated on Killua’s curved fingers, Gon’s hands in fists; it seemed that he agreed.

Leorio led them through long-term parking. Gon took up the front seat, and the Zoldycks slipped in the back. Killua sat in the center and stared out at the world through the windshield; his gaze flicked wildly between objects, ceaselessly analysing their surroundings for danger. The traffic was still light, and Leorio blasted through intersections at high speeds. Killua sat forward in his seat when they drove past the Hunter headquarters, his head twisting left as he stared at the building until it disappeared behind the other high-rises. Leorio pulled into an underground garage that required him to scan his card before the entrance gate. He parked between two sports cars, and used his card again to get into the elevator.

The doors opened to a dark wooden floor flooded with light. The ceiling arched high above their heads, the far wall almost exclusively made of glass. They towered above the other buildings, the Hunter Association’s double X visible to the left. Alluka stepped into the apartment, her eyes watering at the extravagant space. Leorio and Gon followed; Killua came in last, stopping just inside the doors, standing at the only exit like a gargoyle.

“Come on, Alluka,” Leorio inclined his head towards a wrought-iron spiral staircase. “I’ll show you the bedroom. If you want to shower, I’ll go out and get you something to wear really fast, we can go shopping later.”

She tugged self-consciously at the over-large, ratty shirt she wore, biting her lip. Pretty much everything they had left had been worn to shreds during their island sojourn, and Leorio must have noticed that she didn’t change during the airship trip. It hadn’t been an issue as a castaway, but now that they were back in society, she was suddenly very self-conscious of her state. Her hair was matted, wrecked by her long swims in ocean water, the strands rough where they weren’t outright split, sand and dirt crusted under her fingernails. They’d washed, of course, but they’d used most of Gon’s soap up in the first week and after that it had been reserved for hands only. 

“Okay.” Gon’s eyes followed them all the way up the staircase, cutting away from them at the last second to scan the rest of the apartment. 

It was definitely a place for entertainment. The kitchen wasn’t so much a room of its own as part of the open floor plan, a line of bar stools on the far side of the center island so the cook could chat with whoever sat there. Several couches, tables and thick plushy pillow seats were scattered across the dark floor. An entertainment system hung out under the loft section’s low ceiling, with several doors past it Gon found no desire to check out at the moment. There was a lot of furniture, but not a lot of _stuff_. The sink was full, indicating that Leorio probably didn’t clean up that often, so whatever parties could be happening here, Gon doubted there had been one recently. Did he even use the place, or did he just have it because it looked impressive?

Alluka dragged her feet as she followed Leorio past a set of double doors. “That’s my room,” he told her, jerking his thumb towards them. “You can always come see me if you need anything.” He led her a little further along the corridor, past a door that he indicated was the guest bathroom. “There’s a second door that leads into your room so if you want it to be your bathroom only, you can just lock this door, ok?”

She nodded, wrapping her arms self-consciously around her waist. Leorio was usually kind to her, but his quiet seriousness magnified her discomfort. Everyone was being so heavy, and it weighed on her too.

Unlike the rest of the apartment she had seen, the room was very plain. The furniture was utilitarian; an empty desk, a minimal bed frame with cream sheets and flat pillows, a simple dresser about chest-height, and a squat bookshelf with a closed cabinet on top. She looked mutely around the room, surprised by the lack of color or decoration. Leorio and Killua both liked fine things, and it simply didn’t look like the kind of guest bedroom she expected him to have.

“The cabinet’s locked and it has Kurapika’s stuff in it, so…” he gesticulated oddly with his hands, frowning, as if he wasn’t quite sure what words to use, talking around something painful. “But you can use anything else in here. That door’s the closet and that door is the bathroom.”

She nodded, tugging at the frazzled ends of her long hair. “Okay. Thank you.”

“I’ll leave you to it. Find me downstairs when you’re ready.”

“Yep!” He shut the door behind her. Leorio frowned as he headed back downstairs. He took off his glasses, polishing them with his tie. Gon sat on a black leather couch facing the view, staring out at the skyline with hard eyes.

“Gon.” The young man’s head swiveled towards him. “The study is this way.” He inclined his head towards the doors past the television set. Gon got up in a fluid movement, following him across the floor. Bookshelves lined three of the walls, crammed mostly with medical textbooks and journals covering everything from surgery to medicinal plants. Amongst them were mixed in biographies of famous contributors to the field. One shelf was entirely hand-written notebooks. Gon skimmed his fingers over the spines of them, squinting at Leorio’s nearly illegible scrawl. Notes, most likely.

“There’s a storage closet next door, I can empty it for you if you want a place to keep your stuff, or…” He gestured at the oddly-shaped corner shelves that hadn’t been filled yet. Gon shrugged, setting his backpack on the desk that took up part of the final wall, right next to the door. The couch in question was in the center of the room. Opened up, it gave a few feet of space for someone to walk around it comfortably- no more than one person at a time, though, probably. The mattress itself was big enough for two, though whether Killua would sleep at all in his current state was… questionable.

“I’m going to run across the street and get Alluka something to wear, do you need anything?”

Gon shook his head mutely. Leorio left it at that, waving his hand. Exiting the apartment was awkward; Killua blocked the elevator doorway, and he ignored Leorio when the man asked him to move. “Damnit, Killua, just get out of the way!” he shouted, frustrated. Killua stared at him without any recognition, refusing to budge. In the end he had to shove his way past him, contorting to slip through the elevator doors just as they tried to close again.

Leorio lived in a very swanky part of downtown, and his street was lined with upscale shops. He didn’t know much about women’s fashion, but he knew Alluka liked frills in pink and yellow. One of the shops had a display in the window of an ankle-length dress of ruffled butter-yellow fabric: good enough. It was a little expensive for the simple enough detail, but he wasn’t hurting for money in any sense of the word, so. Whatever.

Besides, taking care of Zoldyck problems would help him forget his own, at least temporarily. At least during the day. Leorio stared listlessly at the counter as the sales clerk rang him up, looking up only to pay the woman, disappearing into his thoughts. He flashed her a smile as he took the bag from her, but it was far more distant and unfocused than his usual.

The shower was still running when he came upstairs, so he left the bag just inside the door of the guest bedroom and wandered into his own bedroom to freshen up and change from the trip.

Alluka’s crying phone call had been jarring, and Killua’s absent gaze only more so, but they weren’t close to the end of his troubles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So wednesday I posted chapter 30, and today I passed 300 kudos. Fun time for it. Thank you so much everyone that supports this story! It means a lot to me ^^


	32. Elevator x Etiquette

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Alluka and Leorio invited Gon to join them shopping, he initially refused. He doubted whether he could handle jostling crowds right now. His control was already tenuous. He trusted Leorio to keep an eye out for Alluka, especially with Illumi recently out of commission. So Alluka and Leorio entered the elevator, Killua’s unnerving gaze following them, and bid Gon a temporary goodbye.

When Alluka and Leorio invited Gon to join them shopping, he initially refused. He doubted whether he could handle jostling crowds right now. His control was already tenuous. He trusted Leorio to keep an eye out for Alluka, especially with Illumi recently out of commission. So Alluka and Leorio entered the elevator, Killua’s unnerving gaze following them, and bid Gon a temporary goodbye.

A few seconds after the elevator doors closed, Killua slammed into them. He pried the doors apart with his bare hands, his muscles trembling with the strain as he peeled metal backwards. He jumped down the elevator shaft, denting the roof of the elevator when he hit it. Gon jumped after him without even thinking, and the second, harder shock made the cabin shake so vigorously the emergency brakes activated. The elevator screeched to a halt. Perched on top of it, Killua had gone back into neutral, his gaze unfocused as he stared at the floor.

“What is going on?!” Leorio’s voice was hardly muted by the elevator’s ceiling. Gon kicked through the dent his landing had already made, peeling back the roof to drop down into the cabin. He ran his fingers through his long, wiry spikes, avoiding Leorio’s bemused and wide-eyed stare.

“Killua jumped after the elevator.” He gestured vaguely at the hole above him. “I don’t know why he’s not coming down.” His amber eyes flicked to the darkness above the ripped ceiling, focusing on the edge of a bruised knee. It was all of the young man he could see from here.

Alluka’s gaze followed his up. She tugged at her index fingers thoughtfully, picking at her cuticles. “Maybe he’s like Nanika.”

Gon and Leorio both turned to look at her, but the way Gon’s gaze fixated on her made her a little nervous. “What do you mean?”

It wasn’t that she feared Gon would hurt her or anything. They wanted the same thing. But it felt as though if she said something and it turned out to be wrong, he wouldn’t handle it well. “You have to figure out the rules.”

Gon’s unblinking gaze focused on the floor as he thought about the suggestion. He shut his eyes, a line carved between his brows. His fists opened and closed. He tilted his head down slightly, blowing a slow, metered breath. A deep breath in, another out, and he nodded. “Okay.”

“Now’s a great time,” Leorio commented dryly, “Maintenance is pretty slow this time of day. We’ll probably be here for a while, unless you want to just open the doors.” He gestured at the blinking emergency light, leaning sideways against one of the walls.

Gon released another deliberate breath. “Yeah. You’re right.” He glanced between Leorio and Alluka with a small, thankful smile. While certainly nothing like his usual wattage, it was enough to release the tension Alluka had been holding in her slight frame. “Thanks.”

On impulse, she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his waist, her cheek resting against his shoulder. Gon tensed up, his arms awkwardly held in the air. At first she could only hear the creak of his teeth grinding, but then he shuddered, bending his head down to press his face in her hair. He wound his broad arms around her shoulders. “It’s going to be alright,” she whispered soothingly. “We’ll figure it out. Don’t worry. We’re all together in this, Nanika too. Everyone wants to help.”

He nodded against her cheek and squeezed her a little closer, his breaths shallow and quick. She rubbed his back gently, comfortable waiting. Eventually he unwound himself from her, scrubbing at his wet-bright eyes with his knuckles. He rubbed the top of her head affectionately, stepping back away from the hole.

“Killua?” He called, his voice sticky. The knee didn’t move. Gon glanced at Alluka, but she just watched. “Can you come down here?” Still nothing. He tilted his head towards Leorio, who shrugged both his shoulders dramatically. 

“Don’t look at me, he ignores me completely.”

Gon frowned at the doctor, blinking. What?

“He hardly even let me into the elevator,” he deadpanned, rolling his eyes. “I can’t say I’m surprised. The kid manages to be annoying even when he’s--” Leorio trailed off as the look in Gon’s eyes gradually hardened, awkwardly clearing his throat. His attempt at levity had clearly backfired. “--uh, not a kid anymore.”

Alluka’s loud, amused snort broke Gon’s focus, and his head turned back up towards Killua like a dog smelling its owner. “Killua come down here.”

The pale man dropped soundlessly through the hole in the ceiling. He straightened and backed up until his back met the wall, where he resumed his neutral stance. Alluka eyed him evenly, digging sand out from beneath her fingernail. “Onii-chan sit down.” His foot slid right along the floor and he fell effortlessly into a cross-legged sit.

Alluka’s blue eyes turned to Leorio. He huffed at the look, but since when did Leorio say no to a pretty young lady? “Killua,” he tested, just to prove himself right, “do a handstand.” As he had predicted, Killua had no response to this command. “Pfff, see? He never respected me.”

The absence of a smart retort about how Leorio hadn’t earned any respect was obvious to all parties. Alluka awkwardly tugged at the ruffled folds of her dress in the silence. Gon tore his gaze from Leorio to watch Killua with a hooded gaze. “Do a handstand.”

Killua flattened his hands on the ground in front of his knees. He unraveled upwards with nary a spare movement, effortlessly graceful. He didn’t move afterwards, his face reddening gradually as blood flooded downwards.

“Stop, Oniichan,” Alluka tried. He didn’t move.

Gon frowned, looking at her. She shook her hand at him, prompting him to try it himself. “Stop.” Gon instructed, his gaze shifting from Alluka to Killua. He twisted back down until he was sitting on the floor again.

Gon licked the corner of his mouth, crossing his arms over his chest. He frowned, scratching his cheek as he looked at Alluka. “Why did that happen?”

Alluka shrugged. “I don’t know yet. I just know what Nanika’s rules are like. Oniichan told me.” She twisted yellow fabric between her hands, bending the petal’s shape. “Maybe it’s a hierarchy. Maybe it depends on who executed the command. I don’t know. Let’s me try-” Letting go of the dress, Alluka planted her hands on her hips. “Oniichan, do pushups.”

Killua did pushups. 

Gon blinked down at him, a buzz behind his ears. He swallowed and looked away, tilting his head back towards the ceiling. “Killua, stop.”

Killua did pushups.

Alluka drummed her fingers against her hip cap, waiting a few counts. “Oniichan, stop.”

Killua did not do pushups. He rolled backwards and sat back against the wall.

“I’m pretty sure it just has to be stopped by the same person.”

Gon nodded. That made sense. However, it didn’t explain-

The sounds of screeching metal attracted his attention. He turned towards it, stepping backwards in front of Alluka. The doors eked open. A crowbar jammed deeper into the opening, separating the doors enough for an exertion-reddened face to appear in the gap.

“Hello gentlemen… young lady.” The jumpsuited stranger wiped his brow, nodding to Alluka. “Hold tight I’ll get you out in a moment. Please back away from the door as much as possible.”

They left Killua sitting on the floor and clustered backwards.The maintenance man jammed a car jack into the small gap, pumping it until the doors were far apart enough to allow them to exit. The elevator had stopped between floors, and the man offered them a hand up to reach the section he was at. Alluka accepted easily enough, though Gon gave her a boost anyway, taking her by the waist and holding her up to the man’s arms effortlessly. Leorio went second, Killua jumped out when Gon instructed him to, and Gon climbed out last, though he had to push the doors a little farther out to get his bulk through it comfortably. The maintenance man’s eyes widened, a cold sweat breaking out on his forehead at the impressive feat. He laughed awkwardly, wiping his brow with an oil-stained handkerchief.

“Our sincerest apologies for the elevator fault.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Leorio waved his hand dismissively. “We’ll just keep heading down if that’s ok.” He hit the call elevator button: the massive luxury building had more than one, of course. It wouldn’t do for such a building to lose its only elevator. Unfortunately for Leorio, only that one actually went all the way to his penthouse. Annoying.

Maybe it would be fixed by the time they came back.

\--

Shopping wasn’t a disaster per se, but neither was it a walk in the park. All three of them were particularly aware of Killua’s behavior at all times, even when that behavior consisted of sitting absolutely still and doing nothing. Sometimes his head would come up, his blue-eyed stare fixating on a stranger in the crowd until they moved a certain distance away. They hypothesized that they were nen users, since a few of them were Association members that Leorio recognized. It only reinforced the initial assumption that Killua was focused on sensing possible dangers, especially considering the undivided attention he had aimed towards the Hunter headquarters on their drive in that morning.

Alluka declared shopping finished after the fifth store, her purchases meager compared to the last spree. She didn’t seem to have a taste for it today, listlessly looking through racks with a twisting mouth. They grabbed a few things for Killua and Gon too, and after Leorio bought a box of sandwiches from a second-story bakery for lunch, they headed back to his apartment building.

The elevator they had broken was now parked on the ground level. A small crew of people were gathered around the open doors, a woman in a hard hat standing inside the metal box and staring incredulously at the hole torn in the ceiling. Leorio grimaced.

The building had three penthouse apartments, his being the top one. They took a secondary elevator up to the top allowable floor, at which point they had to exit and use the outside fire escape to make it the rest of the way. Leorio’s teleportation ability allowed him to unlock the windows and push them open from the inside, saving him another expensive bill for a window replacement.He missed a step as he noticed the mangled remains of his elevator door, sighing heavily. Add it to the list.

Gon threw his new clothes into the study without a care. He sat on the open floor, instructing Killua to sit across from him. Alluka joined, perching on the nearest couch with her legs folded under her. She tapped a pen on the notepad she had borrowed from Leorio without asking, spinning it between her fingers.

“So he takes orders from both of us, and he’ll only stop doing something if the person that told him to start doing it tells him to.”

Gon nodded, his eyes fixed on Killua. His hands itched to pull the boy against him, to rest on the floor with Killua’s warm weight spread over his chest. He rested his curled fists on his knees, taking a deep breath. Now wasn’t the time. “So what next?”

“We can test the complexity of tasks. Oniichan, can you write your name?” She held out her pen towards her brother, but he didn’t move. Frowning, Alluka cocked her head. She blinked at him twice, her gaze then turning towards the ceiling as she considered. Her mouth curved into a little ‘o’, and she nodded as she looked to the boys again. “Write your name.”

Killua ignored the pen, scratching the characters for “Killua Zoldyck” into the floorboard by his knee with the tip of his sharp nail.

Alluka slapped a hand over her mouth to hide the bemused, incredulous smile twisting her mouth. “I guess I should’ve been more specific,” she chuckled nervously, glancing at Leorio on the phone behind them. Oh, he wouldn’t be pleased.

Gon brushed his thumb over the inscribed name, clearing the wood shavings. The carving was elegant, beautiful in its perfectly proportional lines. It reinforced his longing. His knuckles brushed against Killua’s knee, and Gon swallowed against the knot in his throat.

Alluka scribbled ‘no questions, statements only’ onto the notepad and peered up at Gon. “About the elevator,” she started, tapping the pen against her lips. Gon’s amber eyes flicked to her as he pushed his spikes back away from his forehead, listening. “I think it’s a distance thing.”

Gon’s eyes widened, understanding dawning on his face as he looked between Alluka and Killua. Normally Killua didn’t treat Leorio with any respect, as Leorio had brought up in the elevator, and that might explain why Killua didn’t accept any directions from the doctor in his current state. If they followed that logic, as it seemed Alluka had, then they could try to extrapolate possible rules from his typical behaviors. And typically, Killua was all about keeping Alluka in sight as much as possible, and protected always.

“So you think you got out of range and he broke open the doors to get close again?”

“It’s definitely possible! When we came up before, though, he just stayed at the entrance, so maybe it depends on the situation?”

Gon groaned, flopping backwards and spreading his arms out on either side of him. Discovering and learning rules for Killua’s behavior felt like going in the wrong direction. He didn’t want to learn how to live with him in this state, he wanted to stop it. Undo it.

He threw an arm over his eyes, hiding his face. Alluka watched him for a moment, her lips pressed together, before turning her eyes to her paper. “We should probably test it outside. Maybe really late or early morning, so there’s not a lot of bystanders around.”

Gon nodded mutely. Alluka sighed, doodling on the corner of the page. She could understand why Gon wasn’t happy. She wasn’t happy either. She had lost her brother, her confidant, her closest ally, the one person in the world who would do literally anything for her. (And Nanika, too, still asleep- but she feared Nanika waking, feared what might be asked of them to make up for the size of the wish she had granted. It wasn’t Nanika’s fault either- she hadn’t made the rules. They simply existed.)

“Do you want to keep going?” She asked Gon, pulling her legs up to her chest.

He gathered himself back up into sitting, though he didn’t quite look straight at either Zoldyck, rubbing his index finger over the carving of Killua’s name. “Sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading everyone! I've been struggling a bit with this section because of it's energy, but your enthusiasm is keeping me running! I appreciate you <3


	33. Rules x Regulations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A routine develops through trial and error

A long period of trial and error testing resulted in an incomplete set of rules:

-Killua obeyed Alluka and Gon but nobody else (as of yet)  
-Statements only, no questions  
-BE SPECIFIC  
-Ambiguously directed commands didn’t work. Killua would respond if:

  * His name or moniker was part of the sentence
  * Either Gon or Alluka repeated a command that had been given to him by someone else (Leorio, for example)
  * If he was being directly looked at or touched



-Directions with no end goal would be obeyed until the giver of the order directed otherwise, or until the necessary material ran out within his allowable distance  
-His allowable distance: 40 meters  
-If Gon and Alluka separated, Killua stayed within 40 meters of Alluka. However, if Gon stayed away too long, he started to leak bloodlust. (?)  
-Commands that clashed with his distance rule were ignored  
-If Alluka and Gon gave him conflicting orders, he obeyed Gon  
-A stranger with nen always attracted his attention  
-The only thing he did without being instructed to was attack threats

That last rule hadn’t exactly been a fun surprise.

\--

Gon came out of the study, as usual, half an hour before sunrise. The faint glow of the paling sky bounced off Killua’s hair where he sat, as always, in the center of the floor, facing the repaired elevator door. Gon padded closer to him, looping a towel around his neck. He crouched by Killua, curving his blunt fingers around Killua’s angled jaw. He tilted Killua’s head towards him a little, pressing a soft, lingering kiss against his temple. His breath was shaky as he exhaled, just like every morning, and he didn’t imagine it would go away soon. “Good morning, Killua,” he greeted, morning-rough and sadness-sticky. “Listen to what Leorio says today.” That had been an exciting command to learn, even if Leorio abused it a little and made Killua clean hard-to-reach places, like the humongous windows. It only stuck with a time limit, and also stopped if Leorio did anything that Killua perceived as aggressive, which was plenty.

“Make a dozen eggs and two packages of bacon and split them on three plates 5-5-2. When you’re done, return everything to the way it was before you started except for the plates.”

Gon bumped his forehead gently against Killua’s temple. They stood up simultaneously. Gon held still, watching him move soundlessly into the kitchen, before padding to the bathroom and taking a shower.

The smell of sizzling meat woke Alluka up, and she trailed down the steps in emoji-printed cotton pajama pants and the thin remains of her last beach shirt. Gon came out at about the same time, and today they happened to coincide exactly. Steam billowed out of the bathroom's open door just as Alluka’s feet met the wooden floor. “Morning,” she chirped, walking towards the kitchen island. Gon reached it before her, and she hugged his side as she passed him and circumvented it, hugging Killua’s side. “Eat what’s on your plate, Oniichan,” she told him softly, kissing his cheek. He sat down between them and began to eat. Gon left one hand on Killua’s knee as he devoured his breakfast. Alluka was still savouring her last few strips of bacon when both boys had finished, quirking an eyebrow.

Gon downed a glass of water while she finished. She hopped off her stool, padding to the center of the floor. All the furniture had been stacked against the far wall long ago, leaving them free to use the massive space however they saw fit. Leorio had mumbled something about not being up to wild parties anyway, and slinked off to work with his shoulders tight around his ears when he saw what they had done. “You could’ve just asked,” he mumbled to himself just as the elevator doors closed. Gon’s head whirled towards him, but he never brought it up.

“Oniichan,” she called out brightly to the statuesque shape perched on a red stool, “come do the routine with us.” Killua dutifully slipped from his seat and onto the pads of his feet, slinking across the floor to stop just behind her.

“Between and behind us, Killua.” Gon’s voice was more in control by then, warm and low and ceaselessly, ceaselessly patient. (It hurt between his eyes.) A slip of feet had Killua in the desired location more or less. The sun had just come over the edge of the horizon, bathing them in warm orange light. Gon’s eyes turned invariably to the window whenever they faced forward, watching the reflection of Killua’s graceful body shimmering transparently against the glass. Their breathing fell into rhythm, three bodies moving in tandem, their shadows melding across the far wall. Energy vibrated between them, setting off a buzz right under Gon’s sternum. He let the elation of it fill him, soaking it into his core. He’d need it for the day to come.

\--

Leorio came up in the elevator a little after nine in the morning. He shuffle-stepped around Killua, part of the way through 500 handstand pushups and gratefully accepted a plate of scrambled eggs on toast from Alluka, who had it ready. She seemed to memorize Leorio’s schedule, and Gon was thankful for that; he doubted he had the concentration.

Leorio perched on one of the bar stools, spinning it to face the teenagers. Gon was doing one-handed handstand pushups instead, swapping hands every twenty. Leorio frowned a little, squinting at the bulk their hanging shirts exposed. “How much are you feeding him and how much are you exercising?”

Gon dropped both hands to the ground and launched himself into a backflip. He clapped dust from his hands, coming towards the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water. Killua, unaffected, continued his set.

“He’s eating as much as I am.”

Leorio tilted his head thoughtfully, tearing a mouthful out of his sandwich. He swiveled his seat slowly towards Gon as he chewed, his cheeks puffed out. He drank down almost the whole glass of orange juice Alluka had just set before him, slapped himself on the chest, swallowed, and sat up. “You have a crazy metabolism and you’re way bigger than him. Cut his portion down.”

“You said he was underfed before,” Gon complained, confused.

“No, I said he had poor nutrition. What you eat is fine, Gon. He just doesn’t need as much.”

“But he’s burning as many calories as I am.”

Leorio blinked at Gon’s petulant expression. He was so intuitive that sometimes when he said something plain wrong, Leorio was still surprised, even though he knew Gon was pretty simple about these things. “No, he’s not. Even if he does exactly the same exercises as you, his body works differently, is weighted differently. You run a lot hotter than he does.”

Gon caved in on himself a little. He hopped up on the kitchen counter, dangling his legs, his chin almost touching his chest as he sucked in a breath. “Okay,” he muttered airily, clearly distraught.

Leorio sighed, pushing his glasses up his forehead to scrub at his dry eyes. His shift had already been interminable, rush hour had dragged his commute out like the time-eating monster that it was, and all he wanted to do was eat something and pass out. But Leorio was a caretaker at heart, fully and inextricably, so there wasn’t much of a choice after all. “What’s wrong?”

Gon’s eyes shot up to him immediately. His pout flexed into a frown, and he pressed his curled hands into his knees.

“You know what I mean,” Leorio grumbled, waving his hand vaguely in the air between them. Obviously, Killua’s state was a major issue, but it wasn’t a new and pressing one. Gon stared at the ceiling as he looked for words, leaning back until his head bumped lightly against one of the kitchen cabinets. It was seriously weird, still, seeing Gon’s most childish mannerisms in that massive body of his, but it did serve to remind him that he was still only eighteen. Seventeen-year-old newly-minted Hunter Leorio would’ve scoffed at that thought, but a few years of actually dealing with normal people patients served to highlight how unusual the lives Gon and Killua (and himself and Kurapika, honestly) had lived so quickly, and how little they’d actually had the opportunity to handle the things they had all been through. Gon could hunt a beetle in a nature preserve, but that didn’t mean he knew how to navigate his inner turmoil. Hell, who did?

Gon whined, his eyes flicking down to meet Leorio’s gaze guiltily. “I’m not doing anything right.”

Alluka was immediately beside him, wrapping her arms around Gon’s waist and resting her head against his side. Leorio dropped his egg sandwich, slipping off the stool and shambling over to Gon to rub his back. “You’re doing plenty right,” he corrected Gon, though his eyes closed even as he was standing up. “We’re just here to help catch the things you don’t know about, that’s all.”

Alluka nodded fiercely on his other side.

“Now just take two and call me in the morning,” Leorio added with a resolute nod. He patted Gon’s head, pushing off the counter again with a yawn.

“What?” Gon asked, confusion entirely knocking him out of the melancholy mood.

“I’m goin’a bed,” Leorio muttered, shuffling away.

-

Alluka eyed the pile of cane coils she had ordered with Killua’s card, testing the material’s flexibility between her hands. It was a lot stiffer than the dried, torn fronds she had used on the island, certainly not soft enough to make new sandals or anything, but she could make baskets easily. They’d be sturdier than the ones on the island, and more symmetrical. Maybe Leorio would like a basket? She hummed as she bent the cane further, pleased when it arched but didn’t break.

“What’re you doing?” Gon asked, wiping the sweat from his face with a dry washcloth as he came over to sit next to Alluka.

“Weaving.”

That brought a smile to his face, and he looped a heavy arm around her shoulders, squeezing Alluka to his side. She giggled when he kissed her forehead, wiping her cheek. “You’re all sweaty!”

“That happens,” he chuckled low in his chest. She might’ve believed he was feeling better if he wasn’t tracking Killua with his eyes at all times, stress digging lines into the skin around his mouth.

It made sense. Gon was a creature of goals and action, and spending weeks cooped up doing nothing for any reason was bound to make him unhappy already. Being trapped in this particular nightmare was not something either of them were coping with all that well, but Alluka was much better at endlessly sitting still. ‘Fixing’ Killua wasn’t like training to beat someone. There wasn’t a direct path, no easy solution, just trial and error. Who even knew if the path they were taking would lead to any change beyond the ability to give an empty vessel more complex directions. (Maybe they needed help from a manipulator?)

Alluka didn’t have access to nen and she doubted she understood that much beyond “people use aura to do things no human should realistically be able to do,” “only nen users can see nen” and “whatever Nanika does, it’s different, but she can tell when people use nen too.” Killua had explained some of it to her long ago when she asked why Gon couldn’t travel with them, but it had been clearly jumbled by some of Killua’s conflicting emotions at the time so Alluka had mostly heard ‘it’s too dangerous,’ rolled her eyes, and tuned him out.

Now, though, she wished she understood it more fully, because she couldn’t think of any way science could fix this. Nanika was a different kind of creature altogether, though, and as long as Killua’s self was suppressed, she didn’t seem to stir either. Perhaps Nanika was consistently using her energy to keep Killua in that state? Maybe waking her up would help Killua come back?

Alluka looked at Gon with big eyes, her heart galloping in her chest.

She didn’t know how to force Nanika awake either.

Her chin sank to her chest as she pulled her knees up, leaning harder against Gon’s side. He frowned down at her hair, squeezing her in a sideways hug. “What’s wrong?”

“I miss Killua and Nanika,” she whispered softly, ducking her head so that her hair hid her eyes. Gon pulled her into his lap, wrapping both his arms around her thin shape. She coiled her arms around his shoulders, sniffing quietly against his shoulder.

“I know, Alluka. I know. Me too.”

\--

The day dragged on. Gon worked out, directing Killua to do the same. Alluka wove, watching sometimes, making food sometimes. Leorio drifted out of his bedroom around seven in the evening and joined them for dinner. He disappeared into the study for an hour before leaving the apartment again with nothing much more than a yawning goodbye, waving half-heartedly at them as he shambled out, his white coat under his arm.

“Leorio’s working too hard,” Alluka mumbled around a mouthful of ice cream. Gon made a sound of acknowledgement from his position on the floor, his hands grasping his feet as he stretched. “We should do something for him.”

“Like what?” Gon asked, his voice muffled, face pressed into his shins.

“I don’t know,” she shrugged, staring listlessly across the empty living room. “Take him to dinner?”

“And do what with Killua? He’s not going to stay up here by himself.”

Alluka stabbed at her ice cream with her spoon. “Something else then, I don’t know,” she bit out, exasperated. “We can throw a party here and have Killua stay upstairs.”

“I don’t know any of Leorio’s friends.”

Pouting petulantly, Alluka stared at her food. “What about Kurapika?”

“He’s not exactly big on parties. I doubt he’ll visit anyway, but you can try giving him a call.” Gon turned his head so that his cheek rested against his legs, squinting across the floor at Alluka. “He probably won’t answer, though.”

Alluka stared mutely at Gon, frustration building. She understood how he felt about Killua’s state better than anyone, but that wasn’t an excuse to forget that anyone else in the world existed. Leorio had selflessly let them live at his place, and they’d rearranged his space without asking, wrecked his elevator, albeit temporarily, emptied his fridge daily and completely took over his personal space.The least they could do was be aware of his toiling exhaustion and try to do something to alleviate it!

She finished her dessert in silence, rinsing out her plate and depositing it into the sink with a clink. “I’m going upstairs,” she declared to the room at large, avoiding Gon as she crossed to the spiral staircase. “Good night.”

Gon watched her leave, confusion etching a line between his brows. Was it really that bad? Leorio probably wouldn’t want a party anyway, right? He said he wasn’t up to them. And it wasn’t his fault Killua wasn’t going to stay here by himself! It was one thing to go shopping with him in a public place an entirely different thing to try and pass him as functional at a busy restaurant, right? ‘Be polite’ was a command that normal Killua hardly obeyed, why would this Killua do so?

Gon sat up, his gaze inevitably drifting to Killua. The young man sat in lotus position, facing the elevator. Gon gathered his feet under him and walked over to Killua, sitting down across from him.

“Killua, greet me.” The head of white hair didn’t move, vacant blue eyes staring at the floor. Gon puffed out his cheeks. “Say hello.”

“Hello.” The voice was dull and inflectionless, the word meaningless in his mouth as Killua parroted it back.

Gon pulled his legs against his chest, resting his chin on his knees as he regarded Killua. It was the first word he’d heard from him in a month, but it didn’t feel good hearing it. Gon was a glutton for punishment, though. If he could walk into a stick over and over for the chance to see Killua at twelve, why should that have changed any at eighteen? Patience was not a Freecs trait, but willfulness was. “What’s your favorite color?”

Resounding silence. Gon scratched his cheek, sighing. That one had been his own fault. “Tell me your favorite color.” Still nothing? Gon rubbed his thumb against the carving of Killua’s name, chewing on the inner lining of his cheek. “Tell me my favorite color.”

“Green.”

Gon gasped, a jagged sound ejected from his throat, lanced suddenly with a jumble of extreme feelings. His pulse rattled his ribs as Gon tried to suck in a breath, finding himself suddenly dizzy, Killua’s shape distorted by the mist in his eyes.

“Tell me Alluka’s favorite color.”

“Yellow.”

Gon shifted forward, wrapping his arms around Killua’s frame and pulling the young man into his chest. He curled around the smaller body, his eyes pressed into the fabric of his shirt. Killua was lax in his arms, neither stubbornly taut against the hold nor relaxing into it, his heartbeat even and his hands neutrally at his side. Gon shivered, a trembling hand petting through Killua’s soft hair. He took a deep breath and forced down the knot in his throat. With a small, dry rasp, knowing it was a bad idea and not caring, Gon tried a different test. “Tell me you love me.”

“I love you.”

A sob tore from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This arc is so hard to write you guys x.x


	34. Nothing x No One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alluka woke up the next morning with the sun filtering through her window, heating the room up until it was impossible to sleep. She squinted at the beam of light crossing her legs, scrubbing at one eye. It didn’t smell like breakfast had been made either. Confused and disoriented, she shuffled downstairs in a sleeping shirt and flannel shorts. Killua was not in the kitchen, nor was the far bathroom light on, nor was the shower running. In fact, Killua was nowhere to be seen.

Alluka woke up the next morning with the sun filtering through her window, heating the room up until it was impossible to sleep. She squinted at the beam of light crossing her legs, scrubbing at one eye. It didn’t smell like breakfast had been made either. Confused and disoriented, she shuffled downstairs in a sleeping shirt and flannel shorts. Killua was not in the kitchen, nor was the far bathroom light on, nor was the shower running. In fact, Killua was nowhere to be seen.

Yawning, Alluka scratched sleepily at her scalp. It wasn’t like Gon to forget their routine. Had there been an emergency? But that wouldn’t explain why Killua had seemingly disappeared. Her gaze swept the empty living space. Weird.

She went over to the study, rapping her knuckles twice against the wooden door. Receiving no answer, she pushed it open. The couch faced the door; all of three feet from the entrance, it offered very little privacy to its occupants. Therefore, this was what Alluka saw: Killua, a long straight line on the left side of the bed, lying on his side and staring vacantly at the shelves, and Gon, both arms tight around Killua’s waist, one leg thrown over the boy’s hips and his face pressed into the back of Killua’s neck.

Alluka wrapped her arms around her middle, gripping her elbows. If Killua had had a breakthrough in the middle of the night, Gon would have woken her up. She wasn’t sure if he would’ve done it on purpose or not, but she was very much convinced that it would’ve happened. His current expression reinforced that nothing had changed, and so... “Gon? What’s going on?”

“Nothing, Alluka,” Gon mumbled. He shifted under the covers, tugging them up to his chin. “I’m just sleeping in.”

“Bullshit,” she huffed, turning her nose up. She felt a little self-conscious acting like Killua on purpose, hoping to provoke a different reaction from Gon. “You never sleep in. I didn’t think you even knew how.”

It didn’t work. Gon’s arms tightened around Killua, pulling the young man flush against him. “Go away, Alluka.”

She frowned, dropping her arms. Alluka chewed on her bottom lip, her gaze shifting to the cast of sun across Leorio’s books. “Gon, I’m not sure this is a good idea. I know you’re hurting, but-”

Gon turned his head. Alluka could only see one of his eyes at this angle, dark and hard. The whites of his eyes were shot through with red. His lips were pulled back in a grimace, exposing a line of white teeth. “Go away!” he yelled.

While Alluka stared at Gon in shock, Killua obeyed immediately. Within a blink he had crossed the apartment, and he now stood at the exact periphery of his seventy meter distance away from Gon, swaying gently as sparks of electricity dissipated into the ground. 

Gon sucked in a wet breath, rapidly blinking as his eyes filled with tears. He sank harder into the mattress, pulling the covers over his head entirely as he curled up into a ball. Alluka could see him trembling under the sheets, but when she reached out to touch his foot he flinched from her.

Alluka wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand, her mouth twisting as she tried to hold in her own grief- for Gon’s sake. She closed the door again with a soft click, wandering out with shaking legs and collapsing on the first seat she reached in the entertainment nook.

“Killua,” she called softly across the living room, unable to will herself to be any louder. “Bring me a glass three-quarters full of water and sit next to me.”

She found a remote, curling up against Killua’s side when he sat. It was definitely jarring, not having him mock whatever she was watching, but.

It was better than being alone.

\--

Leorio came home a little before ten. He pressed his knuckles into the bruised skin under his eyes, shuffling, and dropped his suitcase haphazardly by the entrance. He eyed the staircase with a squint, grasping the railing, but the effort to lift his foot to the first step overwhelmed him, and he gave up almost immediately.

The doctor shed his coat and jacket, letting them drop on the floor, and shambled over to the entertainment nook. He blinked at Alluka and Killua clustered to one side of a couch. “Morning.”

Alluka jumped a little when she looked at him, guilt twisting her mouth. “Leorio! I’m sorry, I forgot to make breakfast!”

He waved away her concern, his jaw cracking when he yawned, and wiped his wet, burning eyes with his sleeve. “Don’t worry about it,” he mumbled, dropping down heavily next to her. “What are you watching?”

“It’s called Kill Knight. It sounds dramatic but it’s mostly a romance between a normal girl and the son of a mafia don.”

“Ah,” Leorio nodded sagely, though his furrowed brows betrayed his confusion about the subject. He didn’t care that much, honestly. The sound was background, a comforting murmur of voices at this level, and he could hardly keep his eyes open to watch. He stretched his arms along the back of the sofa, sinking a little further into the dark leather. “Where’s Gon?”

“In his room.” Alluka shrugged- he could feel it against his side- and sighed. “He’s having a bad day.”

“Yeah?” Leorio snorted. His head relaxed against the couch, tilting up towards the ceiling. He reached up to bat his glasses off his nose, tossing them down somewhere sight unseen. He sighed in relief without the pressure right behind his ears, but it didn’t make his headache abate as much as he liked. “Who isn’t?”

Alluka shifted against his arm. He could feel her eyes on him, a skill he had developed once he solidified his use of nen. He shouldn’t have said anything.

“What’s wrong?” She asked softly.

Leorio rolled his head against the couch. He pressed his fingers into his dry eyes, dragging his palm down his cheek before his hands dropped heavily into his lap. “I’m sorry, you have your own problems to deal with.”

“Mm-mm.” She shook her head, some of her hair slapping against his arm. The sound of the television cut out. Alluka grabbed his wrist, squeezing it a little. He cracked one eye open to watch her: she scooted closer, peering into his face. “What’s wrong?”

Leorio’s mouth tightened, his chin jutting forward. He puffed up a little, trying to get up the energy to cut the conversation, but Alluka’s worry and his own exhaustion made it impossible. “...It’s Kurapika,” he confessed eventually, his chest caving as his chin tipped forward. “He calls me once a month, you know, so I know he’s safe and alive.”

Safe was a relative term where Kurapika was involved. Signing up to be a mafia bodyguard had only been the first in many steps that led him into dangerous territory, and with the Spider forever replacing defeated members with new and equally amoral monsters, Leorio wasn’t sure Kurapika would ever resurface.

“And?”

“And he missed last month. It’s the first time in four years.”

He could feel Alluka watching him, measuring him, and it aggravated the defeated helplessness already tearing through him. But she was soft, and sad, and wow so different from Killua who would’ve immediately mocked him for worrying that it was easier to just sink into the couch and let that hang.

Except she didn’t. “Leorio…” and he could tell from her tone that it had been a mistake to tell her, to add his weight to what she was already carrying. “It’s the fifteenth.”

“Yeah,” he sighed, his head bobbing up and down. Yes, he knew. Starting in on the third week of no word, no sign, no nothing. He had burned through all of his contacts already- and he had _many_ \- and even now, nothing. _Nothing_. “I know.”

Alluka’s weight shifted onto his side. Surprised, he turned to look at her. She had curled up, her legs pulled up on the couch, and was now leaning entirely against him, one arm going around his waist and the other tucked up between them. Her head hid against his shoulder, a curtain of hair hiding her expression. “I’m sorry.” Her voice cracked on the last syllable and Leorio jolted, his self-pity immediately doused by a fresh wave of worry.

“Alluka?” He asked, dropping his arm from the couch to her shoulders and squeezing her to his side. He rubbed her arm soothingly.

“I’m sorry you were going through that and you couldn’t tell us.” She sucked in a wet breath, trembling. Over her shoulder, Leorio could see Killua, staring ahead as if nothing was happening. He shifted to face her, hugging her to him with both arms. The last thing he wanted her to see was that.

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault.”

She shook her head hard, her hands curling into his shirt. “It’s not okay!” she cried, sniffing, “it’s not okay at all!”

“Alluka-”

“It’s not fair!” She pulled back to wipe at her eyes, her face blotchy and red, her small frame tight and trembling. “It’s too hard to hold it all by yourself!”

“I know.”

“It’s not fair!” she repeated, screaming, her small fist punching at the couch cushion. He grabbed her wrists, holding her still. He could feel the energy shake through her with nowhere to go, but he was just a doctor and there was nothing wrong with her he could fix. Nothing wrong with any of them that he could fix.

But he could try to ease her pain, at least. Digging in for the last piece of energy he had left, Leorio ducked down to meet her eyes square on, holding her gaze. “Alluka,” he said in a carefully measured voice, quiet and low and even. “You’re right. It’s not fair. But I’m not alone now, and neither are you. Okay?”

She drew up furiously, her face scrunched up, but soon she deflated with a long breath, a sob catching on the end.

“There. It’s okay.” He pulled her into his arms, stroking her back. “It’s going to be fine.”

Platitudes were easy to give, even when you didn’t believe them. “We’ll be okay.”

\--

Gon was not okay. He stayed in his room, staring listlessly at the wall as a heavy knot grew and grew in his center, weighing him down. A cold anger started to pour into him against the upset, sparking a need to do something, anything, instead of letting his situation roll over him. He sat up abruptly, throwing the covers off him, and started in on Leorio’s books. Surely, there had to be _something_ to break Killua out of his- whatever it was! Hypnosis or nen healing or- something!

He pulled books at random off the shelves, glancing through the table of contents before skimming through their pages, but it was all cryptic, impenetrable _nonsense_. He tossed the books to the floor when he was done with them, standing on the mattress. His frustration and rage built just under his sternum, ballooning with every useless volume checked. The piles around him grew and still nothing, nothing, _nothing_. Even if there was something here, he’d never find it!

Crying out in anger, he knocked the rest of a half-empty shelf to the ground. The cascade crashing over his arms and to the ground felt strangely satisfying, a physical representation of his collapse, and with a roar he knocked down more and more until most of the books were on the floor, laying open with pages bent and spines cracked, a few loose leaves drifting through the air. He smacked those down too, grinning with hard and angry satisfaction as they, too, went still against the floor.

“Gon, what’s-” Alluka paused, and Gon whirled around to look at her. Her hand had frozen on the doorknob, her blue eyes sweeping the disaster that was Leorio’s study. Leorio, standing behind her, stared mutely at the mess. For several minutes nobody said anything, the silence as thick and solid as the misshapen pile of books all around Gon. Slowly, so slowly, Leorio crouched by the desk, gently closing and piling volumes to his left until he found an old, heavy tome bound in navy. He brushed dust from the white seal on the front, tenderly tracing the outline with his thumb.

Gon’s hands curled into fists as he watched him, his crowing anger dissolving in the face of his encroaching guilt. Leorio stood, carefully replacing the book on its shelf. “Leorio…” The lanky man turned to face Gon.

Gon hadn’t paid much attention to Leorio the last few weeks, far too wrapped up in his own problems to cede to anything else. But now that he was looking at him, it was obvious he’d let his selfish drive override someone else again. The doctor looked worn in every sense of the word. His tie was crooked, his shirt stained, his eyes red and tired without his glasses, marked by dark circles, his hair flat to one side. Gon remembered Alluka telling him Leorio was working too hard, but he’d only thought about Killua.

Ashamed, Gon hung his head, his bottom lip trembling. “I’m sorry.”

Leorio’s hand rested on his shoulder, and he looked up with big, wet eyes. “It’s fine,” Leorio sighed, his mouth pulling back in a flat line that could’ve been a smile with a little more effort, but not a satisfying one. “They’re just books.”

“But I-!”

“It doesn’t matter.” Leorio patted his shoulder several times. His voice was hollow and tired, jarring against Leorio’s usual volume and enthusiasm. “As long as you’re okay. Do you feel better?”

Gon shook his head hard, his bottom lip sticking out in a pout, squeezing his eyes shut. He felt worse. He wasn’t just letting Killua down, but Alluka and Leorio too. He was just-

Useless. Letting everyone down.

Leorio tugged him forward until he was at the edge of the mattress, and wrapped his arms around Gon’s bulky shoulders, holding him. Gon whined, sinking down into a crouch and settling his head against Leorio’s chest. The doctor felt oddly brittle against him, but he held Gon with strength the enhancer wasn’t sure he had right now. The mattress dipped behind him when Alluka climbed on, and she curled up against his back, wrapping her arms around his middle.

Gon made a soft, cracked sound, and they both responded by tightening their hold on him. “I’m sorry,” he cried between them, but it seemed he had already been forgiven, even if he found it unfair.

The elevator dinged. Leorio’s head shot up, twisting to stare in the direction of the sound. Only one person had a keycard to his apartment. He scrambled out of the room; the quick movement paired with his exhaustion proved to be overwhelming, his vision tunnelling, so he wobbled to a stop at the couch. He gripped the back of it to keep himself upright, swaying slightly. Alluka and Gon came up behind him, curious. Killua vanished from the couch and appeared before the opening doors.

“My, my,” a lilting voice purred, “everyone’s home. How _delightful_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN DUN DUNN I wonder who could that be? ;P
> 
> Hi friends! I'm going to be at a convention without my laptop this weekend, and will therefore be unable to write or post, so I'm gonna miss this Sunday. Back Wednesday! Maybe I'll write a little something extra but maybe not. Anyway. Thank you as always for reading. <3


	35. Red x Rover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clowning Around

“My, my,” a lilting voice purred, “everyone’s home. How delightful.”

Gon’s hands curled into fists as he straighened up, slowly shifting himself in front of the other two defensively. Leorio squinted past him, one hand settling on Gon’s shoulder to hold him in place. “Hisoka. How did you get here?”

“Oh, it was easy,” the clown smiled, spreading his arms to the side. “All I had to do was threaten the nice lady at the front desk. She was so very helpful. Hmmm, once I killed the security guard, anyway.” His vulpine smile stretched across his painted face, his unnatural yellow eyes sweeping the space. “Nice place.”

Hisoka brushed Killua out of his way as he walked further into the space. He paused on the cluster of furniture against the far wall, chuckling to himself.

“Why are you here?” Leorio interrupted, his hands folding dents into the couch’s leather.

“Who, moi?” He pressed a hand over his chest, batting his eyelashes at the group. Leorio shuddered and gagged. Gon’s eyes only narrowed, readiness burning through him, practically leaking from his pores. Hisoka’s eyes narrowed at that, his smile widening as he licked his top lip. 

He walked straight for them. Hisoka circumvented the Leorio and Gon defense team with a trick step, slipping behind them. He reached out to curl a lock of Alluka’s hair around his finger. “ _Hello_. You must be the creature Illumi kicked up _all that fuss_ about.” He pouted, twisting the hair too hard, tugging at it sharply enough to elicit a cry of pain from Alluka. “You don’t seem like much,” he complained.

Killua appeared between them, his right hand closing in a vice grip around Hisoka’s wrist. His eyes were almost purple as they stared up at Hisoka, blank and fearless. Threat leaked from him like a physical presence, oily and cloying as it expanded around them. Hisoka shivered in delight, tracing the ridge of bone around Killua’s eyes with a pointed, painted nail. “Look at _you_ ,” he purred, daintily tilting Killua’s head back to get a better look at the boy. “You’re just how Illumi wanted you. _How ironic_.”

Gon grabbed Hisoka’s upper arm hard enough to break it, tearing him back away from the Zoldycks and throwing him across the room and into the clustered furniture. Hisoka’s laughter echoed off the high ceilings as he gracefully stood again, experimentally shaking his left arm. Oh yes, it was broken all right. “Now now,” he smiled, sitting down on a loveseat that faced the room. “Let’s not get too _exciting_ , I’m not here to fight. Otherwise that sweet boy would’ve attacked me already, isn’t that right Killua?”

“Why _are_ you here?” Gon growled, interrupting him. He didn’t have the right to say Killua’s name like that. The urge to rip Hisoka’s tongue out burned behind his eyes, feeding the fire of his aura, something which only made Hisoka more interested.

“I’d like to trade. Information for a body.”

Gon’s chin lifted defiantly, his tawny eyes hard as he stared down Hisoka from across the room. “If it’s Illumi’s body you’re looking for, you’re going to have to ask the sharks for it.”

The smile melted from Hisoka’s face, leaving behind a mask of closed anger. His eyes were crescents. Agitated, he pulled a pack of cards from his sleeve, shuffling them through the air to calm himself down. “Who, him? Oh, don’t worry,” he purred, his smile reappearing toothy and sharp and predatory. “ _He’s dead to me._ ”

Gon blinked, his brows furrowing. Not that he _liked_ either Illumi or Hisoka, but they’d been close since the hunter exam and the way Killua talked about their relationship (with appalled disgust) suggested it was more than a mere partnership in insanity.

Hisoka found Gon’s confusion delightful. He hoped from the couch, strolling casually closer to Gon. Gon blasted his nen in warning, but Hisoka ignored it aside from a pleased little shiver. He walked straight up to the young man, tapping a pale finger against the bottom of his chin. “He broke my only rule, you see,” Hisoka breathed, his voice pitched low and intimate. Gon retaliated by planting his hand on Hisoka’s chest and shoving him away hard. The clown only laughed, flipping acrobatically through the air and landing in the middle of the empty floor.

“My apologies,” Hisoka crowed, clearly not sorry for anything he had ever done in his life, “I seem to be getting ahead of myself. I’m the one who wants information, and you’re going to get it for me.”

“Why would I do anything for you, _ever_?” Gon growled, crossing his bulky arms in front of his chest.

If he was trying to dissuade Hisoka, that was definitely the wrong move. The murderous clown’s smile stretched enough to distort the diamond painted on his cheek, yellow eyes flicking over the bulk of muscle. Oh, that fight would be glorious. Worth the wait.

He’d have to contend with waiting just a _little_ longer. “Oh, I’m not here for you. Not _today,_ anyway,” he purred. Gon recoiled, disgusted; Hisoka merely shrugged, his eyes flicking to Leorio.

Leorio who was sitting on the armrest of the couch, glaring blearily at Hisoka, his arms crossed. “And what makes you think I feel any differently?”

“Oh, I don’t,” Hisoka giggled, waving his hand in the air in front of his face. “But I just happen to have the right incentive.”

Leorio’s went pale. He stood on shaking legs, taking two steps forward to stand next to Gon. “You don’t mean-”

“Tada~!” Hisoka magicked a clear tube before them, seemingly out of thin air. He held it level between the index fingers of each hand. It was filled with a viscous, transparent liquid, and floating in the center was a single red eye.

Three things happened at once: Gon’s nen flared like a sun, hot and angry, shifting out in bulbous, plasmatic waves. Leorio startled forward towards Hisoka, but was immediately distracted by a gust of air whooshing past him, and sat back down hard, his ears ringing. And Killua, his own aura sparking in response to Gon’s, launched himself directly at Hisoka, his foot leaving a black mark that fractaled out in jagged spikes.

Hisoka sank his teeth into his bottom lip, smiling at the incoming shape with hooded eyes. He dodged the first attack easily, bending his waist to the side and reaching out to stroke a nail along the edge of Killua’s shin as he flew past. The touch left a thin red line down the pale skin, hardly bleeding until Killua landed a hard flip. He straightened up, cold eyes regarding Hisoka for only a moment before attacking again. At first it was clear that Hisoka had made it a game to avoid getting hit. He did it with finesse, performing for an invisible audience, throwing the eye up and catching it, sometimes leaving it long enough that it almost hit the ground. Soon, his smile started to diminish, his expression growing stormy, eyes slitted. Killua attacked in flurry of hand movements with his claws but Hisoka dodged every strike. He yawned outright.

“You’re so predictable when you’re like this,” he complained, reaching out to flick Killua’s forehead in the middle of an attack. The boy’s head craned back at an uncomfortable looking angle, but he snapped it forward again. Killua’s blue nen flicked. He practically disappeared into lightning, attacking Hisoka with swipes of his claws. The clown took a few hits but they were superficial at best. His eyes narrowed into slits, his mouth a flat line. 

Suddenly he lifted his foot up; Killua ran directly into it, and his breath wheezed out. His shape hit the floor and Hisoka stomped down on his chest. “You’re boring me,” he hissed. He kicked Killua hard enough in the side to send him flying across the room and into Gon’s chest. Gon managed to catch him, but there was enough force to knock him back into Alluka and Leorio.

Hisoka brushed imaginary dust from his shoulder, regarding them with lidded eyes and a faint pout. “He totally ruined my appetite.” Hisoka sighed, but his smile returned quickly as the group scrambled upright. “Oh well, I’m sure I can find something else to entertain me. I’ll just leave this here, shall I?”

He held up a card, showing both sides to the group: on one side, the back of the card, a pattern of red and black diamonds. On the second side, of course, a Joker. And then, on the first side again, a message in thin, spidery black scrawl. He set the eye down on the kitchen island, set the card on top, and walked to the elevator.

“Ta ta now,” he waved to the group, winking. The elevator doors dinged open, and he slid inside. “See you later, Gon. I’m looking forward to it.” He blew a kiss as the doors closed in front of him.

Gon shuddered, disgusted, lowering his head to his chest. He glared at the floor, his hand curling into a fist and thumping against his ribs. His aura emanated from him in waves across the floor, and Killua buzzed with readiness, staring at him. Gon swallowed heavily, forcing his ire down and taking a deep breath. He held Killua’s eyes, willing himself to relax, for his nen to return to its resting state, and with every breath he watched Killua’s reduce in response, until his head lowered and Killua slid into a sitting position, fluid like water.

Leorio pushed Gon gently to get past him, stumbling forward. He tripped on his way there, his knee hitting the floor hard, but he pushed himself up the rest of the way. He grabbed the tube, letting the card fall wherever it may, and walked the rest of the way to the clustered furniture, tipping forward onto a loveseat and curling up in it around the tube. He shoved his face and knees into the back of the seat, clearly too long for its frame, and stayed there, still as a stone.

Alluka sat back down on the couch, pulling her legs up against her chest in startled dismay. _That_ was Hisoka? Killua had allowed her to watch his arena footage when he was trying to impress on her just how dangerous he could be, but hadn’t described him as much more than ‘a really _gross_ , psychopathic clown. You know, just big brother’s type.’ Then he’d roll his eyes, make a gagging face, and change the subject. The description, it turned out, was astoundingly accurate. Along with the other statement Killua had made: ‘hope you never meet him.’

She rubbed her cheek and stood up, hurrying across the floor to the doctor. “Leorio?” she asked, haphazardly crawling onto the coffee table that was pressed up against the loveseat. She touched his arm. “Are you ok?”

The man shook his head, his shoulders screwing up around his ears. She could feel him trembling. She had seen him exhausted, but never so small. She rubbed her hand up and down his upper arm, huddling closer to whisper soft platitudes.

He rolled onto his back suddenly, his feet kicking out into the air. She fell back, startled. “Ahhh, dammit!” he yelled at the ceiling. Leorio swung his feet out so his whole body flipped up into a sitting position. His legs dangled over the armrest, and he leaned his left elbow on his knee, his left hand jamming into his hair, and cradled the tube to his chest with his right. “He better be alive! Hisoka, do you hear me?! You asshole!” Leorio yelled at the elevator door. He wiped at his face furiously, smearing tears across his face. “Everyone hates you!” He jabbed his pointer finger towards the elevator- and saw Gon staring at him, his eyes wide and surprised.

Gon’s mouth shut with a snap, his eyebrows climbing into his hairline. They stared at each other for several beats; then, suddenly, both men started to laugh, and then crying simultaneously. They rushed towards each other, meeting in the middle in a sudden and tight hug, the tube trapped between them. They cried large, blubbering tears together, their red cheeks pressed one against the other. It was loud.

Alluka blinked, scratching behind her ear. 

\--

They sat at the kitchen island, the eye standing between them. Leorio had practically melted onto the granite top, his arms propping up his head, a steaming cup of black coffee at his elbow. He drank it slowly while Alluka watched with a grimace. She would’ve much preferred if Leorio had gone to bed, but the two men were too keyed up about Hisoka’s intrusion to consider the option.

The card had been rescued from the floor. Gon couldn’t make sense of the handwriting, seeing only scribbles, and Alluka agreed that it was absurdly messy, but Leorio squinted at it and declared it not as bad as that of his attending. “It’s just a proper name,” he told them, pulling a pen from his pocket and rewriting it in blocky text underneath. “‘Marashiko Verdun’?” Leorio’s eyes narrowed thoughtfully as he stroked his chin. “That’s odd.”

“What’s odd?” Alluka asked, tilting her head.

“Verdun. He’s famous, but nobody’s heard from him in thirty years. Popular opinion is that he’s dead, he’d be a hundred and twenty by now.”

“If he’s dead,” Gon interrupted moodily, drumming his fingers against the table-top, “why is Hisoka looking for him?”

“How am I supposed to know?” Leorio snapped. He drank more of his coffee, frowning, cross. Alluka sighed. Leorio really needed to go to bed right now, and not. This. Silence fell for a moment. Leorio stared at the card, willing it to reveal additional secrets. Gon lowered his chin to his folded hands, staring at the eyeball floating in preservative fluid.

“How do we know that eye even belongs to Kurapika?” Gon asked suddenly, craning his head to the side to look up at Leorio.

“Kurapika collected all the eyes of his brethren already.”

“Maybe Hisoka stole one of them.”

Leorio shook his head, jamming his hands through his messy hair and pushing the strands off his forehead. “I would’ve known.”

“Really?” Gon replied haughtily, leaning back and crossing his arms over his broad chest. “How?”

Leorio stood abruptly. The sudden motion tilted his stool on its back legs, and it clattered on the kitchen tiles. “Follow me,” he instructed, shoving his hands into his pockets. His elbows jutted out sharply, his long legs bowed a little to the sides as he walked, all angles. Leorio stomped up the stairs he’d been unable to climb before, animated by sheer frustration and force of will.

“Alluka,” he called after her as she watched the two men go up the stairs. “Do you mind if we go in your room for a minute?”

She slid off her stood and went after them, frowning. “Sure, but why?”

He waved his hand vaguely over his shoulder. Leorio slipped into his room temporarily and came back out carrying a small, brass key. The two teens followed him into Alluka’s bedroom.

It was different than it had been when they first moved in, even though they’d only been there a month. Alluka had traded the simple white linens for a bedspread of jewel-toned geometrical shapes, and her dirty clothes brightened up the once empty room. The cabinet stood untouched by the colorful explosion of fabric, and Leorio walked around a discarded dress to slide the key into the lock and swing the door open.

A copy of the traditional Kurta outfit Gon had first met Kurapika in rested, folded, on the bottom shelf. Small trinkets hung from hooks, things liked dried mountain flowers or small, golden medals stamped with a design Gon didn’t recognize. And behind them, there were three shelves full of eyes, lined one beside the other in rows four deep with care and consideration. There were no gaps in the pattern.

“There,” Leorio snapped, shutting the door again with a flat expression and locking the cabinet back up. “All accounted for.”

Gon stared at the cabinet wordlessly for several beats, his gaze blank as he ruminated over the information somewhere inside of him. Then he blinked and he was back, turning his head to meet Leorio’s gaze seriously. He nodded, his brows furrowed. “Okay. We’ll get Kurapika back from Hisoka, no matter what.”

Leorio stared at him. His own head bobbed in response, and with that it seemed as if the buzzing energy that had been propelling him disappeared. His knees knocking, he stumbled back against the wall, pressing his palm against the doorframe to settle himself.

“Go to bed,” Alluka instructed softly, tugging on his elbow.

He rested a hand on the top of her head briefly, then slowly pushed himself off the wall, shuffling across the hall. “You’re right. Good night.”

“It’s still morning,” she called after him, though she was relieved that he was taking her advice. He waved at her as he disappeared through his bedroom door, and it shut with a click. Alluka bit her lip, her attention remaining on the shut door until she felt Gon wrap his arms around her shoulders.

She turned her head to look at him, and he bumped their foreheads together lightly. “Let’s go back down and sit with Killua for a bit. What were you watching?”

“Oh, it’s a silly romance show. I’m not sure you’ll like it.”

“That’s okay. I don’t watch much tv anyway, it might be interesting.”

She smiled a little, reaching up to rest her hand on top of the one settled on her shoulder. “Okay. I’ll show you.”

They went back downstairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you see this coming? I tried to drop a hint or two but I can be a little too parabolic sometimes :P Thanks for being patient everyone! Con was very useful to me, and I appreciate y'all letting me take the time off <3


	36. Bruised x Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alluka and Gon watched Kill Knight in companionable silence. Alluka snacked as she leaned against Killua’s arm, absorbed by the show. Gon, on Killua’s other side, stared vaguely at the faces on the screen without understanding anything they were doing or saying, floating in a disoriented haze. They both slowly noticed a small, odd sound, like air squeezing through a tube, as they watched the show. It was quiet, and hard to distinguish, but the more they heard it the more noticeable it became.

Alluka and Gon watched Kill Knight in companionable silence. Alluka snacked as she leaned against Killua’s arm, absorbed by the show. Gon, on Killua’s other side, stared vaguely at the faces on the screen without understanding anything they were doing or saying, floating in a disoriented haze. They both slowly noticed a small, odd sound, like air squeezing through a tube, as they watched the show. It was quiet, and hard to distinguish, but the more they heard it the more noticeable it became.

“Hey, Alluka, do you-”

“Yeah, I definitely do.”

She shut the television off, straining her ear. Gon just waited, frowning vaguely. There it was again, a sort of wheeze. Alluka blinked, sitting up a little, uncertain, but it sounded like it was coming from-

“It’s Killua,” Gon completed her thought. “Damnit,” he hissed, bristling immediately. “Hisoka must’ve hurt him.”

“I’ll go get Leorio.”

“No.” The hard, immediate denial from Gon had her sitting down again, watching him out of the corner of her eye. “He needs to sleep,” Gon added apologetically, shrugging. “I-” He glanced away, standing up. “Someone should clean and sanitize his leg anyway, I know how to do it. I’ll take a look. You keep watching.”

Alluka bit her lip but she shrugged in acquiescence, rearranging so that she leaned on the couch’s arm instead of her brother’s. “Okay.” She doubted now would be a good time to mess with Gon. Too many bad things were happening all at once, and she didn’t want to get caught in any maelstrom caused by the enhancer. “Let me know if you need anything.”

“I will. Come with me, Killua.” Inclining his head towards the far bathroom, Gon led Killua away.

He closed the door behind both of them quietly, staring briefly at his feet. With both of them in there it was a little small, but all of Leorio’s bathrooms were well-stocked for various emergencies. “Sit down, Killua,” he instructed softly. There wasn’t much of anywhere to go, so the young man perched on the edge of the tub, staring vaguely over Gon’s shoulder. Gon sat on the tiles at his feet, laying the emergency kit he had dug out from under the sink by his knee and throwing it open.

“Take your shirt off,” he instructed softly, staring at the rolled bandages. Killua didn’t move. Gon sighed softly, rubbing his cheek. There was that wheeze. He lifted his gaze to fix on the boy’s blue eyes, resolute. “Killua. Take your shirt off.”

The fabric peeled away with barely a rustle. Swallowing against the dryness of his mouth, Gon’s gaze lowered gradually until it was fixed on the center of Killua’s chest.

Gon hadn’t really taken the time to really see Killua’s body since they had gotten close. Oh, he’d had plenty of opportunities, but lust-addled drooling wasn’t exactly paying attention, especially when his thoughts tended to center mostly on licking the lines of sweat from the curve of Killua’s abdomen. There wasn’t exactly anything sexy about their current situation, though, and the lightning user’s unmoving form drained any urgency Gon might have felt, leaving him with a despondent lassitude. He reached out to lightly touch his fingers against Killua’s collarbone, his thumb skating the edge of a red shoe print. The blood under Killua’s skin had begun to spread outward a little, promising a dark bruise in the next few days. Except.

The bruise itself was odd. Instead of a solid mass of red, it looked like a thousand odd-shaped patches blotching the pale skin unevenly, a striation of white slashing through red in all directions. Puzzled, Gon shifted up between Killua’s knees, very gently running his thumb down the mark. The skin had an interesting texture that Gon had noticed a long time ago, bumps and ridges everywhere, but Killua seemed to resist tanning in any degrees and wore long sleeves whenever possible, so he’d never really seen it before and.

Gon’s eyes filled. He blinked the tears away, ignoring them as they slid down his cheeks, and spread his palm open over the mark as if he could will it to go away. He traced the longest, thickest lines, following them as they sometimes curled all the way around Killua’s slim waist. In places patches of skin that had seemed unmarked felt hard and inflexible under his touch, the flesh almost shiny, and he realized that it wasn’t unblemished at all, but a patch of once-burnt skin. The scars were innumerable, endless lines marked into his skin over year, flesh torn open and repaired and torn open again from a different direction. The bruise was more white than red by far. It wasn’t that Killua resisted tanning at all, but rather that scar tissue didn’t darken.

Gon wondered how much Killua would have hated this moment. Was this why Killua wore long sleeves so often? Was it why he got snappy when anyone stared at him too long, even Gon? He would’ve hated Gon kicking up a fuss about it, would’ve haughtily declared it a thing of the past.

Except it wasn’t past. It was still inscribed in every inch of his skin. Gon wrapped his arms tightly around Killua’s waist, resting his damp cheek on the boy’s thigh. “I’m sorry,” he whimpered into the bend of his hip. “I’m so sorry, Killua.” Killua, predictably, didn’t respond.

\--

Alluka sank further and further into the couch, pushing kernels of popcorn between her lips and chewing morosely. The show barely held her attention, sweeping romantic gestures and all, and she commented at the television under her breath in annoyed utterances. She could understand why her texting group seemed to be so hotly divided about it. The new season had gone in a direction of sheer fantasy so beyond that she found it impossible to connect to the emotions of the characters, since nothing felt grounded. And since when could Naoki fight off mafia members, anyway? Wasn’t her whole character supposed to be the defenseless innocent? Geez.

She glanced at the door every so often, but it didn’t make anything go any faster. She was halfway through a second episode when Gon rejoined her on the couch. He sat silently at the other end, his arm slung over the back, not quite reaching where she sat. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, popping another kernel into her mouth. He stared straight ahead, though not quite at the television, his expression distant. It was like that a lot lately, if he wasn’t looking at Killua, and she couldn’t really blame him. She’d noticed long ago it was hard for Gon to concentrate on two different things simultaneously, and once his attention was absorbed by something it tended to stay that way until that problem was solved. Their current problem… well.

“So how’s Killua?”

“I think Hisoka cracked a few of his ribs,” Gon answered, shifting uncomfortably. He rearranged himself, ceaseless energy burning through him and demanding action, and yet the lack of solutions available kept him feeling paralyzed. “Leorio will have to check.”

“And his leg?”

“Will be fine.”

“Do you think he’ll have to go to the hospital?”

There was a pause. Gon stared blankly ahead, his cheek resting against his closed fist. He drummed his fingers against the couch, blunt tips thwapping against the dark leather. Alluka glanced towards the bathroom; the light was still on and the door was ajar. Killua sat, still, on the edge of the tub, his leg cleanly wrapped in white gauze, his bare chest splotched with red. It didn’t look that bad from here, just a few broken capillaries.

“Leorio will have to take care of it.” Gon’s heavy words interrupted her thought, and she turned towards him with a frown, but anything she wanted to say dried up when their eyes met. Whatever storm was brewing inside him, she didn’t want to be there when it was unleashed. “Alluka,” he started, his tone almost casual as his golden eyes fixed unblinkingly on her, and yet seemed to look through her completely, “how much do you know about what your parents did to Killua?”

She gulped, pulling her legs up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them tightly. “Not… much, honestly.” She huddled against the couch arm, resting her chin on her knees, and stared at the floor. “We played in the garden when he could get out, but I didn’t usually see him more than an hour or two at a time. And then… there was this incident with Nanika, and after that I never saw him at all.” She twisted her fingers in her long hair, rubbing her thumb soothingly over the salt-damaged strands. It was the closest she could get to touching a soft plush, which was what she always did when she got upset as a child and didn’t have Killua to hold. Sometimes she thought back to her army of plush toys in her one little room, wondering if it passed for kindness.

She didn’t think it did.

“The house is huge and most of the rooms are soundproofed, I think. I just know it wasn’t anything good.”

Gon nodded, his eyes hard as they drifted away from her and to the bathroom, staring at the unmoving figure within. “They tortured him.”

Her head bobbed, shoulders coming up a little. “I think so.”

“They poisoned him.”

“Mom did.”

“They electrified him over and over.”

“Gon-”

“Do you know how much that hurts?” His eyes shifted to her then, boring into her. His voice was dry and hot, crackling with repressed anger and not a little bit of hatred, like the first warnings of a thunderstorm. “It’s like being set on fire from the inside, except you can’t move. You can’t scream. You can’t do anything except let it burn you. When it’s over, it feels like you can’t breathe. Like you’ll never be able to move again. They did that. To him. To _make him stronger._ ”

Alluka was silent, staring back at Gon with her mouth hidden against her leg, her blue eyes wide and wet. Sometimes, Gon scared her. It was rare, but now- now was one of those times. She shrank a little more, watching him, and she wanted to be horrified, she wanted her stomach to turn at the thought of what her parents had done to her beloved brother, but they were an old monster, and Gon- Gon was an unpredictable wildfire, and the slightest shift of wind could have him burning out of control, obliterating everything in his path, and if she were in the wrong place- she wasn’t sure she’d be safe.

His lips peeled back from his teeth like an animal, and she made herself smaller.

“I saw him take a million volts of electricity once, like it was nothing. We were twelve.” A growl rumbled in his throat, his face twisting up with disgust, his hands curling into white-knuckled fists. “I thought it was the coolest thing I had ever seen.” Alluka clamped a hand over her mouth, holding her breath without realizing it.

Gon dropped his gaze, a flood of self-hate and shame choking his words. “I was just so proud of him. I didn’t even think about it.” His chin shuddered and jerked as he lowered it to his chest, sniffing, wiping furiously at his eyes.

The tension drained immediately from the room. Alluka, quietly cursing herself for letting Gon’s fury push her into a distant place, unravelled immediately, scooting closer to Gon. She wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head on his shoulder. The arm on the couch back curled around her slim shoulders. Gon hid his face against her hair, inhaling noisily, his ribs shuddering under her. “What kind of friend am I?”

“The kind Killua wanted,” Alluka answered him softly, refusing to let go.

\--

Leorio came down the stairs in the evening to two faces tracking him attentively. The kids reminded him of dogs like that, and had they been in furry form he expected ears to be sticking straight up, veered towards him. “What’s up?” he asked, smiling a little nervously. Especially considering how much Gon had been ignoring him to sulk in his own world lately, the boy’s attention was especially keenly felt.

“Can you check Killua out?” Gon asked immediately, tawny eyes fixed unblinkingly on him. Alluka nodded, seconding the request. As if Leorio would refuse something like that.

“Of course,” he frowned. Who did they take him for? “But there’s not a lot I can do for him here.”

Gon ignored the second statement, craning his head over his shoulder. “Killua,” he called, “come here and let Leorio give you a check up.”

Killua was beside him in an instant, shirtless, his damaged leg wrapped in a bandage spotted with red at the back. Leorio jumped, a hand slamming against his chest, feeling his suddenly rapid heartbeat. “If I didn’t know better,” he grumbled, looking around for the glasses he had left downstairs yesterday- this morning?- “I’d say he was messing with me on purpose.”

Alluka handed him the folded pair with a smile, and he slid the round frames onto his nose.

“Alright Killua,” Leorio told him haughtily, gesturing at one of the stools. “Sit down.”

The white-haired man didn’t move. Rolling his eyes, Leorio looked pointedly at Gon. Gon chuckled awkwardly, scratching his cheek at the narrow-eyed glance. “Sorry. Killua, do what Leorio says today.”

Killua hopped up on the stool, his gaze sliding off Leorio and fixing somewhere past the windows. Sighing, a little aggravated, Leorio rolled up his sleeves unnecessarily. The sight of Killua’s bare torso was different for Leorio. He was Killua’s doctor, and he’d already seen it in good light plenty of times, had paid close enough attention to know exactly what his damage was- physically, anyway. Different implements left different scars, and he had a list in his head. Here fire, there electricity, here the curl of a whip and there a thousand knife cuts. He knew what the inside of Killua looked like, too, the particular way his liver had inflated and hardened after too many poisons or the way they had corroded part of his left lung until it needed a partial transplant, that scar hidden among so many others Leorio wasn’t sure Killua even knew it had happened. He wasn’t exactly fond of the Zoldycks himself, and it only cemented his protectiveness over Killua and Alluka. Not that he’d admit it to Killua’s face.

Cracking his neck to the right and left, Leorio shut his eyes and focused. He tapped his fingers against Killua’s sternum, sending out ripples of nen like an ultrasound. His brows bent in a frown. “Turn,” he muttered under his breath, a hand splayed over Killua’s shoulder. The boy shifted so that his leg knocked against the kitchen island. Leorio tapped a line between his shoulders, sending out ripples each time. He sighed when he pulled back, scrubbing a knuckle against his right eye.

“The bad news is several of his ribs are cracked. The good news is, he doesn’t need a hospital. Don’t make him work out for a week, keep the upper body movement to a minimum, and he should be fine. Although… hm….”

Gon perked up. He leaned against the other side of the kitchen island, getting in Alluka’s way as she tried to make dinner (as always something simple, pasta and pre-made meatballs), focusing intently on Leorio and his patient. “Although what?”

“Let me…” Leorio took a step back, waving his hand vaguely in Gon’s direction to get him to stay quiet. He slid his glasses further down his nose so that the tinted lenses didn’t impede him, focusing all his aura into his eyes.

Where Killua had been focusing on En to detect incoming threats, Leorio’s primary focus had been in using his nen to help him detect illness and abnormalities in his patients, many of which were Hunters. His palpation technique was only one of the skills he had developed for the matter- he had also trained his Gyo to a fine point, using it to detect issues within the fighters’ auras themselves. His attending had taken to calling it the Eyes of the Ashwini, something Leorio privately revelled in.

The doctor paused, frowning. Huh. Interesting. He’d never… hm. Puzzled, Leorio stroked his chin, scanning Killua’s aura. “What?” Gon was leaning forward towards him, practically climbing onto the island as he stared at Leorio with worried interest. “What is it?”

“You know about nodes, right?” Leorio asked him airily, still focused on the issue at hand. 

“Yeah,” Gon shrugged, “they’re the places your nen comes out of, right? Wing-san taught us about them.”

Leorio’s head bobbed approvingly, though he didn’t shift his attention. “Yes. Inside your body nen moves a little like blood, and just like you have primary arteries your nen flows stronger through your central nodes, like the heart and the lungs.”

“Okay…” Gon frowned, trying to visualize it.

“You know how using the wrong kind of nen can make your expression weak?”

Gon nodded, getting impatient.

“A blocked node can do the same thing, and the more blocked it is, in theory, the more difficult it is to use your nen at full power.”

“And? What does this have to do with Killua?”

Leorio sighed. He took his glasses off entirely to scrub at his eyes, releasing his gyo. He slicked his hair back and turned to face Gon’s huffy expression, brows furrowed.

“None of Killua’s nen is passing through his center. It looks like… well.” He slid his glasses back on his nose, mulling over his words. Alluka glanced at him over her shoulder, her eyes round with worry. Leorio licked his lip, tapping a hand over his chest demonstratively. “A whirlpool. It looks strong on the outside because the hole in the center is agitating his nen, but none of it is passing through his… center.” Leorio trailed off, his heartbeat warm against the palm of his hand.

And that was it. Killua’s energy passed through his head and his guts, but it bypassed his heart entirely. “I-” he blinked at the floor, the energy of discovery dissipating through his feet. “I don’t think I can fix that.”

Gon looked away, his jaw clenching. Alluka set down four plates with an apologetic smile, her eyes downturned.


	37. Friends In Need x Friends Indeed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gon came out of the study that morning, as usual, before the sun came up. He paused in the doorway, blinking at a long, lanky shape spread out on the couch by the television. “Leorio?”

Gon came out of the study that morning, as usual, before the sun came up. He paused in the doorway, blinking at a long, lanky shape spread out on the couch by the television. “Leorio?”

The doctor jerked up to his elbows, his eyes wide. He saw Gon and deflated, flopping back down. “Morning.”

“What are you doing out here?”

“I’ve been on the night shift for weeks, so I couldn’t sleep.”

Gon sat on the armrest, scratching at his scalp as he yawned. “You don’t have work?”

“Nah. I’m only at the hospital four days a week.” Twelve hour shifts weren’t anything to laugh about, though he was on call a fifth day, typically. Just in case. “I’ve been going to the Association looking for leads about Kurapika, but…” he shrugged. “That seems pointless, now.”

“What about that information Hisoka wanted us to get?”

Leorio shrugged. His expression immediately flattened, annoyance shaping his mouth. Hisoka was far from his favorite subject. “Oh, Verdun? That’s easy. I happen to know his last apprentice.”

“Wow, really?!”

“Yep.” Leorio cracked a smirk, his gaze fixing on Gon. “You know her too, actually. I met her through Killua.”

“What?” Gon’s eyebrows arched up, and he childishly climbed closer, bouncing on his knees. “Who is it??”

“You’ll see.” Leorio shrugged, flipping himself up to sitting by throwing his long legs over the couch edge. “She should be here around noon.”

\--

Family breakfast was nice. Leorio declined to join their tai chi session, though he watched with interest and praised the use of it when they were done. Gon got increasingly more curious about the mystery of Verdun’s student, pestering Leorio between exercises. Leorio resisted giving him any information, reminding him to be patient with a telltale smirk. He brewed tea just before noon, digging into a stash Gon didn’t even know existed. Had Leorio even drunk tea in front of him? He’d thought the doctor drank coffee only?

Leorio put out a delicate porcelain set minutes before noon, filling the pot with tea. He set out a tray of pretty looking pastries from one of the nearby shops, too. Alluka hovered closer, peering at the delicately painted gold and green patterns on the china. “I’ll be right back,” Leorio smiled at exactly noon, waving to the kids as the elevator doors shut in front of him.

He indeed reappeared a minute later, having never left the elevator. Beside him was a petite blonde woman, her features delicate and feminine, with a girlish youth. She smiled at Gon and Alluka, smoothing down her puffy, lacy skirt with wrist-length white gloves. “Hello everyone!” She giggled, taking a few steps in and curtseying.

Gon flipped right side up. “Bisky!”

He ran over and lifted her up, swinging her around. She clasped her hands on his shoulders, squeezing his deltoids as he set her back down. Was there a glint in her eye? “Hello, Gon. Did you miss me?” She framed his cheeks with her hand, smiling. Leorio quirked an eyebrow at the display. Alluka’s smile was awkward as Bisky was set back down and strolled closer, daintily hopping up on a stool.

“You must be Alluka,” she greeted sunnily. “I’ve heard a lot about you.” Unlikely.

Alluka bowed her head a little, tugging nervously on her hair. This was the famous Bisky? From the way Killua talked about her (a sliver of awe and a lot of complaining, and most often referring to her as a gorilla before immediately going on guard, as if she might pop out and punch him in the head for it) she expected a very different creature. Bisky looked younger than even Alluka, her shiny blonde hair pinned up in a youthful braided crown, a slip of a girl.

“Jasmine, my favorite,” Bisky giggled, inhaling her tea. “Thank you, Leorio!”

Alluka blinked, bemused, as the men joined them. Gon didn’t drink his tea, pushing the handle of his cup so that it spun in lazy circles within the saucer. Bisky put on a show of delicate manners, her pinky sticking up as she sipped the liquid. Leorio drained his own cup immediately; his eyes bulged out at the scalding heat of it, and his tongue lolled out as he puffed out a breath. Alluka thought she saw Bisky smirk, but if she did, it was quickly covered up by a polite smile.

After a small feast of tea and tiny pastries later, Bisky let out a soft sigh of satisfaction. “To business, then.”

Leorio immediately focused up, his gaze snapping attentively to her. Playing host was starting to become second nature to the zodiac. He didn’t mind it, but inevitably his thoughts centered on the situation with Kurapika, and he struggled to focus on much more, consumed by the worry in his heart. In that way, he understood Gon’s situation perfectly.

“To start, I’m afraid I haven’t seen Verdun in decades.” Leorio immediately deflated, his long back a hunched line as he stared at the kitchen island’s top. “However,” she added, and yes, Alluka noticed, that was definitely a smirk, smugly satisfied when Leorio perked up again and half hidden by her teacup. Alluka narrowed her eyes at the girlish woman. Was this fun for her? “I do at least know what to look for.”

She slid a picture out from under her skirt, slapping it down on the table. The photograph was old, curling at the edges and creased, the color faded, the ink smudged along the bottom from the oil of a thousand fingerprints. Bisky looked much the same in it, her long golden hair pulled back into a ponytail, except that she towered over the man in the picture. He didn’t seem to mind, one hand settled on her shoulder even though it was above her head.

His smile was kind, his black beard and hair long and straight. He had great ears that stuck out from under his sleek hair, black, opaque teardrops hanging down from his wide lobes. “Verdun got his third star around when he was training me,” Bisky told them all with a tinkering laugh. “He was ninety in this picture.”

He did not look ninety. Alluka would’ve guessed high thirties at the very most. He sort of looked like Illumi, honestly- if Illumi had a beard and an actual soul. It was a little jarring, actually. She leaned back from the picture, letting Gon and Leorio inspect it as she slowly sipped her own tea.

Silence reigned around the table. Alluka’s gaze flicked up to look at Leorio, then Gon. Their faces were stony, cold, as they stared down at the photograph. “Leorio…” Gon started, a strange tension in his voice, his throat tight as he inspected the image.

Beside him, Leorio nodded, deep grooves between his eyebrows. He reached down and picked up the crinkled paper between his nails, holding it up to his face. “Yes,” Leorio interrupted, “I think so too.”

“What do you think?” Bisky asked brightly, her pinks eyes flicking between them.

“Do you think Hisoka…”

“I don’t know.” He slapped the photo back down on the counter, unaware of the way Alluka’s eyes were fixed on him. “I never know what Hisoka wants.”

Gon frowned, glaring at the man in the image as if he could set it on fire with want alone. Bisky’s eyebrow twitched, her eyes narrowing, but still she sounded sweet and young. “Are you going to let me in on what’s happening here?”

Gon lifted his head suddenly, his hard, orange eyes snapping to Leorio’s face. “It’s power he cares about, so I don’t think that’s it.”

“TELL ME WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT!” Bisky yelled suddenly, grabbing both Leorio and Gon’s ears and tugging them hard. Alluka clamped a hand over her mouth, shocked. Gon and Leorio didn’t react nearly the same way. The doctor winced and flailed his arms, slamming his palms on the table and calling mercy. 

Gon whined loudly, batting at the woman’s dainty fingers. “Bisky, come onnnn.” She harrumphed, releasing both men and crossing her arms across her pink and lacy dress, her nose sticking up in the air. “He looks like Hisoka’s ex, ok. It’s not that serious. Geez.” Gon patted at his red ear.

“You could have just said so!” she huffed. But then Bisky opened one pink eye, fixing Gon with a glittering stare. “Hisoka’s ex, you say?”

Gon was abruptly reminded of the face Bisky had made the first time she met Hisoka on Greed Island. His nose scrunched up with disgust, his head shaking from side to side. “Ew, Bisky, no. Gross.”

She deflated a little, pouting, sticking her round cheek in her gloved hand. She took another dainty sip of her tea. “The last time I spoke to Verdun,” she continued casually, returning to her girly tinkling voice and not the deep and soul-shaking tone she had used to yell at them, “he said he was leaving the Hunter association so he could spend time with his family.”

Leorio crossed his arms on the kitchen island, leaning forward towards Bisky. He watched her closely, his mouth pressed in a grim line. Did he like chasing a ghost down for Hisoka? Absolutely not. But would he make a deal with the psychopath to get Kurapika back? Without hesitation, obviously. Besides, Kurapika had been around Hisoka just as many years as Leorio, and had always been safe from the clown. Somehow. So.

(The entire thing still kept Leorio up at night sometimes, confusion and worry warring inside him. Hisoka was not a safe acquaintance to have, and the way he kept pulling Kurapika’s strings was definitely Not Good. It wasn’t his place to tell Kurapika who to trust, though, and Hisoka knew more about the Spiders than anyone, so he understood why Kurapika kept going back. He understood, but he didn’t approve.)

“Where’s his family?”

There, Bisky sighed, kicking her feet like a child. “I’m not sure. He had three daughters, and all three were married with adult children by the time I met him. Kikyou, Kaede and Kagami. I’m not sure what families they went into, either. Maybe you can find the geneology records through the Hunter site.”

Gon was silent as Bisky and Leorio spoke, staring hard at the photograph. Could it be a coincidence that the man looked so much like Illumi? Maybe. But it could also… not be.

It very much also could not be. People told him constantly how much they could see Ging in him. Killua looked crazily like Zeno. Alluka, aside from her hair, was very much like Killua, but Illumi was very much like his mother. So what if it wasn’t? Bisky’s nen was immense, and for her teacher to look as young as he had at his age, he must have been very skilled. And what else would a Zoldyck look for in a partner to propagate the family than immense nen? It seemed to run in families, after all.

“Alluka,” Gon asked softly, never taking his eyes off the photograph as three faces turned towards him. “Do you know what your mother’s mother was called?”

Alluka twisted strands of her hair around her finger, shaking her head gently. “No. I know that Mother was born in Meteor City, that’s all. She never talked about her family.”

“If I told you this was a photograph of your great grand father…”

“I’d probably believe you,” she shrugged, “but that doesn’t mean-”

“I don’t imagine Verdun would’ve allowed his family to live in the cesspool that is Meteor City.”

“Why not?” Gon snapped, interrupting Bisky with a hard bite. “It’s the easiest place to hide whole generations, isn’t it?”

“Gon-”

“You said so yourself, no one’s seen him in thirty years, but nobody knows what goes on in Meteor City either.”

“Nobody but Meteor City residents,” Bisky interrupted, her low and dangerous tone back as she narrowed her eyes on Gon. “Of which Hisoka is one.”

Leorio unfolded, straightening with a quiet sigh. He slapped a hand on the counter, standing up fluidly. He frowned down at the counter, deep lines around his eyes and mouth. “There are ten million people in Meteor City. He can’t know everyone.” His gaze flicked upwards, locking on Gon and Bisky in turn, serious and solemn. “We can ask the council of elders.”

Bisky tossed a pigtail over her shoulder, her lips pursed. “They only meet with Meteor City residents.”

“Then we’ll find one!” Leorio growled, glaring at Bisky. She glared back, lifting her chin a fraction. Alluka looked between the three adults, holding her breath. The tension was extreme, and the longer Leorio and Bisky argued the stonier Gon became.

She swallowed, biting her lip. The photograph bent under Gon’s grip. Leorio and Bisky glared daggers at each other, all pretense of afternoon tea abandoned in the face of locking horns. She slipped away quietly, padding over to Killua where he sat in the center of the floor. She sat cross-legged in front of him, her knees pressed against his. She settled her hands on the wings of his shoulders, rounding him forward so that she could press their foreheads together.

“We might have to go home, Killua,” she whispered to her brother. Her fingers slid down his arms until she found his hands, squeezing them between her own. “I know you don’t want to, but I think you’d agree that we had to. If you could.”

She could feel his pulse thrum under his skin, steady and strong. His rib cage expanded and contracted, calm and rhythmic, his eyes soft as he stared vaguely at the floor. Her mouth pulled at the corners, a deep lassitude stretching her skin taut. “I miss you,” she whispered, tilting her head up to kiss his forehead.

Gon’s arm draped suddenly across her shoulders. He crouched by them, folding around the siblings protectively. “Are you sure, Alluka?” She forgot he could hear. She nodded, biting her lip.

“If Mother won’t help,” she reasoned, “I think Canary will.”

Gon tightened his grip a little, a divot appearing between his eyebrows as he considered it. He lifted his head and glanced behind him at Bisky and Leorio. The woman had gone back to her tea-cup, a vein throbbing in her temple as she deliberately ignored the rest of the room, but Leorio was standing and facing them, his expression set with the renewed vigor of a man with a goal. “Sure about what?”

“Kukuroo Mountain,” Gon replied hotly.

A muscle in Leorio’s jaw twinged, but the tension slacked off his shoulders as he pushed his hands into his pocket, one eyebrow cocking up. Poised. “I’m coming with you.”

Gon’s smile was rough, bitter- it didn’t reach his eyes- but thankful. “Thank you,” he breathed, his voice caught. He turned his head to press his nose against Killua’s cheek, dragging in forced breaths. “Forgive me, Killua.”

They wouldn’t stay long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must thank this fic for helping me find the fandom without having to go back to Tumblr. Thanks loves. 🥰 You know who you are ;)


	38. Travelling x Backwards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the gang makes their way to the Zoldyck Mansion

The trip to Kukuroo Mountain was immediately tense, silent. Bisky was needed in the Mimbo Republic, but since they were all headed to the same continent she chose to join them on the airship. Gon stayed glued to Killua’s side, boxing him in and keeping him as far away from strangers as possible. Alluka stuck to Leorio instead, though whenever he was buying tickets or talking to a clerk her gaze inevitably floated to the pair of young men. Maybe it was Gon’s size and obvious physical power, and maybe it was Killua’s dead, doll-like stare, but other passengers were more than willing to give them a wide berth.

Leorio had purchased tickets to a reasonably spacious four-person sleeper cabin. Two bunk beds lined the side walls, and the center of the room was taken up by a collapsible table. Bisky quirked an eyebrow at the space. “Killua doesn’t sleep unless I tell him to,” Gon informed her before she could even formulate a question to ask.

“And how often is that?” She posed instead, tossing a beaded bag down on the left lower bunk.

“Every third day.”

“Hm.” Bisky’s pink eyes flicked to Killua. As everyone filtered in, Alluka and Leorio sitting down on the bunk Bisky hadn’t claimed, Gon jumping on the bed above Bisky’s and letting his long legs dangle, Killua stopped in the doorway and sat down, his back pressed against the shut door.

Curious, Bisky sat at the head of her bed, her gaze fixed on Killua. “What’s wrong with him, exactly?”

Gon shrugged, staring vaguely out the window as the tarmac slowly shrank away and they lifted into the clouds. How to explain? Bisky didn’t know about Nanika. Besides, Gon didn’t really understand what was happening with Killua to begin with. What was wrong? Who knew? But he knew it _was_ wrong. His fingers wrapped around his own wrist without his notice, twisting and tightening until the joint creaked in complaint.

“He has a nen blockage,” Leorio answered for Gon, watching the enhancer over the rim of his glasses. He waited until Gon’s grip relaxed before turning his attention to Bisky, shedding his suit jacket and rolling his sleeves up to his elbows.

“Unusual behavior for something that simple,” Bisky replied thoughtfully. She folded her gloved hands daintily in her lap, feet crossed at the ankles as her gaze rested on Killua.

“That’s as much as I know about it, anyway,” Leorio huffed, his eyebrow ticking with annoyance. “There’s an external reason… apparently.” The last word was muttered to himself as he glanced at Gon. Leorio didn’t understand much about Nanika either- he knew she had been the reason for Gon’s miraculous recovery four years ago, but that was the extent of his knowledge on the subject.

“I see.” Bisky’s smile was thin, unimpressed with the young doctor’s half-hearted diagnosis. Nen flared around her eyes, and she inspected Killua’s aura in much the same way Leorio had the day before. A frown bent her brows. “Hmm…” She stroked her chin, leaning forward and squinting at the whirlpool nothingness in the center of his chest. “Maybe…. Let me try…Gon, can you get him to lay down?”

“Lay down, Killua,” Gon muttered without tearing his eyes away from the window. The white-haired boy obeyed immediately, tucking his chin against his chest and tipping forward into a roll. Instead of completing it, he let his legs flop down so that he lay on his back, half-hidden under the table. With a flick of her wrists, Bisky folded the table so that it flattened against the wall under the window, and then summoned Cookie. Gon retracted his legs to make room for the additional body, scooting backwards a little until he was sitting cross-legged on his bunk, hunched forward so that his head didn’t hit the ceiling.

The pink-haired masseuse giggled, a flood of aura rising from her arms and turning to lotion. Alluka stared, flattening her hands over her mouth to hide her expression as her eyebrows arched up. She flicked a glance at Leorio. He was staring at Cookie’s form with far more interest than reasonable, a deep, serious look in his eyes as they fixed on… the nen construction’s tight skirt. Pulling a disgusted face worthy of Killua, the young woman scooted a little further from Leorio.

“Cookie-chan~” Biscuit giggled, clapping her hands together. “Let’s clear up these nodes!”

Cookie nodded with a bright smile, stretching her hands, and dropped to her knees above Killua. She slipped her dainty hands under him and flipped him over before starting her massage at his shoulders, a vague smile fixed on the construction’s lips. She hummed a soft, soothing song as she worked her way down, and then-

The woman’s fingertips started to sink into Killua’s back. Her hands disappeared first, and then her arms. Bisky flinched, pressing a hand against her own chest. Cookie stopped moving, her eyes as vacant as Killua’s, body slowly leaning forward. Her upper arms had started to disintegrate, the energy flowing out of her sucked directly into the boy’s body.

Bisky collapsed to one knee, clutching her dress. She dispelled Cookie with a wave of her arm, pulling a handkerchief from a fold in her skirt and wiping a sheen of sweat from her temple. Gon’s eyes had moved from the window at her first sound of discomfort, and he now stared at her unwaveringly.

“I can’t fix this,” she told them, her voice coarser and deeper than usual, a frown bending her brow. “Whatever this is… it eats nen. It’s not a nen imbalance, it’s… something else.”

“Parasitic?” Leorio asked. Alluka, unseen, flinched, pulling her legs up to her chest. Nanika wasn’t a _parasite_. Nanika was part of her. And Nanika was just trying to help Killua!

Gon seemed to have similar ideas, his eyes narrowing on Leorio as a chill air swept the cabin.

“I don’t know,” Bisky told him, pressing the folded handkerchief to her mouth briefly before tucking it back into her dress. “But I can’t fix it.”

The silence was morose, thick.

“Maybe Verdun can.”

“Yeah. Maybe.”

Gon rolled over in his bunk and faced the wall.

\--

Bisky separated from them at the airship hangar, gleefully offering to join back up with them if they needed to go to Meteor City after all. “You’ll need someone of my experience if you do,” she told them cheerfully, her hands clasped to her flushed cheeks. And then she had giggled, whipped a porny manga out of her bag, and walked away with her nose in it. Alluka’s nose scrunched up. What a pervy old woman.

The airship ride to the Dentora region was easy enough, but then the tourist bus from the main town up to the mountain was… less fun. The woman running the tour recognized Leorio, and kept squinting at Gon, trying to determine if she knew him, too. Whatever history the woman had with the two, it energized her speech to the point of frenzy, and it made the anxiety fluttering in Alluka’s breast increase fivefold.

Several unsavory characters hung out in the back of the bus, whispering to each other, cackling, nudging each other as the tour came closer and closer to the Zoldyck estate. Leorio and Gon seemed hardly to have noticed them. Gon had his hand curved around the delicate shape of Killua’s sinewy wrist, staring out the window, while Leorio sprawled in his own seat, his long legs in front of him and his arms crossed, vaguely watching the tour guide. Alluka pulled her legs against her chest, her chin lowered to her knees as she, too, watched the scenery drift by. At least that was her intention, but as they came out of a line of trees and the mountain lorded over the view, she found that she couldn’t tear her eyes from her ancestral home. Their prison. Hers and Killua’s alike.

The bus puttered to a stop before she was ready, and the guide ushered everyone off the bus to stretch their legs and give them a talk about the Zoldyck estate. The lurking hulks from the back of the bus approached the doorway with a swagger, knocking on the groundskeeper’s door. Before Zebro even had a chance to exit his booth, Gon grabbed one of the men by the scruff of his collar and launched him away from the door. The bulky man flew through the air until his back hit a tree with a loud thud, shaking leaves down on him. His form slowly detached, hitting the ground; his shape had left an indent in the tree, which was now slowly oozing sap.

Gon rounded on the other three men, staring at them cooly. One ran around him to check on his friend, but the other two puffed themselves up like fish, brandishing weapons. Gon cocked one eyebrow, hard orange eyes fixed on the two men. The first launched at him with a yell, swinging an axe with both hands and trying to bring it down on Gon’s shoulder. Gon caught it with one nen-coated hand; despite its finely-honed edge, the axe didn’t leave a scratch on his palm. Gon closed his fist and the metal splintered, the axe head breaking into pieces like porcelain.

That seemed to be enough. The remaining thugs backed away quickly, joining their knocked-out friend, whispering feverishly to each other as they dragged the limp body back to the bus.

“I thought I recognized you,” the tour guide giggled nervously, unable to hide the way she trembled, or the slightly crazed look around her eyes. Gon sighed, the tension leaving his muscles. He wiped a broad palm over his face, and rearranged his expression into something gentler as Mike’s caretaker came out to greet them.

Alluka hid in the crowd of tourists as the man spoke to Gon, fretful. She doubted the man would even recognize her, she probably hadn’t seen him since she was very small, but she didn’t particularly care to find out. It wasn’t that he wasn’t kind, she just… didn’t want to be here, not really.

Luckily the conversation was short; Killua’s vacant nothing seemed to disquiet the man, and aside from a few joyous greetings he gestured at the testing gate and invited Gon and Leorio to pass through.

Leorio stood beside Gon at the gate. They exchanged words in a low tone Alluka couldn’t quite make out, dallying behind; after a moment Leorio nodded cautiously and fell back, pulling an unresisting Killua back with him.

The air stirred around them. Leaves rustled, shivering in the breeze. The temperature seemed to drop several degrees, goosebumps appearing on her arms as the air whipped past her. It seemed to concentrate on Gon’s form, swirling around him. He sank a little into the ground, the earth compacting under his feet. Gon placed a palm on each side of the door, bracing himself with bent legs. He took a deep breath in, a groove etching between his eyebrows as he amassed his power. His eyes shut, and for a moment nothing moved- nobody breathed, the tourists’ attention fixed uncomprehendingly on Gon. Alluka joined Leorio and Killua, peering over Killua’s shoulder to watch as her delicate hands curved around his forearms.

Gon’s eyes flicked open. He took a step forward, his legs straining against the weight of the doors, his arms bending until his chest was nearly touching the metal. He pulled in another breath through his teeth, and then- he shouted, heaving against the door with all his gathered might. The first five levels flew open as if on one hinge, but Gon gritted his teeth and shook his head hard, the spikes that cascaded down his back bristling. A vein in his bicep throbbed, but he ignored it, and with another shout he shoved his shoulder into the doorway. The sixth level pushed open too; and then, with a rusted and angry creak, the seventh and final gate budged. Just a few inches, but it moved.

Leorio stared at the gate with a dazed expression until Gon’s strained “move already” had all of them darting through the open gate. Once they passed through, Gon released the doors, and they all slammed shut with such force the ground shook beneath their feet.

Gon took Killua’s hand as they walked further into the estate, tugging him along with an iron grip. Mike’s blank eyes watched them unerringly as they moved away from the gate, rancid breath swishing over Alluka’s hair and giving her chills. She avoided the creature’s gaze, hating how it reminded her of Killua’s stare.

They weren’t in the forest more than fifteen minutes before Canary appeared before them. Her welcoming smile died quickly as she noticed Killua’s state, her grip tightening around her rod. She bowed respectfully, her tone soft as she greeted them. “I can accompany you to the butler’s residence if you desire,” she added without unbending, rigidly controlled, “while we inform the family that you have arrived.”

“That’s ok, Canary,” Gon replied, his bright eyes already focused on the path ahead, and to the mountain peak lording over the trees. She didn’t respond to his nonchalance, twisting her rod between her fingers. “We’ll walk straight to the house.”

She straightened up, her gaze focusing on the two Zoldyck children, and nodded.

“Don’t tell them we’re coming at all,” Alluka tried. Canary lowered her eyes regretfully, the young woman’s knuckles pale where she gripped her weapon.

“I’m afraid that will be impossible, Master Alluka.”

“Mistress.”

Canary’s warm eyes flicked up to meet Alluka’s blue gaze. A half-smile curved her lip, and she mouthed the words back at her. ‘Mistress Alluka.’ Alluka stared back a few beats, and then she smiled in return.

Of course they were being watched. But Canary had always been on their side.

“You will find your own way, then?” The butler asked politely, folding her hands behind her back.

“Yep.” Gon’s response wasn’t necessarily aggressive, but it didn’t allow any counter-argument either, bright in a way that was a little feverish.

“As you wish.” She bowed her head again, and beneath the locks of her hair Alluka made out a wink, before the young woman vanished from sight and back into the trees.

If there was anything odd or telling about the conversation they had just had, Gon didn’t seem to notice it. He had zeroed in on his goal, and anything that wasn’t directly involved in his venture didn’t merit any focus. Still, Alluka thought she detected more flagrancy in Canary then she had been expecting.

Then again, four years was a long time where someone’s self-understanding was involved. Perhaps things had changed for the woman. She wasn’t an apprentice any longer, after all.

Alluka expected to see more butlers as they climbed up the mountainside, but it seemed that Canary had sent out the message that the group was to be left unimpeded as they approached the main house. Alluka neither spotted nor heard a single creature larger than a rabbit. But perhaps it was all the racket they were making as they climbed. Leorio, either nervous or frustrated by Gon’s terse silence, complained loudly and constantly, narrating their progress. Alluka wasn’t sure if Gon was ignoring him deliberately or if the young man had managed to entirely tune the rest of the group out, but he wasn’t reacting to a word. Which was fine, as far as Alluka was concerned. It seemed to make Leorio feel better, and the steady rhythm of his voice was keeping her anxiety quiet too.

At least until they reached the manicured gardens in which Killua and she had once played. She scurried up to Gon’s side, timidly brushing her fingers against his wrist in question. He took her hand without question, his eyes softening momentarily as they flicked to her, though his pace didn’t slow.

“Are you ok?”

“I really don’t like being here,” Alluka whispered, clustering a little closer. A bird took off from a hedge and the sound had Alluka snapping her head to the side to watch it, her blue eyes big. She expected her mother to appear at every corner, Kalluto in tow, even knowing that Kalluto was now a member of the Phantom Troupe and probably nowhere near the house. There were ghosts that you couldn’t rid yourself of, no matter how many facts you armed against them.

Gon dropped her hand so that he could wrap a broad arm around her shoulders. Walking was a little more awkward, but it helped slow her hummingbird heart rate. “I’ll destroy the whole house before I let them keep you here again,” Gon told her, his voice even, completely certain, “don’t worry. I’ll take care of you any time Killua can’t. And even then.” She gulped, tilting her head up to look at his expression. It was hard, certainly, preparing for the task ahead, but when his eyes shifted to her it was as if he shared his resolve with her, transferring part of his power. “Okay?”

She smiled, hiding her mouth behind her bell sleeve. “Okay.”

He nodded, smiling too, and ruffled her hair. “Good.” His mouth flattened into a line as he turned his head forward again. Before them, a massive staircase that wound up the side of the mountain, cut directly into the rock. It stretched for what seemed like far too long, twisting this way and that. And where they ended, the two massive double doors that led inside the Zoldyck Mansion proper. “Huh.” Gon tilted his head towards Alluka with a curling smirk. “Want a ride up?” He gestured at his back. 

Alluka blinked once before laughing. “All right.” Gon crouched down and she climbed up on his back, circling her arms around his neck but careful not to choke him. “Don’t go crazy, now.”

“I won’t! Race you to the top, Killua!” Gon sank just a little further, gathering power in his legs before exploding upwards. He ascended half the distance in his first leap, and reached the front doors with his second. Killua arrived a moment later in a flick of blue light, which made the smile slide off his face as he set her back down. Alluka shook her head gently- had he expected to lose?

There was a sound- a soft scream. A yell? Puzzled, Alluka slid from Gon’s back, listening intently. It grew louder, and louder. Oh, yes, definitely a yell.

“howdareyoumakemerunuPATHOUSANDSTAIRSANDYOUWON’TEVENWAITFORMEDIDYOUFORGETIWASHERE!!”

Leorio’s red face appeared over the horizon. He threw his briefcase at the floor, wiping his face with his sleeve angrily, his tie flapping from where it had been tied around his head. “Damnit Gon!”

“I knew you’d catch up quick,” Gon replied with a shrug.

His rage abruptly dispelled, Leorio glared at the younger hunter, panting. “Whatever. Just. Wait a second, I need to catch my breath, ok? OK!! I’M A DOCTOR NOT A FIGHTER DAMNIT!”

Gon frowned, scratching his cheek. “Leorio what are you talking about you’re really strong.”

“UNLIKE SOME I DON’T HAVE TIME TO EXERCISE ALL THE TIME, OKAY!” He screamed, jabbing a finger at Gon.

 

“Leorio, is this the time?” Alluka asked with a frown of her own, her fists propped against her hips.

Leorio crossed his arms with a huff, sticking his nose up, but he didn’t yell any more than that.


	39. Inside x Kukuroo x Mountain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And there it was. Mansion Zoldyck, with its two doors each a reflection of the other, sinewy dragons carved directly into the stone, two massive iron rings hanging from the dragons’ mouths. Alluka let her long legs dangle first, her fingers tight around her upper arms. Gon crouched slowly until her toes touched ground, and she forced her grip to relax until she was standing on her own. With Gon in front of her, Leorio behind her and Killua at her side, she felt relatively safe, but even that comfort wasn’t enough to eliminate the dread already pooling inside her.

And there it was. Mansion Zoldyck, with its two doors each a reflection of the other, sinewy dragons carved directly into the stone, two massive iron rings hanging from the dragons’ mouths. Alluka let her long legs dangle first, her fingers tight around her upper arms. Gon crouched slowly until her toes touched ground, and she forced her grip to relax until she was standing on her own. With Gon in front of her, Leorio behind her and Killua at her side, she felt relatively safe, but even that comfort wasn’t enough to eliminate the dread already pooling inside her.

The doors opened almost soundlessly despite their weight, pulled apart by two expressionless butlers. A line of them descended down a candle-lit corridor, all bowing, until the next set of doors, before which stood Amane. Gon started forward immediately, dragging Killua along by the hand again; Alluka and Leorio tailed him closely, one staring at the floor and the other challengingly fixing his eye on each butler he passed in turn.

“Welcome home, Master Killua,” they said in unison. “Welcome home, Master Alluka.” And most confusingly, “Welcome home, Master Gon.”

“Where’s my welcome, huh?” Leorio snapped at nobody in particular. Gon stopped dead when he reached Amane. Her eyebrows arched into her bangs and her mouth tightened, but otherwise she gave no particular reaction. Her eyes didn’t even flicker to Killua as she stood, straight as always, and evenly returned Gon’s gaze.

“How may I serve you, Master Gon?” A perplexed frown bent Gon’s left eyebrow, but he shrugged it off almost immediately. Bigger fish, as it were.

“Is Killua’s mother around?”

“I’m afraid Madame Kikyo is away on business.”

Gon made a blustery sound, planting his free hand on his hip. “When is she back?”

“Between this evening and tomorrow afternoon.”

“Okay.” Gon nodded, glancing back at Alluka and Leorio. Alluka was again hiding herself between the three men, fiddling with the hem of her dress and throwing occasional glances at Amane. “We’ll wait. Is Gotoh around? I should say hi.”

The muscles around Amane’s eyes tightened, her rigid posture stiffening further. For a moment Gon fleetingly wondered if the emotion she had suppressed was one of surprise. It reminded him of one of Killua’s tells. “Gotoh is not available.”

“Okay.” Gon nodded again, his amber eyes briefly searching through the sea of downturned faces to see if he could recognize any of the people among them. All he could say with certainty was that Gotoh and Canary were not there. “Where can we wait?”

“If you have no pressing matters, Master Silva extends an invitation to see him in his study.”

His study? Gon cocked an eyebrow. After a single moment of thought, he nodded, scratching his cheek awkwardly. He should probably talk to the man anyway.

Alluka hid under Gon’s arm as Amane led them to the study, clustered close to his side. Just being in the cavernous hall made her feel like a little girl again, toddling around wondering why everyone disappeared behind doors as she approached. Most of the house was a mystery to her, whole wings she had never been allowed inside, even before her ultimate captivity.

Gon ignored the decor, his attention focused on the tension between Alluka’s shoulderblades, the evenness of Amane’s steps and the image of Killua’s father in his head. Killua once joked that Silva had picked Killua as heir because of the trademark Zoldyck coloring, but Gon had never met the man, so for now he was a nebulous giant with a curtain of white hair, cat-like blue eyes peering out of shapelessness.

Amane stopped before a door and opened it, bending into a bow as she gestured for them to go inside. Gon stepped in boldly, dragging the two Zoldycks along, and Leorio strolled in last with an upturned nose, looking through the lenses of his glasses at the man within.

Gon’s eyebrows arched up. The ‘study’ looked like a cross between a meditation room and a gym. A cool light settled over the massive pillow Silva sat in, the room plunging into further and further darkness as it stretched behind the man’s bulky form. And his image of Silva, it turned out, wasn’t all that wrong either. The Zoldyck patriarch stared down a long, aquiline nose, his gaze weighty as he measured Gon. His eyes glazed over Alluka and fixed on Killua. Silva’s mouth tensed at the corners, and for a moment he looked like he would say something to his middle son, but he blew out a frustrated sigh instead.

“So. You’ve returned my children to me, it seems.”

“They’re not staying,” Gon answered immediately. He bore Silva’s judgemental stare without the slightest of bends, holding eye contact as Amane shut the door behind them. 

“Then why bring them here?” The man asked, low and measured. His hands rested on his bare knees, and Gon could tell from here that those hands could crush a human head with ease.

“We’re not here for you. We’re here to talk to your wife.”

“Why?”

Gon snorted, crossing his arms across his broad chest. Alluka took a step back towards Leorio, happy to be shorter than both. Killua, for once, didn’t sink into a sitting position, swaying slightly at Gon’s side as the conversation went on around him. “I don’t think it’s any of your business,” Gon answered flippantly, a challenge in his cocked eyebrow and slightly bent knees. 

Silva noted Gon’s ready stance with disinterest. Did the child really expect to win a fight against him? He was aware that the boy was almost on par with his most skilled son, but Silva had the benefit of decades of experience and training. Gon Freecs, prized lineage or not, wasn’t even a consideration at eighteen. There wasn’t a single trick up his sleeve that could surprise Silva. Not that he could fight the child.

They stared at each other in stony silence. Silva showed no concern nor intention, his muscles utterly relaxed, his aura circulating cleanly close to his body. Gon’s arms returned to his side as he blew out a measured breath, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. Were they waiting for something? The door didn’t open, and Silva didn’t move, either. The silence was uncomfortable.

Gon shifted from foot to foot, frowning. “I suppose I should tell you Killua’s my boyfriend.” Behind him, Alluka clapped her hands over her mouth, her eyes bulging.

It won Gon an aggravated sigh from the Zoldyck Patriarch. “Yes, I had assumed as much when you opened the final gate.”

Gon blinked. “What?” He straightened up, scratching behind his ear.

 _That_ got a reaction. Silva’s bushy brows furrowed over his flashing eyes, his fingers gripping his knees so that skin bulged out between them. His bulky jaw shifted with a crack of bone. “If not that then why?”

Gon blinked in return, frowning in confusion. His hands opened and closed at his sides as he cocked his head, considering the question. Why? Why not? It was called the Testing Gate- if he was going to be tested, he was going to prove he could do something all the way. That he wasn’t a confused 12-year-old trying to save his friend from an unknown fate, he was an adult ready to do anything and _everything_ he could to stand between Killua and Alluka and the rest of the Zoldyck family. “To show you I could.”

The tension slid off Silva like water running off a duck. His eyes closed, and he sighed with defeated frustration, pushing his hair back with a broad hand. Confused by the change, Gon perked up. “Wait, why?” He spun around to look at Alluka, scratching the back of his head. “Why else would someone do it?”

Alluka shrugged, pulling a curtain of hair over her shoulder and picking at the split strands anxiously. How should she know? She wasn’t exactly the holder of Zoldyck secrets. Nanika had saved her from _that_ life, at least.

“Why, the purpose of the Testing Gate is to verify whether a stranger deserves to be part of the Zoldyck dynasty, of course,” a voice purred from the shadows. Gon whirled to face it immediately; his eyes narrowed as he stared into the darkness. Yellow eyes glinted back at him first, closely followed by Hisoka’s stretched smile. The clown dressed in a version of his usual outfit that was entirely black, the card suits embroidered in a glossy fabric that made them noticeable despite their color. He didn’t seem to be in mourning, though, his gaze heated as it drifted over Gon’s musculature. “Passing is automatic induction, regardless of circumstance. Provided one of the Zoldyck children will claim you, at least.”

Suddenly, ‘Master Gon’ made a whole lot more sense.

Hisoka strolled closer, his smile ceaseless. Silva’s face read plainly of his dislike, his eyes half-lidded and his face stony as Hisoka passed him, now bathed in the same bluish light. It made the clown look even more ghoulish than usual, his pale skin sallow against the shock of his bright hair, turned a shade of eye-watering magenta.

“Sweet young Killua wasn’t home when he turned 18, though, so perhaps he didn’t know. Did you, Killua?” Hisoka walked straight up to the group of four, reaching out to stroke the edge of his nail along Killua’s cheek. He didn’t quite reach it- Gon grabbed his wrist in a vice grip, pushing it back. Hisoka’s eyes immediately met him, the man’s smile turning sinister.

“Why are you here?” Gon growled, baring his teeth.

“Why to fight you, of course,” Hisoka purred.

“To fight me?” Gon echoed, his nose scrunching up. Leorio straightened up, a protest on his lips, but before the doctor could speak up Hisoka blurred into him, grabbing Leorio’s face with one hand and throwing him into the wall.

“Stay out of our conversation,” Hisoka told him sweetly, killing intent dripping from him like perfume. Gon retaliated by kicking him fully in the gut; Hisoka doubled over from the hit, his breath pushed out of his body. He shivered, his head slowly coming up, heat blazing through his eyes as he looked at Gon. “Good, but save your strength for now. No need to get riled up so soon, I want to take my time with you, and we’re still waiting for our special guest to arrive.”

Silva hadn’t moved from his pillow, hadn’t shifted a single finger. He certainly didn’t care in the least that Leorio was picking himself out of a depression in the wall, doused in white dust. Nor did he seem particularly interested in involving himself whatsoever in Hisoka and Gon’s argument. In fact, he didn’t look like he wanted any of them there at all, and would much rather be sitting in silence. Why wasn’t he doing anything then, Alluka wondered, hardly knowing the man.

“Yes,” Hisoka answered Gon’s question, stepping closer so that the hand holding his wrist was pressed into his chest, “to fight you.” His smile was hungry, his tongue dragging along his bottom lip. “Family members normally aren’t allowed to attack each other directly. Otherwise, I’m sure daddy Zoldyck over there would’ve crushed you like a bug~♥!” His eyelashes fluttered at the thought. Gon noticed disgust cut across Silva’s otherwise unreadable expression. “But you killed my husband, so I’m due an exception.”

“H-husband?”

“Much like you, I opened the gate because I wanted to prove that I could. Apparently that was enough for Illumi to accept me. I didn’t even know he existed until that moment.” Gon let go of Hisoka’s wrist, sweeping an arm out to keep Alluka behind him even as he stepped back. Was Hisoka telling the truth? Gon doubted he could tell. Maybe. “We’re so alike, you and I~♠.”

“No,” Gon spat through gritted teeth, his lips pulling upwards like a snarling wolf, “we’re not.”

“Oh, but we are,” Hisoka purred, stroking a long black nail down Gon’s cheek. His smile flicked a little brighter when Gon slapped his hand away, gaze unwavering. “We are very much alike. You enjoy a good fight, don’t pretend you don’t. I’ve seen how _excited_ you get when you figure out how to win. It’s quite a treasure.”

Gon’s hand flicked out to wrap around Hisoka’s collar, yanking them nose to nose. “If you want to fight, I’ll fight you right now,” he growled. Lust flicked heavy in Hisoka’s slitted yellow eyes, a moan leaving him in a hot, rushed breath.

“I’m flattered, but we’re waiting, remember?”

“What are you talking about now?!” Gon growled, shoving Hisoka back with all his force. The clown took a few stumbling steps but was otherwise completely unharmed, straightening his crop top with a sly smirk.

“Why Verdun, of course. I believe his granddaughter is fetching him now.”

Gon’s brows creased forward, confusing breaking apart the foundation of his anger until it leaked almost entirely out of him, leaving him with the distinct impression that he had jumped into a trap with both feet. “But- you told us to- what?”

“Yes, I did, didn’t I?”

Hisoka’s unending smile had Gon practically vibrating with irritation. He was sick of the clown _playing_ with them. Hadn’t he said he was there for Leorio, not Gon? Where was Kurapika in all this? If Hisoka was angry about Illumi’s death, why hadn’t he _said_ so? Why did he even need Verdun? Why had he dragged them into it if he knew where to find the man in the first place? Why? Why why why _why?!_ “Can you talk in a straight line for once?” Gon hissed.

Hisoka bit his lip, grinning, as waves of Gon’s ire rolled over him. “Hmmm…. No. I don’t think I will. Where’s the fun in that?”

Gon’s fists clenched at his side, hard orange eyes flicking to Leorio as the doctor patted dust from his suit sleeves, angrily refusing to look at anyone else in the room. “Where’s Kurapika?”

“That’s a secret.”

“Is he alive?”

“I’m not telling you~”

“Why do you need Verdun?”

There, Hisoka pressed a prim finger to his lips. He lept backwards so that he was perched atop a pullup bar, balancing effortlessly. He pulled a card from nowhere, flicking it up by his face. It was an ace of hearts. Gon was at a total loss as to what exactly it was supposed to mean. “Oh, I want him around in case you need to be brought back from the brink of death. It would be such a _shame_ if you left this world so soon, with so much still yet ahead of you.” Hisoka’s smile stretched unnaturally, his canines glinting hungrily in the blue light. “So much to _fight_.”

Gon’s jaw clenched. He shifted his gaze to Silva. The man stared back at him impassively, his eyes half-lidded. His expression hadn’t changed since the annoyance had settled in, and he looked very ready to kick everyone entirely off the continent if it would give him some peace and quiet.

“What if I don’t want to fight Hisoka?”

“You may refuse the Zoldyck name. Then you will not be held to its customs.”

Gon raised his chin defiantly, but before he could say anything, Hisoka butted in slyly: “Of course, if you do refuse, there’s nothing stopping Daddy here from wiping the floor with you.”

The skin around Silva’s eyes tightened a fraction. Leorio let out a shaky, caught breath that was halfway to a nervous laugh, and Gon realized with utmost certainty that only family tradition was standing in the way of his skull unceremoniously meeting the same end as Illumi’s. Resistance drained from him until he was shutting his eyes, breathing out carefully.

Amane entered the room at that moment; tension whooshed out like stale air given an exit. 

“Master,” she spoke directly to Silva as she bowed, ignoring the room’s other occupants, “I fear the Madame has been delayed. She will arrive wednesday morning.”

“Did she say why?” Silva asked with a quirked eyebrow. The sooner all these detestable creatures that had attached themselves to his children left, the better he would feel.

“Something to do with the Council of Elders.”

“Hmph. Dismissed.”

She nodded and let herself out. Gon stared at Silva and Hisoka for a moment more before taking Alluka’s hand, meeting Leorio’s eyes and leaning his head towards the door. Leorio nodded, throwing one more hate-filled glance at Hisoka, and they followed the butler out.

“Killua.” Silva’s voice was the same as always, gravelly and solid; not the sort that one argued with. “Stay.”

Gon twisted to look over his shoulder. Killua had frozen just inside the doorway.

“Come here, son.” Gon’s hand stretched towards the young man, but Killua had already turned, walking in measured steps up to Silva’s pillow. The door shut in Gon’s face. Amane stared back at him evenly.

“Let me back in,” he ordered her, but Amane’s face remained impassive.

“The Master’s word is final,” she told him cooly.

Gon’s eyes narrowed on her. He could force himself in- if he wanted. He didn’t have any good will towards her. But Alluka’s soft hand touched his arm, and he pulled back, irritated. “Fine. But I’m not leaving until Killua comes back out.”

“If you insist,” Amane replied indifferently, her stare unwavering.

 _“I’m glad we agree,”_ Gon hissed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *throws in some lore, whatever*
> 
> I don't recall ever seeing what the outside of the actual mansion looked like, just the butler residence, so.... *shrugs* I hope as much of it is accurate as possible? lol


	40. Separation x Anxiety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alluka and Leorio wait for Gon, Gon waits for Killua, and Killua... well.

True to his word, Gon sat down against the wall that faced the door to Silva’s study and refused to move. He stared ahead with a hard, chilling gaze, one knee up with an arm draped over it, his hand hiding the twist of his mouth. A familiar position. One Killua certainly would not have enjoyed seeing, not that it mattered.

“Would you like any refreshments?” Amane asked Leorio and Alluka, seemingly immune to Gon’s malevolent frustration. Alluka glanced once at Gon, half-hidden behind a curtain of hair, before nodding.

“Yes, please.”

“Then please follow me.” Amane’s place at the door was immediately filled by another butler Gon didn’t recognize. She locked her hands behind her back and started to advance, escorting Alluka and Leorio down a corridor away from Gon. His eyes followed them part of the way, but they returned to the door in short order. There would be no distracting him.

Alluka stayed close to Leorio, curling her pale fingers around the cuffs of his sleeves when they walked past a line of bowing butlers. There were so many people here, and it only increased the dread pooling in her gut.

Killua would be so angry they were here. _‘What were you thinking?’_ she could hear him say, loud and irate and full of anxiety, always so scared for everyone else, always taking all the responsibility on himself because he couldn’t trust her judgement, couldn’t trust anyone’s. _‘Walking straight in here? You didn’t even stop to think it could be a trap? Of course it’s a trap! Do you know how hard I’ve worked to keep you from coming back here?! And you just waltz in! All three of you! I can never leave you alone!’_

But he had. Maybe he hadn’t meant to, but he had. Killua had run away, and he’d left her, left Gon, behind. Even if he hadn’t _gone_ anywhere, he wasn’t… here. He wasn’t with them.

Without realizing it, Alluka had graviated closer and closer to Leorio, hiding against his arm like a little girl. He stopped in the corridor, gently shaking her grip to settle his arm around her shoulders, turning her to face him. “Alluka?” he asked, bending down so that they were exactly eye to eye, his glasses sliding down his nose. “Are you ok?”

“I don’t like being here,” she confessed in a small voice, hanging her head. He pulled her into a hug, stroking her long hair. It wasn’t quite like Killua patting her head, but close. She sighed against his chest, slumping.

“Me neither,” he whispered to her like a secret, even though that was clear in every line of his body. “We’ll leave soon.”

But that was the problem, wasn’t it? They’d leave… if the family let them. But would they? Gon was stubborn, so stubborn, and unbelievably strong, but was he strong enough to fight the entire Zoldyck family? She doubted the trick he had used on Illumi would be any good against her father, nor her grandfather. And that was saying nothing about her mother’s underhanded nature, once the woman returned to the mansion.

At last, Amane paused before a door. She opened it for the pair, gesturing for them to enter. They walked into a room that seemed surprisingly small compared to the grand hallway and massive room that served as Silva’s ‘study’, but was still large enough to serve as an entire apartment for a normal person living in a city. The walls were lined with beautiful cabinets, each filled entirely with different displays of rare porcelain; tea sets, dolls, vases, animals, entire sets of translucent china dishware. Trembling slightly, Alluka took a seat at one of the two long tables, sitting small and hunched forward.

Leorio immediately took the chair beside hers, much to her relief. Keen on her discomfort, he stayed in her personal space, facing halfway towards her, his arm on the back of her chair and one of his knobby knees set between them. He glared past her at Amane as a few more butlers entered past her, protective.

They each carried a platter, and when the succession of servants had left the table was arrayed with a vast assortment of snacks. Mostly they were items one would have at a black-tie luncheon: finger sandwiches, delicate crumbling cookies, caviar on bite-sized toast, teas of various fruity aromas. Her mother’s tastes, she thought: certainly not Killua’s, who would’ve upended the entire buffet for a single chocolate ball if he could. The sight of all that pretty, expensive food made Alluka’s appetite shrivel. The tea was nice, though. It warmed her up, and that made her feel calmer.

Leorio was apparently immune to people flaunting their wealth. He ate a little bit of everything, glaring challengingly at the servers’ blank faces and averted eyes as he crammed bites into his mouth. Even his chewing was aggressive, which made Alluka feel a little lighter. No wonder he and Gon were friends. So ridiculous.

She smiled at him, huddling under his arm a little further. No matter what, Leorio was always on her side, even when they didn’t agree about what that meant. He took care of her, of Killua, of Gon, even when they didn’t ask him to, even when they repaid him by breaking his things and taking over his space. Even when all it got him was Gon’s stoic anger.

Alluka bit her lip, scrubbing at her warm cheek with a finger before brushing her hair back over her shoulder. She took another sip of tea and turned her head towards Leorio, a thank you on the tip of her tongue.

It never had a chance to escape. The doctor had turned pale. He pawed uncertainly at his throat, confusion twisting his features. He huffed soundlessly, undoing his tie and the top two buttons, but his fingers had started trembling too hard to undo any more. Sweat slicked his skin, darkening his collar. He mouthed something, struggling, before a sharp pain made his lips pull back, his entire body stiffening. Leorio tilted backwards. He hit the floor before Alluka could cry out, his eyes rolling into the back of his head.

“Leorio!”

Arms wrapped around her from behind, pulling her off her chair. She kicked and flailed, screaming the doctor’s name, but to naught. Her faceless captor clamped a hand over her mouth and dragged her away.

\--

Gon had hardly moved a muscle since Amane had shut the door. Only the unfailing certainty that Silva would never kill his own heir kept him from attempting to break it down, but the boiling anger inside him was growing if anything, so the longer he waited the less that knowledge held him still. He rubbed his thumb and forefinger together, his hardened gaze fixed ahead.

_“Leorio!”_

His brow bent slightly. Had he heard-? He strained his ear, tilting his head slightly as he focused.

_“Leor-!”_

Gon rose half an inch, immediately torn between chasing after the voice and staying near Killua; the hesitation was momentary, a half second. He knew what Killua would say. He knew exactly what Killua would say. _“I’m fine, Alluka might not be. She can’t protect herself. GO!”_ So he went, though it hurt him to leave Killua there alone, an apology thought but not released.

Gon sped through the corridors, a maze of halls that looked one the same as the other, endlessly stone with squares cut out of the walls and fitted with oil lamps every few feet.

He couldn’t hear Alluka anymore. Gon bellowed her name but heard no answer- he tried for Leorio and still nothing. He ran until he found a butler, any butler, grabbing their collar and yanking them forward. He happened to find a man that looked to be in his late thirties, hazel eyes fixed firmly on Gon’s nose. “Where’s Alluka?”

“I am not privy to that information, Master Gon.” The man answered respectfully, keeping his hands behind his back. Gon shook him hard, and attempted to slam him up against the wall. The butler’s feet came off the floor and pressed on the stone instead; he bounced forward again, flipping over Gon’s head to break the hold on his shirt. When Gon whirled around the man had stood against the other wall and was bowing again, as if nothing at all of consequence had happened.

“How can I find her?”

“You must ask one of the higher ranking members of the household staff, sir.”

“Like who?” Gon growled. The man was significantly uncowed for facing a man that could crush heads with his fist. (Any butler of Silva’s had to be.)

“Like me.”

Gon spun around. Canary looked back at him evenly, her broad lips downturned at the corners. Her rod stood before her, exactly perpendicular to the ground, both of her hands settled on the yellow bulb that tipped it.

Canary had always been difficult to read when she chose to be, provided you didn’t overwhelm her with positive feeling. That was keenly the case today, her face impassive as Gon met her gaze. Her steely expression told him one thing: she was determined.

So was he.

Gon had never forgotten their first meeting, nor the apology so clear in her body, in her eyes, as she hit him over and over. Begging him to stop so she wouldn’t have to hurt him. He’d been so impressed with her strength- her conviction. And if anything was clear, it was that she was on Killua’s side. Alluka’s side. His side. “Take me to her,” he asked Canary, his voice rough and dry but quiet.

She nodded and, without a word, turned and ran. Gon wasted no time pursuing her, immediately forgetting about the butler he had assaulted. He didn’t have time for people getting in his way.

The corridors seemed infinite. Had they carved out the entire mountain until its insides were nothing but room after cavernous room? Was the hedge garden outside a warning about what the inside actually looked like? Did they even use half of this space? Was Canary taking him in circles? Even with his excellent, innate sense of direction, Gon felt crazed by this nightmare house. The only thing he could say with certainty was that they were descending, but considering how many steps he had lept past to reach the mansion’s front door, that told him very little, except that he was nowhere near the exit.

They passed through a heavy door and suddenly they were in a corridor different from the rest, broader and lined with thick pipes that ran down until they met a massive metal gate built directly inside the wall. Canary input a code that made the gate split into two and retreat into the siding, and behind it… a continuation of the same corridor.

They went through three more of those and reached a fifth, identical to the others. Canary paused before it, staring at the number pad with a clenched jaw. She had been here with Milluki, once, years and years ago. Did she remember the last code? He had been particularly secretive with it, since the higher-ranked butlers knew the first sets but only the family, Tsubone and (once upon a time) Gotoh had known the last. Now, Amane was the only butler to hold the code. An incorrect sequence would flood the area with sleeping gas. She might get a second try before falling asleep, but she certainly wouldn’t have a job come waking. She likely wouldn’t have the chance to wake at all. The Zoldycks took betrayal very seriously.

As Canary’s fingers hovered over the numberpad, the floor began to rumble gently. She pulled her hand away, her hair bouncing as her head came up quickly. The doors parted. On the other side, Amane stood silently, endlessly vigilant. She met Canary’s eyes, then Gon’s. They stared back at her silently, unsure. Since Tsubone’s retirement, Amane had been the head butler, and therefore was on Silva’s side. Or- she should be.

The young woman pressed one pale finger to her lips. She walked between Gon and Canary as if she hadn’t seen them, disappearing down the long corridor without a word. The other two glanced at each other for only a moment before moving through the open door to the last gate.

\--

Silva’s cat-like eyes settled on Killua, his thick lips pressed together. He hadn’t seen his son in person in four years. His expectations for Killua had always been high, since the moment the boy had first opened his eyes. Killua didn’t cry when he was born, Silva could hardly recall him crying at all, aside from when poison had made him delusional, but Illumi had also been a silent child. It was something about the way he looked- not his appearance, but the quick intelligence behind his eyes, his awareness, even as a babe.

This creature standing in front of him, swaying slightly as if moved by the breeze itself, his eyes blank and his expression slack, was nothing like his son. He reminded Silva of the weak humans that fell prey to Illumi’s nen needles, drooling idiots with nothing inside them but the impetus to obey. Was this Illumi’s final revenge? Destroying Killua’s potential, leaving only Kalluto as potential heir? The youngest Zoldyck had certainly become an assassin of renown and skill under Kikyo, Illumi and the Spiders’ tutelage, but he was no Killua, and what he made up for in surveillance skills he lost in combat ability. Not that an average human could get anywhere near Kalluto, but the Zoldycks were not hired to deal with _average humans_.

Hisoka strolled closer to the teenage boy, tapping a black-nailed finger under Killua’s pale chin and tilting his head up. “He’s quite boring like this, I’m afraid,” Hisoka sighed, pouting. “Slow, weak… predictable.”

Silva’s ground his teeth together, his eyes narrowing on the red-headed outsider. He would’ve crushed Hisoka to dust years ago if not for the Testing Gate. He’d probably enjoy it, too. Silva would never understand why Illumi had chosen to accept him. Yes, he was strong, but the man was entirely unreliable, moved purely by whim, hardly the sort of ally Silva would consider for the son he had once expected to take over the family business. But that was long ago, and Killua had already replaced Illumi as heir when Hisoka first strolled into their lives as if he had been lurking in the forest all along.

Illumi was gone now, but Hisoka yet remained.

“Be quiet and still, or leave.”

Hisoka’s thin eyebrows arched upwards. Expression slid from his face, golden eyes fixing on Silva for a moment. They narrowed into crescent moons, and after another beat Hisoka smiled and straightened up, pulling a deck of cards from seemingly nowhere. “As you wish,” he singsonged. Hisoka strolled casually deeper into the room, disappearing into the darkness of the gymnasium equipment. Silva pushed a hard breath out of his nose, his fingers digging into the flesh of his legs; he would’ve preferred it if Hisoka had left the room altogether. The malevolent nen user’s presence was an irritant, like a fly buzzing ceaselessly around his head.

Killua did not move once.

Silva’s many years of experience gave him a particularly keen eye when it came to sizing up others. Killua was certainly stronger, stronger than any child his own age. His bare arms were corded with compact muscle, his calves bulging, almost trembling with the potential for movement. His aura, however, was unstable, swirling inconsistently around his body like turbulent waters. It flared in places and disappeared almost entirely in others, entirely uncontrolled by the keen mind buried somewhere inside him.

Whether the creature inside Alluka was to blame, the _thing_ Zigg had brought back from the Dark Continent, or merely poor decisions made by the bad influences that surrounded Killua, Silva didn’t know, but he intended to prune them from Killua’s life and purge this nonsense. Verdun would do it. After all, Killua was his great grandson.

Gon was no concern. The boy had been self-destructive from the beginning, allowing Canary to strike him until his entire face had swollen, cutting his own eyelid to win one of Gotoh’s silly games. Hisoka would kill him and that would be the end of that. And perhaps Gon’s death would be enough to bring Killua back into their fold- his rebellion was entirely tied into that insipid island boy’s smile. If not for Gon, Killua would have returned years ago, Silva agreed with Illumi there.

It still astounded him that Gon Freecs had somehow managed to kill his son. A single ace up his sleeve, perhaps. The fight with Hisoka would draw it out.

With a great sigh, Silva stood at last from his pillow. He cracked his neck to both sides, rolled his shoulders back, shook his arms out as he stood, stiff. A little stiffer every year. His aura increased gently, encasing him in a flowing film of transparent nen as he strode forward, standing before Killua, just out of reach.

He used to watch Illumi train Killua through the security feeds when both his sons had been much younger, surprised by Illumi’s gentleness towards Killua as the elder trained the boy who would overtake him. Killua had been such a precocious child. “Attack.”

Killua did not burst forward. Instead, he faded into the background, executing a flawless rhythm echo, circling Silva as sharp blue eyes focused on him, seeking weaknesses. The boy suppressed his aura with zetsu, and the imperfect flaring form, cut off, made it more difficult for Silva to tell where he really stood. A decent strategy. He was surprised to see it, having expected a mindless attack after Hisoka had gleefully recounted his visit to Paladiknight’s loft (apropos nothing, without anyone asking him to.) It certainly wasn’t enough to be more than a nuisance to Silva, though.

He snatched Killua’s collar, lifting the young man into the air. Killua immediately ceased moving, hanging there like a chastized kitten. He wasn’t as tall as Silva had hoped, either. Zeno would gloat about that, Silva knew. His father could be truly insufferable. The man set his son in front of him again, bushy brows low over his cat eyes. “No more childish games. Attack me seriously.”

Killua straightened up, his chin lifting. His nen rippled outwards, a low hum that increased in frequency with every burst in size. Flicks of blue light flashed outwards, lashing black marks into the ground. His eyes met Silva’s, cold and hard as glaciers. Electricity rolled out of him, great arches flashing out and striking metal, showering the room with sparks. Silva increased his own nen in response. He shifted his left foot out a little, sinking deeper into a fighting stance, his eyes boring into Killua’s.

They moved together. Silva moved around Killua, attacking lazily and without power to watch the speed at which Killua managed to regulate and control his aura. It wasn’t finessed by any means, and the lashes of electricity coming off him were hardly enough to numb Silva’s muscles, never mind do any real damage, but he was impressed with the fluidity of Killua’s aura all the same. As he sped up, Killua sped up with him, and it was clear that the boy would be most impressive at his full strength, even at so tender an age. 

It truly was a shame.

Silva stepped past a kick; Killua landed in a crouch but when he tried to jump again his legs merely wobbled. He tipped forward- his remaining aura dissipated as he crashed to his knees, the cold light in his eyes dimming.

“Stand,” Silva ordered, his eyes narrowing on the young man. Killua struggled to his feet, wheezing faintly as he breathed in, his shoulders hunched forward as if protecting a wound. 

An utter shame.

As much as he hated to say it, Hisoka really had done the family a favor- bringing Verdun here to heal Killua and returning Alluka to their stewardship. And if Hisoka killed Gon as well, Killua would stay in their fold, he had no doubt about that. The doctor was likely out of the picture already, and certainly would be by the time of the fight. Not that Silva had been deliberately nefarious on that point, but since Kikyo’s cooks were instructed by the Madame to put poison in _everything _, it was a foregone conclusion.__

__Killua swayed forward, his chin resting against his chest, dull eyes staring at the floor._ _

__“You may go.”_ _

__The young man moved out, silent as a shadow. Silva sat back down, disappointment leaking from him in slow rolls._ _

__“I’d be delighted to entertain you if you’re bored,” Hisoka purred from the shadows. Silva’s left eyebrow twitched._ _

__“Get out.”_ _

__“Touchy touchy~”_ _

__Silva felt a pulse of nen touch him and frowned, his head turning towards the feeling. It was certainly Killua’s. And yet, a moment ago it had seemed that his reserves were depleted._ _

__A fast recharge, now, that was a useful skill._ _

__A few moments later he felt the pulse again, but it stayed buzzing along his skin far less time. The next, it was a bare brush of static raising the hairs on his arm. He felt no more._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um hey guys don't be mad 😬


	41. Regroup x Recoup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gon Finds People

The final door looked like that of a vault. Gon stared at it blankly, feeling heat pour into him from an unseen well of anger. So they had taken Alluka back to her room, had they? _This_ room, at the end of that corridor, locked behind a vault door and left alone for months, years at a time. No wonder Killua had done what he had. No. Wonder.

The wheel protested his movement, stubborn and tight, and in his frustration he added a burst of nen to his efforts strong enough to deform the wheel’s outside. The massive door creaked open, and with it a shaft of bright light and the strangled sobs of a person lost and alone.

“Alluka!”

Gon rushed in the moment the door had opened enough for him to push through it, darting into the space. The brightly-colored room, full of dusty stuffed toys, hardly registered to Gon. And yet, he had frozen just inside the room, his mouth half-open, confusion and disbelief holding him still.

Alluka rocked back and forth, sobbing plainly, her long black hair sticking to her wet cheeks and spreading over the face of the figure she held cradled against her chest. But it wasn’t Leorio, it was-

“Kurapika?”

Gon stumbled closer, blinking in confusion. He sat on his haunches next to Alluka, opening his arms. She curled more tightly around the body in her arms, pressing sideways into Gon’s chest and turning her head to sob into his shoulder. He wrapped both arms around the pair, stunned, mindlessly stroking her hair.

“We need to leave.” The urgency in Canary’s voice was strident enough to get Gon to focus, if only just. Alluka was tall but waifish, light, and Kurapika… Kurapika didn’t seem to weigh any more than she did when Gon lifted the man up either.

The buzz of a security camera moving to observe the room caught his attention. Canary was right, they didn’t have time to dwell. Gon threw Kurapika over one shoulder and Alluka, apologetically, over the other. Canary ran back down the corridor and to the upper part of the mansion, Gon following closely.

“Where are we going now?”

“The north wing,” she informed him shortly, her brows pulled into a frown as she decided which corridor to shoot down, trying to avoid certain other butlers.

“What’s in the north wing?”

“Master Zeno’s quarters.”

Gon frowned, blinking rapidly. Zeno? Wasn’t that Killua’s grandfather? “Why?”

“None of Master Illumi’s butlers go there.”

“Illumi has his own butlers? Wait but he’s-”

“Hisoka’s butlers, then,” Canary snapped, her voice hushed, gesturing at Gon to follow her in a side corridor and to be quiet. “I’ll explain when we get there.” He gritted his teeth harder than he should have, nodding. Fine.

\--

Reaching the north wing took quite a while, though Gon expected it was because Canary was leading him down circuitous and out-of-the-way paths, avoiding the great majority of the primary corridors to avoid being spotted by the wrong people. Gon had clearly underestimated the scope of the Zoldyck mansion, and was starting to seriously question whether this mountain had once been an entire city before the family had chosen to keep it as their own.

“We butlers are beholden to our individual masters,” Canary told Gon once they passed a set of doors functionally identical to many others they had used. She stopped temporarily, helping Gon set Alluka down and rearrange Kurapika’s unconscious form against his chest. “The Zoldyck family doesn’t always agree on how things should be, and we’re supposed to serve accordingly.”

“So… you’re Alluka’s butler?”

“No.” She shook her head, though she was smiling at Alluka when he’d asked, stroking the girl’s hair behind her ear. “I was always supposed to serve the heir. I’m on Killua’s team. Amane is the head of the staff, so she’s supposed to represent the head of household.”

“Silva.”

Canary nodded, her expression serious again. “If anyone finds out she let us through the last gate, it won’t go well for her.” Canary led Gon down a few more doors, and into a room. It was a bedroom, smaller in size than Gon had expected, arrayed with a line of four beds. Three were empty. The last definitely had an occupant and a tall one at that, Gon could see the shape of the person’s feet under the covers, but their identity was hidden by the butler leaning over them, administering something into the clear iv bag that hung above the bed. Alluka gasped, scurrying past Gon to lean over the bed.

“Leorio!” She cried out in relief, flinging herself down on the man’s waist. Gon could hear a weak sputter and a pained-sounding inhale. He set Kurapika down on one of the beds, as gently as he could.

The Kurta breathed so shallowly it was hard to tell he was doing so at all. His body was frail, skin stretched tight over bone, his golden hair a matted tangle. One of his eyelids was totally flat, crusted shut at the seam with blood and puss and Gon felt his heart turn over. Had Hisoka done this?

Gon would kill him.

A hand slid into his, cool and soft. He squeezed it back, not too hard, consciously releasing the tension in his shoulders as he turned his head to look at Alluka. She was paler than usual, her chin lowered to her chest. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I couldn’t-”

“Don’t be sorry,” Gon cut her off too quickly, his tone unbroachable. “None of this is your fault.”

She shook her head gently. She tried to catch her breath, but it came out in little sniffles, gasps of wet air. Gon squeezed her hand again, realizing slowly and with some embarrassment that he was making it harder for her; he could practically hear Killua telling him off for making her cry. He turned fully towards Alluka, crouching a little so that they were comfortably face to face. _“I’m_ sorry. You couldn’t what?”

Alluka sucked in a shuddering breath. Her face squeezed together; she threw her arms around Gon’s neck, crying in earnest now. Bemused, Gon held her against him, stroking her head. 

Something pinged at the edge of his awareness. His hands stilled, his head coming up. Had he just- He felt it again, stronger, a wave of familiar aura over his and then disappearing again.

“Alluka I’m so sorry,” he told her, already tugging her backwards by the shoulders, his head turned away towards the door. “I have to go. I’m sorry. Canary, stay with her. I- I have to go get Killua.” He turned back towards her, meeting her wet eyes. She sniffled but nodded, curling her arms up against her chest. “I’ll come back soon.” He kissed her forehead and ran out.

Canary stepped in immediately. She held Alluka by the shoulders, gently guiding her to one of the empty beds, helping her sit down. “Do you want to talk about it?” The young woman asked, gently rubbing circles into Alluka’s back. Alluka sniffed, leaning sideways until she was cushioned against Canary’s side, her red-rimmed eyes settling on Leorio. Each breath he took sounded painful and laborious, his skin sallow and slick with sweat.

“We shouldn’t have come here,” Alluka whimpered, grasping at her long hair with both hands, tugging hard on the damaged strands. They had willingly and immediately jumped right into a trap Killua probably would’ve seen coming a mile away, and now- she gulped, bending forward to rub her sleeves against her eyes, unable to stop bawling. “What’s going to happen to Leorio?”

“We’re not sure yet,” Canary answered softly, unerringly honest, even if it was painfully so. “He ate a lot of different poisons, and we’re not sure exactly which ones, so even with antidotes he might not make it.”

“Nanika could save him,” Alluka cried, “but I can’t get her to wake up.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“It was my idea to come here!”

Canary squeezed her shoulder. The woman ducked her head down, gently pulling Alluka’s hands from her face so their eyes could meet. “It’s not your fault. They had bait.” Alluka glanced past Canary’s shoulder at the unmoving blond laid out on the other bed. She had thought he was already dead when they had first locked her in her room; even now he couldn’t be far from that edge. “Dr. Paladiknight would’ve come here alone if he had to. He’ll be glad you’re here when he wakes up.”

Alluka sniffed again. Canary wiped the tears from her cheek gently with a handkerchief. “There, better?”

“How did somebody nice like you end up working for my family?” Alluka asked her, bemused.

“I was introduced by the Council of Elders,” Canary chuckled. There seemed to be a joke in there Alluka didn’t understand, but she’d dwell on it another time. She shifted on the mattress, staring at her hands, twisting and coiling her fingers together.

“Are we really safe here?”

“As safe as you can be while you’re still in the mansion,” Canary answered with a nod. “Only Zeno’s butlers are supposed to be allowed in the North Wing, but he gave us permission to use this room. Between us,” Canary added much more quietly, her warm eyes glancing around the small room to see if the other two conscious people in the room were listening (they were) “I don’t think Master Zeno is happy with the way things are going right now.”

He wasn’t the only one, but butlers didn’t get the luxury of having an opinion on Zoldyck family matters. At least, Canary thought, recalling Amane’s silent exit, they weren’t supposed to. It was a shame Gotoh wasn’t around anymore. She imagined he would’ve led a very silent and yet very effective protest against Hisoka’s plan. Gotoh always knew how to get around the rules without breaking any of them.

Four years out it still wasn’t the same without him.

“Do I have any butlers?” Alluka mused quietly, her soft gaze settled on Leorio’s pain-twisted face.

Canary had an expression of closed resignation as she tilted her head towards the ceiling. “No.” She flashed Alluka a smile. “Not until your eighteenth birthday, anyway.” But there was doubt in her eyes.

\-- 

Gon was lost, that much was clear. The paths here were a nightmare, the house itself a maze of identical-looking rock-hewn corridors. He tried to follow the pulse he had felt, but kept finding dead ends and staircases going in the wrong direction. He was starting to consider simply smashing his way through the walls when he emerged into what was clearly a primary corridor- it was wide enough for seven abreast instead of four, and a pair of butlers stood at attention. How many servants could one household possibly need?

He felt the throb of nen pass over him again, running towards it. Was he getting further away or was it getting weaker? Either way it drove him to increase his speed, and Gon ran blindly around corners. Nobody tried to stop him, though he could feel eyes on him every so often. So they really were forbidden from interfering with him, were they? It hadn’t stopped them from messing with Leorio or Alluka, had it?!

Focus. He didn’t have time to fight everyone here just because they’d pissed him off.

Gon rounded a final corner. The light from the oil lamps glinted in silver hair. “Killua!” The Zoldyck heir leaned hard against the wall, his head down. He moved slowly, weakly, hunched over, shivering. Likely the wall was the only thing keeping him upright, his shoulder dragging against stone. Another nen pulse throbbed out of him weakly, tingling over Gon’s skin, and Killua tripped on his own foot; he tipped forward, crumpling.

Gon rushed forward, managing to catch him just before the young man hit ground. He sat down on the spot, gathering Killua close to his chest, holding him as one might a sleeping child. Killua was cold in his arms, his heartbeat weak and sluggish, his lips tinged blue. Gon rubbed at the goosebumps on his arms with a broad hand, peppering kisses into his hair.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he whispered against his temple, squeezing Killua to him. “I’m sorry I left you. I’m here. I’m sorry. _I’m here_.”

Killua didn’t respond, not that Gon had expected him to, but-

_But Killua’s body didn’t lie, even when Killua’s words did. Gon had known that a long time, and-_

Killua’s heartbeat solidified, slow but strong. His breathing deepened, lengthened, his shivering abaiting until he was a sleeping weight in Gon’s arms, a soft color tinging his cheeks. Gon squeezed him closer, his head dipped down to rest on Killua’s shoulder. 

Killua’s nen was weak, irregular, and when Gon used Gyo he noticed how little of it was leaking from the young man.

In their one on one training, Bisky had insisted on giving Gon the solid basics on nen practicalities. She had been appalled by what had happened with the Chimera Ants, by whatever covenant he had made that had scared away even the Association’s top nen exorcists, she said. He didn’t remember a lot of her lectures- quite a few of them had gone right over his head, and as long as he understood the physical side he wasn’t all that concerned with the physics of it or whatever.

But Bisky had been very, very firm on a few points, including the particulars of ‘using up your stores’. Normal humans couldn’t lift cars, but normal humans in great danger could. Their brains, she said, understood the limits of their muscles, and ensured that the limit wasn’t broken unless death was the only other availability. Nen was the same. A nen user typically ‘ran out of nen’ when their bodies and minds recognized that using any more could cause irreparable damage, but that didn’t mean that their nen stores were totally used up. With enough training, or in a scary enough situation, a nen user could keep accessing those extra stores, but when that happened- they’d die.

No nen, no life.

Gon pressed his fingers hard into his eyes, willing them to dry up. It didn’t matter. He’d reached Killua on time. He was fine. Safe. ...Alive, at least. As alive as he was going to be, these days.

Gon swallowed again, hard. He hooked his arm under Killua’s knees and lifted him as he stood, cradling the young man against his chest. He walked back to the main corridor he had seen most recently, cold as he approached the two butlers at the end.

“Show me to the north wing.”

“Apologies, Master Gon,” the first said as they both bowed. “The north wing is off limits.”

“Then show me the entrance and I’ll go in myself,” he growled. The two servants glanced at each other, a conversation passing silently between them, but they straightened out before Gon’s temper could get the best of him.

“Very well,” said the second. “Please follow us.”

They were silent as they led him back through the house in a much shorter time it had taken for him to find Killua, and he was fine with that. He didn’t want to talk to them either. They stopped, as promised, at the entrance of the wing, a passage as indistinguishable from the rest of the house as possible.

Another servant was there to meet him, her expression mostly placid but the corner of her mouth lifted in a tinge of amusement that perplexed Gon. She didn’t say anything, but she did lead him from there to the room where he had left Alluka and Canary.

Alluka gasped when she saw him, abandoning her post by Leorio’s bedside to run over. Gon went past her, gently deposing Killua on a bed, bending down to kiss his forehead. Alluka crawled into the bed too, teary-eyed, wrapping her arms around one of Killua’s and laying her head on the unconscious boy’s shoulder. “What happened?” She mewled, pressing a pale hand to his cool cheek.

“I’m not sure,” Gon answered softly, stroking the boy’s silver hair. “But he’ll be fine with us.”

Killua would be fine. Or Gon would tear the whole mountain apart.

One or the other.


	42. Breakfast x Break fast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Oh, what, you're immune to poison?"

They stayed there, the five of them, in the cotted room. Kurapika and Leorio came nowhere near waking, the first entirely dead to the world and the second occasionally muttering nonsense, feverishly deluded. Gon took up one of the small beds himself, staring at the ceiling most of the night. Alluka stole Killua from Gon, curling up against her stoic brother and clinging to his arm even in her sleep.

Tuesday morning reached them slowly. Gon got up at his usual time, sitting up against the wall. He waited another twenty minutes to see if Alluka would wake up, but without the smell of food she didn’t pop awake. Or maybe it was the emotional day she’d had. He didn’t really know, and honestly didn’t care that fully. They had much bigger fish.

Canary appeared at the door around daybreak, or at least he assumed it so. There wasn’t exactly any natural light around here. “Master Silva requests your presence at breakfast.”

“He can fuck right off,” Gon mumbled angrily. “Why isn’t he sending _his_ butlers to tell me that?”

Canary’s lip curved very slightly into a fond smile. “They’re not allowed here. Master Zeno would also appreciate your attendance.”

“And Alluka?”

Canary paused for a moment, her gaze flicking to the sleeping girl. Her face had relaxed in her sleep, and with her long hair a messy nest around her face she looked younger, too young to be in this kind of situation. And yet- this was the situation she’d been born in, taken out of by her older brother. 

Gon gritted his teeth, glaring at the floor. They’d get out of here. There had to be a way. Some way.

“She doesn’t have to come, but Killua does.”

A muscle in Gon’s jaw twinged. His fists clenched around the covers that draped over his legs. His amber eyes were shuttered as he turned his head towards the siblings in the next bed. ”And if we don’t?”

“Then the butlers will be punished in your stead.”

Gon bristled. He flung back the covers and stood up, entirely unashamed in his boxers. Canary didn’t even blink as Gon leaned over the next bed to carefully and gently extricate Killua from Alluka’s grip, replacing the young man with a pillow from Gon’s bed. The smell might not be the one Alluka wanted, but at least it would be familiar. She muttered something indistinct, squeezed the pillow to her chest, and settled back into long, even breaths.

“Would you like a change of clothes, Master Gon?”

“No.” He had no intention of wearing anything provided by the Zoldycks. And if he started to stink? Good. They could deal with the discomfort. 

“I should probably inform you-”

“That everything’s poisoned? Yeah, I got that from Leorio’s nurse, thanks,” he snorted, a hard puff of sound closer to an angry bull than any frustrated human.

“-that the drinks are safe,” she finished with a curved eyebrow and a small smile.

Gon stared back at her without humor, his mouth pressed in a grim line. “Don’t worry, I’m immune to most poisons.”

She frowned, tilting her head. “Are you?”

“I didn’t waste four years doing nothing,” he told her with a hard shrug. Behind her back, Canary’s hands clenched more tightly together. She certainly hadn’t expected- but she wasn’t that surprised facing the revelation, either.

Was it love or insanity?

“I see.” She blinked at Gon as he straightened up again, rolling his shoulder back; it cracked loudly. “I’ll wait outside until you’re ready.” She slipped out as Gon hunted down his shirt.

\--

Breakfast was tense, to say the least. Silva sat in silence at the head of the table, his eyes focused intently on whoever was talking; aside from that he moved minimally. Zeno didn’t look the least bothered by his son’s aggressive presence, peacefully eating away, occasionally stealing thin strips of meat from his wife’s plate when she was busy with her tea. She ignored him- and everyone else at the table- her eyes barely open, half asleep and blissfully unaware. The seat on Silva’s other side was empty- Kikyo’s. Hisoka sat in the next, smirking and giggling to himself whenever Silva’s eyes narrowed in annoyance, absolutely aware that he was in Illumi’s seat. Milluki looked plainly unhappy to be there, grumbling about the many projects he should be working on right now and why did he have to be here anyway? Silva didn’t bother responding. The eldest Zoldycks didn’t appear, if they were still alive at all. 

Gon sat in the second to last seat down the long table on the opposite side from Hisoka, placing Killua at the very end.

“This feels like a waste of space,” Gon said matter of factly. He cut up his breakfast, grinding his knife against the plate, and put a bite between his teeth. Three heads swiveled towards him. Hisoka’s grin, predictably, grew. Milluki frowned, appalled. He probably considered Gon and Killua in much the same way- pushy little blowhards that were more than happy to wreck his stuff. And Milluki liked his stuff.

“Killua,” Gon instructed softly, “eat what’s on your plate.” Delicately, the white-haired boy picked up his fork and started on his breakfast.

Silva’s stare was unignorable. Gon lifted his head and met it, a challenge glinting in his eyes as he chewed and swallowed. It was disgusting. Even while training, it had been a lot of work for Gon to overcome his reflex to gag whenever he’d ingested anything toxic, taste buds screaming warnings at him. It was worth it for the way Silva ground his teeth as Gon swallowed more of their food, holding his gaze without blinking. _‘I know,_ ’ he said without words, and he could tell that Silva understood. _‘I know what I’m doing.’_

Except he didn’t. He could withstand poison and push open gates all day, but he needed a plan. And he wasn’t good at plans. He followed his instinct, made decisions on the fly, found a goal and worked in a straight line for it. He couldn’t remember the amount of times he’d suggested they do something, and Killua had immediately shot it down for a very glaring weakness. And his answer had usually been the same, hadn’t it? ‘I hadn’t thought of that!’

_“Of course not, you idiot. That’s why I’m here.”_

Gon’s fingers twinged, twisting the handle of his fork. He broke his stare with Silva to glance at the relaxed body beside his. Under the table, he reached out to curl his hand around Killua’s, resting them softly on Killua’s knee. He didn’t speak again through the rest of breakfast, hardly hearing anything the others said.

Leorio was poisoned. He might die. They had found Kurapika- dying, too, weak and feverish, his eye socket likely infected. Alluka was safe for now but only in the most basic understanding of the word. Hisoka and Silva both clearly had plans that were entirely out of the realm of his understanding, and tomorrow- tomorrow Kikyo would come back with Verdun, and he would fight Hisoka. Hisoka, who wouldn’t underestimate him the way Illumi had, because he was genuinely interested in Gon’s skill.

What was he supposed to do?

He stood the moment he had finished eating- an unreasonably large portion eaten unreasonably quickly- and walked out without looking back, dragging Killua by the hand.

“Insolent brat,” he heard a low voice say just before he shut the door. It surprised him. He’d assumed Silva would continue on with the silent but deadly routine.

“Yes,” Hisoka’s purr answered, loud enough to be audible through the thick wooden door, “but who doesn’t just _love_ a little insolence now and then, hm?”

Gon snorted, surprised, his hand clamped over his eyes. Hisoka really was always spoiling for a fight, wasn’t he?

Canary was not at the door to greet him, but an unknown man with a mousy demeanor. “Master Gon.” He straightened from his bow. “I can escort you to Master Killua’s chambers if you wish to avail yourself of the facilities?”

Gon paused, squinting. If he wanted to what? He squeezed Killua’s hand as he stared at the butler, blinking. “What?”

“Perhaps you would like a bath or a change of clothes?”

“Are you telling me there’s a change of clothes in that room that will fit either of us?” Gon snorted in disbelief.

The man straightened an inch. Gon saw his expression change, but couldn’t decode any of its meaning. “Of course.”

Gon felt prickles of discomfort along his skin. Seriously, the entire Zoldyck compound was creepy. Even the benign forms of it made him uncomfortable. “Bring me to the North Wing.”

“I’m afraid I cannot, sir.”

“Why not?” Gon shot back through gritted teeth, crossing his broad arms. The man was neither impressed nor cowed in the least.

“I was told not to.” 

A muscle in Gon’s jaw flexed. He blew out a hard breath, taking Killua’s hand back up, more softly this time. “Fine. To Master Killua’s chambers,” he rolled his eyes. 

\--

Killua’s ‘chambers’ were strange to perceive. Everything was clean and orderly, clearly taken care of at some frequency by the staff, but still filled with childhood objects. The skateboard Killua had ‘left’ for Canary to take care of sat against the windowsill. Gon zoned in on it immediately, stroking its face with an odd feeling of reverence filling his chest, locked in a shining memory of Killua’s white head of hair skating past him while Leorio yelled complaints. He ran his thumb along the edge of the board lovingly, half-smiling as he stood and turned.  
It was jarring to see Killua so unresponsive to the room. To Gon it smelled like him still, and the bookshelf full of video games reminded him of Killua’s full-bellied, hysterical laugh whenever Gon died in a spectacularly ridiculous way trying to play with him.

“Come on, Killua,” he sighed, a fuzzy greyness descending over the joy Killua’s old things had brought him. “Let’s take a bath, I guess.”

The bathroom, conversely, had absolutely no sign of belonging to anyone specific at all. Gon wasn’t sure if it was a relief or not, but the absence certainly made a change in his body. Killua didn’t have a bathtub, per se. Instead there was a deep depression cut into the rock floor with only a single faucet. The water that poured in when Gon twisted it was tinged a little green, hot enough to steam but not to burn, and smelled lightly but distinctly of sulfur.

Gon scrubbed himself clean first before taking care of Killua. He could’ve just instructed the young man to clean himself, of course, but doing it himself made him feel closer to him, even if he knew it was a stupid, inconsequential difference. Even if Killua probably never would let him do this normally.

He sat behind Killua, scrubbing a soapy sponge over the boy’s shoulder blades. He lifted white hairs from the nape of his neck. Gon paused for a moment, running his thumb over a curved line of raised skin around the bump of Killua’s vertebrae. He’d forgotten it was there when Killua’s hair had gotten long enough to cover it, but now that he saw it he vividly remembered wanting to trace it with his tongue, before they’d gotten together.

Gon blinked at it. He touched it lightly with his thumb, his heart shuddering against his ribs. Gon tilted forward. He pressed a feather-light kiss to the mark before wrapping his arm around Killua’s torso, pulling him backwards into Gon’s chest. “I’m sorry,” he muttered, hooking his chin over Killua’s shoulder. He pressed his palm flat over Killua’s heart, reassured by its solid and unending beat.

“I need you, Killua.” He confessed, shivering when his words bounced against the stone and back at him. “I don’t know what to do without you.”

He was only answered by his own echo. Gon scrubbed a hand over his cheek, feeling weak, heavy. Lethargic. He dropped the sponge into the water, getting out to grab a towel. “Killua,” he directed, “dry yourself off and come into the bedroom when you’re done.” The water sloshed as Killua got out. Gon’s face was hidden by his towel as he scrubbed his long, wiry hair with it, padding alone into the bedroom.

He kept the towel draped over his shoulders as he moved about the room, throwing open any door he found that didn’t lead into the hallway. There were, indeed, outfits in both their sizes. Gon didn’t like that fact at all, nor did he appreciate the array available. It felt degrading to see in a way he couldn’t explain.  
The clothes they had provided for Killua were much more specific in style, which made Gon a little queasy- definitely things Killua would like. Bright solid colors, baggy shorts or fashionably colorful jeans, long sleeves, unnecessary straps. _Accessories._

And stupidly, _stupidly_ , staring at this vast array of designer clothes that a stranger had bought for Killua, it was there that Gon got totally overwhelmed. He stumbled backwards on shaking legs until his calves hit the bed, sitting down sharply. He held his own trembling fingers, a pressure building in his throat he couldn’t swallow down. Stupidly, the thought ringing inside his head was ‘Killua’s going to hate anything I put him in.’

He bent forward, his elbows against his knees and his face in his hands. “Killua,” he sighed, unable to handle the pressure of unbearable sadness filling him to the brim. “Put on your favorite shirt in the room.” He dug his fingers into his eyes as he listened to the rustle of Killua moving about, selecting something and pulling it on. 

“Put some pants on too,” he added, flopping backwards on the bed and letting his arms collapse on either side of him, staring at the ceiling. It was painted navy. “Just get dressed normally, Killua,” he snapped, not sure what the hell he was doing. Normally? Did that even make sense?

Alluka had told him off many times for not being specific enough when instructing Killua, but it wasn’t his fault! His mind- he just. He wasn’t like Killua and Alluka. He wasn’t clever like them.

Gon sat up again, pushing his damp hair back with a rake of his fingers. He glanced over to Killua- and froze, his eyes widening and filling immediately with tears.

Killua stood in a neutral position, facing Gon at an angle, barefoot, his shoulders rounded and his arms loose at his side. He wore a tank top, one white strap slipping off his bony shoulder. Gon’s shirt. The one he had walked into the room wearing.

Choking on a wet breath, Gon stood and stumbled to Killua, wrapping his arms around the young man and pulling him into a tight embrace. He keened quietly, a low, tortured sound, pressing their cheeks together hard. “Killua, please,” he begged, his throat painfully tight, “I need you. I don’t know what to do without you. I need your help. I need-” he gasped, trying to suck in a breath, but he couldn’t, couldn’t get his chest to relax and let a breath in, couldn’t stop holding his shoulders tight, couldn’t get it into his lungs. He hiccupped, sobbed, gripping Killua to him. “I need you to tell me what to do. Tell me. Please. _Please,_ ” Gon cried, shaking against the unmoving boy. “Tell me what to do.”

Gon curved his palms around Killua’s face, pressing their foreheads together, his eyes squeezed shut, his cheeks swollen, pink and wet. “Tell me what to do.”

A cool hand pressed against his bare chest. It skated along his skin before long fingers curled around his bicep. “Don’t fight Hisoka.”

Gon froze. He drew back slowly, shock silencing his crying, his mouth half-open and his eyes wide. His fingers flexed against the back of Killua’s head. “What?”

Killua’s head came up, his eyes blue and clear as they met Gon’s, pure and open and filled with pain. “Don’t fight Hisoka.”


	43. Underneath x In Between

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where has Killua been all this time?

He remembered the smell of ozone, his body drained and aching, his palms stuck through with pins of jagged glass. He remembered seeing Illumi’s hair wrapping around Gon’s forearm like living ink as Gon’s fist drove into it. He remembered black hair streaming into the sky, the stink of decay. He remembered the crunch of bone, the spurt of blood over Gon’s cheek and slicking his arm and his fist and his chest, he remembered viscerae wet and dark and slick, he remembered a headless body pulled by marionette strings he remembered the bite of claws, he remembered being unable to breathe from the pressure and the light and withering away, he remembered curling against the far side of a hospital bed in the dead of night where the passing nurses couldn’t see him, crying so hard he couldn't breathe, and he remembered the screaming, crushing pain and he remembered feeling like his insides were imploding, crumbling away into the dry center of his chest (I can’t be here I can’t be here _I can’t be here again, please, please, I can’t be here_ ) he remembered begging his sister for bliss, for an escape, for anything except being trapped under this bright light and the searing pain burning through him, like a pinned insect being peeled open still alive-

And then-

Blackness. Floating in a sea just a little colder than him, just enough to be aware of it. Sensory information flowing over him in ripples, meaningless chatter. A buzz along his skin whenever Gon and Alluka were near. Noise ringing in his ears, every whisper and every drip and every sigh, always, a cacophony of sounds in equal measure, all of it dissipating into the cool water before it could strike.

It narrowed into a point whenever Gon and Alluka called his name, or if they touched him, or if he could feel their gaze on him, always aware of every eye but only caring to listen to some. Sometimes he had to sift through recent information to understand what they wanted, to push a hand further down into the water and feeling the shift of currents below. But no matter. Usually they were simple requests, so he capitulated. Why not?

Sometimes Leorio asked for things. Why not? He asked himself. _Because it’s funnier to refuse him._ Sometimes Gon and Alluka asked him to do Leorio’s bidding, and he did, because he never wanted to refuse them anything.

For the most part it was easy, letting his thoughts dissipate into the water. Easier to let someone trustworthy decide what to do next. Easier to relax. Let someone else take a turn.

Sometimes they got too far away. The buzz under his skin would subside, and he would sink, a little, but just enough, enough for the water to burn up his nose and fill his mouth until he was thrashing, pain burning through him, he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t think, agony roaring to life like an endless scream and-

He moved back into their sphere.

Sometimes they weren’t close enough for Killua to have both so he’d stay closer to Alluka; she needed the most protection, she alone was enough to keep his head above the water if only just, sucking in short, desperate breaths as his feet kicked to keep him afloat, and the water got colder and colder, until the hurt just made him angry, until it seethed out of his very pores.

But then Gon would come back, he always came back.

Sometimes there were people around that were dangerous, that he didn’t trust, but as long as they didn’t come close, he didn’t care about them. Not really. Sometimes Gon and Alluka told him different things, but Gon knew danger better, so he listened to Gon. He knew what to look out for, sometimes Alluka didn’t.

Sometimes they asked him to do something far from them.

Why not?  
_Because it would hurt._

So he didn’t.

And sometimes, it was more than just calm. When he was so close to them, when they touched, he could feel heat like sunlight melt into his bones, beam down on his face and spread its light inside himself. Was that what happiness felt like? Floating unimpeded, warm, cared for. Untouched by the aching tragedies of life, gently cocooned inside himself, sustained by their presence.

Each morning they invited him to move together as the sun rose. All living things had nen, even if most were unaware of it, and as Killua slowly moved with Gon and Alluka, he could feel the swirl of their energies coiling together, expanding and contracting like breathing- his and Gon and Alluka’s, all together, even if she didn’t know she was doing it, their frequencies aligning and reinforcing, forming a feedback loop that buzzed with more and more energy by day. He came closest to being awake in those moments, the sun’s orange light warm on his limbs, drawn out by the ones he loved.

Gon came to him to talk, once. To know his favorite color. Why not? _I’m not sure I have one._

Killua didn't know. Puzzling about it agitated the water. An icy current bubbled up from far beneath, chilling his back as it swelled. _No, forget it._ He let the request go, and everything settled.

_“Tell me my favorite color.”_

Why not? Gon lived in many of Killua’s most cherished memories, and in great proportion he wore those absurd green shorts, throwing all conventions of fashion and taste aside. He was a creature of the forest, climbing trees, scraping green all over his knees. _“Did you choose that outfit or did Mito-san put you in it because you kept getting grass stains on your clothes?” “What?! Don’t be mean, Killua, Mito-san made these for me because she loves me!”_ When he saw green anything he always thought of Gon, of his smile and his mischievous giggle. He almost reflected the color, to the point that Gon’s hair sometimes looked like it was tinged with green, even though Killua knew it was black.

_“Green”_

_“Tell me Alluka’s favorite color.”_

Why not? His sister was sunshine incarnate. He could see her running ahead in long, flowing dresses, spinning around to make the skirts flare up. She craved pastel colors, soft things in pinks and baby blues, but when she went for yellow she went all the way, bright ducklings and emoji faces, sunflower prints and pineapples. When Killua was sad- and that was often- she could always tell, and though she usually didn’t say anything she would smile so bright and drag him to all the interesting things she found, holding his hand so tightly in hers, and at night she’d hug him quietly, smiling, and promise him things would be better soon, even if she had no way of knowing.

_“Yellow”_

_“Tell me you love me.”_

Why not? He did. He always had.

_“I love you.”_

Gon wrapped around him. Time had no meaning here- it could’ve been hours, or days, or merely minutes, but he felt it all the same, Gon, warm against him and around him and sunshine on his face. The buzz on his skin sank into him until it was in his flesh, his bones, his lungs and stomach and in his heart. He felt warm and satisfied and good, so good, he could sleep here forever.

 _“Go away,”_ Gon said. A wave assailed him, saltwater slapping his face. He twisted away from it, his heart throbbing, he didn’t want to, but Gon said _“Alluka”_ and it settled again because no, not him, he didn’t mean-

 _“Go away!”_ Gon said, again, and Killua didn’t want to refuse him anything, never, not Gon, so he ran-

But he didn’t, didn’t leave, not really, couldn’t make himself go any further than the next room, even if Gon wanted him to go, even then, because _Why not?_ it would hurt, it would hurt too much, he didn’t want to, _please don’t make me go, please, let me stay near you a little longer._

_A little longer_

Energy sparked and jumped from him, a smell of burning as it roared across the surface of the water.

Alluka sat next to him, her skin against his skin, and it was enough, for now, Gon was close, for now, but he craved the heat again, his skin felt too cold now, cracked and uncomfortable and he needed, _needed-_

But that, too, faded. Alluka’s sunshine was a comfort and his memory wasn’t memory. Breath leaked out. Heat dissipated. Static flicked against his temples, endless in its sameness.

An intrusion. Blackness pressed against the bubble of Killua’s awareness, cloying and sticky, tendrils oozing. It radiated outwards, cold waves rising from beneath and crashing over Killua’s body, filling his mouth and his nose, the ocean trembling all around him. He spread his limbs, pulling a breath inside him, but then.

A red moon in the sky he’d never noticed, its light turning the sea to blood, a beam of hot anger that lit up Killua’s chest, that superheated every undercurrent and sent him sailing out of the scalding water, screaming- he was lightning and grief and the moon called him, begged him for blood. He transformed under its fury, twisted into an animal that shredded with claws and teeth. He sought but he failed to destroy, and long before the moon had set he was plunged into the cold water until he couldn’t struggle, his ribs collapsing under the pressure until all the breath had blown out of him.

The moon faded before he found the surface again. The water he vomited dripped red into the nothing-grey sea, and as it calmed and cradled him again he sighed out his exhaustion and let himself sink until the slightly shifting water lapped at the corner of his mouth.

A small ache lodged itself in his center. It throbbed every so often, a deep crackling pain that rippled out along his veins before escaping through his extremities and sinking into the water. Gon and Alluka’s touch overwhelmed it, dimmed it into nothing with their gentle and insistent heat, melted its edges until it was smooth and easy to carry.

It faded away again.

They traveled. The world got louder, and quieter, and louder, the turbulence in the water fluctuating. He thought he heard Bisky, but maybe he didn’t. He didn’t care if he had. He thought he felt her nen pouring into him, piercing through him like a lance, but it spilled out of his back and into the dark water. For a moment it was warm against his skin, but it gently cooled again.

Travelling was nice. He hardly noticed where they went, but everyone stayed clustered close to him. Gon started to hold his hand again, the dry heat of his palms coiling under his skin, a warm secret settled over his bones.

They crossed a border and mist settled. Like the ocean it was just cool enough to be noticed, a dampening sensation that coated any skin above the water. It sank into his hair, dampening the urge to resist much of anything, lethargy spilling into his veins.

In the dead air above him, the wind picked up, skating along the surface of the water, chill where it touched his skin.

_“Killua. Stay.”_

It whistled past him hard, skating just under the surface of the water and lifting him into the sky. He knew that voice. The voice of his father. He froze just as the water froze, from the bottom up, hardening under him as the temperature plunged.

Killua floated above the expanding sheet of ice, his head raised to the cold sky. It was grey and empty, a featureless haze of fog. Had it always been like that? A glacier stretched out of sight in all directions under his feet.

_“Come here, son.”_

Silva’s voice rumbled around him like thunder, the voice of a god. A voice to be obeyed, not argued with. A voice that could make you- or destroy you.

Something- or someone- else buzzed nearby, the dark, slimy intrusion he had felt before, but it was nothing more than a gnat in the face of Silva’s world-shaking presence.

_“Attack.”_

It was no different than kneeling in a place of worship, or letting prayers escape your lips without thinking of the shape of their words, long after having abandoned churches. His body knew the movements it was meant to make, knew the rhythm and the shape of absence, knew how to become a shadow in a place of light. It was easy, easy to fall back into and let it carry him even as his feet slipped on slick ice. Easy to follow the dance they had taught him long ago. But it wasn’t enough.

_“Attack me seriously.”_

Silva’s voice rumbled over him from beyond the fog, beckoning him upwards. He fixed his eyes on the heavens, his own power concentrating under his skin, buzzing awake. It was different than the comfortable hum Alluka and Gon gave him. It burned with heat as it coiled around his bones, flicked out in lashes that scarred the ice. His muscles stung with its overcharge, pinpricks of pain rushing up and down his limbs.

He lept into the sky and transformed into a coil of blue light, a dragon searing across the sky. His talons split apart the fog and his square head burst through to the starless black sky. He streaked white-hot against it, climbing higher, a jolt of light in the nothingless;

The sky moved. It twisted and shifted like a coiled serpent until a massive head peered down at him. Its mouth opened, a puff of smoke exhaling over him.

It blew his scales away, flickering fragments of blue dissipating into the cold air; he was hollow inside.

Killua’s breath left him in a rush as he clawed desperately at the air, falling, falling. Slitted blue eyes watched him analytically, dispassionate as he plummeted to the ice. He tried to cry out but the wind sucked away his voice, froze his tongue in place. Not a single crack appeared.

_“Stand.”_

The blue-eyed dragon’s voice make the ice itself tremble. Killua, limbs shaking, breathless, rose to his feet.

_“You may go.”_

The dragon departed, and with it the fog and the light, leaving Killua alone on the ice, alone in the yawning darkness. He shivered and drew himself up, his feet slipping on the wet surface. Alone.

_Where’s Gon?_

He couldn’t feel him, couldn’t feel anyone. Killua’s fingers twinged. He held them close to his chest, reaching out with his nen. It flooded out over the ice in all directions, but nothing returned to him. Was he really- had they- had they left him?

No, _no_ , they wouldn’t, not after carrying him all this way. They wouldn’t-

_Where’s Gon?_

He scrambled up against the slick ice, moving in any direction, searching. His nen surged out of him again, a radar, taking with him a little more of the heat he had gathered inside. He reached out along the wind, fingers stretching in the chill air for anything to hold onto, inching along.

_Where’s Gon?_

The wind cut into him, colder and colder. His feet slipped out from under him, numbness sinking first into his fingers and then spreading up his limbs. He fell but still he crawled along the ice, the darkness pressing in on him like a living thing, pouring into his throat and stilling his breath.

_Where’s Gon?_

His frozen limbs ached, pinpricks of fire or ice indistinguishable.

_Where’s Gon?_

He gagged against the frozen air, struggling to pull in a breath, ice crystals forming in his lungs

_Where’s Gon?_

He sank entirely to the glacial ice, the wet drip of his tongue flash freezing as the last of heat dissipated from him.

_Where’s-_

_Gon._

Gon was dry heat, a tropical blaze that wrapped around him and melted the ice, plunging him into the ocean underneath. He resurfaced in moments, carried by a hot undercurrent, sunlight breaking across his face. He shivered at the difference, curling up in the comfort of it until it washed away even the memory of cold.

He was fine here. He was fine. It was good, even. Easy again. Gon carried him back to Alluka and Killua was settled into a bed buzzing with warmth. She pressed in, too, her hair twinning around his arm as she shifted in her sleep. It was easy. So easy.

Gon slipped him away from Alluka, but the mist kept him compliant, the buzzing heat of Gon’s palm a pleasant white noise overlaying the gentle rocking waves that cradled him.

He was alone with Gon. Sometimes, when they were alone, Gon talked. Killua couldn’t make out the words, not really, but his frequency rippled in the water, familiar as it lapped over Killua’s throat.

_“Killua, dry yourself off and come into the bedroom when you’re done.”_

Why not?

_“Killua, put on your favorite shirt in the room.”_

Why not? Only one shirt here was even familiar to him. It was still warm when he touched it, a little damp from Gon’s skin, weighty as it settled on his shoulders.

_“Put some pants on too. Just get dressed normally, Killua.”_

Pants made sense.

Suddenly, Gon was hot against him. He seared against his skin; it peeled up like a sunburn, burning away the seal of complacency that had settled over him.

_“Killua, please, I need you.”_

The ocean trembled in warning around him, the higher frequency of Gon’s voice rattling in his ribs. A wave crashed over him. He closed a hand over his face, turning his head away.

_“I don’t know what to do without you.”_

He didn’t want to go back. There was too much- it hurt too much there. He didn’t want to go. He wanted to stay. It was easy. It didn’t hurt. It was better, wasn’t it? It was better-

_“I need your help. I need-”_

He didn’t want to be strong all the time. He didn’t want to make all the plans. He didn’t want to be responsible every minute of every hour of every day he couldn’t carry that anymore he didn’t want to, he couldn’t-

_“I need you to tell me what to do.”_

Why not? Because it hurt too much. Why not? Because he couldn’t bear it. Why not? He wanted to hide from it, he wanted to hide forever. So why should he, _why should he?_

_Because Gon might die_

_”Tell me. Please.”_

It was hard to breathe, hard to think, he didn’t want to look at it he didn’t want to take it in, he knew what lurked in the black water and he couldn’t-

 _Because Gon might die_  
_Gon might die_  
_Gon might die_  
_Gon might die_  
_Gon might die_  
_Gon might die_

If he ran away from it, it would happen again.

_“Please, tell me what to do.”_

Killua pushed out the rest of his air and let himself sink. Water poured into him, filling his throat, his lungs, his ears. The farther he sank the faster the cold currents caught him and dragged him down. The pressure mounted, crushing him into himself, until his heart felt as if it was going to be squeezed to a standstill. Pain ripped him apart from the inside out, his cries silenced by the saltwater, everywhere inside and outside and around and it did nothing but hurt and hurt and keep him silent and still as he was dragged down until-

_“Tell me what to do.”_

He came out the other side, like walking through a bubble. Gon shuddered against him, his fingers strong where they curved around Killua’s cheeks, his forehead solid and flat against Killua’s, real and firm in a way that he’d forgotten things could be. Killua reached softly, pressing the pads of his cool fingers against the solid plane of Gon’s chest. His touch chased along the familiar muscle, curving around the rise of Gon’s bicep. Gon was strong, but his strategies were simple.

“Don’t fight Hisoka.”

“What?” The look of shock on Gon’s face plunged him into guilt. His grip tensed, heart squeezing.

“Don’t fight Hisoka.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please scream your feelings at me, thank you ;P


	44. Reunion x Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killua is awake

“Don’t fight Hisoka.”

“What?”

“Don’t fight Hisoka.” 

Gon gaped at Killua, the boy’s watery shape resolving when Gon blinked, a tear rolling down his nose and dripping to the floor. His ears rang, the words shapeless and meaningless as he zeroed in on the one thing, the only thing, that mattered in that moment. Killua was back.

He crushed the smaller man to him, pressing his lips to Killua’s white hair and pale temples, against the red of his cheeks and the pink of his ears. He whispered Killua’s name like a chant between kisses, clinging to him with every limb.

Killua shuddered, the touch blazing against his too-tight skin, overwhelming in the chaos of his cataclysmic memories. “Stop it, stop.” He begged quietly, worming his hands between them to gently push Gon back. “Wait, _stop it_. It’s too much, I can’t-” Gon’s sobs were loud, louder than his words, and they cut into him sharply. He planted a hand on Gon’s face, shoving him back. “Quit it!”

Gon stumbled back, snatching his hands back as if he’d been burned. He collapsed on the edge of Killua’s bed, pulling his legs up in front of him and curling his arms around them, staring up at Killua silently. His eyes shimmered, large and amber, his lip trembling. He looked like a small child who couldn’t understand why he was being punished. 

Killua slumped forward too, his nails raking forward through his hair and dragging his bangs in front of his eyes, hiding his own tears. “You can’t- you _can’t_ fight him.”

“I don’t have a choice.”

“There’s always a choice!” Killua shot back heatedly, sweeping his arm out. Gon’s jaw ticked. He dropped his gaze to stare hard at the floor, glaring. Killua clenched his fists at his side, an old fear ripping him open like claws into flesh at the closed expression. He moved forward on a shaky breath, sinking to his knees in front of Gon, gripping the boy’s calves as he tilted his head up to meet orange eyes. “We can run,” he begged, holding Gon’s gaze desperately despite the tears threatening to overflow- despite them running down his face traitorously. “Leave tonight and be long gone by morning.”

“No.” Gon’s refusal brooked no arguments. It pierced through Killua. His breath escaped him and he sank entirely down, his forehead thudding against Gon’s knees. “No more running. You and Alluka- you’ve done that enough.”

His breath rattled through his chest. It sparked with pain, his first awareness that something was wrong with his _body_ , not just his heart. Killua shuddered, his fingers indenting Gon’s calves. “I can’t- I can’t,” he rolled his head back and forth on Gon’s knee, trying to catch his breath and failing, his shoulders twitching up with each coughing inhale.

Gon bent in half over Killua, wrapping his long arms around the boy’s shoulder, his half-open lips puffing air against the Zoldyck heir’s neck. “If I don’t fight Hisoka,” he said, his voice a hot breath, tightly controlled, “then you’ll be running forever.”

Killua let go of Gon, collapsing backwards on the floor and out of reach, pressing the heel of his palms into his wet eyes, teeth gritted together. “If you fight Hisoka, you might die. And I’m not watching you die, Gon. I’m not.” Tears rolled down Killua’s temples, disappearing into his hair, and he scrubbed angrily at them with his wrist.

“Verdun will be there-”

“I don’t care!” He scrambled up in a flash, his hands fisting in his hair angrily, turning around and around and not sure where to go, because he certainly couldn’t leave but he certainly couldn’t handle _looking_ at Gon right now, not now when he didn’t have time to organize and compartmentalize and _suppress_ , not when his _oh-so-wonderful_ tactical mind was running through every nightmare scenario it could make up, not with the vivid sense memory of Gon’s mummified arm liberally splashed across them, not like this. “I don’t care! Verdun might heal you, you might beat Hisoka, Leorio might save you- I don’t care! _I don’t care._ You promised you wouldn’t make any pacts that might kill you, remember?”

“I’m not making a pact-” Gon protested.

Killua whirled around, his lips pulled back in an angry grimace, but his eyes shimmering wet, unguarded, pained, jabbing a finger at him. “ _Fuck_ you. Don’t argue semantics with me-”

“I don’t even know what that means,” Gon spat back, and the pain and the guilt was starting to turn into anger for him too, Killua could see it, but he was too hurt, too scared to stop.

“-if you’re making me choose between running away without you and watching you _maybe_ die, I am walking, I am walking _every single time_.”

Gon stood up abruptly. Killua started back, his eyes widening at the blank, hard-eyed expression on Gon’s face. Gon hooked one hand around the strap of Killua’s tank top, yanking him forward hard. Killua crashed into Gon’s chest, but before he could complain two broad arms wrapped around him back, holding him close. Gon bowed his head so that their cheeks pressed together as much as possible. “I’m sorry,” Gon whimpered wetly, the words catching in his throat. “Please don’t go.”

Killua swallowed hard; the feeling of a scared, caged animal didn’t dissipate, but it did settle him a little still. Even if it gave more room for the guilt to pour in. “Don’t fight Hisoka,” Killua begged quietly, his arms circling Gon’s waist.

Gon’s head shifted against his shoulder. The young man didn’t say anything for a while, his breathing slowing and deepening, his hard grip relaxing enough to be comfortable while still keeping them wound together. “I won’t. But I don’t want to run away, either.”

Killua sighed, defeated. Fine. He’d formulate a plan. Later. When his brain wasn’t so… static. He ran a hand lightly over Gon’s spine in reassurance. Paused. Blinked.

Er.

His cheeks tinged a hard pink. “Uh… Gon.” Was his voice always this high? _It was all the crying, damnit._ “...You’re naked.”

Gon sniffed; he broke into a relieved laugh, wet and airy. “Yep. In your childhood bedroom and everything.” He grinned broadly, even if his eyes were still swollen and red, cupping Killua’s jaw and raising his head to drop a quick kiss on his mouth. “Want to do something about that?”

“What the fuck,” Killua hissed immediately, slamming a palm into Gon’s shoulder. “Are you horny right now?”

“Hey, check out this thing I can do,” Gon said, apropos of nothing. He crouched down and wrapped his arms around Killua’s waist. When he straightened up, it lifted Killua completely off the ground. He let his feet dangle for a surprised beat before hiking his knees up, thighs hooking in on Gon’s hips for stability. He planted his hands on Gon’s chest and pushed away like an angry cat, flushing bright red.

Gon lifted his head to look at him; Killua froze, wide-eyed and surprised at Gon’s newly-wet eyes, his pained smile. “Killua, I know it’s selfish but can I keep you to myself for a little bit?” Flustered, Killua blinked rapidly. He relaxed his arms, sinking down a little. He scrubbed his palm against a pink cheek, looking away.

“You have to get dressed first, anyway,” Killua remarked awkwardly. Gon hummed in acknowledgement, pressing a soft, closed-mouthed kiss to his neck. He took a few slow, careful steps backwards until his thighs found the bed he had vacated. He sat down, leaving Killua to kneel above him, turning his head to flatten his cheek against Killua’s chest, and closed his eyes. His hands slipped under the tank top Killua wore, splaying broadly over the curves of his back. Gon took a deep breath. It sank out of him with weight. He could hear Killua’s heartbeat ratcheting up, quickened by the clamoring feelings and concerns crashing inside him. Gon wondered if it was bad of him to take such pleasure in hearing it, knowing it likely meant Killua was having a less than pleasant time.

Killua was rigid for a few moments, but he relaxed quickly. He stroked his fingers gently through Gon’s bristly spikes, scratching at his scalp with his nails, and waited. Gon’s breath was lulling; he matched it subconsciously, drowsy-eyed. Scratches turned to petting and he bent his head down to press a kiss to the top of Gon’s head- to his hair anyway.

Gon shivered suddenly and his muscles relaxed all over. He let out a long, satisfied sigh. Then, he tilted his head up, meeting Killua’s watchful gaze with a sunny smile. “Welcome back.”

“Sorry I was gone so long,” Killua mumbled, rubbing his cheek with his shoulder.

“I’ll forgive you if you forgive me,” Gon replied, soft-mouthed and painfully ernest.

Killua’s lid half-closed over his blue eyes, his mouth in a flat, unamused line. He punched the heel of his palm into Gon’s shoulder lightly. “For bringing us here? Because I’m definitely mad about that.”

“That was Alluka’s idea!” Gon defended himself with a pout, hugging Killua back to him.

“You’re not supposed to say ‘yes’!”

“I didn’t know what else to do!”

Killua huffed, turning his nose up in the air. “You’re impossible,” he grumbled, complaining, but when he cracked one eye open to look at Gon, the boy was smiling. Killua climbed off Gon’s lap before he could get any more shaken up, turning to look at the open closets. “That’s way too much to pack,” he said to himself, frowning at the furniture.

Gon’s head tilted like a curious pup’s. “Pack?” His nose crinkled up. “You want to keep some of this stuff?”

“Well yeah,” Killua answered. He had already abandoned Gon to move closer, rifling through the pieces that the butlers had supplied. “Some of these pieces are designer.”

“Yeah, but they were provided by your parents,” Gon argued, throwing his arms wide. “That’s pretty weird.”

“No they weren’t,” Killua scoffed, threading his fingers through his white hair. It had never been this long before. “They were provided by the butlers. And by the looks of it, someone who knew you pretty well went along to do the shopping. Probably Gotoh or Canary. Gotoh used to do most of my shopping.” Killua bent down to check a few drawers, grinning when he pulled out bright blue sneakers. “See?” He waved them near his face. Lecturing Gon already? Of course he was. “My family sucks, sure, but-” Killua straightened abruptly. He turned his head to look at Gon, rigid, his expression wild. “Gon, where’s Alluka?”

“She’s in the north wing with Canary,” Gon answered in one rushed squeak. 

A beat. Killua narrowed his eyes on him, his mouth pressing together tightly. He picked a few things out of his closet and redressed quickly. Gon didn’t move while he did it, watching Killua unwaveringly. Killua failed to hide his flush as he fixed the cuffs on the purple shirt he had picked for himself, watching Gon back out of the corner of his eye.

“Are you getting dressed or what?” He asked him stridently.

Gon’s eyebrows bent down. He looked away, grimacing, scratching his cheek. “I… know it’s dumb, but this-” he gestured vaguely to the overabundance of choices “-is kind of overwhelming me.”

Killua observed him closely for a few beats, his gaze analytical as it took in the lines of tension in Gon’s face. “It’s not stupid,” he shrugged, coming around Gon to riffle quickly through the racks. One eyebrow went up, and the same corner of his mouth curled too as he plucked out a pale green short-sleeved button-up and brown corduroy slacks that Gon never would have picked for himself in a thousand years but which he was very interested in rubbing his hands over. “The first step is admitting you have a problem.” He flashed Gon a smug. mocking grin. “I’m glad you realize my fashion sense is far superior to yours.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Gon groused, leaning a shoulder against the wardrobe’s framing.

“I know,” Killua smirked. He plucked some undergarments from one of the drawers in the base, throwing all the items directly into Gon’s face. “Here you go, get dressed.”

Gon was pouting again when the pants peeled away from him face, but his hopeful eyes grew warmer as they tracked Killua’s every movement.

\--

Waking up without her brother or Gon between two dying men in the depths of the Zoldyck mansion could’ve been traumatizing for Alluka. It certainly would have been, had she been alone. Luckily, she was not. Canary’s warm, dark eyes met hers when she sat up, Gon’s pillow tight to her chest. “Where?” She whispered, her voice rough from sleep.

“Master Gon and Master Killua are attending breakfast.” She gestured at a platter set on a nearby table adorned with fruit and delicate little pastries. “Are you hungry?”

Alluka shook her head, pressing her face into the pillow.

“I brought these from the butler quarters,” Canary continued gently, knowing that Alluka hadn’t eaten since arriving. “I promise it’s all safe,” though she was perfectly aware that Alluka had been fed poison from birth, same as any other Zoldyck child. Alluka’s watery blue eyes peered at her from between a curtain of black hair. Canary picked up the platter and carried it to the bed, sitting by Alluka’s feet and settling it in her lap. She plucked up a grape and pushed it into her mouth, holding Alluka’s gaze as she chewed and swallowed.

The teenage girl reached out to take a piece of melon shyly, and Canary smiled when she munched on it cautiously. They sat in companionable silence while Alluka ate, slowly unwinding. She settled the pillow in her lap, brushing her hair back over her shoulder. Canary offered her a travel mug of tea, seemingly from nowhere. She screwed the lid off, blowing on the steaming water before attempting a sip. It was too hot too taste, and she set it on the bedside table to cool.

“How’s Leorio doing?” She asked in a small voice, her gaze flicking to the unmoving doctor. His skin was sallow, pale and gleaming with sweat, and he didn’t even seem to be breathing from here. Canary’s expression as the young woman looked over at the man’s lanky form was not reassuring. Worry drew lines around her mouth, crinkling her lips.

“He hasn’t given up yet,” was her reassuring answer. Alluka’s mouth thinned at it; Killua did that too, framing things in a way that pretended they were positive so as not to scare her, when she’d much rather he told her the truth. She was sure he told himself he wasn’t really lying, but that was some fine bullshit. He wasn’t being honest either. And neither was Canary.

“So he’s not getting any better.” She frowned down at the pillow in her lap, lightly scratching her nails against the soft cotton.

“I’m afraid not,” Canary replied softly. Alluka’s hands fisted into the pillow, deforming its shape. Canary set one hand gently on top of Alluka’s own, stroking a thumb over her knuckles reassuringly. “I’m sorry.”

Alluka shook her head, her hair tumbling into her face and hiding her teary eyes. “It’s not your fault…”

Canary reached past her to grab the mug of tea, holding it out to Alluka. “Don’t worry. We’ll figure it out. Dr. Paladiknight is much stronger than he looks.” Alluka shrugged half-heartedly, nursing the drink. It was still too hot to swallow.

They sat in companionable silence for a while, Canary leaning back on her hands and staring vaguely off into space while Alluka ate slowly, clearing about a third of the platter before settling entirely on the tea- jasmine. Huh. She found herself leaning against Canary’s arm, needing her reassurance, and Canary didn’t say anything when Alluka rested her head on top of the woman’s shoulder. Eventually she set the mug aside too, now simply waiting for the boys to get back.

Something changed inside Alluka. She jumped to her feet, the edge of her knee knocking the platter off Canary’s lap and onto the floor. Canary slid immediately into standing, ignoring the mess for now, taking both of Alluka’s hands and making the teenager face her. “What is it?” she asked, concerned by the sheen of tears that had filled Alluka’s eyes.

“Nanika’s awake!” she gasped, her cheeks flushing. She blinked, and two fat tears of relief rolled down her face. Canary’s grey eyes widened, but before she could say anything Alluka rushed on. “She can save Leorio! Wait, but-” her mouth twisted, pulled down at the corners. “I can’t ask her myself,” she whispered, her shoulders tensing up around her ears.

But Canary was smiling. “Alluka, may I talk to Nanika?” Canary’s answer was given in the form of a black smile, Nanika’s eyes happy crescents as they stared back at her. “Nanika, can you heal Leorio?”

“Ai~” The pale entity giggled, slipping away from Canary to settle her hands on Leorio’s arm. He sprung awake, wild-eyed, as if from a nightmare, sitting up and nearly knocking Nanika down. Leorio squeaked when he noticed the IV sticking out of his arm, plucking it out and throwing the draining tube away from himself.

Before he could even understand what had happened, Alluka threw herself on top of Leorio, wrapping her arms around his waist. “You’re okay!” She wailed. Leorio blinked rapidly, puzzled as he patted her shoulder. He shared a quizzical look with Canary, who merely smiled, and then-

He noticed Kurapika in the bed past her. “Alluka,” he breathed, his gaze focused unshakingly on the unconscious blond, “I’m sorry, can you… let go for a second?”

Alluka sniffed, rubbing at one of her eyes, and looked up at Leorio. Her heart twisted when she followed his gaze, and she reluctantly climbed off his sickbed. He immediately crossed the room to stand at Kurapika’s bedside, staring down at him with an expression of slack disbelief.

For several moments the room was entirely still, totally silent. Slowly, Leorio sat on the edge of the bed. He reached out, his hand hovering over Kurapika uncertainly, before tenderly brushing back blond strands from the man’s clammy skin. He didn’t say anything as his thumb followed the curve of bone around Kurapika’s empty eye socket, as the back of his fingers trailed over a sallow, sunken cheek. Leorio curled his long fingers around one of Kurapika’s dainty hands, raising it to kiss his knuckles gently. “I’m sorry it took so long to find you,” he confessed softly, pressing the lax palm to his cheek. Alluka turned her head away, ashamed to be watching the painful reunion.

They were all silent for a while, a daunting pressure filling the room like noxious gas. Then the door crashed open, and all of that washed away from her as Alluka raced across the room and threw herself onto the figure in the doorway.

“Oniichan!” She screamed, leaping into Killua’s arms. He caught her without effort, laughing as she wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck, patting her back.

“Hi Alluka. Sorry I kept you waiting.”

She shook her head fiercely, squeezing Killua even harder. “I’m just happy you’re back!”

“Can I say thank you to Nanika?”

Alluka shook her head again as Killua carried her into the room, giving space for Gon to follow him in and shut the door. “She’s asleep.”

“Really?” Killua asked, frowning. Her glanced at Canary over Alluka’s shoulder, cocking an eyebrow in a question the butler couldn’t understand. Canary merely shrugged. “I thought she’d wake up when I did.”

“Doesn’t she usually sleep after fulfilling a wish?” Gon asked from behind them.

“No, I was paying the cost the whole time,” Killua answered flippantly. He tried to set Alluka down on the middle bed but she refused to let go. “Didn’t you notice?”

“I wished that she would heal Leorio,” Canary interjected, understanding now the direction of Killua’s thoughts.

“‘Heal Leorio’?” Killua repeated with a quirked eyebrow. He looked over at Leorio with a deadpan gaze and a mocking smirk. “From what? You were fine last time I saw you.”

Leorio scowled at him, crossing his arms; for the first time Killua noticed the shape laid out behind the doctor, but before he could ask Leorio cut in heatedly. “Your family poisoned me!”

Killua snorted. “You mean you were dumb enough to eat the food here.”

“What kind of people poison their guests?!” Leorio shouted as he leapt up, jabbing his finger towards Killua.

“Assassins.” The white-haired man stuck his tongue out at Leorio. “You’re not a guest. Nobody invited you to come here.”

“Why you insolent little brat!”

“Oniichan,” Alluka huffed, flicking her thumbnail hard against Killua as she finally unwound her legs and slid off him, “be nice to Leorio. He’s been taking care of us.” ‘And he’s been worried about Kurapika this whole time,’ went unsaid, because she was certain Killua had already put the pieces together.

Was he distracting Leorio on purpose?

Oniichan could really be a mystery, sometimes…

It was definitely good to have him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alluka gives Killua too much credit he just enjoys fucking with Leorio :P


	45. Regaining x Ground

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being In The World was never easy for Killua. Being away for so long- definitely wasn't going to change that.

The reality of it was very strange. Gon and Alluka wouldn’t leave him alone. His sister clung to him every chance she got, asking to be carried on his back again. He obliged without fuss- considering his strength, her weight was negligible. And it wasn’t that bad, to be needed so much, but as the jumbled memories of the last few months bubbled to the surface, it became harder to bear their unwavering attention.

By midday they had evacuated the mansion to wander in the gardens. Servants tracked them, of course, and the sunlight was cool as autumn set in early, but without his mother or Kalluto on the grounds there wasn’t anything oppressive about them, unlike the house’s stoney interior. They were never alone, either.

Killua wondered if his father had already been informed that he was ‘back to normal’. And as if his nerves weren’t already wearing thin, he kept expecting Hisoka to pop up again, and that was a face he didn’t want to see again today. He shut his eyes against the sunlight, sighing aggravatedly.

“What are you thinking about?” Gon asked immediately, his tawny eyes fixed unerringly on Killua. He squeezed their fingers together. Gon was so endearing today, an eager puppy with big eyes and a perpetual stare, his mouth soft and downturned, hungry for attention. It squeezed Killua’s heart. There was something funny about it, too- had he looked like that at Gon when they were kids? No wonder Leorio had always known he was attracted to boys.

Killua’s eyes narrowed at the unexpected thought.

Leorio had declined to accompany them, staying in the cot room with Kurapika. Not that surprising of a choice for a worrywart doctor. But. Also. Hadn’t he always been somewhat…? But why was he always so ridiculous about women then?

Killua huffed in disbelief, rolling his eyes.

Gon was still staring at him, his eyebrows slowly pulling together in concern.

“I was just hoping we wouldn’t see Hisoka,” he whispered, glancing over his shoulder as if mentioning him might make him pop up. It probably would. Knowing Hisoka, he was lurking just around the corner waiting for the perfect time to make a Dramatic Entr-

“Did I hear my name~?”

Like that. Killua’s eyebrows lifted haughtily, and his mouth pressed into a line as he turned around. “Go away, Hisoka.”

“Oh, is that any way to greet your grieving brother-in-law?”

Killua’s eyes narrowed, his cheeks bunching. He put Alluka down gently, small jolts sparking between his fingers. Hisoka’s yellow eyes dragged down Killua’s arm to his hands as his tongue rolled against the corner of his mouth.

Oh. _Of course._

Killua blew out a breath, shaking his fluffed-up hair out, skimming his fingers through it to try and settle some of the static raising the strands. Beside him, Gon was stiff, trembling with a quiet fury, his eyes hard. Killua rolled his eyes and elbowed him in the side.

“Trying to get an extra fight in today, Hisoka?”

“Why, are you interested?” Hisoka purred, his hands on his forward-thrust hips.

“Pass.” Killua remarked dryly, sticking up his middle finger. “I’m still injured from the last time you fought me anyway, so it wouldn’t be much fun for you. I thought being bored ruined your appetite?”

The allusion to their previous meeting had the opposite effect than intended. Hisoka strolled closer. “You’re certainly not boring me.” 

He reached out to curve his finger under Killua’s chin as he had done every time they met in the last week. Defiantly, Killua refused to move. Instead he stared at Hisoka cooly as the redhead approached, lifting his chin a fraction. “If you touch me I’ll break off your finger.”

Hisoka paused, the tip of his nail a fraction from Killua’s skin. His smile was inviting, taunting. Killua looked at him with an unimpressed stare, a single eyebrow arching up.

It was working. He really, really wanted to punch Hisoka, or break his finger anyway. But he wouldn’t let himself be baited, and especially not by this clown in particular.

It was working on Gon, too. Killua heel-kicked him in the shin when he heard Gon growl, glancing at him balefully.

“I just wanted to say how pleased I am to see you’re alright again, Kil.”

Killua’s nostrils flared. He felt the current of nen under his skin superheating in response to the nickname. Killua repressed his aura ruthlessly, leaving himself wide open but proving to Hisoka his refusal to engage. “You’ve said it. Now fuck off.”

Hisoka chuckled, pulling his hand back to tap his finger against his mouth. “I’ll see you again soon,” he purred, disappearing behind a hedge without turning around.

Killua dragged a hand over his face. _Exhausting._

\--

It was easier to hold together when Gon and Alluka were around him. His attention was almost entirely focused on them: keeping them distracted and metering their moods meant he didn’t have much time to devote to whatever was going on inside him. All in all, it kept him sane, if tenuously, even as it wore on his limited energy. 

They were fairly receptive to that, too. Alluka was content to play in the garden, sitting at their feet and weaving flower crowns out of their mother’s carefully kept flowerbeds of poisonous plants. The purple nightshade and wolfsbane circlet was particularly beautiful; she crowned Killua with it without a word, smiling. Gon sat next to her, leaning against Killua’s legs, and tried to learn the skill. He wasn’t quite as practiced, but he picked it up quickly, apparently just as keen on wrecking the garden as she was.

It was petty, but cute. They made too many, and ran about settling the crowns on the heads of any statues they found, relegating the rest to the heads of the unsuspecting butlers keeping watch. Kikyo’s poor gardener would not be having a good time.

Still, as they say, all good things must come to an end, and his came rather abruptly. Gon’s stomach rather loudly declared itself, and they wandered back inside to eat. Killua excused himself to go to the bathroom, and that turned out to be a mistake.

Washing his hands, he glanced up at the mirror by chance and caught his reflection. There was nothing that stood out about it in particular aside from the burst of purple against his hair, but he noticed that it now reached his shoulders. Unexpectedly, his mind ground to a halt.

His hand floated up as if separate from him, slipping into the strands and dragging down the soft hair. He swallowed, pushing it backwards. It tumbled over his cheek, the tips curling prettily around his sculpted shoulders. His hand slowly came down again to settle on the edge of the sink, the sound of running water a static white noise.

His reflection stared back blankly.

Gon might die. Alluka was hurting. He had done that. That was him.

 _No,_ he thought furiously, _it’s not me it’s Hisoka._

But it wasn’t. Alluka had been hurting long before Hisoka showed up. That was him. And Gon- angry and scared and not knowing what to do- that was him. That was him too.

Killua sank into a crouch, his hands still gripping the side of the sink, white-knuckled. He breathed- in and out, in and out- noisily, his lips peeling back from his teeth. One hand dropped, hard fingers pressing into his eyes. He ground his knuckles into his temples.

_If you had just kept yourself together we wouldn’t be in this situation._

How was he supposed to convince Hisoka to give up? He’d been waiting years to fight Gon, and now that Gon was apparently ‘ready,’ he wasn’t likely to give up. Gon was right- if they ran, Hisoka would only come after them. Again, and again, and again, just like Illumi.

Killua sank entirely to the floor, curling up into a ball, his breath hitching and hiccuping. Pinpricks rippled across his skin. He shuddered, trapping a whimper in the stickiness of his throat.

Was there even an end to this tunnel? Would he ever stand in the light?

He used to think Gon was it, but- But was he? Was he a light or was he a fire? A fire that would swallow him up and rage on?

_“I need you, Killua.”_

But did he? _Did_ he? Loving Killua had trapped him, trapped Alluka too, in a place that had been nothing but hurt, and worse it had dragged them back to this place. (This prison.)

The waters that Nanika had kept at bay swallowed him up without Alluka and Gon there to distract him, and his throat filled until he felt like he would choke, trembling alone on the stone bathroom floor.

The door slammed open. Gon rushed in, immediately crouching down to Killua and wrapping him up in his arms. He didn’t say anything; instead he crushed Killua to his chest, holding him tightly through his shuddering gasps. The shock of heat and closeness and Gon knocked Killua fully into tears. He buried his face into the crook of Gon’s neck, his hands trapped between them, and suddenly-

The noises he made shocked him. Deep, heavy sobs, long, drawn-out whimpers, loud and desperate gasps of air. He couldn’t breathe or think or understand, couldn’t anything but feel as it poured out of him. Alluka rushed in too at the sound, closed around his back, warm and soft and healthy and _alive_ and

and

and?

\--

Gon stared at the ceiling. He lay on his back in Killua’s bed, gently stroking Killua’s back. The young man had exhausted himself, and now dozed, curled, on Gon’s chest like a kitten. Alluka had stayed for a while, quietly sitting by the bedside with her left hand tangled in Killua’s while her right tapped away at her phone, but eventually she decided to check on Leorio, accompanied through the house by Canary.

And now it was just waiting, and mulling over the available solutions. ...If he could think of any, anyway. He lifted his head to press a soft kiss to the crown of Killua’s head, stroking through his hair. Killua’s hand came up to rest on his, wiry fingers curving around his palm. He slid off Gon so that he was tucked up against his side, pressing his nose into the crook of his neck.

“It’s a good thing Canary’s on our side.” Killua’s voice was gravelled, his throat raw.

“Hm?” Gon held Killua against him with a curved arm, tucking the other beneath his head. “She said she was always meant to be your butler.”

Killua was quiet sans for breathing for a minute, gently rearranging himself until he was more comfortable, cheek pillowed on the dip between Gon’s chest and shoulder. “Figures. Probably the only reason we met that one time…”

A crinkle formed between Gon’s brows. “What one time?”

“When she was first hired,” Killua yawned. His arm slipped under the hem of Gon’s shirt, fingers tracing over muscle lightly before he flattened his hand over Gon’s heartbeat. 

The enhancer turned his head to nudge at Killua’s cheek with his nose, brushing searching lips over pale skin. Killua obliged him, propping up on his elbow slightly to catch Gon’s mouth. They kissed lazily for a few moments, Gon’s thumb tracing Killua’s jaw gently.

Gon shifted suddenly onto his side, wrapping his far arm around Killua’s waist and pulling them flush. He delved his tongue in Killua’s mouth with a needy groan, pressing his thigh forward. Killua stopped him with a firm hand against his chest and a turn of his head.

“Not now, Gon.”

Gon stroked his fingers through Killua’s hair, pushing it out of his face so that he couldn’t hide behind it. His eyes were searching, his mouth twisted into a pout, but he didn’t ask.

Killua answered anyway, looking to the side. “Definitely not in this house.”

Warmth filled Gon’s honey eyes, a tooth grin developing. “Not even to desecrate it?”

“More like consecrate it,” Killua huffed, smiling back despite himself, “this house doesn’t deserve to have any good memories.”

“But the garden’s ok?” Gon asked playfully, otherwise seeking out Killua’s hand to tangle their fingers together.

“The garden’s different.” It was full of good memory already. All the best times he had spent with Alluka when they were children were in that garden, lurking mother aside.

Gon’s grin was impish. “So wanna have sex in the garden?”

Killua immediately turned red, slapping Gon’s shoulder. “Are you crazy?! No!”

“Awww, but Killua! It’s not like we’ve never done it outside!” Gon continued, but he was smiling entirely too much to be serious, playfully kissing Killua’s hand.

_“Not with all the servants watching!”_

“I think they can hear you,” Gon laughed.

“I’m going to kill you!” Killua jumped on top of Gon- they play wrestled for a while, falling off the bed with a big oof, rolling around and slapping ineffectually at each other, and sprinkling grabs and kisses in there for good measure.

They settled eventually, Gon sitting up against the base of Killua’s bed with Killua in his lap, their chests pressed together as they breathed in tandem. “I love you.” Gon kissed the warm, tender skin just behind Killua’s ear. Killua hmmed in response.

They were quiet for a minute, relaxed. Then, Killua sat back, his brows bent above his blue eyes as he met and held Gon’s gaze. “You asked me to tell you I loved you and when I did, you cried.”

Confusion melted onto Gon’s face. He cocked his head with a frown. “What?”

“When I was…” Killua waved a hand in the air beside his head, irritated that he couldn’t really find an adequate word. “Different. You said ‘tell me you love me,’ and when I did, you cried.”

Comprehension cleared Gon’s expression. He looked down, his grip slackening, hands lowering to his lap. Swallowed. “Yeah.”

“Why?”

“...Why?” Gon asked, hushed, his brows knitting together.   
Killua nodded, rocking forward to press a kiss to Gon’s forehead. He guided Gon’s head down on his shoulder gently, threading his fingers through Gon’s wiry spikes. They were even longer now, and he looked more and more like a porcupine. Wasn’t Gon charming enough already? Geez.

“Because you didn’t mean it, you just said it because I told you to.”

“Of course I meant it,” Killua responded, so fast he almost cut Gon off. “Stupid. I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t.”

Gon’s head came up, his mouth all twisted, eyes misty. “But you just did whatever I told you to.”

“You should’ve tried telling me to say I _didn’t_ love you, and _then_ seen what would’ve happened.”

Gon blinked. He frowned, his pout exaggerating, scrubbing one of his eyes. What a cute fucking puppy. How did anybody resist Gon Freecs? “I didn’t think of that.”

“Obviously,” Killua responded haughtily, sticking his nose up in the air. Gon didn’t answer. Killua cracked one eye open to look at him. He was still pouting, sad-looking as he stared at the floor. Killua sighed, fond and exasperated at once. He turned his head forward again, using a finger to tip Gon’s head up and catch him in a kiss.

“I do,” he whispered quietly against Gon’s lips. “Love you, I mean.”

Gon’s arms wrapped around him, crushing him to Gon’s chest. He returned the hug, smiling to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Being able to write scenes in Killua's pov again is nice ~.~ Analytic boi


	46. Trepidation x Retreading

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's Leorio up to these days, anyway?

Gon and Killua reappeared, again, in the cot room, hand in hand, except Alluka didn’t throw herself into her brother’s arms that time. In fact, she was nowhere to be seen. The room was empty except for a single expressionless butler.

“Where’s Alluka?” Killua asked the woman immediately. She stood and bowed slightly to the young men.

“I shall escort you.” She left the room, followed closely by Gon and Killua. The younger man dogged her steps very closely, something which made her spine even more rigid, his blue eyes narrowed into a death stare on the nape of her neck. He didn’t like surprises to begin with. He liked them much, much less when they involved Alluka’s location, and even less when his family was involved, so he was very much against this as a whole.

Thankfully, the trek was comparatively short for the mansion’s endless corridors. The butler opened a door for them. When they passed through it was into a thin corridor with a broad steel sink at the end and a set of swing-hinge doors which led left. The left wall was fitted with a long strip of glass, which allowed them to look into the next space.

Four butlers stood at attention against the far wall. Everyone- and that included Alluka, her long hair held back by a yellow ribbon- wore a white long-sleeved apron over their clothes and latex gloves. The room was white, primarily clutterless except for a cot in the very center of the room, Kurapika’s blond hair barely visible to them, an IV drip similar to the one that had been attached to poisoned Leorio, and a rolling tray of metal tools.

They could see Leorio in profile. He leaned over Kurapika’s cot. His hands were invisible to them, his face almost entirely hidden by the bandana he wore to hold his hair back and the paper mask covering his nose and mouth. His glasses were, for once, pushed all the way up, and his eyebrows were drawn together in concentration.

Canary spotted them through the window. She skirted the wall silently, slipping out between the double doors and pulled down the mask she, too, wore over her face.

“What-”

“Dr Paladiknight is performing surgery.”

Gon gaped at her. Killua’s eyebrow twitched. “Is that a good idea?” He hissed between gritted teeth, immediately disappointed that people had gone along with it.

Canary shrugged, smiling with slight embarrassment. “We had the facilities.”

Killua threw his hands up in the air, rolling his eyes. Gon stepped closer to the glass, flattening his hands over it and peering closer, his attention raptly focused, his mouth slightly open in fascination.

“What’s he doing?” he asked quietly, as if he might disrupt the doctor by being too loud. Killua rolled his eyes, crossing his arms huffily. He didn’t appreciate Alluka being pulled into the room, thankyouverymuch, although granted he would’ve been much more angry if they had left her behind.

Still, why was she the one assisting Leorio and not one of the butlers?! Irresponsible!

“I believe he’s attempting to reattach Kurapika’s eye,” Canary answered measuredly. Killua’s head whipped around to stare at Leorio through the glass, his eyebrows skyrocketing upward.

“Wouldn’t he have to break open the eye socket for that? That’s way worse!”

Canary’s mouth curved into a soft smile as she glanced past the boys to the doctor within. “Dr. Paladiknight is using his emission skill to access the inner cavity without having to ‘make room.’”

“Huh,” Killua huffed, blowing his bangs out of his eyes and shoving his hands into his pockets, playing at unimpressed. “I guess the old man learned how to do something useful after all. Took him long enough.” Despite his attitude, he strolled over to stand next to Gon, watching the proceedings carefully.

“Neeee, Killua…” Gon asked, never taking his eyes off Leorio’s figure, his nose pressed against the glass. “How come your house has a surgery room? That’s kind of weird.”

Killua shrugged. Considering the size of his ancestral home, they might have anything. And with the Zoldyck tendency to keep to the shadows, it made perfect sense to him that they’d have a surgical suite- they didn’t exactly trust any old doctor, and injuries happened. He’d probably gotten knocked out and needed surgery more than once as a kid, and that wasn’t really the kind of thing you brought to a village doctor. “You think _that’s_ the weird part?”

“I guess,” Gon laughed awkwardly.

“There’s a theory amongst butlers that the Zoldyck estate was once home to an entire underground tribe,” Canary told them, standing in line with them and observing with her hands behind her back. “The tunnels continue quite far into the mountain. Passages were blocked off over time.”

“Cool!” Gon breathed. Killua’s eyes, meanwhile, narrowed thoughtfully.

“Maybe there’s an exit I don’t know about yet,” he surmised, drumming his fingers against his arm as he considered the contingency.

“I told you already,” Gon cut in, his tone suddenly hard. When Killua glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, Gon’s expression was flat, brows low over his eyes. “We’re done running away.”

Killua stared silently at him, clenching his jaw. He turned forward again after a moment, frustrated. “Fine,” he bit out, “I’ll think of something else.” If he could.

And if he couldn’t?

Alluka noticed them, and gave them a small wave before Leorio said something and pulled her attention back. Killua sighed, tension bubbling inside him. He just wanted to leave. That was all. Just- go.

Silva had let him before, he didn’t doubt his father would approve again, but Hisoka was set on using their family customs to fight Gon, and Zeno and Silva were bound by their roles to make the rest obey. They wouldn’t let Gon off, not after what had happened with Illumi. As much as Killua hated it (and he _really_ hated it,) it was Hisoka’s right to demand recompensation.

\--

By the time the surgery was over it was past time for dinner. Alluka convinced Gon and Killua to forcibly drag Leorio along and leave Kurapika’s bedside, something which set him off on a tirade of complaining that left him dead-eyed and half-asleep by the time they reached the Butlers’ quarters to eat. Killua’s muttered words about Gotoh’s continued absence were ignored by knowing ears, but none of them behaved in any way remarkable enough to attract his suspicions. Gon more or less carried Leorio back to the Zoldyck house after dinner, the exhausted doctor mumbling under his breath as he dangled against Gon’s back. Every so often he would straighten up with a confused and angry sound, but Gon’s chuckle sent him back into a land of near-slumber.

Rolling his eyes, Killua shoved one of the cots in the north wing right up to Kurapika’s, who was still unconscious, just to make sure Leorio would shut up. Alluka narrowed her eyes thoughtfully before dragging the third cot across the floor until mashed it up to the last, beaming at Killua. “You can be in the middle, onii-chan!”

Killua’s face was carefully neutral as he cringed inwardly, but neither Alluka nor Gon had the least issue with the setup, so he went along with them anyway.

He did not sleep. The seam between the beds immediately beneath him didn’t exactly help, but it wasn’t the only cause of sleeplessness either. He felt wide awake, his mind buzzing with problems that needed fixing, analyzing and cataloguing the big memories from the last few months and rejecting the long hours of exercise and tedium; expect, of course, for the memory of dawning light on his face, Alluka and Gon’s long shadows stretching on either side of them as they moved as one. He wasn’t one much prone to sleeping anyway, prefering to skip every other night at least. The relative unsafety of the Zoldyck Estate kept him further on guard, forcing himself to be alert in the space of those that had sought to pacify him.

Not to mention Mother would be here soon. She was so _annoying_. Suffocatingly overbearing. Exactly the worst parts of home. Oh no would she cry when she saw him? The very thought of it twisted his mouth, disgust sticky on his face.

“Hey, Killua?” A voice breathed against the shell of his ear. He shifted his glance to the left and found Gon’s luminous eyes staring at him. The young man propped his head up, his curious expression shifting into a grin. “Hi.”

“...Hi.” He rolled his head towards the other nen user, cocking an eyebrow. “What’s up?”

“It’s too hot, I can’t sleep,” Gon whispered, lacing his fingers with Killua’s. He inclined his head towards the doorway, the hallway gas lamps’ faint orange light marking a seam along the floor. “Come out with me?”

Killua glanced over at Alluka. She had fallen asleep tucked up against his side, but had since rolled onto her back. Her left foot stuck out, hair a curtain over her round cheeks as she breathed gently. After a moment he shrugged, nudging at Gon’s legs with his foot to prompt him into moving them. He slid off the bed gracefully, hardly shifting the mattress enough to disturb his sister, and padded silently into the hallway. Gon was less subtle as he followed, but nobody seemed to stir.

Killua quietly shut the door behind him. Gon linked their fingers again as they walked silently through the long stone hallways, slowly finding their way back to the surface. “Killua,” Gon floated out, vaguely staring into the middle distance as Killua led him along. “I’ve been thinking…”

Killua waited for Gon to continue but the young man had trailed off, tilting his head as he mulled it over. Impatient, Killua pressed his thumbnail into the flesh of Gon’s hand. “You’ve been thinking?” He prompted sharply when Gon’s head whipped around to look at him.

After a few moments Gon smiled again, his clouded expression clearing. “It’s nothing.”

Killua regarded him suspiciously, but he only sighed. He didn’t have the energy to badger Gon about anything right now. Lucky for the other boy. Their walk led them outside; Gon didn’t bother to lace up his boots as they stepped into the garden. A mist floated around them; it hardly affected visibility, but it beaded against their skin, and the cool moonlight made the wet plants about them gleam almost silver.

There didn’t seem to be anyone around, which struck Killua as so dissonant a part of him felt as if they had somehow stepped into an alternate dimension. He wasn’t sure if the quality of it was more fairytale-like or ominous, but it certainly felt… unusual.

He was still frowning about it when they entered the hedge maze. Gon spoke up again the moment they rounded the first corner. “If I go into zetsu like you did, do you think Hisoka would leave me alone?”

“No,” Killua scoffed immediately. “If Hisoka attacked me without me agreeing to a fight, dad and grandpa would’ve crushed him. Not even Hisoka can take them on, and definitely not at the same time. Besides, his goal this whole time has been you.” Harried, Killua shoved his fingers through his long hair, combing it back. Gon came to a standstill beside him, watching him with a small frown as he processed the information. “I bet if you go into zetsu, he’ll just attack you anyway, trying to goad you into defending yourself.”

Gon sighed, dejected, squeezing Killua’s hand as he hung his head. He started to walk again, pulling his boyfriend along. “That was my only idea,” he whined. Killua smiled a little at his childishness, soothingly stroking his thumb over the back of Gon’s hand.

Gon was right to be unnerved. Killua was terrified of tomorrow, the dread of the battle an ever-growing cloud above them, dark and threatening, rumbling ominously.

“I wish we could make _Hisoka_ go into zetsu,” Gon pouted. He rubbed his broad palm over his wet skin, tilting his face up against the cool spray. He took a deep breath in, and then released it gently. He did it a second time, only half-aware of Killua’s watchful eyes, and on the second release he smiled a little more, his shoulders rounding down. “This is nice. It just makes me want to relax a little.”

He tilted his head to look at Killua with warm eyes. “You know, when I lost my nen, whenever I got really frustrated I’d sit in the middle of the cliffs on Whale Island and let the seaspray hit me until I calmed down. It reminds me a little of that...” Gon trailed off, blinking once. Killua’s eyes had gradually widened as Gon reminisced, and now he was staring at him with such an odd look of reverent surprise he felt flutter in his stomach. “Killua?”

The white-haired boy wrapped his hands around Gon’s collar, dragging the taller man down to his level. “You- are a genius,” he breathed, hushed and amazed, planting a hard kiss on Gon’s mouth, “and I love you.”

Gon swallowed, slightly overwhelmed and happy to find himself feeling like the shy one for once, and also at once wanting to be tangled as close to Killua as possible. “What’d I say?”

In lieu of answering, Killua stepped flush against Gon, wrapping an arm around his back to pull them closer. Gon grinned against his mouth, pulling himself into the game in an instant, dipping down for a long and thorough kiss.

“So, the gardens then?” Gon chuckled warmly, the sound resonating in his chest. Killua shivered, glaring at him through pale, damp lashes, an inviting pink washing over his cheeks and throat. Gon enthoustically dipped down to kiss along the flushed skin.

“Shut up before I change my mind,” Killua grumbled, twisting his head to catch Gon’s mouth again. His lover obliged- obviously.

\--

Killua woke up embarrassed, a flush already starting to tinge his skin. Had he really been so brazen? Gon, somehow responding to his conscious state, mumbled something into his shoulder and snuggled closer. Alluka, dead to the world, kicked Killua in the shins. His eyebrow ticked as he stared at the ceiling.

Gon had stared at him with such a look of rapt focus, a clawing hunger sitting just below the surface of his adoration, golden eyes unerringly fixed on Killua’s every minute expression. It still shook him thinking about it, no matter how otherwise pleasurable the night had been. He couldn’t get it out of his head. It reminded him of the confused restlessness that had assaulted him when they had first crossed the desert together, so relieved at Gon’s presence and yet so unable to come to terms with it. Expecting to wake at any moment to find it all a dream.

The guilt set in quickly after that, and he threw himself out of bed. The commotion woke up both Gon and Alluka, the later frowning at him with confused, sleep-heavy eyes. “Onii-chan?” Alluka yawned, straightening her sleeping shirt, “what time is it?”

“How should I know?” He huffed, squinting across the room where Leorio and Kurapika dozed on. There wasn’t a window in this room, too deep into the mountain to allow one. It was a miracle Killua had grown up with a window at all, his siblings didn’t. Mm, except for Kalluto, who had a room next to their mother’s chambers, but that sounded like an entirely different nightmare to him.

She blinked at him once before rolling her eyes, gathering all her hair up. She should’ve braided it before sleeping. Why had she forgotten? Oh, right. Her hair tie broke. “Grumpy,” she complained about Killua, leaning briefly on Gon’s shoulder before climbing out of bed. Gon was staring at her brother raptly, his expression something like enchantment, a smile playing on his lips. Alluka smacked her lips together, rubbing the wetness from her eyes.

A soft knock on the door turned their heads; Canary let herself in a moment later. “Breakfast is served.”

“Not a chance,” Killua scoffed, rolling his eyes, but Gon took his hand and looked at him significantly, his mouth twisting into a little pout. Killua’s eyes narrowed on Gon silently, then shifted to Canary. He crossed his arms, huffing in annoyance. “Fine, but Alluka’s coming too.”

A smile burst onto Canary’s face, but she schooled her expression immediately to a calm acquiescence. “Of course, Master Killua.” 

Killua’s glare fixed on her a little longer as he fought with the distinct impression that she was laughing at him. Hmph. Whatever.

They were the last to arrive, and everyone that could’ve been there was present. Silva and Kikyo, Zeno and his wife, Milluki and even Kalluto. Hisoka sat, again, in Illumi’s seat, and with Verdun there with his black eyes and his black hair and his ears sticking out the sides, looking ageless in an inhuman sort of way and oh so much like his grandson, the event was _particularly_ jarring for Killua.

And, of course, the moment Kikyo saw him, dressed still in yesterday’s clothes and brazenly holding Alluka’s hand as he dragged his little sister into the room and sat her between him and Gon, she burst into loud, tearful wails. Even Kalluto looked annoyed, his eyebrow ticking as he daintily drank his tea. Silva studiously ignored his wife- his entire family, in fact- utterly stone-faced as he ate his own breakfast. Killua smirked at her, spearing his fork into a sausage.

“Did I feel you using your En yesterday, young man?” Zeno asked, his long whiskers trembling as he talked. His grandfather’s mustache always reminded him of a dragon. Baby Killua had enjoyed fisting his little hand around the white strands, tugging them this way and that.

Killua grinned at him proudly, his chest puffing up a little as he sat up. “Oh that? That was nothing. I might not have your maximum range yet but I have some killer stamina.”

“Oh?” Zeno chuckled, exchanging a look with his wife. Silva’s slitted eyes slid to his son’s diminutive figure, wordlessly analysing his behavior now that he was properly awake. “Kids these days, huh?” Zeno continued, amused. “They have no idea what they’re getting into.”

Killua frowned immediately, displeased at Zeno’s flippant disregard. He had worked hard on that skill, damnit! “What do you mean?”

“You should find a master to study with before you hurt yourself irreparably,” Zeno continued, blissfully untouched by the tension at the table. Hisoka giggled, too loudly to be ignored, and yet everyone ignored the sound anyway. (Alluka shivered, but she pretended otherwise, and soon her attention was drawn away by the look Kalluto was giving her- measured and quiet but curious rather than openly hostile like their mother.)

“That’s not an answer,” Killua replied heatedly, viciously taking a bite out of his sausage.

“You should be more judicious with your use of En. It’s very bad for your body. You’re probably still too plastic to notice the harm you’re doing.”

Gon’s head swiveled towards him, his golden eyes wide. Killua gritted his teeth. “‘Too plastic,’?!” he repeated heatedly, offended.

“Ah, youth!” was Zeno’s only reply as he chuckled into his tea.

“Enough,” Silva muttered. It was quiet, relatively soft coming from the massive man. Zeno, undaunted and utterly immune to his son’s dourness, entertained himself with his food instead. Killua went ahead and ignored the rest from then on, deliberably shifting in his chair so that he twisted towards Alluka and Gon, talking to them as if the rest had all suddenly left. 

“The fight will take place at ten this morning,” Silva warned them, his heavy gaze settling first on gleeful Hisoka and second on Gon. Killua noticed his father hadn’t glanced at Alluka once. It felt like biting into a meal and finding a grain of sand. For the disaster that was his relationship with Illumi, he had always considered Silva to be an ally. His father had let him leave with Gon after the first Hunter Exam, and had brought him to Alluka.

But his father had also been the one to trap Alluka..?

Chewing his bottom lip, Killua speared another sausage. There was just an intrinsic disagreement between them- Silva wanted him to take over as patriarch, but Killua didn’t want to be an assassin. It came down to that.

Hisoka was the problem, here.

He glanced at the black-dressed clown. Hisoka, predictably, was eating with a sly smirk on his face, yellow eyes fixed on Gon. He licked the shine of oil from his lips, and Killua was immediately assaulted with a gross sensation. Ugh. 

Seriously. He wasn’t fond of Illumi in the slightest, but he still couldn’t understand what had made his brother pick _that_.

“We’ll be ready,” Killua shrugged. He lifted his head to stare directly at Hisoka, drilling his glare into the side of the clown’s head. “But you’re not going to like it.”

Killua could feel Gon’s eyes settle on him, unsure, but Killua ignored the look for now. They would talk later- away from these eyes and ears. Ten was hours from now yet.


	47. Flood x Fury

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fight occurs

Gon followed Killua along a winding path that seemed to lead upwards through the stone bowels of the Zoldyck house. He felt that it was one he had never tread before, but it was difficult to tell with the endless corridors. It would be astounding to him that anyone could even keep this labyrinthine house straight. 

Then again he supposed he knew every inch of Whale Island. If you airdropped him asleep on any part of the island, he could probably recognize his position from the shape of the nearby trees alone. Each tree was unique, though, which was certainly more than he could say about these hallways. Oh, stairs. Those were new. They twisted around in a spiral, their footsteps echoing hauntingly. Ahead, Killua pushed open a stone door and stepped out into the orange light.

Gon shaded his eyes as he stepped into the fresh air, taking a deep breath. The chill settled on his skin but didn’t permeate it. The sun had risen a decent portion by this time, but it was still a mere sliver of light along the mountain’s rim. They had stepped out into the crater of Kukuroo mountain, a vast disk of stone that had been flattened over the centuries into a smooth, open ground, surrounded by high walls, perfect for training. Or a battle.

Gon’s hand lowered to his side as his eyes tracked across the landscape, the stone black where shadows lived and striated with brown and red where streaks of sunlight fell. The patches of paler rock seemed unusual to Gon, unnatural. He squinted at them, tilting his head. Killua noticed his gaze and his mouth shifted into a smug smirk. He winked at Gon before concentrating his nen into his legs and leaping upwards so that he hovered a good distance above Gon, his hands in his pockets. The enhancer smiled up at him for a moment before following suit. The sunlight washed over him, too early to obliterate the chill hanging in the air but enough to warm his skin. Beneath them, the streaks of color in the stone formulated into the shape of two red dragons twisting around each other.

“Your family likes dragons, huh?” Gon chuckled, remembering the front door.

“I guess you never saw Zeno’s power, _huh_ ,” Killua smirked, drifting back towards the ground like a feather. “Family legend says the mountain peak was destroyed during a battle between two dragons. It lasted day and night, until the first Zoldyck stabbed one of the dragons, ending their clash, and the second dragon rewarded him with power beyond the dreams of humans. And that’s why we’re assassins.”

“Wow, that’s so cool!”

Gon, unlike Killua, cut out his nen suddenly, letting himself fall quickly to the surface. He cushioned the blow at the last second, protecting the ground’s smooth surface. Killua smirked, rolling his eyes, and didn’t budge as Gon came right up to him. “It’s just a story. I doubt it’s true.”

“Eh, who knows!” Gon smiled. “Maybe dragons taught your ancestors how to use nen. Why not?”

“You’re so simple sometimes,” Killua mocked Gon- despite that he lifted his head as the taller man approached, asking for a kiss Gon was only happy to supply.

“That’s why I have you,” Gon whispered against Killua’s skin, as if it was any kind of secret. Killua’s hand flashed out of his pocket to grip Gon’s collar, reeling him back in to crush their lips together. When Gon tried to deepen the kiss, Killua turned his head instead, nosing into the crook of Gon’s neck.

He shifted gears immediately, stroking his hand down Killua’s spine, holding him close. “Are you okay?” he asked softly. Killua sighed, an aggravated hiss of breath.

“I just hope this works,” he muttered, his hand flattening against Gon’s chest before slowly dragging down until it fell loosely to his side again.

Gon settled his broad hands around the shape of Killua’s shoulders, pulling back to look into his eyes. Killua avoided his gaze, eyes narrowed, his lips pressed in a line. Gon ducked down a little to force it, gently bumping their foreheads together. “What’s the plan, Killua?”

Killua chewed on his cheek, uncertainty clear as he shifted his weight. “Do you trust me?”

“With everything,” Gon answered without a trace of hesitation.

Killua’s mouth twisted. It eventually formed into a smile, despite the wet sheen of his eyes. “I only hope,” he told Gon, strained and painful, pale hands cupping Gon’s cheeks, “that that’s enough.”

Gon didn’t know what to say to that… but he had an idea of what to do, at least. He swept Killua closer and pulled him into another kiss.

\--

Alluka appeared just as the sun completely cleared the crater’s rim, practically bouncing from the manic energy that assailed her, wide-eyed. Canary, her ever-present guardian in the house, followed more sedately.

She told them all about Kurapika’s progress. It seemed he was conscious now and sipping water but very weak and unable to speak above a rough, hushed whisper. Gon wanted to visit him, but Killua’s expression kept him still. They had bigger things to worry about right now. 

Killua took Canary aside, asking her to make preparations for them to leave the moment the battle was over- to have Alluka, Leorio and Kurapika in a car ready to go. Before the woman could respond Alluka, listening in, protested loudly. She argued that Kurapika wasn’t ready to be moved, and that Leorio would never agree to it, leaving out that she refused to let them fight without watching. Meanwhile, Killua wanted her as far from the battleground as possible, already assailed with guilt about what had happened last time Gon and he had fought an enemy in front of her. Gon’s attempts to mediate were not well received, but they were all forced to stop when the rest of the family appeared, one after the other.

Was it that late already? Killua felt an anxious energy vibrate in his bones as the spectators sat on a raised dais. Silva’s dog stalked out too, its body as long as the platform itself as it lay at its master’s feet. Hisoka was the last to appear, the star and teardrop on his cheeks both painted in crimson today. He smiled slyly at them, waving at Killua when he noticed the boy’s glare.

Amane came to the center, beckoning Gon and Hisoka close. Hisoka sauntered over, shuffling his cards in midair. He watched Gon as the enhancer approached, delighted.

“The fight completes when both participants are either dead or satisfied with the result,” Amane informed them blandly. She didn’t sound particularly enthused to be here, nor did she seem particularly distraught about the events. In fact, Gon was hard-pressed to read her at all. Unlike Canary, she seemed perpetually opinionless. He didn’t like it.

Hisoka did nothing to disguise his delight, shivering with blatant excitement as he bit into his lower lip. “Sounds fun,” he purred, winking at Gon. The enhancer narrowed his gaze on the older fighter, his hands curling into fists. Hisoka was fickle, it was true, but that didn’t stop him from being stubborn either.

Gon cracked his neck to the side, unbearably tense. He shrugged at Amane and turned back, walking to the starting position they had marked in chalk while he wasn’t watching. Killua came to stand next to him, his hands in his pockets, facing Gon. Their morning practice hadn’t been enough to calm him.

“Oh?” Hisoka grinned, his yellow eyes narrowing on the pair, “will I have the pleasure of fighting you too, _Kil_?”

“Fat chance,” Killua scoffed as his father’s cat-like eyes narrowed behind the clown. “I’m not fighting you ever.”

Gon crossed his arms, planting his feet in a slightly wide stance. He looked like a bouncer, unwilling to move and really recommending that nobody force him to move either. “In fact,” Gon added, “neither of us are.”

A shadow immediately fell across Hisoka’s face. He lowered his head a fraction, his gaze boring into Gon. His teeth gnashed together. “Oh?” he purred, a smooth, relaxed sound entirely at odds with the look on his face, with the tendrils of malicious nen lashing out from Hisoka’s core.

Before he could continue, Silva’s low yet booming voice interrupted them. “Morow, you are within your rights to kill this boy,” his gaze shifted to Gon, his expression measuring him, finding him disappointingly lacking, “regardless of whether he chooses to defend himself.”

Killua stiffened beside Gon, his back rigid as Silva’s voice echoed around them. _So that’s how it is, huh?_ He thought to himself angrily, a cold realization pooling in his gut. He should’ve realized sooner.

Grimacing derisively, Killua shook the thought out of his head. He’d handle it later. “I don’t think that’s what Hisoka wants.” Killua lifted his chin haughtily, cooly meeting Hisoka’s gaze head on. “Is it, Hisoka?”

“You know it’s not,” the clown spat, his yellow eyes flinty. Hisoka lived for a good fight, and he had been waiting a long time for the opportunity to fight Gon. He wasn’t going to waste it for a measly revenge beating.

A line of bungee gum flashed out from his index finger, sticking to Gon’s chest. He retracted it immediately in an attempt to pull his opponent forward. Gon threw his weight backwards in response, planting his feet; the stone ground wasn’t enough for purchase, and as the bungee gum shrank it dragged Gon forward inch by inch. Hisoka smirked, flicking out another line to attach to Gon’s left leg, tugging it upwards so that the boy stumbled. Gon narrowed his eyes on him, his gaze hardening, lips pulling back from his white teeth. “I’m not fighting you!” He yelled at Hisoka.

Killua was right. They had known Hisoka wouldn’t take no for an answer, not willingly. But they had planned for that. Killua casually strolled up beside Gon, facing Hisoka with a dispassionate stare and his hands still in his pockets. He tilted his head up towards the tall, fluffy clouds above them, feeling the wind.

Gon turned his head towards Killua; their eyes met, a secret exchanged- a quick smile and Gon uncrossing his hands to ghost the back of his fingers over Killua’s knuckles through the fabric of his pockets. The softness of Killua’s reassuring smile hardened into a smug smirk when he faced Hisoka again, his eyes half-lidded and sharing nothing.

Killua’s nen flashed into the sky, a bolt of lightning striking the clouds. They gathered together quickly, a loud rumble answering Killua’s request; rain descended on them immediately, a cold torrent of thin droplets that blanketed the field. It sizzled against the invisible lines of Hisoka’s bungee gum, the nen dissolving where the water struck it until Gon was stumbling backwards, suddenly released. In fact, it seemed to do that to every living thing: as the rain fell, a thin vapor rose from the living creatures surrounding them. The Zoldycks and the butlers, Silva’s panting dog, the small green sprouts that had struggled to emerge out of the hard rock. 

The enhancer smirked too, his expression matching his partner’s for a moment, but when he glanced at Killua the victorious look was replaced with warmth.

Hisoka was not amused. His bony hands curled into fists, his eyes angry slits, his mouth pressed into a gruesome line. “You think a little rain will stop me?” He crowed, the seam in his lips showing his teeth.

“Go ahead, use your nen,” Killua shrugged, never once removing his hands. “See what happens.” He deliberately turned his back to the clown, waving as he walked towards the dias. He perched on the edge of it, leaning on it casually near Alluka. 

Hisoka’s gaze followed him; he was too smart to test the theory. Before him, Gon went into zetsu. The warning vapor ceased, the rain splattering harmlessly against his skin. Hisoka gnashed his teeth again. Fine. No nen. This would be less fun, but by no means would it stop him.

He threw himself forward. In a fraction of a second, Hisoka reached Gon. He threw out a flurry of blows, hands and feet moving at a speed far too quick for any average humans to note his movements. Milluki watched with a frown, displeased that his potato chips were now soggy and that the entertainment was beyond him. The rest of the Zoldycks tracked the battle quietly, except for Alluka who crawled forward to hide her face against Killua’s back. He reached behind himself to pat at her hand awkwardly, but his gaze remained glued to the fighters.

Gon was not quite as fast as Hisoka, but he had always had an insanely quick eye- Gotoh’s game had proved that- and blocking took far less movement than attacking. He met almost every blow, and those that got through were hardly enough to do any more than bruise him. When it came to sheer brute strength, Gon outclassed Hisoka. He released his zetsu again, feeling that it had made its point, and focused entirely on dodging or blocking. His hand came up just in time to catch a foot aimed at his head; he took hold of the ankle, turning and flinging Hisoka hard away from him. Hisoka flipped acrobatically in the air, landing in a soundless crouch.

Silva turned his head from the fight, his analytical gaze instead falling on his middle son. Killua’s matching blue eyes watched Hisoka and Gon’s movements raptly, emotion clear to see where it simmered under his skin.

“What is this?” He asked conversationally. No part of him made it obvious that he was referring to Killua’s ability, yet his son could understand at least that, even without glancing at him.

“Heaven’s Judgement,” Killua answered. His tone was just as casual, despite the taut line of his spine. “It won’t have an effect on nen in a natural state but activated nen will behave like a lightning rod.” In theory, the degree of the resultant strike could be controlled, and perhaps one day Killua would be able to regulate the ability finely enough to hurt without paralyzing, or to paralyze without knocking out, or to knock out without killing…

But that day had not yet come. Killua’s new ability was a fledgling thing, hastily constructed, and to make sure it would work he had only had one recourse, one covenant he could make that would guarantee it was enough to stop Hisoka. One choice.

“Your restriction?”

“Clouds,” he answered shortly, narrowing his eyes as a slice of Hisoka’s nails drew four lines of dripping red across Gon’s bicep.

“And your covenant?” Killua turned his head, meeting Silva’s gaze with one eye, the other hidden by his dripping bangs. A muscle jumped in his cheek. Ashamed, a little ashen, he turned his head forward again, crossing his arms across his chest.

“I am also being judged,” he eventually replied, hushed. He had let Gon believe that God’s Judgement would have a negligible effect on him, immune to electricity as he tended to be, but it wasn’t true. The covenant required that he put himself at risk, and as such... He would die just as readily as Hisoka.

Entirely absorbed in watching Gon, Killua missed the way Hisoka’s gaze shifted askance towards him.

Silva’s slitted eyes narrowed on him a moment before he turned back to the one-sided battle, making a thoughtful sound in answer. His son had, in essence, created a neutralizing field. A useful skill for an assassin- many of their techniques did not require nen, and if Killua should go up against an enemy with powerful or unknown nen, it would give him a major advantage, particularly if the enemy didn’t know his ability- as they never should. He had been right to make Killua the heir. Now if only he could break the hold the island boy had on his son, the Zoldyck line would continue stronger than ever.

In the center of the rink, Hisoka and Gon seemed to have come to a dead-lock. Gon, unwilling to do anything but defend, had planted his feet on the chalk line and refused to budge. He had thrown Hisoka across the ring a few more times, inflicting no damage on the acrobatic fighter, merely giving himself a few seconds to breathe. Though he didn’t activate any of his abilities, Hisoka’s aura still seemed to be growing with his bloodlust and his frustration, and a large cloud of steam had begun to rise off his skin. Little jolts of static burst between him and Gon when they made contact, only feeding his murderous lust.

But it was clear Hisoka wasn’t going to get what he wanted.

The clown flipped backwards, landing on his starting spot. A deck of cards appeared between his fingers and he shuffled the cards agitatedly, his gaze fixed on Gon. “Frankly, I’m insulted,” Hisoka pouted, his eyes angry slits despite the playful tone of his voice. “All I ask from you is one good fight. Isn’t it what we’ve both always wanted~?”

“No.” Gon rejection was hard and instant. “It’s what you wanted.”

“Oh please,” he purred, wagging his finger at Gon. “You love a good fight.”

“No, see,” Gon answered, shaking his head, “what I love is a good fight- with a winner and a loser and a chance to try again next time, two people trying to improve- and what you love is a good massacre.”

“I don’t see the difference,” Hisoka smiled slyly, ignoring the billow of steam rising around him. “People who _don’t_ fight to the death are merely cowardly. How will they ever reach their potential if they’re never _challenged_ , hm?” He shot forward; Gon rebuffed him by taking his arm and swinging around, using Hisoka’s momentum to throw him back to his starting position. The clown landed gracefully, hardly making a sound and landing daintily even with the wet rock between his feet, but his back bowed forward, his lips pulling back from gnashing teeth.

“I have more interesting challenges in my life than a fight to the death,” Gon replied flippantly. He snuck a glance at Killua; their gazes held for several heartbeats, a painful smile painted on Killua’s face. The rain hid his watering eyes; the pride he felt for Gon mixed with his love and his fear, overwhelming him. He swallowed heavily, taking a deep breath, feeling Alluka’s reassuring weight against his back. Gon flashed him a quick smile before turning his attention back to Hisoka.

Steam was coming off of Hisoka enough to almost completely obscure him now, though he kept his tenuous control in check enough to avoid activating his nen. All he wanted was a fight. A fight with Gon. He had waited six years for the boy to improve, and he wasn’t about to miss out. The lust for blood was overpowering, and to be _denied_ like this boiled his ire. 

The cards turned and twisted between his hands, appearing and disappearing, their faces twisting around and around, the joker’s smile flashing between his pale fingers. The backs were red and black diamonds, and then they were black and red, and then they were black entirely. “Fight me,” he growled in warning, his flashy, casual provocativeness overtaken by his animalistic desire to _rip something apart_.

“No.”

“You’ll regret denying me,” he warned, all teeth, hunched over like a ghoul, his yellow eyes malicious slits in a face that mocked humanity, a devil’s mask.

Gon shrugged, impassive. “Still no.”

The magician clown threw out four aces in a sweeping motion. Except they weren’t directed at Gon- they were directed at Killua.

Had it been another day, another time, Killua could have easily avoided the attack with Godspeed. But this was today, and with Heaven’s Judgement pouring down on them, activating the ability would’ve killed him. Instead, with Alluka behind him, all he could do was take the attack, his arms crossed in front of his neck and face to protect them.

Two of black-backed cards lodged in his chest, one flew past his cheek, grazing it, and the last lodged fully into his upper arm where it would’ve sliced through his throat.

He lowered his arms to glare at Hisoka and-

Agony ripped through him, a sudden and unexplained fire bursting inside his chest and roaring outwards. Flesh and blood splattering his face and throat. His mouth rounded in a surprised ‘o’, yet no sound escaped him as he pitched forward and collapsed on the wet stone. The last thing he heard was Gon screaming his name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A million thanks to Darth Fluffy who took the puzzle pieces I was crying over, helped me put them together, helped me fill in the blank spaces and even drew a few of their own. I couldn't have done it without you. ....Maybe I could've done it without you but it definitely wouldn't have been nearly as good! :P (Beta, what's that? <3 <3)
> 
> ...Also this particular cliffhanger is Darth's fault. Yell at Darth, not me! I didn't do it! ..... *cough* 
> 
> but no seriously, go thank Darth x.x
> 
> Anyway, last chapter on sunday and the epilogue sunday after that so we'll be done before american thanksgiving whooo ~.~


	48. No x Space x Between

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The space is officially closed

Gon watched three black-backed cards lodge themselves into Killua’s body. They burst, showering the space before the pale man with flesh and blood, billowing with black and acrid smoke. Killua pitched forward.

Rage blanketed Gon’s senses, a high-pitched ringing in his ears. He turned his head with aching slowness to stare directly at Hisoka, his eyes hard orange shells. Tension rippled through him, every muscle straining into readiness, his fists trembling with the urge to beat Hisoka into the ground. The clown grinned back at him, his cheeks hollow with hunger and his eyes gleaming with excited delight.

Blood pooled beneath Killua, streaming pink along the wet stone where it mingled with the rain. Alluka scrambled off the dias, screaming for help. Silva stood up, his dog immediately alert and growling. Kikyo screeched.

Rain dripped from Gon’s knuckles. He took a deep breath in, pushed it out harshly through his teeth. He forced down his shoulders. 

_“Don’t fight Hisoka,”_ Killua had begged, sobbing.

Gon’s hands uncurled. He left the chalk line, now nothing but a smear, ran to Killua and gathered the bloody mass into his arms. “Canary,” he asked without lifting his head, “help me.” He tenderly brushed Killua’s bangs back, smearing gore into the pale strands, and lifted the young man off the ground.

When he stood, Canary was already ready at the exit, Alluka slung on her back like a child.

Hisoka launched himself at them. Gon ignored him, dodging left as he pitched into a forward run. “Someone get Leorio,” he shouted uselessly to the gathered observers.

Hisoka seethed, now entirely obscured by steam, veins spiderwebbing the white of his wide-open eyes. He panted hungrily, his fingers twitching and bending, his breath heaving with bloodlust. The little white-haired brat was already dead, and he wasn’t about to lose out on his fight. Hunger clawed under his breastbone, eradicating all but the need to fight, to live and die in blood. He wasn’t going to be _left with nothing_. Sun broke through the clouds and he grinned viciously. _Death breaks the spell_ , he cackled. He threw a thread of bungee gum at Gon’s back, intent on pulling him back into the ring.

Gon didn’t turn at the crack and boom of lightning, feeling the sizzle of heat against his back. Instead, he disappeared into the Zoldyck labyrinth, Killua cradled against his chest.

Leorio was already in the surgical suite when he got there. Gon placed Killua gently on the gurney, a question he couldn’t ask half-stammered. “I knew one of you would get injured,” Leorio muttered angrily, his hair wild, as if he had spent the last half hour tugging on the strands. Some of the Zoldycks caught up moments later, but only Verdun entered the room. It took Alluka and Canary both to convince Gon to let go of Killua’s hand and back away, Alluka shivering and clinging to his arm. It was her tears that made him move, more than anything, and they clung to each other on the other side of the glass while Gon watched Leorio and Verdun work with blank eyes, combining nen healing with Leorio’s practical surgical skills.

The hours passed in silence, punctuated occasionally by Alluka’s wordless sobbing. Sometimes she slept, or seemed to. Gon didn’t move except to rearrange her weight sometimes, hypnotized by the healers’ movements around Killua’s still body, splattered with gore.

Should they have run after all? The thought echoed, disappeared and reappeared over the long hours, mocking and tormenting him in turns. Was this because of him? Had he backed Killua into this corner? He tensed until it elicited a soft hiss of pain from the girl in his arms. Fighting back tears of anger, Gon softened his grip again.

He couldn’t see anything that was happening, and it plunged him back into the state of frenzied uselessness that had tortured him while Killua was- away. His heartbeat rattled in his chest, hard and unfairly strong. Swallowing stickily, he pressed his cheek into Alluka’s hair and shut his eyes.

\--

Gon wasn’t sure when he had dozed off, but he woke stiff in a chair that Canary had brought to the viewing hall, his legs dead asleep from Alluka’s weight. She, also, was shaken awake by deft hands, and she blinked moisture away as she yawned, scrubbing a fist childishly over her eyes and looking up. Leorio looked down at them, exhaustion slackening his features, his surgical mask tugged down so that it settled around his throat.

“You can go see him now, but don’t jostle him.”

“Is he-”

“He’s not going to be getting out of bed any time soon, but yes, he’ll live.” Leorio’s mouth pressed in a grim line as he frowned, scrubbing a hand over his cheek. “You can thank Verdun for that, anyway.”

Alluka slid off Gon’s lap immediately, her feet pattering against stone as she rushed into the surgical room. Gon followed, wobbling slightly as he got up. Leorio sank into the chair the moment Gon vacated it, wheezing, legs sprawled in front of him.

Killua was ashen, the pallor of his skin further emphasized by the goopy blood that had dried in his hair and on his face. Alluka grabbed his good hand, tears streaming down her cheeks, holding it against her. Gon stroked Killua’s hair back gently, leaning down to press an achingly tender kiss to his forehead. “You have to stop this, Killua,” he chastised softly, “I don’t think I can take it.”

“That’s what _I’ve_ been saying,” Killua croaked back, a mere whisper of dry breath. He winced; despite the successful surgery he was still filled with screaming pain. The Zoldycks had tools for surgery, not painkillers. His pain tolerance was insane- for that very reason, mostly- but that didn’t mean it wasn’t aggravating. He cracked one eye open, his gaze first on Alluka and second on Gon. Gon’s smile looked pained, hardly affecting the worry in his eyes. Killua blew out a breath and shut his eyes again. “ _Now_ can we leave?”

Killua’s eyebrow-ticking irritation shocked an aching laugh out of Gon. He took Killua’s other hand, careful of moving it too quickly, and kissed his knuckles. “Wherever you want, Killua.”

“Let’s just start with ‘not here,’” he mumbled, his grip weak as it tightened on Gon’s fingers. The muscle in his arm, destroyed by Hisoka’s bomb, had been reformed in part by Verdun’s intervention, but it was weak and unused. It would take weeks, months, maybe years, to get it to match his undamaged arm again.

“Let’s go back to Leorio’s,” Alluka whispered, ashen, her eyes large and watery as they pinned Gon, begging wordlessly for his support. “He can keep an eye on your recovery, onii-chan.”

“He’ll probably have his hands full with Kurapika,” Killua argued back weakly.

Alluka shook her head heavily, her hair whipping around and sticking to her wet face. “That doesn’t matter! I want you to be safe!”

Killua snorted, but a small smile curved his lips. Alluka beamed at that, despite her crying.

Canary slid in. “We have a helicopter ready to take you to town,” she informed Gon matter-of-factly, her hands held behind her back.

“You hate helicopters,” Killua told Gon. The taller man frowned, stroking Killua’s cheek with the back of his fingers. 

“Leorio said you can’t get out of bed, so a helicopter has to do.”

“They hurt your ears.”

“Who cares about that right now, Killua?!”

Killua huffed a little, clearly lacking the energy to argue. “Whatever.” He shifted a little, hissing when his movement caught at tender, reknitted flesh. “Just promise me that when I wake up you’ll both be there and this stupid house won’t.”

“Promise,” Gon answered immediately, leaning over to kiss Killua’s forehead again.

“If you break that one I’m punching you,” Killua added quietly, disappointed that he couldn’t shift closer at all.

Gon laughed wetly. “Okay Killua. Whatever you want.”

\--

Killua dozed on and off for the better part of a month as he recovered. Gon and Alluka were constantly present during the daylight hours, fussing about him. Gon was always nearby at night, too, sleeping on a cot on the floor to make sure he wouldn’t jostle Killua in his sleep. Killua grew quite sick of Leorio’s study, of laying in bed, but whenever he tried to get up someone was immediately there to stop him.

After the first week, Gon got in the habit of carrying him out into the open-plan living room in the mornings, setting him on the couch in front of Leorio’s entertainment system so he could play video games all day. He got quite used to being waited on hand and foot, snarking at his friends whenever he got the least bit hungry or thirsty.

Leorio was around far more often, but he spent most of his time upstairs, pampering his own injured Hunter. Killua tried to entertain himself by making jabs at the doctor, but nothing he did seemed to affect the man’s buoyant mood as Kurapika recovered along with Killua. The blond was out of bed and allowed to walk around freely far sooner than Killua, which he found demonstrably unfair, but complaining about it got him some pretty peeved looks from Gon so he stopped rather quickly.

Killua, as always, had his feet propped up on a coffee table as he played. Kurapika, Leorio and Alluka had gone grocery shopping, leaving him and Gon alone, and once Gon had finished his billion pushups, he had come to sit next to Killua and watch. Killua had wanted to go- he was experiencing some pretty specific cravings but wasn’t sure yet what would satisfy him- but absolutely nobody agreed to let him. Not even Kurapika, who had lost just as much muscle mass as Killua! Unfair.

“I don’t know why you’re so mad,” Killua told Gon, arguing for the sake of it as he furiously jabbed at his controller.“It’s not like I did it on purpose, unlike someone I might mention. I was happy to just leave before anything happened.”

He glanced at Gon when his boyfriend didn’t protest, and was surprised to find the young man staring straight ahead, squinting slightly, deep in thought, instead. Hitting pause, he lowered the controller to his lap. “Gon?”

Gon ducked in suddenly to kiss him. Killua blinked, hardly responding, confused as Gon pulled back. He’d been doing that a lot lately, kissing him instead of answering, and it wasn’t that Killua didn’t like it so much (surprise kisses were very nice) but it worried him. A lot. Gon wasn’t usually the kind of person to keep his feelings hidden, and lately he’d been catching him staring into space a whole lot more than he liked.

(Plus, he kept catching Gon, Alluka and Leorio whispering to each other with their heads together, very suspicious. Sometimes Kurapika joined the conversation too, which was just rude. Killua didn’t like being the only one out of the loop, not even slightly. He was supposed to be the loop mastermind!)

“What’s going on with you?” he asked, brows creased, flicking Gon in the forehead.

Gon merely looked at him for a few moments, gently smoothing Killua’s hair out of his face. Gon’s eyes were warm, liquid honey. When he dipped closer for another kiss Killua flattened his hand over the boy’s lips, his eyebrow ticking. “Don’t avoid the question,” he huffed, shoving him backwards a little.

“It’s nothing,” Gon shrugged. Killua stared at him with an eyebrow raised and a deadpan expression, his lips pressed thinly together. That was an obvious lie. A nervous smile crept onto Gon’s face as he scratched his cheek. “I didn’t think you’d want to talk about it.”

“Talk about what?”

Gon’s face changed immediately to something serious and attentive. “What happened with Illumi.”

Killua went very still, an anxious knot forming in his chest. Wow. Zero to one hundred in under a second, huh? He put the video game controller down on the table, pushing it a little further out with his foot. “Uh… What about it?”

Gon shifted on the couch so that he faced Killua, his leg between them. Killua didn’t rearrange, but he did settle a hand on Gon’s knee, rubbing at the warm skin with his thumb.

“You were gone for almost two months, Killua.”

“I wasn’t gone,” he protested awkwardly, his defenses rising. He resisted the urge to cross his arms, though only just and half because Gon’s hand settled on top of his own.

“Killua.” Gon frowned, pouting.

“Alright, fine,” he grumbled, shrugging awkwardly, “whatever.” Gon was right, they probably should… talk. About things. “Sorry.” He apologized hastily, rubbing his pink ear against his shoulder. “I didn’t... mean to,” he finished lamely, shifting up a little on the couch.

“I know.” Gon’s warm, dry palm cradled his cheek, his hard-skinned thumb brushing against the corner of Killua’s mouth. “But- what happened?”

Killua jumped slightly. He stuck his hands under his armpits, turning his head to stare at the floor. His lips twitched back. Anxiety skittered under his skin. “I just-” _had trauma flashbacks and freaked out so hard I had to run away._ He swallowed, his legs coming up on the couch. He curved into himself, the knobs of his spine pressing into the couch. “It’s hard to say…” _I don’t want you to think less of me._ “I’m not really sure how,” he half-confessed, his throat full and his eyes filling, _to stop being scared all the time._

Gon was silent for a few moments, his thumb patiently petting Killua’s cheekbone. Then, in one fluid move, he scooped Killua up and pulled him into his lap. He settled back against the couch, tugging Killua down on him and wrapping his arms around his torso. Killua settled with a sigh, cat-like, his ear pressed into the upper curve of Gon’s pectoral, the young man’s heartbeat thudding against his cheek. “It’s okay,” he reassured soothingly, his voice a warm, throaty rumble. “Take your time.”

Killua huffed. He had taken time enough. He scrunched his face up, willing himself to have the courage to be honest with Gon. It shouldn’t be hard. Gon had already said that for him, it was as simple as being together. 

_What if he changes his mind when he realizes how weak you are?_

Killua’s eyes narrowed at the jarring though. It pierced through him, but he gritted his teeth and forced it away. Sure, Killua and Gon’s matched genius might when they were kids had brought them together, but Gon had made it clear he cared about more than that. And Alluka had done her best to drill the ridiculousness of these kinds of thoughts into his head, too, _so what the fuck?_

Gon, surprised by Killua’s sudden and silent agitation, stroked a hand down his spine, over and over.

Starting at the beginning, then. He blew out a long, irritated breath, sank back down into Gon, and forced himself to start. “So… Pitou.”

The silence was suddenly very grave. Killua pushed himself up slightly, his hand splayed over Gon’s shirt, and peered up to look at him. Gon’s head rested on the back of the couch, tilted to the ceiling, and he stared vaguely up at it, guilt digging lines around his eyes.

“I know you don’t remember much,” Killua continued, a tightness around his chest. “You turned yourself into an adult somehow. This tall, but- bulkier. If the only thing you did day and night was train, you know? So you would be strong enough to beat Pitou.” Gon raised his head to meet Killua’s gaze. It was almost immediately overwhelming, and Killua had to duck him head, his face hot, discomfort fluttering in his chest. He curled up, tucking his arms between him and Gon. 

He was amazed by how metered his voice sounded as he spoke, almost detached, even as his eyes filled. “You used jajanken to punch her until her head broke in.” He imitated the move, almost unconsciously, mock-punching himself in the temple as he made a quiet ‘pwah’ sound with his mouth. Gon’s legs bunched up under him, the stroking on his back freezing, so he found it pretty obvious that Gon had put two and two together. That math was simple enough.

He skipped the after-life-nen nightmare, because his mind was immediately filled with the image of the man’s tear-stained face, drained of everything but pure sadness. And then Gon had turned back into a boy, and for a breathless moment Killua had thought he was already dead.

The first tears fell then, clinging for a heartbeat to his lashes before rolling down his cheek and leaving a dark spot on Gon’s shirt. “I carried you back but I couldn’t go fast ‘cause I was out of nen.” Gon shifted under him and he twisted his head further down, hiding his face, his fists coming up around his ears. Gon took both of his hands, gently guiding them to his ribs until Killua got the hint and wrapped his arms around Gon’s torso, clinging to him. His voice cracked and shook. “I was so scared you were going to die before we got there.”

Gon held him tightly, peppering kisses into his hair. “You saved me,” he whispered into Killua’s hair, stroking the soft strands. “You always save me.”

“Yeah, well I hate it,” he groused, despite the gesture jerking a jittery laugh out of him. He sat up to wipe ineffectively at his tears. Gon sat up a little beneath him. “Stop making me.”

“I know. Sorry.” He cupped Killua’s cheek, tilting his head towards him to press a kiss to his forehead. “No fights to the death for a while, got it.”

Killua punched him in the shoulder with his good arm, his eyebrow twitching. Gon grinned victoriously, a hand slipping under the waist of Killua’s shirt to splay against his waist. “No fights to the death ever!”

“Okay, okay. No fights to the death ever unless you say otherwise.”

Killua’s eyes narrowed into a suspicious glare, which Gon answered with an undaunted, innocent smile. Oh ho, no, that wasn’t going to work on Killua! He frowned further. Gon responded by pecking him on the nose.

“I really hate you sometimes,” Killua complained.

Gon beamed at him, taking his jibing for what it was- meaningless. “I love you always, Killua,” he chirped.

“Yeah, yeah,” Killua huffed, resettling against Gon. He squirmed into a more comfortable position, letting his breath sink into him. Gon’s heartbeat was strong, reassuring, slower than Killua’s. He nibbled at his lower lip. Gon’s arms were heavy around him, anchoring him. Gon had gone quiet again, sensing that something else was coming out.

He knew to let skittish animals approach in their own time.

“For years I was always on. Illumi was a constant threat, you know? Always.” He felt strangely cold even thinking about his brother, despite the furnace that was Gon against him. “And that started before you were even healed so… I guess I just. I never…” He swallowed thickly, hating the way just talking about it made his stomach churn. “...dealt with the Pitou stuff either.” A bit of an understatement, he knew.

“...And since I killed Illumi the same way...” Gon hazarded, his voice soft and ashen.

Killua gulped, pressing a brief and quick kiss to the shape under his cheek. “It threw me back,” he nodded, completing Gon’s thought. “I just needed a break,” he apologized, his voice cracking. Fuck, why was he crying _again_?

Gon pressed hard kisses to Killua’s temple, to the curve of his cheekbone. He waited until Killua settled, stroking his fingers through the young man’s downy hair.

“Next time you need a break, will you let me know?”

He nodded his head, nuzzling Gon’s shoulder. The dark-haired man smiled, small and sweet, kissing his cheek.

“Can you tell me when you’re feeling bad?” Gon tested, pushing Killua’s hair out of his face, trying to see his eyes.

Killua huffed, shrugging one shoulder, awkwardly revealed.

“Will you tell me if I ask you?” Gon tried, tucking a lock of white hair behind Killua’s ear.

“...I guess,” Killua muttered, his shoulder coming up to guard his pink cheek. Gon’s smile was effervescent, his amber eyes luminous as they tracked Killua’s every shift of expression.

“Thank you,” Gon said, his voice sticky and his eyes wet, and Killua sat up, blinking quickly at him, something vibrating in answer inside him. A tear fell from Gon’s eye and Killua touched the track it made down Gon’s dark cheek with his thumb, awed. Gon crushed their mouths together in a giddy kiss.

Killua shoved him back, his eyes narrowing on Gon. “You have to promise to talk to me before you make any decisions.”

“Easy,” Gon chirped. “You’re better at decisions anyway.”

“I don’t want to make all the decisions either!” He yelled, smacking Gon’s chest. Gon laughed, full-throated, his eyes golden crescents. Killua pouted, blushing.

“Okay, okay! I’m just saying you’re the smartest person I know,” he grinned.

“Alluka’s the smartest person you know,” Killua deadpanned. “Get it right.”

“Yes dear,” Gon chirruped teasingly, kissing the tip of Killua’s nose. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Killua mumbled, for once not bothering to hide his blush from watchful eyes. He slid from Gon’s lap to reach over and pick his controller back up, settling into the crook of Gon’s arm. “Where was I? Ah, yes,” he smirked, his eyes narrowing on the television screen. Gon, smiling, turned his head to press a kiss to the crown of Killua’s head as the young man unpaused his game. “Kicking ass.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, my loves. Epilogue is gonna be a bit longer than the average chapter (I think...) so I'm going to publish it sunday instead of wednesday.
> 
> Wow. What a ride it's been, huh? x.x Thank you for taking it with me! I definitely would've have gotten this far on my own <3


	49. Closer x Than x Ever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the happily ever after (or a part of it, at least)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is shorter than I expected so I decided to post it a day early.

The first fingers of dawn stretched red across the hardwood floor, warming skin. Killua’s pale lashes fluttered apart. Gon mouthed at his shoulder, a curious tongue flattening against his scapula. A warm, broad palm dragged along his thigh, fingers pressing into flesh. He hummed quietly, pressing backwards into Gon. He turned his head, reaching behind him to plunge his fingers into long, dark spikes. “Morning, hedgehog,” Killua muttered sleepily. 

“Morning.” Gon propped himself up on an elbow, bending down to kiss Killua’s sleep-soft mouth. Killua could feel Gon’s smile against his cheek. He rolled back, half-splayed on top of his boyfriend. Gon wrapped an arm around his waist and reeled him in so that his ass slotted into Gon’s hips. Rumbling pleasantly, Gon squirmed a little. He hissed out a soft breath as his morning wood slid between Killua’s cheeks, tension rippling up his abs. “Today’s the day, huh?” he chuckled breathlessly, nipping at Killua’s throat.

“Let’s meet that ‘today’ in twenty minutes,” Killua answered casually, plucking Gon’s arm up to give him room to rearrange himself until they were lying face to face.

“You’re always full of good ideas,” Gon purred, pulling him in for a long, wet kiss. Killua pulled the covers over their heads against the encroaching sunlight, tangling their legs as they rutted together.

Alluka was already in the kitchen by the time they left the bedroom, casually folding omelettes. Gon ruffled her shoulder-length hair, beelining directly for the sink. He downed two glasses of water on to spot, leaning against the counter lazily. Killua hopped up on a bar stool; they had replicated this particular section from Leorio’s apartment, appreciating its efficacy in keeping the cook part of the conversation.

“Did we wake you?” Killua asked her, sipping from a glass of fruit juice she had set out for him.

“No. We planned the house to make sure that would never happen, remember?” She answered haughtily, her nose turned up. Killua smirked back at her. She really was his little sister, wasn’t she? Gon came back around the kitchen island once he had filled his glass a third time, his hand settling on Killua’s thigh the moment he sat down.

“So today’s the day!” Alluka beamed as she transferred the last omelette to a plate. Killua snorted, smirking. Gon grinned toothily. Alluka regarded them both suspiciously for a moment before rolling her eyes.

“It sure is!” Gon piped up, his chin in his hand as he gazed at Killua tenderly. “Are you excited?”

“I’m just ready to get started already!” Killua complained, cutting into his omelette with his fork. “It feels like I’ve been planning _forever_.”

“We helped!” Alluka protested, jabbing her fork towards him.

“Yeah, whatever,” Killua argued back childishly, taking another gulp of juice. Gon laughed.

After breakfast, they pushed the sliding doors open and stepped out onto the empty patio together. The sunlight was still more orange than yellow, shadows long and slanted. The ocean waves glinted at them, mist still hanging in the air and clinging to their skin. They fanned out into a triangle without any prompting. Killua was in the back, but he hardly watched the others as they went through their Tai Chi routine, letting his eyes flutter closed, feeling the breeze, smelling the salty air, listening to the birds. At this point he could follow them step by step and breath by breath effortlessly. Was it even following? Who was the leader between three heartbeats in harmony?

They came back inside to Alluka’s tablet ringing, Gon slotting an arm around his waist. They crowded around it as she answered the call; Leorio and Kurapika’s bright faces greeted them. Kurapika looked much healthier, his cheeks rounded again as his hair glossy as he smiled at them. Though he was dressed for work in a suit and tie, he had yet to put his black contacts in, so a set of mismatched eyes stared at them. Leorio had managed to reattach it well enough that Kurapika could see out of his eye again, but despite that it had never since reverted to grey. The crimson orb really was a beautiful color, if somewhat ominous. Leorio, too, was in a suit, though the way his hair stuck up suggested he had just come home from a shift.

“Hello everyone,” Kurapika greeted in a soft voice. “We’re sorry we couldn’t make it out today, but we wanted to call and wish you good luck.” 

“Good luck!” Leorio shouted at the screen, waving his arms. Gon laughed loudly, clearly happy. Killua just rolled his eyes.

“You really want to live with a loud guy like that?” He asked Kurapika, deadpan. Kurapika giggled behind his hand while Leorio gesticulated furiously behind him.

“Why you!” He yelled at Killua. “I’m going to fly over there just to kick your ass!”

“Try it, old man,” Killua smirked. He plugged his ears and turned his back to the screen before Leorio could respond, walking away. Alluka and Gon shared a few more words with the pair before hanging up.

Gon loosely wrapped an arm around his chest as he came up behind Killua, kissing the back of his neck revealed by his recent haircut. He and Alluka had done it together, though he’d had much less hair to sacrifice. “Whatcha doin’?”

“Looking over the paperwork one last time before people start arriving.” He reached past the pile of loose pages on the corner of the living room table to a hand-woven fruit bowl- one of Alluka’s many creations decorating the house- to grab one of the island’s native yellow fruits.

“Don’t offer those to people, by the way,” Gon said as Killua bit into the fleshy pulp, juice squirting over his chin.

“Why not?” He frowned, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

“They’re poisonous,” Gon told him plainly, half-smiling, as if Killua had said something endearing.

“What?” He scoffed, taking another bite. “They’re sweet.”

“So’s antifreeze.”

Killua’s eyebrow went up. He twisted his head to look at Gon in the eye, licking juice from his lips. “How do you know that?”

“I drank a lot when I was building up my tolerance,” Gon answered casually, shrugging.

Killua’s cheeks pulled in as if he had bitten into something sour, his stomach twisting uncomfortably. “I don’t like where this conversation is going.”

“Okay, Killua.” Gon smiled, unquestioning. He pecked the boy on the cheek. “I’ll go meet the ship.”

“Mmmmkay.”

Killua watched Gon walk out across the deck again, barefoot with nothing but soft, sage sweatpants on. He hopped off the edge instead of bothering with the stairs, not that the drop was more than a foot. His footprints left tiny puddles in the wet sand as he padded to the lagoon, far enough from the house that anchored ships couldn’t peep into their windows. No, they’d built it in front of a long, shallow slope, where Alluka could walk far out where it rose to her knees and check her fish traps.

Gon caught up to a lone pipe-smoking figure in the distance, an old sea captain with a red nose Killua didn’t know. The old man called out to the boat, waving his arm. A gangplank came out horizontally before collapsing down onto the sand, and a line of people spilled out onto the sand, carrying timber and rope, crates of supplies. Food. He wondered if any of them had thought to bring chocolate. He could probably bully some out of someone.

He padded away into the bedroom to dress into something more reasonable for public appearances. He had organizers to double-check with while Gon managed to make nice with every face on the island. Ugh. He’d resent the invasion if he hadn’t invited it. At least they were all going to be on the other side of the island, with a forest between them whenever they slept.

They didn’t see each other for the rest of the morning, each absorbed with their own portion of the preparations. When Killua saw gone again he was, thankfully, wearing something a little more suited to daylight hours. “Was the green vest totally necessary?” Killua asked with a chuckle, tugging at the hem of the garment in question. 

“I like it,” Gon shrugged, chuckling, his fingers catching Killua’s as they walked along a well-worn path into the heart of the jungle. 

“That’s what I get for letting you pick your clothes,” he snorted.

“ _Letting_ me? Killua~” he whined. Killua’s smirk was shaken from his face when Gon stopped suddenly, wrapping an arm around Killua’s shoulders to pull him flush against him, back-to-front. He raked his white teeth over Killua’s neck. “You’re being mean. Are you trying to distract me?” Gon nipped at the flesh under his lips, his breath puffing against wet skin. Killua shivered.

“I didn’t wear you out enough this morning?” He scoffed, his voice strained and high-pitched.

“That was _hours_ ago,” Gon complained, his fingers testing the rim of Killua’s waistband.

He elbowed Gon in the side. “We’re on a schedule, moron. You’ll get your fix later.”

Gon immediately shifted to sunny innocence, releasing Killua and skipping a little further along the path, holding his hand out for Killua to take- which he did, begrudging expression notwithstanding.

Alluka was already waiting for them when they reached the center of the island. The lake they had formed had been drained, though the mud around it was still slick. A platform had been built around it, a few feet above the mud so that it wouldn’t rot when rain swelled the ground. The far half of the platform was already filled with people. Ikalgo and Palm had come to help, too, the oddities standing out amongst the crowd. In the center of the platform was a ring of metal, about four feet in diameter that enclosed what had once been the underground temple’s stone chimney. 

It had taken eight months of work. Building the metal casing into the ground until it merged with the ancient structure, then pumping air into the cavity below. They kept underestimating the volume of the area. They had once pumped air in too quickly, and the resulting pressure had shattered a pillar and opened a second hole in the ceiling. Then they had built in a second air seal in the chamber’s exit, so they could bring person after person and crate after crate into that hall without losing pressure. 

And now, they were ready to really start. Now, they could go down and find out what the hell that sphere that had so obsessed Nanika could be.

He hardly listened as Gon gave a grand speech encouraging the team of archeologists and friends they had created, his attention entirely absorbed by the way light struck Gon’s face as he talked animatedly. There were some that said Gon was a lot like his father. Killua mostly disagreed. Following his footsteps, maybe. But _like_ him?

No. Not a chance.

Gon turned to look at him as the people behind him erupted into excited cheering, his golden eyes glowing with warmth. He held a hand out to him. “Ready?”

Smirking, he slapped his down. “Always.”

They leapt together into the darkness, landing on the sturdy ground. Killua moved to step out of the shaft of light and allow room for the rope ladder to get thrown down, but Gon planted his feet. He smiled at Killua when the white-haired young man faced him, taking his other hand. Gon’s eyes were luminous, golden suns in the dark of the underground chamber.

“Hey, Killua?” He asked him softly, a thumb sweeping over Killua’s knuckles. “Have you thought about getting married?”

Killua’s cheeks flooded with heat, his mouth soft and half-open as he gazed up at Gon. He harrumphed suddenly, knowing he was pink, knowing that Gon’s agile eyes could see his blush even in the low light. “One thing at a time, please,” he trembled, overwhelmed.

“Okay,” Gon agreed softly, leaning down to his his cheek softly. “Later, then.” He could feel the twist of his smile against warm skin.

“Yeah. Later.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SPECIAL THANKS to rhythmxecho, Rasto15, Darth_Fluffy, Asbero, AReallyBadWriter (are you though?), Pale_Blue_Dot, Savannah_rea, Sub_divided, AvtorSola and DAdedidodu (and the hxhwriting chat in general) for I never would've made it through without my cheerleading squad. SERIOUSLY. THANK YOU SO MUCH. :P It means a lot to me!
> 
> It's been a long journey ~.~ Now to reread this from the beginning, I don't think I remember half of what I wrote. ;)


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